The Defamer Job Board: How To Get Ahead In HollywoodS

Despite the widespread popularity of HBO's hard-hitting documentary series Entourage, young naive hopefuls somehow still want to make the trek out to Los Angeles in search of cold pressed juice, a producing credit on a movie, and a preferred parking spot in UTA's recently revamped Beverly Hills offices.

But these days, being vaguely related to someone in power, or his accountant, isn't enough to get you that second assistant job on Fast & Furious 837: Grandpa Paul's Station Wagon. Making it in Hollywood these days actually involves a tiny bit of legwork on your own—but how can you separate the good jobs from the crap? The Defamer Job Board is here to help. Each week we'll feature the best and worst (okay, mainly the worst) jobs available out there for Hollywood's next generation of over-caffienated, undereducated finest.


HIRING ASSISTANT TO CEO OF TWO MAJOR COMPANIES

Amazing opportunity for energetic, tenacious, driven gatekeeper for billionaire CEO. MUST HAVE AT LEAST 2 YEARS ON THE DESK OF A CEO OR SIMILAR.

Seeking a right hand/gatekeeper/EA-PA for a young CEO of two billion dollar companies. CEO is moving to Los Angeles and needs a savvy, go-getter who has a college degree, has worked on the desk of a CEO or busy celebrity with a production company previously, knows the names of all of the newest restaurants, bars, clubs and galleries in town and has the contacts numbers for the person to call to get this CEO on every VIP list. (This is a MUST for the job, so contacts are VERY IMPORTANT).

Big Plus if you come from the world of PR, and have supported the President or CEO of the company! This CEO will need someone to help guard his privacy with media requests as he will be bringing another company public in 18 months. CEO needs you to handle all aspects of his life from all admin, to booking travel, to getting him on the guest list at Bootsy Bellows, to overseeing media requests.

All of the money in bank account ($612.47, less the rent I still haven't paid for November) is currently being bet upon the fact that this is for those nerds with no real money who started Snapchat. If your boss ever asks you, even casually, to get you into a nightclub that is no longer cool, and entertains American Idol rejects and Miley Cyrus, quit. If your boss is a CEO who is allegedly running two billion-dollar companies and his primary public concern is getting on VIP lists at bars, clubs, and restaurants, again, quit. If you read this job posting and thought "Hey! This sounds like a cool guy and a swell opportunity," congratulations, you're ready to succeed in Hollywood, but you should definitely quit life.


Because we're committed to helping you get ahead, the Defamer Job Board is a weekly job list of currently open positions. Want to submit the worst offenders you've seen? E-mail beejoli@defamer.com, subject line "Defamer Job Board."

[Image via ShutterStock, Art by Jim Cooke]