Simon Cowell Bragging About Talking to Zayn—OK, Man

Kelly Conaboy · 11/16/15 11:27AM

Since its release last week, One Direction’s new album Made in the A.M. has echoed loudly over the hot, muddy shit pits of hell. “I’ve got fire for a heart, I’m not scared of the dark. You’ve never seen it look so easy.” On the beat, the devil cackles and takes a coal from the fire, tossing it onto Harry Styles’s boyish torso. Simon Cowell knew this was coming.

Has One Direction Broken Up for Good?

Kelly Conaboy · 08/24/15 08:54AM

Multiple outlets reported over the weekend that, beginning in March 2016, tumultuous pop group One Direction will go on a temporary, year-long hiatus. The boys allegedly won’t tour after the release of their fifth album and will instead focus on solo projects. Then, finally, after they’ve gotten this rotten, lust-driven desire out of their system, they’ll come back together as god intended as the group One Direction...or will they?


Kelly Conaboy · 07/31/15 03:58PM

Earlier today, male pop ensemble One Direction released “Drag Me Down,” the group’s first single without former member Zayn Malik (the member who liked graffiti). “Drag me down,” fans wonder, “Is this a dig at Zayn?”

Mysterious Force Pulls Harry Styles to Ground in A+ PERFECT Onstage Fall

Kelly Conaboy · 07/10/15 12:02PM

During the first night of the North American leg of One Direction’s On the Road Again tour in San Diego, California, Harry Styles took a big, silly, backwards tumble to the ground. This was also America’s first Zayn-free One Direction concert. Coincidence?

Harry Styles's Dick Is Big, According to Ed Sheeran; I Want More Proof

Rich Juzwiak · 04/15/15 04:32PM

In a recent interview with New Zealand's ZM Online, singer/songwriter Ed Sheeran revealed a few things: in addition to being a troubadour, he's a cock connoisseur; he thinks One Direction's Harry Styles has a big dick; and said photo proving Styles's hung status was leaked onto the internet a few years ago by Styles himself. Via Towleroad, 'av a watch, guvnuh:

Zayn Finally Speaks: "I’ve Let Fans Down"

Kelly Conaboy · 03/27/15 02:32PM

Zayn—what's going on in his brain? So many thoughts he can't contain. He had to give his mouth free rein, so an exclusive interview The Sun obtain(ed)—Zayn.

Everybody's Worried About You, Zayn

Kelly Conaboy · 03/20/15 12:32PM

The world got word yesterday that Zayn Malik, the member of One Direction who likes graffiti, exited One Direction's world tour due to rumor-based stress. Today, the world has gotten word that everybody is worried about him.

Breaking: Zayn Got a Haircut

Kelly Conaboy · 01/19/15 09:55AM

Take a deep breath. Take another. Lie down on the ground. Close your eyes. Picture the world falling down around you. Imagine your body covered in debris. Do you feel its weight? You are immobile and your breath is shallow. This is the end. This is the end. This is the end. Zayn got a haircut.