On Friday, word got out that Britney Spears is engaged to dancer Kevin Federline. Today, without regard for our hangover or the sanctity of Monday morning, the British Sky News passes along a report by News of the World claiming that Britney has a cheese doodle in the oven. The story: Spears is due to pop out a baby around Christmas and wants to be married before then so that Santa doesn't withold her presents for having a bastard.

Seriously, it's way too early for this. Construct your own joke from the following words and phrases: Dirtbag Dancer, Knocked Up, Oops!, Cut-rate Birth Control, Toxic, Britney Spears, Gossip of Questionable British Tabloid Origin, Madonna, Pop Star Hell Spawn, Shotgun Wedding, Suicidal Hollywood Blogger, Cry For Help.

• Oh Mother! Britney Spears Pregnant Claim [SkyNews via Yahoo UK via Rachel and the City]
• Britney Spears Totally Engaged [Defamer]

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