Do you remember your first boner?

This group of bad boys—sandwiching a buxom Nicki Minaj during the now-legendary “Matt’s” bar mitzvah this weekend—sure will. The gentle touching, the spread fingers, the hands strategically placed, the side smiles with the sheen of fresh orthodontia peeking through. This is a day they’ll never forget. Matt became a man.

Matt, Nicki Minaj’s new “boy toy”—as she called him after her paid performance at his bar mitzvah—is going to be the most popular kid in school after this bima bonerama. Just look at this guy. Matt, have some Manischewitz, loosen up! It’s the first day of the rest of your life.

On stage, shortly after the performance of Matt’s lifetime (his haftorah), Nicki preached the gospel of independent womanhood while Matt waddled uncomfortably by her side.

Welcome to manhood, brother. You’re coming in on top.

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