Gawker
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unions
E! Gossip Casablanca To Tie The Humpy Knot
We'll admit—with no small amount of shame—that we've fallen woefully out of touch with humpy E! gossip-potentate Ted Casablanca, whose weekly, incomprehensibly worded blind items we once inspected with the wide-eyed confusion of a jeweler who has been presented a half-eaten cheese doodle for appraisal. (Does that make no sense? How quickly we fall back under his spell!) While our Ted-translating neurons have atrophied from disuse, the Stony_Curtis blog assures us that there's a significant Casablanca life update contained in the following passage: More »
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By MarkComment by raincoaster: The rocks take longer to dissolve if you put them there...oh, sorry. I thought we were being all servicey. Please... more » | Other threads
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blind items
The Blind Item Guessing Game: Three Secret Gays For the Price Of One: Your Answers
You're probably just moments from departing for the happy hour drink specials that will help you blot out the memories of the past week, so let's get to your blind item guesses. But first (there's always a "but first"), quickly review Three Envelope-Dangling Blind Vices: More »
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By MarkComment by bunnyblues: What's Ted gonna do for a living when the gay boys are coming out all by themselves? more » | Other threads
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blind items
The Blind Item Guessing Game: Three Secret Gays For the Price Of One
Wherein we invite our readers to drag the shiny, clean blind item razor blade offered by humpy E! gossip-cutter Ted Casablanca along an unscarred section of their fleshy forearms, the only self-destructive act that makes them feel truly alive anymore. This week, Ted ambitiously juggles three hopelessly concealed subjects, supplementing his obsessive coverage of Toothy Tile's half-out-of-the-closet antics with those of two secretly homosexualized co-stars. Dip your toes in Three Envelope-Dangling Blind Vices: More » -
ted casablanca
Late Afternoon Blind Item Fun: Brad Grey, Lilliputian Butt-Smoocher
Toiling over in the new Fortress of Humpitude his E!nslavers have constructed for him on their redesigned website, disgruntled gossipist Ted Casablanca coyly blinded this item about a Paramount star (not pictured, probably) who rather rudely called attention to studio boss Brad Grey's well-documented, three-apples-tall stature: More » -
ted casablanca
The Blind Item Guessing Game: Still More Morgan Mayhem: Your Answers
Before you all bolt your desks for the sweet, sweet freedom of the weekend, let's wrap up today's blind item guessing game. But before moving on to your guesses, take another lap around One Unsisterly Blind Vice: More »
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By MarkComment by raincoaster: By this time the guessing game isn't "Who's Morgan Mayhem," it's "What is she on THIS TIME?" My guess; heroin. more » | Other threads
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ted casablanca
The Blind Item Guessing Game: Still More Morgan Mayhem
Wherein we invite our heretical readers to tie themselves to humpy E! gossip-Grand Inquisitor Ted Casablanca's wooden stake and submit to the purifying flames of his righteous blind items. Submitted for your guessing game pleasure is today's installment of the continuing, coke-flecked tale of recurring Casablanca character Morgan Mayhem (yes, again, but who could get tired of someone this lovable?), whose allegedly escalating drug habit somehow hasn't alleviated her behavioral problems, but has done wonders in releasing her Sapphic, exhibitionist traits. Close you eyes and allow One Unsisterly Blind Vice to wash over you: More »
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By MarkComment by TrixieBelden: Oooooh. Coke+H+The Chateau = well, we'll let Belushi fill in the blank on that one. more » | Other threads
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ted casablanca
The Blind Item Guessing Game: Dorrell Sausage, Starfucker: Your Answers
The suspense is crippling—proceed on to your blind item guessing game answers before you pass out from anticipation. But first, one more lap around One Headline-Hungry Blind Vice: More » -
ted casablanca
The Blind Item Guessing Game: Dorrell Sausage, Starfucker
[Ed, note—Despite a nagging fear that disgruntled E! gossip Ted Casablanca's daily column is being written by a Random Celebrity Name And English-Like Word Generator ever since he aired his grievances, we have heard your pleas, and we are ready to return the Blind Item Guessing game to our weekly rotation. So we better see some guesses flooding in! Enjoy.] Wherein we invite our readers to build a makeshift raft from any buoyant materials handy on their desert islands and push off into the angry, churning sea presided over by humpy E! gossip-Poseidon Ted Casablanca, avoiding a lacerating trident-poke as they guess the identity of his weekly blind item. Marinate in the literal starfuckery of One Headline-Hungry Blind Vice: More »
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By MarkComment by Bon Jour, Pee Wee: I actually think Brody is kind of hot. But then again, I never watched the show. more » | Other threads
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ted casablanca
CasablancaGateWatch: Casablanca Counting The Days Until His Contract Runs Out
It was just a week ago that humpy E! gossip-gerent Ted Casablanca chummed the waters of scandal by telling his perpetually baffled readers that he knew "how Star Jones Reynolds felt" after being mysteriously yanked from his regular spot on E!'s airwaves. Suspicious fans immediately started dusting Casablanca's neck for Ryan Seacrest's fingerprints, but the crytpolinguistically gifted dirt-slinger has been silent about his job status since. That is, until now, when he updated the NY Observer about his standing at E!: More »
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By MarkComment by Sulky Girl: Why can't the E! exec "speak to his contract"? Is it not returning her calls? more » | Other threads
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blind items
The Blind Item Guessing Game: Boy's Toy: Your Answers
Ted Casablanca has bafflingly worded questions, you have answers. But first, set your "neck massager" to high and work out the kinks in One Gossip-Column Blind Vice again before moving on to your guesses. More »
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By MarkComment by Fawn Liebowitz: Cant be the Gyllen--he's Toothy Tile, remember? Its got to be Matteo and Lance... more » | Other threads
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ted casablanca
The Blind Item Guessing Game: Boy's Toy
Wherein we invite our readers to grab their Bowie knives and whittle away at the skinny section of tree branch provided by embattled, humpy E! gossip-craftsman Ted Casablanca and guess the identity of his weekly blind item. This week, Ted shakes off some ongoing career controversy and takes out his frustration on the English language, offering this tantalizingly inscrutable tale of a possibly gay personality and his affection for sex toys. (We think?) Open your hearts to One Gossip-Column Blind Vice: More » -
ted casablanca
CasablancaGateWatch: Who Yanked E!'s Humpiest Gossip From TV?
Dependable E! gossip-geyser Ted Casablanca—whose many closet-case and cokehead-centric blind items have provided Defamer readers with the foundation for countless hours of Guessing Game fun—has found himself embroiled in an ongoing controversy at his host network, which he dubs "CasablancaGate" in an unabashed airing of dirty-laundry in today's Awful Truth column. After posting several e-mails demanding some explanation as to his recent absence from E! News broadcasts, Ted offers this sketchily detailed response: More » -
blind items
The Blind Item Guessing Game: A Wednesday Gay/Blow Double-Feature: Your Answers
On a day so utterly clotted with both gay- and blow-related news, we wouldn't dare keep you in suspense about your responses to the gay/blow blind item guessing game. But before you move on to the good stuff, stick a little more Two Old-School Blind Vices up your nose: More »
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By MarkComment by josh speed: tom welling getting strip-searched by kmetko? that's hot. more » | Other threads
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blind items
The Blind Item Guessing Game: A Wednesday Gay/Blow Double-Feature!
Wherein we invite our readers to grab the nearest whip and folding chair and attempt to tame feral E! gossip-lion Ted Casablanca with a couple of nasty lashes and some savvy guesses as to the identity of his weekly blind item. Torn between his twin loves of closeted actors engaged in sodomy-based shenanigans and actresses with a healthy appetite for powdered narcotics, Ted offers blind dirt on both subjects. Unload both shotgun barrels on Two Old-School Blind Vices: More » -
blind items
The Blind Item Guessing Game: Gay Husband Explains Why He's Too Tired For Sex After Nights Out With The Boys: Your Answers
Please put down your pencils and turn in your bluebooks; if you don't know the answer to this week's Blind Item Guessing Game, no hastily scrawled, last-minute guess can save you. But before we get to your responses, indulge in another quickie with One Quelle Surprise Blind Vice: More » -
blind items
The Blind Item Guessing Game: Gay Husband Explains Why He's Too Tired For Sex After Nights Out With The Boys
Wherein we invite our readers to risk the loss of multiple digits by plunging their hands into the piranha-infested aquarium stocked by humpy E! gossip-Neptune Ted Casablanca, hoping to emerge grasping the solution to his weekly blind item. This morning, Ted weaves a tale of a gay husband (hmm. gay husbands seem to be going around today!) who finally shared his secret sodomy hobby with his willfully oblivious wife. Spritz yourself with the alluring scent of One Quelle Surprise Blind Vice: More » -
blind items
The Blind Item Guessing Game: Guarding Morgan Mayhem's Stash: Your Answers
It's time to share your collective blind item wisdom with the world. But before going on to your guesses, get drunk and call One Overly Caring Blind Vice, hoping to rekindle your long-dead romance: More »
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By MarkComment by The Gen X Eurotrash Jetsetter Club: I don't buy it. I mean, anyone who works for LiLo has to need some serious medicating of their... more » | Other threads
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blind items
The Blind Item Guessing Game: Guarding Morgan Mayhem's Stash
[Ed.note—Normally we wouldn't run the Blind Item Guessing Game a day after Ted C. published his item, but it's been too long since we've done one, we are powerless before your cries to hit this installment, and, most crucially, it's a slow Tuesday. Enjoy.] Wherein we invite our readers to wander naked and unashamed through the paradaisical blind item garden lovingly tended by humpy, infinitely benevolent E! gossip-Creator Ted Casablanca and hazard an inevitably incorrect guess as to the identity of this week's secret celebrity subject. This week, Ted turns to two of his favorite recurring characters, Morgan Mayhem and a huge pile of blow. Dip yourself in honey and invite the sweet stings of One Overly Caring Blind Vice: More » -
ted casablanca
The Blind Item Guessing Game: Jiggly Wiggle-Poof's One-Sided Catfight: Your Answers
Your answers to this week's guessing game are in, and they're going to shake the entire blind item industry to its very core. But before you move on to your cataclysm-beckoning guesses, bone up on One Diva-Damning Blind Vice: More »
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By MarkComment by PickaLittleTalkaLittle: I have to hand it to the voters who guessed Ted and Ryan. I never would have thought of... more » | Other threads
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ted casablanca
The Blind Item Guessing Game: Jiggly Wiggle-Poof's One-Sided Catfight
Wherein we invite our readers to risk instant paralysis by diving head-first into the shallow end of humpy E! gossip-lifeguard Ted Casablanca's blind item pool and guess the hopelessly obscured identity of this week's unnamed celebrity. Today's item once again concerns that time-honored fascination of the gossip-hungry public, the supposedly straight guy who secretly prefers the company of men. For sex. Lather yourself up in One Diva-Damning Blind Vice: More »
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By MarkComment by Slapped in Public: I understand Ted's need to cloak the indentities of the celebrities in question, but I don't think he would be... more » | Other threads
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ted casablanca
The Blind Item Guessing Game: Squat/Thrust: Your Answers
Your hand is shaking either because you're trembling with anticipation over the responses to today's blind item guessing game, or you haven't yet spiked your Friday afternoon latte with enough vodka to get you through to happy hour. We'll do our part to make sure it stops, but first, roll around in One Squat-Ready Vice before going on to your guesses: More »
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By MarkComment by Romana Klay: Its gotta be Pee Wee Herman. Oh wait, you said myriad film sets. Well the boys part is right. more » | Other threads
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ted casablanca
The Blind Item Guessing Game: Squat/Thrust
Wherein we invite our heroic readers to penetrate the secret, underground lair of humpy E! gossip-supervillain Ted Casablanca and free his weekly blind item from its cruel imprisonment in a cage of inscrutable language. Today's offering explores the often suspicious relationship between celebs and the people who encourage the sweaty, straining stars to keeping pumping away until muscle failure, personal trainers. Fluff up One Squat-Ready Vice: More » -
ted casablanca
The Blind Item Guessing Game: Saving Morgan Mayhem: Your Answers
Time once again to put you out of the profound misery that is not knowing the consensus solution to this week's Ted Casablanca blind item. But first, reload One Employee of the Month Blind Vice: More »
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By MarkComment by lasertronic: i believe that Paris is a total coke whore... she was involved in a coke fueled lesbo romp iwth my... more » | Other threads
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ted casablanca
The Blind Item Guessing Game: Saving Morgan Mayhem
Wherein we invite our readers to unlearn everything they thought they knew about celebrities, life, and the English language and submit themselves to the radical reeducation of humpy E! gossip-imagineer Ted Casablanca's weekly blind item. Today, Casablanca takes up the humanitarian cause of saving recurring Blind Vice character Morgan Mayhem from the powdery clutches of the White Scourge. Pinch one nostril and inhale deeply of One Employee of the Month Blind Vice: More » -
ted casablanca
The Blind Item Guessing Game: Unattractive Celeb Still Gets Gay Tail
Our precious Friday afternoon time is slipping away, so let's get to your blind item guesses before we all sneak out for the weekend. But first, take another lap around One Lucky Bastard Blind Vice: More »
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By MarkComment by Bubba Barney: Schadenfrau was right with his comment on the initial post. IMDB boards have Lance hooking up with Reichen Lehmkuhl. I... more » | Other threads
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ted casablanca
The Blind Item Guessing Game: Unattractive Celeb Still Gets Gay Tail
Wherein we invite our readers to doff their modesty towels and submit themselves to the full-service treatment of humpy E! gossip masseur Ted Casablanca, and in the afterglow of their vigorously delivered release, take a stab at the identity of his weekly blind item. Cover yourself in the heated rocks of One Lucky Bastard Blind Vice: More »
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By MarkComment by iforgetwhat8isfor: Seriously, is Ted even relevant anymore? Wait, don't respond. I already know the answer. more » | Other threads
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ted casablanca
The Blind Item Guessing Game: Dinky's Tour Bus Adventure: Your Answers
Time to put your blind item guessing game answers out of their misery. But first, go for another moonlit stroll with One Randy 'n' Rockin' Blind Vice: More » -
ted casablanca
The Blind Item Guessing Game: Dinky's Tour Bus Adventure
Wherein we invite our readers to mentally keel-haul themselves on the front of humpy E! gossip buccaneer Ted Casablanca's pirate ship by guessing the identity of his weekly blind item. Today, we're treated to one of the only activities more common than starlets blowing rails in nightclub bathroom stalls or supposedly straight actors blowing twinks in nightclub bathroom stalls: a musician getting laid on a tour bus. Assume the position for One Randy 'n' Rockin' Blind Vice: More »
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By MarkComment by Picka Little, Talka Little: Ted said a while ago that if Keith Urban hurt Nicole, he'd come after Keith. Maybe this is his... more » | Other threads
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ted casablanca
The Blind Item Guessing Game: Boys In Stalls: Your Answers
It's time to put you all out of your blind item misery. Before going on to your guesses, check the bathroom stall for One Blowin'-in-the-Stall Blind Vice one more time: More » -
ted casablanca
The Blind Item Guessing Game: Boys In Stalls
Wherein we invite our readers to liberally coat their flesh in the tacky substance of their choice and roll around in the blind item feathers scattered about by humpy E! gossipist Ted Casablanca. This week, Ted manages to appropriate a bathroom stall, normally the province of his blow-hoovering starlets, for his bread-and-butter, guess-which-straight-boy-slurps-schlong tease. Bite the pillow of One Blowin'-in-the-Stall Blind Vice: More »
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By MarkComment by EvilMinion: Ted needs to visit my East Coast neighborhood. I understand being invited into a bathroom stall for a little... more » | Other threads
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ted casablanca
The Blind Item Guessing Game: In Through The Out Door: Your Answers
We'd hate to send you off to the joyful annihilation of happy hour without getting to your blind item guesses, so let's close that account, shall we? But first, re-sample the pillow-biting wonders of One Tuchis-Time Blind Vice: More »
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By MarkComment by pseudopsych: I'm saying Affleck. Law is no "broad-shouldered bohunk," he's diminuitive, more » | Other threads
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ted casablanca
The Blind Item Guessing Game: In Through The Out Door
Wherein we invite our readers to allow humpy E! gossip-alchemist Ted Casablanca to transform their leaden minds into gold by puzzling over the identity of his weekly blind item. This week, Ted strays from the "straight actor is secretly gay" dirt, but still manages to squeeze in some anal sex. Flip over for One Tuchis-Time Blind Vice: More » -
ted casablanca
The Blind Item Guessing Game: Pixie Mixie's Girl-on-Girl Adventures: Your Answers
Before we lose any more of this oppressively beautiful, completely typical LA afternoon, let's get to your blind item answers. But first, flip through your blue books and re-check your work on One Slurplicious Blind Vice: More »
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By MarkComment by feather dusted: I'm going with Nicole, Ted has mentioned PM before in his column and if anyone is Pixie...it's gotta be Ms.... more » | Other threads
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ted casablanca
The Blind Item Guessing Game: Pixie Mixie's Girl-on-Girl Adventures
Wherein we invite our readers to submit themselves to the relentless, nonsensical cross-examination of humpy E! gossip-prosecutor Ted Casablanca and guess the identity of his weekly blind item. Get excited, for while Ted returns to the exploits of one of his most cherished characters, these antics involve both the consumption of cocaine and same-sex canoodlings. Pump your fist in time to One Slurplicious Blind Vice: More »
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By MarkComment by Double Banger: Why are all of Casablanca's blind items about closet homosexuality? more » | Other threads
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ted casablanca
The Blind Item Guessing Game: Dethroning Toothy Tile: Your Answers
Your guesses (which include some bonus speculation about a possible outing of blind item legend Toothy Tile) are in. But first, take one more twirl around the May pole with One Fellah-Flirting-in-Public Blind Vice?: More »
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By MarkComment by it.goes.there: I call bullshit on Teddy. If Crisp Lisp was indeed so brazen at this party, why isn't somebody reporting it... more » | Other threads
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ted casablanca
The Blind Item Guessing Game: Dethroning Toothy Tile
Wherein we invite our readers to step up to humpy E! gossipist Ted Casablanca's awards podium and forget to thank their life partner for all of the support they've lent in solving his linguistically impenetrable blind items. This week, Ted's grown tired with longtime blind item rentboy Toothy Tile and is hungry for some fresh, closeted blood. Behold One Fellah-Flirting-in-Public Blind Vice?: More » -
ted casablanca
The Blind Item Guessing Game: V-Day Tragedy: Your Answers
We thank you for mustering some enthusiasm for a blind item guessing game about a spoiled star having a little cry while shopping, which is hardly as titillating a subject as your favorite InStyle cover girl blowing rails off a toilet seat at Mood. Take another spin with (Two) Bitches on the Verge Blind Vices before going on to your responses: More » -
ted casablanca
The Blind Item Guessing Game: V-Day Tragedy
Wherein we invite our readers to slip into their most aerodynamix spandex bodysuits and lay down on top of E! gossip-Olympian Ted Casablanca, then ride his two-man luge down the treacherous, icy chute of his weekly blind item. This week, Casablanca spins a tale of Valentine Day's woe, though one that's tragically devoid of coke-binging bimbos or doggy-styling closet-cases. Sip champagne from the slipper of (Two) Bitches on the Verge Blind Vices: More »
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By MarkComment by RobotsonCasiotones: Cameron Diaz? The belch part made her my first guest. That and she is attached. Not that I have any... more » | Other threads
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ted casablanca
The Blind Item Guessing Game: I Love My Work: Your Answers
We'll be the first to admit that this week's blind item was hardly Casablanca's best effort. Still, you guessed (and guessed and guessed), and so the game must go on! Take another turn with One Vainglorious Blind Vice before moving on to your responses: More »
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By MarkComment by CandyStryper: i thought levine and mayer too but they're actually fairly famous so then i thought jack johnson since ted slipped... more » | Other threads
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ted casablanca
The Blind Item Guessing Game: I Love My Work
Wherein we invite our readers to subject themselves to the extreme linguistic G-forces of humpy E! gossip-centrifuge Ted Casablanca's weekly blind item and guess the hopelessly obscured identity of its secret subject. We neglected to post this guessing game during yesterday's Cruise-Holmes excitement, but enough of you showed up on our doorstep with torches and pitchforks to convince us to run with it today. Stare at the stunning reflection of One Vainglorious Blind Vice: More »
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