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midweek madness
This Week In Tabloids: Michael's Drug & eBay Addiction; Twilight Star Put In Box
Welcome back to Midweek Madness, where instead of Duck Duck Goose, it's Michael, Michael, Michael, Michael, Twilight. Margaret assists in the deconstruction of Star, Us, In Touch, Life & Style and Ok!, after the jump. [Jezebel]
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By DodaiComment by kellieherson: The "Who Wore It Better?" with the kids is one of the more disturbing things I've seen lately. Jesus H.... 10 Responses | Other threads
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midweek madness
This Week In Tabloids: Dead Bodies, Beach Bodies, Weddings & Monkeys
It's Wednesday, so this is Midweek Madness, our tabloid roundup. Star was the only rag without Michael Jackson on the covers this week, maybe hoping people prefer "Beach Bodies" to untimely death? Step inside for more weeklies, after the jump. [Jezebel]
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By DodaiComment by Dodgergirl: Justin Ross Lee, "an up and coming Facebook celebrity," sat next to Ashley Olsen on an airplane, took pictures of... 10 Responses | Other threads
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midweek madness
This Week In Tabloids: Bulging Beach Bodies & Hasselhoff Death Watch
If it's Wednesday, we must be playing Midweek Madness. Why else would assistant Margaret and I let the tabloids — Ok!, Us, In Touch, Life & Style and Star — kick us in the shins? [Jezebel]
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By DodaiComment by schweppes: The before and after is so unfair. That "before" shot was after she gave birth to six children after... 20 Responses | Other threads
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midweek madness
This Week In Tabloids: Angelina Cheated On Brad With Blonde Female Rocker
Welcome back to Midweek Madness, in which assistant Margaret and I attempt to ingest the nutty stuff produced by the weekly tabloids. Details from Us, In Touch, Ok!, Life & Style and Star, inside. [Jezebel]
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By DodaiComment by vamusical: OH MY GOD I HAVE A TAN CARDIGAN TOO. EVERYONE HOLD ME BACK I'M TRYING TO STEAL BRAD. 14 Responses | Other threads
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breakups
Lindsay Lohan Breakdown Is a Tabloid Feeding Frenzy
One might assume that months of teary, yelling, storming-out fights between Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson sated readers' appetites for details of the couple's drama. But it just made everyone hungrier for the big breakup.
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By Ryan TateComment by fuzzywhat: Nothing a thick, hard dick won't cure. Who will be her first post-Samantha stud? 7 Responses | Other threads
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midweek madness
This Week In Tabloids: Shiloh & Suri Forced To Be Friends; Katie Forced To Diet
It's Wednesday, so it's time for Midweek Madness. Did Brad make a move on the nanny? Is Katie starving herself for Scientology? Have Suri and Shiloh ever met? The tabloids ask and answer. [Jezebel]
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By DodaiComment by Eeva: Quick poll: which is stupider - a) photoshopping two toddlers, who are not themselves famous but are merely the offspring... 23 Responses | Other threads
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midweek madness
This Week In Tabloids: "Octomom" Vs. Angelina; Jennifer Aniston's Tapes
Every Wednesday, we play Midweek Madness, in which we dare to try and "read" the celebrity tabloids. This week, Us was the only mag that used Rhianna as the main cover image. [Jezebel]
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By DodaiComment by BabyJane: I hear you Jessica. I eat my feelings too. They are particularly delicious when covered in melty cheese. 22 Responses | Other threads
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splits
Messy Divorces: 'Old, Wrinkled' Madonna vs. 'Sneaky Coward' Guy Ritchie
The ink is barely dry on those first giddy divorce filings, and already the vultures are circling world's biggest pop star Madonna and her cuckolded soon-to-be ex-husband, "film director" Guy Ritchie. While the two stars themselves have remained relatively demure about the whole matter—Madge makes the same "emotionally retarded" joke at every concert, Guy reportedly said on the set of his new film Sherlock Holmes, "today's going to be a weird one, but don't feel awkward because this is where I want to be" while waving a copy of a British tabloid—the press has been a little more salacious. The latest Us Weekly features a gushy, long-for-that-publication article on the storied split, providing hideous and sad details like how Ritchie used to refer to sex with his Isla Bonita as "cuddling up with a piece of gristle." That's just... well, that's poetry Mr. Ritchie. How messy is this thing going to get?
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Comment by ElvisWorley: Jeter? I thought it was Alex! Based on Jeter's past conquests, I cannot imagine him going for, what Ritchie so accurately... 16 Responses | Other threads
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Comment by Losin_it: He also obviously doesn't care about Saving The System. Like what, the system hasn't been very good to him... more » | Other threads
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midweek madness
This Week In Tabloids: Aniston & Mayer Have Sex; Anorexic Stars Without Makeup
If it's Wednesday afternoon, this must be Midweek Madness, your weekly tabloid roundup source. Crappy covers this week, folks: Skinny stars, stars without makeup, Trista announcing her pregnancy, Jenny McCarthy talking about autism, and those kids from High School Musical. But we took the time to mine the mags for nuggets of gold. Intern Margaret assists as we dip our pan in the latest issues of Us, OK!, Life & Style, In Touch and Star, after the jump. [Jezebel]
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By DodaiComment by SisterMaryMartha: Chace Crawford likes underage girls, we have established this already. Remember after his divorce from Sophia Bush how he got... 14 Responses | Other threads
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midweek madness
This Week In Tabloids: Mariah's Pregnancy, Aniston's Lipo, Angie's Shrink
Welcome back to Midweek Madness, where we're always willing to punish ourselves by reading celebrity weeklies so you don't have to! This week, the tabloids are all over the place: Us shuns a "gossip" cover in favor of a "Style Issue," but the other mags try and make up for it with pseudo-scandalous stories. Mariah and her maybe-baby land one cover; Jen Aniston's adventures in cosmetic procedures get another; Lindsay Lohan's "untold story" gets the third and Angelina Jolie's mental health wins the last. Intern Margaret assists as we dabble in masochism by reading and reporting on the contents of OK!, Life & Style, In Touch and Star, after the jump. [Jezebel]
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By DodaiComment by sarah.of.a.lesser.god (aka Mrs. BrutallyHonestHobbit): Is it really necessary to post the pages with weight estimates for these actresses? Commenters aren't supposed to put their... 13 Responses | Other threads
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heather locklear
Heather Locklear's 911 Call Placed by Concerned, Paparazzi-Friendly Former 'Us Weekly' Staffer
When we first heard about Heather Locklear's weekend arrest for driving under the influence of a controlled substance, we were most interested in the curious detail of the sunglasses she repeatedly ran over. Turns out, the entire case is full of curious details, and here's the biggest one: the witness who placed the call to 911 is a former Us Weekly staffer who's under investigation by the FBI for hacking into the magazine's computer system to locate celebrities. Oh, and she called the paparazzi immediately after her 911 call. Oh, and she also just happens to have a lucrative partnership with Locklear rival Denise Richards! Details and her kooky 911 call, after the jump: More »
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Comment by K3y: I'd imagine the only drugs the police are going to find in Heather's body are the one's she was prescribed... 1 Responses | Other threads
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Lynda Lopez
BREAKING NEWS: Over the wires from Us Weekly comes this exclusive, breaking story, which the magazine immediately rushed to the top of its website: "Jennifer Lopez's Sister Has Baby Girl!" According to the magazine, sister Lynda "and her beau Adam Goldfried" welcomed their daughter into the world on August 28. Knowledge of this three-week-old birth from the sister of a celebrity is now yours — must credit Us Weekly. [Us]
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Comment by kookla: Poor Linda. I bet she's dreading that triathlon she's going to have to do just to keep up with her... more » | Other threads
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midweek madness
This Week In Tabloids: Miley's Man Models, Lindsay Cuts Herself, 90210 Stars Don't Eat
Welcome back to Midweek Madness, your source for tabloid "news." Finally, after a super slow summer, things are picking up! The scandal gaining strength? The reed-thin appearance of the ladies of 90210 2.0. Plus! Miley's "new man" is a former underwear model, and the mags bring the pictures to prove it. Oh, and Lindsay Lohan may or may not be cutting herself, though this was buried under a lame "Richest & Poorest Stars" story in In Touch. Intern Margaret assists as we pick through the yard sale of info in OK!, In Touch, Star, Life & Style and Us, after the jump. [Jezebel]
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By DodaiComment by peperony and chease: Don't homeschool them Angie! Homeschooled kids turn out to be freaks! 22 Responses | Other threads
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midweek madness
This Week In Tabloids: Suri Battles Shiloh, Jamie Lynn Gets Cheated On, Britney's OK!
Welcome back to Midweek Madness, in which we digest the celebrity gossip in the weeklies so you don't have to. This week, the tabloids have the dreaded BABY FEVER. There are celebribabes on three covers, including the spawn of Britney. Jennifer Love Hewitt and her body get one cover, and Jamie Lynn Spears gets the other, with In Touch breaking the news that her 19-year-old baby daddy has a 28-year-old lover named Kelli. Intern Margaret assists as we strain to excrete what we've consumed in OK!, Life & Style, In Touch and Star, after the jump. [Jezebel]
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By DodaiComment by snark_shark: Does Samantha Ronson have a younger sister who can date Ali? It seems like Linds has been pretty together since... more » | Other threads
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katie holmes
Clothing Exchange! Katie Holmes isn't simply a robot with human emotions — no, she's also a style icon. Whether it's her sunglasses, hairstyles, or leggings, she's always been at the forefront of Scientologist chic...which is what made us question these baggy, rolled-up jeans she's been sporting lately while rehearsing for her Broadway debut. Now, finally, Us Weekly breaks the story wide open: Holmes is merely wearing the jeans of her husband, Tom Cruise — and isn't that the fun part of being a couple? As for the rolled-up ankles, we'll leave that to Us: "A reason Holmes has been rolling them up? She's 5'9" and Cruise is 5'7"." More »
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Comment by knitterly: People, people. This is just a simple ploy to make us think he's taller, d'uh! She's wearing some...um...normal-heighted guy's jeans... more » | Other threads
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miley cyrus
What US Weekly's List Of Star Virgins Reveals About Teenage Girls
Putting together a celebrity slideshow isn't for the faint of heart: just ask our own Molly McAleer, whose titanic work in the pursuit of compilations could kill a lesser man (and has — don't ask us about that intern in '06). So how do you survive filling out an eleven-page slideshow when your subject is that most rarest of species: celebrity virgins? Well, if you're an employee at Us Weekly, you cheat a little, padding your list with both non-virgins and non-celebrities alike! More »
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Comment by julijet: Oh my god this goes along with Jessica Simpson's virginity description. Fucking HIlarious... At 12, the Baptist-bred singer was given... more » | Other threads
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questions of our time
Is Celebrity Gossip Really Dead This Time?
According to one editor of a celebrity weekly, it's the "last trip to the buffet table," as Britney Spears' gurney-bound trip to the hospital signaled the end of dish. If that seems a bit ominous, it may be because there is a discernible lull in glossy-packaged brain candy. "There's nothing going on in celebrity land. There's no news, no gossip, no scandal," whined a TV producer to Liz Smith a few months back. "The Oscars showed how dull things are. People are only interested in politics." It's true. Reliable pop tarts no longer yield Google results like they once did (at left, Paris Hilton's trend chart, which shows a baseline traffic drop of about two-thirds). Here are a handful of theories about what's happened: More »
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Comment by gwendolyn: @Xylo: It's ok. Until about 4:00PM, when her publicist wakes her up, neither does she... more » | Other threads
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midweek madness
This Week In Tabloids: Celebs Lose Baby Weight; Britney Relapses
Welcome back to Midweek Madness, in which we search for actual gossip in the celebrity weekly magazines. This week, there are two covers devoted to baby weight, one featuring newlywed Beyoncé, one concerning Jennifer Aniston and Orlando Bloom's fauxmance and one screaming, "Britney Relapses!" Intern Sharon helps us suffer through the burning pain induced by OK!, Us, In Touch, Life & Style and Star, after the jump. Won't you join us? [Jezebel] -
from the mailbox
Have You No Decency? A Britney Chronicler Responds
In the Los Angeles Times, Asra Nomani, a former contributor to People, calls on Time Warner and other media conglomerates to leave Britney alone. Portfolio's Jeff Bercovici compares Nomani's call to the moment when Joseph McCarthy was famously asked: "Have you no sense of decency?" (Who knew dirt-digger Bercovici could raise himself up to such moral height?) The celebrity weeklies are sufficiently on the defensive that they maintain an official silence; but, under the protection of anonymity, one senior editor hits back at the critics. When one of the biggest pop stars in music history — one who no less has had a long and open relationship with the press — loses her children, ties up our court system, and is diagnosed with a major mental illness that also afflicts many other Americans, that is a news story. Are the actions of the mentally ill man who recently murdered the Upper East Side psychiatrist, or the NIU killer, any more or less worthy of exploration and explanation? And is it exploitative of the New York Times to run a series on military personnel who kill and beat and stalk their wives and children when they return home from serving in Iraq? These are people after all who actually did reside in privacy prior to their newsmaking bouts of mental illness. To somehow say that Britney Spears, or any celebrity, who have flown like moths to the flame of fame, deserve more privacy or consideration than private citizens is actually journalistically bankrupt, and a rather pathetic attempt at "morality" cloaked behind celebrity worship. Any person or outlet in the mainstream media who actually attempts to put forth this "morality" argument is a. either ignoring other news and events that have likely gone neglected as his or her own outlet chases Britney Spears (i.e., the Los Angeles Times), or b. desperate to find a new way to draw attention to a topic they know their readers continue to be interested in. Yes, these stories need to be handled sensitively, but to say they are not newsworthy... well, you might as well stop being a journalist, and go bag groceries.
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By AnonymousComment by Road_Rash: @trafficjam: Well put, bravo. I hate to admit it but I used to pick up the odd enquirer, star, etc.... more » | Other threads
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defamer
Exclusive: Kirstie Alley's Lawyers Demand That 'US Weekly' Fire Writer Who Cracked A Scientology Joke
Defamer just managed to get our grubby mitts on a secret copy of a strongly-worded letter that "Actress" Kirstie Alley's legal team over at Goldman & Kagon recently sent to US Weekly. In it, the firm asks that United States Weekly sever their relationship with fashionista/comedienne Danica Lo because of an innocuous Scientology joke she made at the expense of billion-year contract escape clause benifitee Nicole Kidman. The joke in question ran in the "Fashion Police" section of the mag and referred to an outfit Kidman wore to the Australian premiere of The Golden Compass, which the tony Miss Lo described as being "specifically designed [to repel] Scientologists." Um, zing? The legal letter and offending picture follow after the jump. More »
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By Mark GrahamComment by tinyhands: Given that Scientology is an insult to real religions, I'd say we call it even. more » | Other threads
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defamer
'Us Weekly' Tries To Identify Britney Spears' Darkest Hour
Callously ignoring the eyeliner-streaked exhortations of America's next top reality television star, Us Weekly refuses to release its pit-bull like grip on the neck of the utterly defenseless Britney Spears, continuing its weeks-long, cover-based assault with their new MOMMY'S CRYING! issue. More »
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By MarkComment by shag_carpet_bomb: It's all just a lull until the next Aniston cover. more » | Other threads
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thanks for the mammaries
'US Weekly's' Ken Baker Was A Nice Guy, Back When He Still Lactated
Yesterday's post on Us Weekly West Coast executive editor Ken Baker, the worst boss in America, drew many comments and a few phone calls from former co-workers. Once upon a time, you see, Ken was a nice, friendly, idealistic Columbia J-school grad with the highest of ethical standards. The only problem was that his nipples leaked breast milk, and also he was impotent and did not desire sex, even with Drew Barrymore, whom he found himself powerless to hit on. Then sometime in the late nineties, he fell in love with a ballerina who did not care that he couldn't get it up, and a co-worker at People directed him to doctor to the stars, Joshua Trabulus, who gave him a magical serum called "testosterone." And that is when the fun began. [Jezebel]
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By MoeComment by BreeKilledGeorge: Okay I just pissed myself. That is AWESOME. more » | Other threads
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