This weekend, Coldplay frontman Chris Martin hosted a birthday party for human Pilates machine Gwyneth Paltrow, his estranged wife. Last week, Gwyn had a "friendly lunch" with Chris's new girlfriend, Jennifer Lawrence. When will these people be normal and leave each other the fuck alone?

I can't even be Facebook friends with my ex-boyfriend from high school, and Chris threw Gwyn a lovely adult birthday party at the home they used to share. He did it fancy cocktail style and invited people like Kate Hudson and Jennifer Aniston and "mothers whose children go to the same school as their two kids."

Then there's Gwyneth, who invited J-Law to lunch at her house where they "drank tea and ate homemade scones while chatting in the garden." Gwyn reportedly told Jen—a much younger, Oscar-winning actress—she's "happy Chris wound up with such a smart, beautiful woman."


Gwyn, Chris—we've been consciously uncoupling for months now, guys. When does it end? I'm going to need one of you, doesn't matter who, to say something rude within earshot of a Page Six reporter in the next week. If I hear "The Scientist" one more time in this life it will be too soon. My ex-wife's made of sawdust. Think about it, wording's up to you. Thanks!

[Photo via AP]