Ben Affleck Whispered Something to Jennifer Lopez...But What?

Kelly Conaboy · 02/25/15 02:20PM

What do we know about Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez? We know they are celebrities, for one. We know they are former lovers, as well as actors. We know their names. Finally, we know that they are Oscar presenters who attended the 2015 Oscars without their significant others Jennifer Garner and Casper Smart, respectively. Seems like a lot of things that we know, yes, but I can assure you there is at least one thing we don't know about Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez.

Watch Michael Keaton Scramble to Hide His Oscar Speech

Aleksander Chan · 02/24/15 02:40PM

Oh my God, Michael Keaton thought he was going to win Best Actor. Oscar prognosticators had Redmayne and Birdman's Michael Keaton nearly neck-and-neck for the prize. Keaton was ready to win. He wanted to win. Oh my God, he wanted to win so bad and then he didn't and then he had to stuff his acceptance speech back in his jacket pocket and it was so, so, so sad Jesus.

John Travolta's Oscars 2015 Message: I Love Women Sexually

Jordan Sargent · 02/23/15 11:53AM

After staying completely silent for a torturously long period of one year, John Travolta finally broke his legendary silence on his gaffe from last year's Oscars. It turns out that he didn't call Idina Menzel "Adel Dazeem" because he just figured it couldn't be that hard to introduce an award show performance, but because he was distracted by a "charismatic, sexy, beautiful" woman (Goldie Hawn).

Everything You Need to Have Seen From Last Night's Oscars

Kelly Conaboy · 02/23/15 02:05AM

The Academy Awards have come and gone, and can you even remember them? I can—almost. Neil Patrick Harris had a briefcase, from what I can recall, and Birdman won (I think) all of the trophies. Also: It rained. Let's take a look back at the memorable moments, of which there were few.

Sean Penn Announced Best Picture With a Weird Green Card Joke

Jordan Sargent · 02/23/15 01:30AM

Sean Penn drew this year's Best Picture announcement, and he revealed Birdman as the winner with a bizarre and racist joke about Mexican director Alejandro González Iñárritu: "Who gave this son of a bitch his green card?" What a way to end the show!

The Hills Are Alive With the Sound of Lady Gaga Killinnnn' It

Dayna Evans · 02/22/15 11:50PM

At this point in Lady Gaga's career, she has begun transitioning from spicy pop tart in a meat suit to subdued Barbara Streisand ballad-singer, and when she was called in to a perform a medley of Sound of Music staples in the stead of Julie Andrews, she did not disappoint. In fact, she sounded amazing. A real stunner.

The Performance of "Glory" is Tonight's Highlight So Play It On Repeat

Dayna Evans · 02/22/15 11:35PM

John Legend and Common came together tonight for a stirring performance of "Glory," the song they wrote for civil rights film Selma. Because the Oscars have thus far been lackluster, uncomfortable, and flat (as they tend to be), watching the two perform "Glory" on an Edmund Pettus Bridge was tonight's standout and the night ain't even over.

Terrence Howard Is Fucked Up

Rich Juzwiak · 02/22/15 10:59PM

While doing that thing where people come out and talk about nominees for Best Picture (in this case: Whiplash, The Imitation Game, and Selma), Terrence Howard almost started crying. When he did this, I thought he was leading into an introduction of the notoriously snubbed Civil Rights drama Selma. He was not leading into that, but into The Imitation Game, the Alan Turing biopic. OK, then. I guess he really likes Alan Turing?

Where the Hell Was Joan Rivers in the Oscars' Remembrance Slog?

Leah Finnegan · 02/22/15 10:53PM

The Oscars never forgets to honor its dead with an outsize, syrupy montage embedded somewhere in the last half of the broadcast when most of the audience is drunk or sleeping. This year there were many personalities to be remembered: Robin Williams, Mike Nichols, a few marketing directors that were likely important in some way, and for some reason Gabriel Garcia Marquez.

Patricia Arquette Demands Women Get PAID and Meryl Streep Loves It

Rich Juzwiak · 02/22/15 10:07PM

Patricia Arquette's acceptance speech is the one to beat, and no one believes this more than her fellow nominee Meryl Streep. Accepting the trophy for her supporting role in Boyhood, Arquette made things political in the most plainspoken way possible:

Miles Teller, For Christ's Sake, Just Ask Margot Robbie Out

Dayna Evans · 02/22/15 09:55PM

Miles Teller, a drummer, and Margot Robbie, a babe, presented the award for best Sound Editing in a feature film. Miles Teller needs to distance himself from major nerd status, so why not ask this lady out? You see the incredibly sexual tension between these two?

Poland Finally Wins a War

Taylor Berman · 02/22/15 09:31PM

After the very beautiful and very boring Polish movie Ida won the Academy Award for Best Foreign Language Film, director Pawel Pawlikowski spoke for about 30 seconds before the orchestra began playing him off, just as he was thanking his late wife. As the music swelled so did Pawlikowski's voice, until the show's producers finally admitted defeat and cut off the orchestra. His steadfastness inspires us all.

Wes Anderson Brought His Girlfriend to the Oscars, She's Pretty I Guess

Leah Finnegan · 02/22/15 09:21PM

Wes Anderson, a mouse-man and also a movie director, is at the Oscars tonight with a decidedly "alt" looking woman. HMMM. How did she get in? Who is she? Is she a spy? My viewing companion says she looks like a two-bit Rachael Leigh Cook, but I am impressed by her hair, which looks natural, her face, which looks natural, her willingness to be myopic in public, and her vintage wedding dress.

Tegan and Sara Look So Good

Dayna Evans · 02/22/15 09:15PM

Oh, you prefer a nice long gown with beads and ruching? You want a statement necklace and a boxy clutch? Too fucking bad. Here are Tegan and Sara looking like hot sisters who could also be a couple. This is the look of the night.

Dakota Johnson's Mom Is So Embarrassing MOM I HATE U

Allie Jones · 02/22/15 09:10PM

Dakota Johnson brought her mom Melanie Griffith to the Oscars tonight, and Jaysusss was she embarrassing. It turns out that Mel hasn't seen Fifty Shades of Grey, and she doesn't really plan on seeing Fifty Shades of Grey, because she doesn't have to see "that" to know Dakota is a great actress. Moommm.