1. Legendarily cantankerous grandaddy of all things Gonzo Hunter S. Thompson reads from and signs Hey Rube! Blood Sport, the Bush Doctrine, and the Downward Spiral of Dumbness, a collection of his ESPN.com columns, at Book Soup on Sunset. Chances are you're out of luck if you haven't already gotten in line, but Thompson would probably appreciate some resourceful party-crashing. We can't guarantee the Book Soup people will appreciate it, though.
2. Is this sufficiently surreal-sounding? Sally Field playing Laura Bush reading "The Legend of the Grand Inquisitor" to dead Iraqi children in a Tony Kushner play (Only We Who Guard the Mystery Shall Be Unhappy)? At the Ricardo Montalban Theater? On mushrooms? OK, there will most likely not be any mushrooms handed out, but we had a conceit to sell you.
3. Stay away from panic-stricken L.A. drivers until they adjust to the wet streets. You should be (relatively) safe again by Wednesday.

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