Ted, about a stuffed animal who talks like Peter Griffin if Family Guy was porn, is getting a sequel. On June 26, the digitally-rendered teddy bear with no sexual organs and only smooth plush where a dick might be and his (human) bride will make their family of two a trio—but they'll need Mark Wahlberg's sperm to help.
But what's this? The bigoted state of Massachusetts refuses to allow Ted to be the parent to a human child unless he can prove he's "a person" in court. Could Ted 2 be the delicate, nuanced parable for gay marriage we've been waiting for? Probably, and I base this purely on the indelible image of a piece of Cookie Crisp cereal in the buttcrack of a blind man that punctuates this perfect two minutes and 40 seconds.
Only 148 days until the feature film Ted 2 is released in theaters across America.