[Note: Some of the photos below are NSFW]: When you are Kim Kardashian, every year—1998, 2012, 40 A.D., the future—is a good year for you. Looking out over the hills of Calabasas or the boulevards of Paris, your kingdoms, both, you can feel proud of all you have wrought. Fame for you has expanded like a waist freed from a waist trainer, and in 2015, your notoriety continues to grow.
Look at this shit. North West clutching a Frozen suitcase so that she could be dragged through the airport by an anonymous, bald, burly security guard. Her boots gliding across the floor like roller skates. Tiny, custom-made YEEZUS tour jacket her royal robe. What a life!
Kanye West performed a new song called "All Day" at the BRIT Awards (don't ask!) today, but it wasn't even the most important debut of the night. No, that came from Taylor Swift, who revealed two new instant classic award show memes: Taylor Swift Slackjawed During Kanye West Performance and Taylor Swift Dancing Stupidly During Kanye West Performance.
Kanye West is over in the UK today for the BRIT Awards, which is like the Grammys but somehow more meaningless. In London he stopped at a Nando's, which is like Boston Market but somehow more meaningful, and reportedly decided to try and eat lunch in peace by telling the assembled crowd, "Whoever wants a motherfucking picture, let's just do it now." They obliged by turning their backs to him and taking a bunch of selfies.
In an interview on Power 105.1's "The Breakfast Club" taped yesterday and aired this morning, Kanye West revealed that he had to take "30 showers" after dating Amber Rose to get with his current wife, Kim Kardashian. He also suggested that 25-year-old rapper Tyga is dating his 17-year-old sister-in-law Kylie Jenner. Oh, Kanye!
Would you take your baby to a fashion show? You probably wouldn't. What baby could enjoy a fashion show, and what person could enjoy a fashion show while tending to a baby? Of course, Kanye West and Kim Kardashian are not normal people, and their daughter North West is not a normal baby. And so it was with North's legendary Fashion Week: A constant nightmare punctuated by writhing, screaming, wailing, and resting "Can I live?" face.
Kanye West loves Will Ferrell. The rapper has sampled the comedian, cameoed in his films and played him unreleased music. In a new interview in GQ, West even cites as a spiritual guide—alongside God—a Ferrell film, repeating a line from Step Brothers to illustrate why he decided to marry Kim Kardashian: "Never lose your dinosaur."