Since its release last week, One Direction’s new album Made in the A.M. has echoed loudly over the hot, muddy shit pits of hell. “I’ve got fire for a heart, I’m not scared of the dark. You’ve never seen it look so easy.” On the beat, the devil cackles and takes a coal from the fire, tossing it onto Harry Styles’s boyish torso. Simon Cowell knew this was coming.
As you know, we at Defamer are dedicated to keeping you up to date on the length and style of former One Direction member and lifelong graffiti enthusiast Zayn Malik’s hair. It is worth noting that our reporting is not reliant upon agreeing with the choices made re: the length and style of said hair.
We’ve all been taking about Zayn, whoever that is, a lot now all of a sudden, but one man has remained curiously silent: Stephen Hawking. What’s he hiding? What reason does he have to be such a coward re: stuff about Zayn? One brave fan got to the bottom of it this weekend during a Q&A event at the Sydney Opera House.
Did you think that Zayn, a person we talk about now, was just going to lie down and die after leaving One Direction? Did you think he was just going to dig a Zayn-sized hole in the dirt; kiss his fiancée, Perrie Edwards, goodbye; jump in the hole; and kill himself right in the hole? Did you think that he was going to hope that a helpful stranger would pass by and fill up the hole with dirt, or maybe someone he hired in advance? Well think again, you lunatic, because maybe he’s going to try acting now.