Shia LeBeouf, a talking man who was once blessedly silent, went to the hospital Wednesday after injuring himself doing a stunt for the upcoming film American Honey. “The actor was supposed to put his head through a glass window in one scene, but a mishap caused his head to be cut, along with his index finger,” Variety reports. (The mishap was probably that he put his head through a glass window?)
Professional public spectacle Shia LaBeouf was on Jimmy Kimmel Live last night, and pursuant to the celebrity debacle news cycle, he recounted his June night of drunken misbehavior like it was a hilarious anecdote that anyone could relate to. His story of that night involves: The World Cup, drinking, chasing down a homeless marine, more drinking, being invited to see Cabaret, even more drinking, groping a man's ass, more drinks, and spitting on a cop's shoe.
Haunted beardo Shia LaBeouf kicked off his "I'm normal now, LOL" tour today on The Ellen Show, where he claimed he's been behaving badly for the past year or so because his parents never loved him. He's also "sorry" about that time he spit on a cop. "That's a no-no," he admitted.
James Franco, prize-winning blogger and talented poet, is now conquering the self-indulgent world of New York Times op-eds. In Thursday's newspaper, "actor and artist" Franco uses his incredible way with words to highlight his empathy toward Shia LaBeouf while actually addressing the only issue that really matters: himself.
On Tuesday, serial plagiarist and "not famous" famous actor Shia LaBeouf invited the public to join him at his latest cry for help in Los Angeles. According to the press release for his new performance entitled "#IAMSORRY," LaBeouf will be "in situ" at an art gallery for six days so he can apologize for his sins.
[Shia LaBeouf announced his retirement Thursday night alongside the mysterious message "#stopcreating." But LaBeouf's love of writing combined with his love of the sky pulled him back into the artistic fold Friday afternoon. "#stopcreating," opined LaBeouf in the skies over Beverly Hills. So deep, man. So fucking deep.]
Shia LaBeouf is on fire lately: stealing words, apologizing, renting planes, apologizing again, trying to make profound commentary about intellectual property but instead making commentary on actors lacking intellect. Now, in the hope of not being forgotten, he's gone ahead and borrowed from Kanye's 2009 apology to Taylor Swift:
Shia LaBeouf is very very sorry for plagiarizing Daniel Clowes' graphic novel Justin M. Damiano. And he can't stop apologizing for it. He's apologized so much he even ran out of his own words and had to steal apologies from famous people including Kanye West, Robert McNamara, Tiger Woods, and Shepherd Fairey.
No one in the world—not even those who genuinely love Duck Dynasty—could love Duck Dynasty more than Shia LaBeouf right now. Because while everyone else is debating freedom of speech vs. the male anus, LaBeouf continues to quietly and shamelessly exercise his freedom to steal speech. The LaBeouf Plagiarism Train of 2013 shows no sign of stopping; at this point, he's either the world's biggest asshole and doing it on purpose, or the world's stupidest asshole and can't stop himself.