—Say it ain't so! Fez and Lindsay are Splitsville? No longer on each other's buddy lists? No longer having sexual intercourse after nights of boozing at Concorde? We can't handle news like this so late in the day. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, SOMEONE GET A PUBLICIST DENIAL BEFORE WE WAKE UP TOMORROW.
—Red staters, delusional with boredom from having secured control of the country for four more years, seek to fill their empty place by protesting Kinsey.
—Hugh Grant is retiring. Or semiretired. Or starring in the new Bridget Jones movie. Who can really keep track of this guy when he's not getting blown by a hooker? At least then there's a paper trail.
—Someone actually might be more excited about The O.C. than we are. We're challenging him to a duel tomorrow, and Summer is the prize.

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