Why spend the weekend enjoying time with friends, chilling by the pool, or eating burgers when you can be lining Hollywood's pockets?

1. The Day After Tomorrow — $72 million
We're torn. On the one hand, critics hate this movie like it urinated on their kids. On the other hand, they're graphically depicting the destruction of Los Angeles in a natural disaster, and everyone in the civilized world is into that idea. Still, the buzz is not with it. Should open big just because it's Memorial Day, but be a disappointment in the long run.

2. Shrek 2 — $ 53 million
It made a ton of money in its opening weekend. And you know what? It was actually good. America will continue to worship Shrek's big, green ogre parts.

3. Troy — $15 million
We stand by our thought that it would have been much more financially successful if they'd just done it in Ancient Greek and subtitled the impossibly stilted dialogue. Or maybe if Achilles stabbed Jesus a few times in the climactic battle.

4. Van Helsing — $8 million
We're so bitter about trying to write about this nonsense for the last few weeks that we're considering an X-Men 3 boycott. Hugh, read the script next time. And not just the part that says "VAN HELSING, an incredibly well-hung, dashing, and doubtlessly straight (despite any previous involvement in Broadway shows) super hero-type, ENTERS."

5. Soul Plane — $7 million
For the love of God, gentle readers, do not permit Raising Helen to crack the top five. We're going to buy a ticket for Soul Plane, sneak into The Day After Tomorrow, and then wish we'd actually gone to Soul Plane.

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