Dustin Diamond, the grown man who was once Screech on Saved by the Bell, gave an in-depth interview about his life after the show to a Milwaukee news station this week, shortly after pleading not guilty to stabbing a man on Christmas at a Port Washington, Wisc., bar.
In it, we learn the erstwhile Screech is a man of many regrets, and foremost among them is his sex tape, starring his face and what he maintains was an artificial dong—yes, even in the bathtub scene. (Apparently there was a bathtub scene.)
"It was rubber, it wasn't real. I have the original footage. It's not something you show at family gatherings or dinners or picnics, but I certainly had to show my wife. Otherwise I wouldn't be married. All of her friends we're like 'he's involved with porn!' and I'm like, 'No, no I'm not!'"
Diamond says he made the video as a joke after seeing a news story about Paris Hilton's sex tape, claiming she made 14 million dollars. His buddy said, "Where's your tape? Screech tape has got to be worth at least a million!"
He did make some money on the tape, but "not as much as you'd think."
He also regrets his role as a total dick on the first season of weight loss competition show Celebrity Fit Club, but says he did it because the network paid extra for someone to "play the bad guy."
He said even though it was reality TV, it was basically just acting, and he took it as an opportunity to show his dramatic range and demonstrate he could play more than Screech. It backfired, though, because everyone now believes he's actually that dickhead character in real life. (And, if you ask certain people, he might be.)
In the long, strange, somewhat sad interview, Diamond also details his parents' squandering of most of his Saved by the Bell money, a controversial t-shirt sale to save his house back in 2006, the tax problems that he's finally fixing, and how he wasn't invited to Jimmy Fallon's recent Saved by the Bell reunion.
That last one might have to do with tension among the cast after Diamond's tell-all book came out. He says he wanted to write a different book, a story about his life and about his brother, who has Down syndrome, but "nobody was interested in it." He says the book's ghost writer twisted the stories he told to make them more salacious, and in some cases just untrue.
Yes, Diamond's regrets are many, and apparently none of them is truly his fault.