Robot Quarterback Takes Ciara to Girls Gone Wild Mansion, Totally Doesn't Have Sex With Her

Jay Hathaway · 11/10/15 11:44AM

Russell Wilson, the cutting-edge humanoid robot currently starting at quarterback for the Seattle Seahawks, did not have to execute its football protocols over the weekend, so it was shipped to Mexico for routine maintenance at the mansion of Girls Gone Wild bro-chief Joe Francis. Wi15on was accompanied by human girlfriend and pop star Ciara, with whom the quarterback unit is reportedly not-having-sex. Will this machine-man ever learn how to love? DOES. NOT. COMPUTE.

Ciara Will Not Have Sex Before Marriage, Says Her Boyfriend

Jay Hathaway · 07/06/15 04:52PM

Seattle Seahawks quarterback Russell Wilson, who’s just one pass completion short of getting everything he ever wanted in life, really wanted to date Ciara. Now he is dating Ciara. What he’s not doing—he claims—is having sex with Ciara.