Do you love reality tv? Do you hate it? Who cares! There's no time to sit around and talk about how you feel. Not when you have to drop everything right now and respond to casting calls for upcoming shows. Feeling shy? Fine! Nominate a coworker and joyfully await the hilarious and unexpected call from a casting agent. It really doesn't matter as long as you're doing something.
To expedite the process, we've gone ahead and collated the best of this week’s reality tv casting calls. There’s a little something for everyone in these future hits, so get to it. Because it's on you to make sure these shows get made.
I’m a Mom Who Smokes Pot
Are you a mom? Are you a mom who smokes pot? Are you interested in the booming marijuana business in Colorado? Of course you are. Send in an application and picture here, but hurry as the deadline is fast approaching.
I Can’t Believe That Asshole is Having a Baby
Do you have friends who are going to be the worst parents ever? This includes friends who, according to the casting call, might live in the woods? If you’d like to let them know how much they’ll suck, have a production company tell them. Or be honest and nominate yourself. It's totally understandable.
I Broke My Boner and I Want Everyone to Know
There's passion, there's the ER, and there's Passion & The ER. This is perfect for anyone who has had an "oopsie while making whoopee.” You don’t even need to be dating the person who tore up your privates. The show is now looking for “fun, lively couples who are dating, married, or broken up,” because broken up couples are known to be super fun when talking about sex together. A great opportunity for those who want to be on TV, but don’t want their parents to write about it in the Christmas letter.
I Live in Nashville and I'm Too Old For American Idol
A “Major Network” is looking for a female musician in Nashville with a “great personality the world should see” who considers herself “at least a semi-established artist.” Basically, if you’re a woman in Nashville with a guitar, email immediately. While the show might be a little bit sad and will most likely get canceled after the first season, that's okay. By then, you'll already be the next Connie Britton.
I Have the Smartest Kid in the World
Everyone with kids should just go ahead and sign up for The Prodigy because there's no baby smarter than your baby. Sure, maybe your kid hasn't won a Nobel Peace Prize, but maybe she's figured out how to delete apps off your iPhone and important shows off the DVR? Good enough! I think we all know this show will be groundbreaking in its realistic portrayal of well-adjusted children and laid-back parents.
I’m Physically Repulsive
Have you ever been told you are physically ugly? Yes. Do you agree? Yes.
I’m a Handsome, Husky Guy Comfortable Being Shirtless
It can be hard to be a bigger dude in Southern California, what with kale and colonics all over the place. But if you want to work on your self esteem and start feeling less self-conscious, here’s a good way to do it. Go to an audition in Los Angeles on Friday and let a bunch of people look at your “husky” shirtless body. If chosen, you’ll then get to be a server on an episode of a show that involves serving thin celebrities food. While shirtless! What's not to love?
I Breed in Brooklyn
[Art by Jim Cooke.]