Whereas once there was a "pretense of civility" in relations between heads of television networks, intense competition for ratings has plunged those once (openly) cordial dealings into gory, Nielsen-fueled cockfights. Yes, that's meant as an analogy, but it would be no less valid to picture Viacom/CBS' destroyer of worlds Les Moonves and NBC's Napoleonic minimogul Jeff Zucker swinging their penises at each other, splattered in the blood of innocents. Says Variety:

Moonves doesn't hide his distaste for Zucker's management skills, openly referring to the NBC chief as "Zippy" during conversations with agents and producers. Likewise, Zucker — an ex-newsman who's never met a reporter he can't spin — isn't afraid to play hardball in the scheduling room or to openly dis a rival. Some believe Zucker's arrival in Hollywood four years ago marked a turning point. The Peacock supremo's showman abilities galled his colleagues, who felt Zucker hasn't achieved the sort of creative or commercial success to justify his oft-bold comments.

Future World Emperor for Life Moonves might slap a few more inches on the table, but he'd be foolish to underestimate the size of Zucker's stepchildren. It takes a set of huge, brass ones to stake half of your Fall season on a CGI cartoon about the fuzzy animals that nearly devoured half of Siegfried and Roy, and a crazy killer instinct to prop up the wheelchair-bound tiger food to talk about how much he loves the show. We call this one a draw, but only until either Father of the Pride is canceled, or Moonves destroys NBC's Burbank offices with a giant laser mounted on top of Television City.

• Webheads go for the jugular [Variety, sub. req'd.]

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