Degree of difficulty: 8.5 out of 10

What white-trashy, Cheeto-gobbling, balcony hummer-issuing pop star found herself "taken" with porn star Jesse Jane this weekend at her manager's party in the Hamptons? Unfortunately, the attraction to Jane wasn't shared by her nameless background-dancing, bastard-fathering fiancé, who did everything short of handcuffing himself to his woman to prevent her from getting too friendly with the porn star. He ultimately got so tired of trying to separate his "toxic" bride-to-be from the adult entertainer's "Onyx hotel" that the couple cut the trip short and bolted to Florida, making the possibility of any blonde-on-blonde action a geographic impossibility. Hasn't our little freeloader ever heard of a three-way? They're just as difficult to execute from 2000 miles away.

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