Paris Hilton is escalating her efforts to ensure the safe return of Tinkerbell, her beloved chihuahua. According to Rush & Molly, she's upped the reward money from $1,000 to $5,000 and has plastered her neighborhood in the Hollywood Hills with posters urging the dog's safe return (it goes without saying we'd print any picture of these signs). While it's fun to dream up schemes to claim the 5K with minimal capital expenditures for a rat, a can of spray paint, and a tiny, pink velour Juicy sweatsuit, it would be far more spiritually rewarding to find the dog and hold it for ransom. We'd say that she wipes her bony ass with that chump change, but that would assume she's eaten enough to actually move her bowels since the trust fund kicked in.

• Ay, Chihuahua! Paris is missing a pal [NYDN]


• Nicky Hilton Gets Married, Paris Gets Drunk With Tara Reid In Vegas [Defamer]

Contact information for this author is not available.