When Harvey Weinstein gathers his Miramax underlings for a little chat, they usually expect to wind up naked and on the bottom of an Abu Ghraib-style prisoner pile, as Harv snaps on some rubber gloves. This time, we hear that Weinstein addressed his staff yesterday with some non-specific news about his future, addressing recent/much-discussed/published rumors that he's halfway out the door already. One scenario (which we like to call "what's probably going to happen") involved him bagging Disney-owned Miramax and leaving behind brother Bob to continue on with Dimension Films.

We can almost taste the crocodile tears spilt by his long-abused staff, followed by spontaneous bouts of tap-dancing, high-fives, and the kind of spontaneous making out only seen in documentary footage of WWII soldiers returning to their wives. Oh, Harvey, what will they ever do without you? You know, besides heal?

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