Taylor Swift's House Was Vandalized by a Bunch of Damn Nerds

You may remember when three millennials were arrested outside of Taylor Swift's beachside Rhode Island mansion for throwing beer bottles and flipping off her security guards. You probably had a good idea in your head of what these brats looked like, but, surprise, two of them are basically fucking geniuses!

I mean, obviously they're geniuses, considering they were arrested for vandalizing Taylor Swift's house. But they might be actual geniuses, per TMZ. Of the three, one has a degree from MIT and another is a chemist. The other is nothing less than a certified hero of Connecticut.

— Tristan Kading, 28, a master of science in chemical oceanography conferred by MIT. He also received the Richard Montgomery Award for Achievement in Mathematics.

— Emily Kading, 26, Nuclear Scientist specializing in agriculture and natural resources. She's studying to be a nuclear physicist.

As for Michael Horrigan — the 29-year-old was working on a ferry crew on the Long Island Sound last May with Tristan ... when a 12-year-old girl's canoe capsized. Both guys helped pull her to safety, and got citations from Connecticut for heroism.

So, where did this burst of terror sprout from? Well, there is some damning evidence:

  • Kading spent time in Boston
  • Horrigan spent time in Long Island

Hmmmm. I think that just about settles it.