• Twilight star Robert Pattinson hates New York and its deranged women. He's been whining constantly about it while working on a film in the city and can't wait to get back to him mommy in London. [Gatecrasher]
  
  
• Lady Gaga groped her boobs and stripped down to show off her ample bottom at a gay club in London over the gay pride weekend. [UK Sun]
  
  
• Transformers director Michael Bay says that Megan Fox has "a lot of growing up to do." Bay went on to say that "nobody in the world knew about Megan Fox until I found her" and also claimed credit for turning Nick Cage, Will Smith and Ben Affleck into big stars. Team Megan! [Daily News]
  
  
• Josh Duhamel says that he and Fergie were given a stripper pole as a wedding gift, but that he actually plays around on it more than she does. And oh yeah, he's an ass man. [Page Six]
  
  
• Russell Crowe just can't stop being a prick. He was in attendance at yesterday's epic Wimbledon final between Andy Roddick and Roger Federer when he decided that he wasn't happy with his seat. He saw a better one that was open closer to the court and tried to move down into it. This did not go over well with the ushers working the event. [Daily Mail]
  
  
• Oh snap! Chris Brown is hooking up with Kanye West's ex, Amber Rose. The burning question now is who will go all Suge Knight on Chris Brown first—Jay-Z or Kanye? [Daily News]
  
  
• Rihanna attended a 4th of July celebration in Vegas wearing a loose jacket that exposed "silver sequinned nipple petals" on her breasts. [Daily Mail]
  
  
• Totally old Entourage actress Carla Gugino says that Hollywood is an ageist town. Yeah, I know, quite shocking, right? [Page Six]
  
  
• Courtney Love recently trashed a hotel room. Now employees at the hotel are saying that the room was "littered with needles and used feminine hygiene products." [Sun]
  
  
• Former Incredible Hulk star Lou Ferrigno says that the stress of being $400 million in debt is what killed Michael Jackson. [UK Mirror]

• Lindsay Lohan's obsessive stalking of Samantha Ronson throughout Europe seems to have worked. Ronson appears to have caved to Li-Lo's insanity out of fear for her life or something, as they were spotted spending the day together in Los Angeles after a Lohan tweet hinted that they may be back togther. [Sun]
  
  
• Things are getting ugly between Russell Crowe and Ridley Scott on the set of their Robin Hood flick. Allegedly producers are having to fly in to make peace between the two, who have refused to speak to each other at times. Russell Crowe also so showed up fat to play Robin Hood at the start of filming, something that didn't please Scott and the producers, who forced Crowe to go on a crash diet to lose 35 lbs. [Page Six]
  
  
• Anne Hathaway thinks she's ready for the bright lights of Broadway and is set to play Judy Garland in the the upcoming musical, Get Happy, The Life of Judy Garland. [Daily News]
  
  
• Here's a shocker—NBC is vigorously denying the Speidi torture allegations, basically saying that everything Heidi and Spencer have claimed is a load of crap. Again, shocking. [Daily News]
  
  
• Susan Boyle has reclaimed her sanity with the help of her cat "Pebbles" and is ready to start rehearsing for the Britain's Got Talent tour. [Mirror]
  
  
• This whole Jon and Kate thing is already beyond ridiculous, but it only grows more so by the day—Authorities with the Pennsylvania Humane Society were called on to investigate whether or not the Gosselin's dogs had been abused by the family. [Dlisted]
  
  
• Chris Brown has taken to surrounding himself with burly bodyguards whenever he makes public appearances out of fear that someone will seek retaliation for his beating of Rihanna. [Page Six]
  
  
• Simon Cowell is on the verge of nailing down a deal to produce a remake of Saturday Night Fever, with Zac Efron set to star as the character played by John Travolta in the original. [Sun]
  
  
• Kelly Bensimon of Real Housewives of New York was cleared of assault charges after the dude she allegedly beat up failed to show up in court. [EOnline]

• Yes, it is true! I am working on a Saturday. And Britney is somehow jealous of the woman, a 6 foot tall she-beast named Victoria Prince, who is dating her whiskery little back-up dancer/Portugese rapper ex-hubby. What the boys can really tell her given their age, Ricardo Montalban is 3 and Diamond Walnuts is 2, is sort of beyond me. [Showbiz Spy]
• Kanye West, the rapper chiseled by God Himself from His finest onyx, would like less fans. Because he wants to be freer or something. OK. Easy enough. [Showbiz Spy]
• Russell Crowe was "so old and fat" and Sienna Miller "so young and gorgeous" that she had to drop out of their film Nottingham because their love scenes would look silly. Sounds like Crowe's been saying "Yessing, ham!" to me. Apologies for that! [P6]
• Nicole Kidman is as ashamed of Australia as everyone else should be. Plus her face is all fucked up!!11! [P6]
• Ryan Seacrest wants us to believe that he's boning some Playboy model, as they were spotted recently canoodling at a restaurant in St. Bart's. Later that evening they returned to their hotel room, flopped down on their beds, ordered ice cream from room service, and stayed up way too late watching the second half of Syndey White and reruns of Two-a-Days, squealing every time Ross came on screen. [P6]
• Debbie Harry got old because that's how life works but now she somehow isn't old again! How did she do it??? [TMZ]
• Ew. Gross. Joey Fatone went to the AVN porn awards in Las Vegas. Ew. Gross. Joey Fatone has a penis. [TMZ]

Brolin was at the Palm Springs Film Festival last night, where he attended yet another fete honoring Sean Penn's performance in Milk. Sadly not invited to encore the tipsy range of fraternal sensitivity — with Penn on the "amazing" end and Crowe on the "asshole" extreme — reporters instead cornered Brolin offstage for a clarification:

Realizing he shouldn't have joked like that about a respected actor, Brolin later blamed it on the booze. He admitted to the film critics audience that he'd been drinking earlier that night. [...] Brolin was on his best behavior last night. When asked about the Crowe comment, Brolin told reporters, "It was the ambiance of the room. I love him. I think he’s amazing. He’s a friend. I was bummed out when I saw that today."

Maybe it was ambiance, maybe it was six or seven glasses of ambiance, we'll never know. But to the uncanny extent Brolin could channel that ambiance for his aggrieved character in Milk ("I'm Dan White! I have issues! *burp*"), we'll take his word for it. This man is a professional.

• Josh Brolin Regrets Russell Crowe Comments [Hollyscoop]

We're just glad to hear it's still technically alive after months' worth of starts and stops, but never more glad than we were this morning to hear that the behind-the-scenes drama has achieved thrilling new levels of acrimony. Reports today have Universal and Imagine eyeing a March starting date for the revisionist Robin Hood drama, if only long-time collaborators Crowe and Scott were getting along:

Sources say Crowe blames Scott for the disastrous drubbing their fourth collaboration, Body of Lies, received from critics and at the box office last summer, and no longer wants to work with the British director.

"Ridley is the only one who is willing to stand up to Russell and tell him he's too fat and that he can't show up four hours late to the set," said one source. "He [Russell] wants someone he can control."

The actor and director share an agent at William Morris, a representative for whom denied any such edicts or prerequisites for Crowe, who hasn't had a hit with Scott since Gladiator in 2000. But it would seem a reasonable split under the circumstances, with Crowe already having succumbed to Imagine's trainer-to-the-stars and Scott surely having better things to do than bump around the forest for two months with a drama magnet who can't even open a movie. But enough about Sienna Miller. Maybe it is time for a change after all; Ron Howard seems a close, innocuous friend of all involved, with friendlier, Cinderella Man-era euphemisms like, "Let's do that one again, but slimmer" and, "Rice cake, Russell — I mean, nice take, Russell" coaxed Crowe into fighting trim without the old-school taskmastering.

• DIRECTOR STRESSES OUT CROWE [NYP]

• Madonna is supposedly getting "ficando" in Rio with a Brazilian model named Jesus. This means they can get it on with no strings attached while sad stupid Alex Rodriguez quietly studies Kabbalah or whatever. [Sun]
• Go ahead and hide behind your secret shops and unmarked bags, rich plutocrats. Bruce Springsteen isn't ashamed to shop at Barney's, head held high, like a proper, blue-collar rich person. [P6]
• Sorry poors, but the economic implosion is working out great for Mary-Kate Olsen. "That's where I got this! The recession!" [P6]
• This can't be a real picture of Katie Holmes looking "worryingly pale and tired" as she burns out on Broadway raising her kids while acting in her play. [Mirror]
• Penelope Cruz was late for a London screening of "Vicky Cristina Barcelona." Then she ran to her suite to change, so Havey Weinstein yelled, "Tell her to get her f***ing ass here right now!" [Mirror]
• Russell Crowe is fighting with Ridley Scott, on a movie set, over being told "'he's too fat and that he can't show up four hours late." [P6]
• These topless pictures of Amy Winehouse are not as disturbing as you might think. She's put on some needed weight. And does not appear high! [Daily Mail NSFW]
• Actor Fisher Stevens will totally vouch for Jeremy Piven on the mercury poisoning thing. He had it, until he cut back to only "small fish." [P6]

Warners may be the only studio that hasn't yet had its big Iraq-themed clusterfuck; that time appears to have arrived. (Its defunct subsidiary Warner Independent bungled the underrated In the Valley of Elah to a $1.5 million wide release last September, just one of the misfires that cost the mini-major its life.) Universal only opened with $17.1 million for last year's The Kingdom, and Paramount saw Stop-Loss die quickly this past spring, earning almost half of its $11 million total gross in the first week of release. So if Iraq and the war on terror aren't over yet as Hollywood themes, they probably will be when Monday rolls around.

Critics aren't digging it either, but maybe even more importantly: Has Leonardo DiCaprio ever seemed more out-of-place than the Body trailers and TV spots?

It's worse than Blood Diamond, and we're facing it again with the upcoming Revolutionary Road. Audiences see more punchline than pedigree. From Warners to the White House, would you really entrust any matter of national security to this man? We'll have our own bold, pinpoint predictions about Body's fate in tomorrow's Defamer Attractions column, but for now, better safe than sorry, Warners: Watch out for chihuahuas.

Boomp3.com

At the premiere of Body Of Lies, Russell Crowe was shocked to hear that one of the reporters on the red carpet was not a fan of cheese. The rough and tumble Aussie actor couldn’t believe that the reporter did not enjoy one of the finest things in life. Crowe said, “Perhaps, this woman has been given the wrong cheese and maybe I’m the person to teach her about the ways of proper cheese consumption. I love CHEESE! Give me a nice slice of Havarti and a beautiful Bordeaux and I’m as tame as a baby kitten.”

[Photo Credit: WENN]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

Boomp3.com

Hip Hop aficionado and dolphin short enthusiast Russell Crowe took to the rough and tumble streets of Beverly Hills to pick up the latest mix CD from his favorite rapper, Supa Soaker. The Body Of Lies star asked Supa Soaker if he sells his mix tapes and CDs on line as a direct digital download. Crowe believed it would increase Soaker’s audience and it would be a lot easier to put onto his iPod. Crowe said, “Mr. Soaker and myself know that Beverly Hills is full of hardcore hip hop fans, but I believe he’s limiting his commercial appeal by focusing primarily in this area. Now, if he was on MySpace or the Friend Book, he might have more fans.”

[Photo Credit: Splash Pics]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

"It was eight years ago, and I find it unbelievable that Meg continues publicly to rehash and rewrite the story of our relationship," the actor tells us exclusively. "Also, I find it regrettable that our son, Jack, has to be reminded in a public way of the turmoil and pain that every child feels in a divorce."

Quaid, who went on to marry real estate agent Kimberly Buffington and have twins last November, adds: "I, myself, moved on years ago and am fortunate to have a happy, beautiful family."

Why, is that a thinly veiled shot at Meg and her lovely adopted daughter, Oprah Winfrey Ryan? Be careful, Dennis: you can shut her down in the press all you want, but Meg Ryan will never be afraid to give you some lip (after all, she's got plenty to spare).

[Photo Credit: AP]

• Dennis Quaid says Meg Ryan's beef over divorce is 'unbelievable' [NY Daily News]

But she tells the new issue of InStyle (excerpted by Entertainment Tonight), "Dennis was not faithful to me for a very long time, and that was very painful.

"I found out more about that after I was divorced," she adds.

Of Crowe, she says: “I think he took a big hit. But Russell didn’t break up the marriage. He was definitely there at the end, but it wasn’t his fault. I was a mess. I hurt him too at the end. I couldn’t be in another long relationship, it wasn’t the time for that. So I got out.”

She continues, "My time as a scarlet woman was really interesting. As painful as it was, it was also incredible liberating. Now I was utterly free. I didn’t have to care about what people thought."

Now that Ryan has injected life into a long-dormant story with these new, lip-smacking details, we await rebuttals from Quaid and Crowe. In the meantime, like something that was once thin that has become surprisingly full, our impression of Ryan has expanded to include these new revelations. Who knew that America's Sweetheart could OH MY GOD MEG STOP. STOP DOING THAT TO YOUR LIPS. JUST STOP, PLEASE. LOVE, DEFAMER.

[Photo Credit: AP]

• Meg Ryan: Dennis Quaid "Not Faithful to Me for a Very Long Time" [Us]

Boomp3.com

Master thespian Russell Crowe took to the mean streets of Sydney to research for his latest role: Fred Garvin, Male Prostitute. The exhaustive research Crowe routinely performs for his role has become a therapeutic process for the actor but, for this part, it's also a lot of fun. Crowe said, "I just get to hang out on the corner in the fresh air and putting my finger firmly on the pulse of the city. Sydney is definitely a city of Lil' Wayne fans and people who don't have the good taste to stop when they see a fine piece like me on the street." Crowe then went to great lengths to make the comparison between the constant feelings of rejection that actors and streetwalkers both face. Crowe said, "You have to the thickest skin around to make it in both of these industries, I'll tell you that much."

[Photo Credit: Splash Pics]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

Keep in mind this is the same script Universal bought more than a year ago for seven figures, piling on none-too-cheap rewrites by Brian Helgeland and now, according to Patrick Goldstein, British playwright Paul Webb. But that's the least of his problems, said Uni chair Marc Shmuger:

The original script had enormous appeal because it had what Hollywood craves—a great part for a big movie star. But it wasn't exactly the kind of character Scott imagined for his vision of Sherwood Forest. "The script had the sheriff of Nottingham as a CSI-style forensics investigator, set in medieval times," Shmuger explains. "It was really well written, but Ridley's interest took him in a different direction." ...

The delay could help on one front. Crowe, who has looked, shall we say, like he's been feasting on the king's venison in recent films, needs to lose some weight before he's ready to play such an athletic part. (After all, he's not playing Friar Tuck in this movie.) As encouragement, the production team plans to send Joe Abunassar, a top Las Vegas-based trainer who works with NBA stars, to Australia to get Crowe into fighting shape.

So old-fashioned! Everyone knows the Seth Rogen Stretch-and-Retch is the wave of the future. In any event, Shmuger confirms the studio still wants Nottingham, but all signs point to a mid- to late-2009 shoot for a 2010 release, which we take to mean that the U and Nottingham producer Brian Grazer should default to Ron Howard by the time you finish reading this. Alas, Ridley, you were close.

• 'Nottingham': Will Russell Crowe ever romp in Sherwood Forest? [LAT]

Russell Crowe for The Insider
Also playing some sort of regular schlub whistle-blower, Crowe went up to 220lbs to look more convincingly close to his real-life character's age. Crowe was praised to the high heavens for his "brave transformation" and an Oscar nomination followed.

Ryan Gosling for The Lovely Bones
The talented young actor perhaps wanted to a look a bit older for his role as an angelic young murdered girl's father. So he bulked up a couple pants sizes and then... well, then he left the movie over creative differences. Oops! At least he got to eat doughnuts or whatever for a while.

Jared Leto in Chapter 27
The My So-Called Life actor gained a staggering 60 pounds to play John Lennon assassin Mark David Chapman, developing gout (the disease of kings of old!) during the process. Sadly, the film was not well received and fizzled quickly. At least he has a great gout story now. It beats my rickets tale to all hell.

George Clooney in Syriana
Our modern-day Frank Sinatra gained 30 pounds to play a disillusioned CIA operative in Stephen Gaghan's Traffic-like portrait of the oil trade. Clooney won an Oscar for Best Supporting Actor for the performance, many critics citing the way he completely "disappeared into the role."

Sylvester Stallone in Copland
Rocky Balboa gained about 40lbs to play a sad-sack New Jersey policeman in this quiet thriller that was meant to revive his acting career. While Stallone and the movie were both quite good, they went mostly unnoticed and disappeared into film history. Stallone since bulked back up and recently played a 60-year-old John Rambo.

Robert De Niro in Raging Bull
To play the aged Jake LaMotta, the famously intense actor gained a whopping sixty pounds. Obviously the movie was met with resounding critical laudits and set De Niro on the course for super stardom, his intense Method-y persona intact.

Vincent D'Onofrio in Full Metal Jacket and The Salton Sea
The intense and weird Law & Order: Criminal Intent gained a mind-boggling 80 pounds to play an overweight private in Stanley Kubrick's Vietnam nightmare Full Metal Jacket, then, years later, fattened himself up to play a gross drug dealer in the recent depress-o-fest Salton Sea. D'Onofrio got a big break with Metal Jacket and now works steadily, weight gain or not.
[Damon image via Splash]

• Cop-slugging reporter Alycia Lane sued her former employer, saying the Philly TV station pushed her into an embarassing Dr. Phil interview, as though there is any other kind. [AP]
• Someone wrote an entire song about the night he, then a bartender, punched a rude Russell Crowe in the face. Crowe's flack artfully said Crowe may not "know anything about" the incident, except that it's not true. Convincing. [P6]
• Mike Myers is supposedly some sort of tyrant who demands that Late Night With Conan O'Brien interns fetch him Twizzlers, raspberry seltzer and soy milk. That's a joke, right? You can't be a non-child-star tyrant with that list of demands. [P6]
• Toby Young doesn't think his former Vanity Fair boss Graydon Carter will give any magazine love to Young's Carter-slamming movie. [YoungManhattanite via P6]
• Town & Country magazine just loves this little place in Ireland run by a kiddie porn collector. [P6]
• Britney Spears's 17-year-old sister Jamie-Lynn gave birth to a baby girl, Maddie Briann, not via c-section, in case you were wondering.
• The issue of Vanity Fair with 15-year-old Miley Cyrus' scandalous photo shoot is hot in prisons acorss the country, so Cyrus has been deluged with thousands of, uh, supportive letters. According to HollyScoop, "that's what ya get for posing half naked." Yes, she deserves to be hounded by horny felons. [HollyScoop]
• Katie Holmes sent a $2,000 "congrats-on-getting-knocked-up-ps-help-I'm-being-held-prisoner" gift basket to her husband Tom Cruise's ex-wife, Nicole Kidman. [OK!]

"I just found out," Miller, 26, tells the BBC. "It's the most exciting news in the world."

This isn't any old Robin romp: This time in Sherwood Forrest, the usually villainous sheriff is due to be portrayed as heroic, while Robin - traditionally known for nobly stealing from the rich to give to the poor - is not. ...

Casting for the Hood has yet to be announced.

We were under the impression that "revisionist" simply meant Grazer and Scott may splurge on a dialect coach for this version, thus avoiding the dodgy English accents that torpedoed Kevin Costner's mullet-hero stab at Robin Hood in 1992. Instead, look for the crafty filmmaker circumvent both the old myth and a near-certain SAG-strike hangover by simply hiring Denzel Washington, tweaking a few lines from the American Gangster script, jamming everyone in the forest for eight weeks and letting the testosterone do the rest. He's not Ridley Scott for nothing.

[Photo Credit: Getty Images]

• Sienna Miller to Star in New Twist on Robin Hood [People]