Robot Quarterback Takes Ciara to Girls Gone Wild Mansion, Totally Doesn't Have Sex With Her

Jay Hathaway · 11/10/15 11:44AM

Russell Wilson, the cutting-edge humanoid robot currently starting at quarterback for the Seattle Seahawks, did not have to execute its football protocols over the weekend, so it was shipped to Mexico for routine maintenance at the mansion of Girls Gone Wild bro-chief Joe Francis. Wi15on was accompanied by human girlfriend and pop star Ciara, with whom the quarterback unit is reportedly not-having-sex. Will this machine-man ever learn how to love? DOES. NOT. COMPUTE.

Lacey Donohue · 01/13/14 03:28PM

The 2014 Golden Globe Awards hit a 10-year high in viewers, with 20.9 million people watching Jacqueline Bisset on NBC shout "Shit!" before babbling into the microphone for an eternity. More people still watched football, as the Broncos / Chargers game pulled in 36.3 million viewers for CBS.