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box office report
Nobody Puts Sandra Bullock In a Corner
Sandy Bullock is back in the game, folks! At a lean, mean 45 the actress has pulled off a huge opening. Some credit should go, we suppose, to costars Ryan Reynolds and Betty White. But mostly, yeah, this is Sandy's. More » -
box office report
No Amount of John Travolta-Brand Gatorade Can Cure This Hangover
The movie about drunks and their drunken ways keeps hitting the big time. As does the movie about white people in the jungle. Meanwhile, Eddie Murphy and John Travolta have both seen better days. More » -
box office report
Surly Old Man
Up barely floated past the boffo success story of the summer, The Hangover, while some other films struggled for traction in a loud, crowded summertime cinemascape. More »NearlyDefeated by Three Drunks In Epic Battle Royale -
box office
All Pixar Has Left to Do Is Become Self-Aware and Nuclear Bomb Us All
Pixar continues its eerily strong success streak with its latest picture, about a floating house. Terminator is in trouble, while the Ben Stiller bubble has yet to pop. It probably never will. More » -
monday morning box office
The Force Is Strong in Star Trek!
To Infinity, and Beyond! I mean... um... Frak! Wait. No. I am... your father... Greedo... Bespin... Um... Oh, right! Star Trek prospered this weekend and will likely live long in theaters. More » -
monday morning box office
After Conquering Box Office, Blood-Soaked Beyoncé Declares Prima Nocte
BeyoncĂ© has stomped over the land and pillaged and burned, and we are all beholden to her now. Not even Iron Man and a singing, dancing teenager can stop her. We wish you good luck. More » -
monday morning box office
Newspaper Industry Destroyed by Ageless Gay Elf
A teen reigns at the box office once again, this time though, it's a boy! Plus politics and newspapers don't resound too much with audiences, nor do dark Taxi Driver-esque mall comedies. More » -
monday morning box office
Hannah Montana and Cowboy Ride Rocket Horses Past Speeding Toyota
Hannah Montana opened big, meaning we get six more years of Miley Cyrus. Fast & Furious continues to do donuts in America's muddy backyard, and those few who Observe'd did not Report good things. More » -
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monday morning box office
Souped-Up Toyota Runs Over Sweetly Earnest Man-Boy, Keeps On Driving
Everyone really likes cars. But especially when they're blowing up and/or full of guns and hot people. Also, people like both monsters and aliens, but not curly-haired soul-searchers who work at amusement parks. More » -
monday morning box office
Monsters, Aliens Destroy Connecticut, Thousands of Sweaters Lost
This morning we bring news of the war between Nadya Suleman and Mexicans. Plus, the failing of Julia Roberts and a group of sad people in costume becomes our entertainment. More » -
monday morning box office
Alien Witches Team Up With Giant Squid to Further Devour Watchmen Audience
This was the last weekend of winter! Can you believe it? Pretty soon it'll be summer, and we'll be slogging through big budget schlock about sociopaths in latex and alien witch children. Oh. Wait. More » -
monday morning box office
Enraged at Being Cut Out of the Movie, Giant Squid Devours Would-Be Watchmen Ticket Buyers
Mondays are best spent piecing together the ruin that followed in the weekend's wake. Recovering the satellites, analyzing the soil samples. And looking at the box office receipts! This week: Disappointment haunted all their dreams. More » -
monday morning box office
Gun-Wielding Madea Bravely Fends Off Be-Hotpanted Jonas Brothers
Good morning and happy, miserable Monday everyone. (Snow on the East, rain on the West). While you cower inside, away from the elements, ponder over the weekend box office report and wonder... why? More » -
monday morning box office
Coming In 2010: 'Jason Vs. Liam'
Happy President's Day! What better way to honor the legacy of America's bold leaders than to sacrifice our own day off, starting with an historic Monday Morning Box Office? More » -
monday morning box office
We're Really That Into 'You'
Not yet recovered from M.I.A.'s 9-months-pregnant body dressed to resemble a Minnie Mouse head? Coldplay in colorful, matching melody-pirate outfits? You have a Grammy hangover. Take some box office numbers and go back to bed: More » -
monday morning box office
Not Without His Daughter
What a game, eh? The first half was kinda slow until that last play, when Elvira the Catahoula Cur Mix made that unbelievable Nylabone interception. Let's see who else was a winner this weekend: More » -
monday morning box office
America Picks 'Blart'
What color is your Monday morning misery? Pink slip? Blue pregnancy-test result? Black asymmetrical mole? Desaturate the pain with some box office numbers: More » -
monday morning box office
'Mall Cop' Segway Scoots By 'Gran Torino'
Greetings from the 2009 Sundance Film Festival, where your Defamer team is currently piled into a Park City youth hostel, blissfully unaware that we'll soon be tortured by international-film-buyers for sport. Your box office numbers: More » -
monday morning box office
Clint Eastwood's $29 Million Going-Away Present
No remedy works better for that piercing Golden Globes hangover than the all-natural, FDA-approved wonder drug that is Monday Morning Box Office: More » -
monday morning box office
Another Visit From Marley's Ghost
The Holidays™ are over. We hope yours ended on a lighter note than ours did—curling up with a 60 Minutes story about a seven-year-old girl decapitated in the back of a limo by a drunk driver. -
monday morning box office
'Yes' He Can't
Studios found no happy surprises beneath the Chrismukkah bush today, as snowed-in audiences opted out of Will Smith's messianic broodiness and Jim Carrey saying "yes" more times than Tara Reid at the Promises buffet line. -
monday morning box office
Keanu Reeves Wreaks Alien Havoc on 'Four Christmases'
Rainy days and Mondays got you down? Buck up your holiday mood with a bit of apocalyptic egg nog we like to call Monday Morning Box Office: -
monday morning box office
Only Two More 'Christmases' To Go Before We Can Forget It Existed
The weekend kicked off with a mild rumbler and closed out with a sputter, as not even Lionsgate's completely stupid Punisher remake of a remake of a remake managed to connect with completely-stupid-movie-loving audiences. Still, things continued to bode well for indepe—we mean specialty films—with Milk, Slumdog Millionaire, and a number of other brain-fertilizing offerings continuing to show specialty legs. That said—buckle-up for a ride on the post-Thanksgiving Deja Vu Express, aka the Grove Trolley to Movie Hell: More » -
monday morning box office
'Four Christmases' Quadruples Your Forgettable-Holiday-Movie Experience
Fears that the R-word would keep audiences from the movies this weekend were unfounded, as the name "Reese Witherspoon" still proved an impressive multiplex draw. Have another helping of turkey-chip pancakes topped with cranberry syrup and a pat of yam, as we grind down to the last of the leftovers and run down the box office numbers: -
twilight
America Surrenders to New, Walletsucking Vampire Breed
It was the weekend that moviegoers gave blood whether they wanted to or not; take a moment, relax and recover with us as we comb through the Monday Morning Box Office: More » -
monday morning box office
'Madacascar' Poops Elephant Cakes Bigger Than Zac Efron
Congratulations—if you're reading this, you've survived another round of layoffs. Everyone else: double congratulations. You may no longer be employed, but you're also still in bed, where we all really should be right now. Your box office numbers: More » -
monday morning box office
'High School Musical 3' The Soundtrack Of Change
Never in our wildest dreams did we think our Halloween gift to you—the Do-It-Yourself Grazerhead mask—would become the runaway success that it did, with literally tens of thousands of the Officially Sanctioned Headshots™ swarming the streets of L.A. Friday night, each accompanied by their very own candy-appraisal attaché. (Grazerhead: "What do we think about Nerds?" Attaché: "We like them.") We urge you to send in your Night of the Living Grazerheads Photos; in the meantime, unwrap some box office numbers from your premium candy pile: More » -
monday morning box office
'HSM 3: The Quest For Second Base' Electrifies America
Low energy? Have a nutritious boost with this recipe for a Defamer Monday Morning Power-Up Smoothie: More » -
monday morning box office
'I'm Mark Wahlberg. I Star In 'Max Payne.''
Time to unzip your Happy Weekend Suit and step back into your Monday Morning Iron Maiden: The work week is again upon us. Quick—jumpstart your productivity with some box office numbers before someone finds your position detrimental to the bottom line: More » -
beverly hills chihuahua
Yappy 'Chihuahua' Insurgency Holds Its Ground
It might be a holiday for some of you, but even on Columbus Day, the whip cracks for the number-crunchers and trend-spotters at Defamer HQ. Their work today yields the surprising latest installment of Monday Morning Box Office, in which a low-budget thriller surprised even its own studio and Leonardo DiCaprio is furious after stomping out a flaming bag of chihuahua crap. Read on for the details. More » -
monday morning box office
Chihuahua Army Craps Gold For Disney
Hard times got you down? Well don't expect the weekend's box office numbers to cheer you up any: More » -
monday morning box office
Shia's Coming Out Party
We realize that it's not exactly Monday morning anymore, but we're hopeful that you'll find it in your hearts to forgive us for scrambling a bit at Defamer HQ today. Won't you play along as we recap the weekend in which America finally ditched the outdoors and regained its collective appetite for boxes of Junior Mints and huge tubs of buttered popcorn? More » -
lakeview terrace
Put Your Wallet Where Officer Sam Can See It
We're finding out the hard way this morning that an Emmy hangover is the worst kind of malaise: All rank breath, regrets and resentment, bundled up in a headache of knowing there must be something else you missed while watching the television industry implode. And now we know — it was an only slightly less torpid weekend at the movies. Still, it's never too late to wash down some of that bitter aftertaste with a run through the Monday Morning Box Office: More » -
burn after reading
America Feels the 'Burn'
It's a special day for moviegoers — the first time in three weeks those studio jokers didn't leave the equivalent of a flaming bag of crap on our doorstep Friday morning. Thanks, Hollywood! Their reward? One of the best non-Labor Day September weekends in years, as illustrated by our regular browse through the Monday Morning Box Office: More » -
monday morning box office
Nic Cage, Thai Hooker
Forgive us. We're still a little hazy, having stumbled out in the wee morning hours from a Chateau Marmont bungalow, where the Jonas Brothers were reading bible passages off a stripper's ass at their official post-VMAs party. Good news: our virginity is still intact! Bad news: we wish we could say the same about our septum. More bad news: the box office crapped itself this weekend. Please enjoy this fittingly humdrum installment of Monday Morning Box Office: More » -
monday morning box office
'Tropic Thunder' Makes America's Pee-Pee Maker T-t-tingle
Having been nudged awake this morning by a shirtless man in a fedora and pink Chuck Taylors as you snoozed peacefully beneath a table outside Intelligentsia Cafe, another Sunset Junction appears to have come and gone—as has any memory of the last seven hours you spent there. We'll give you a moment to gather your belongings before inundating you with the weekend's box office receipts: More » -
monday morning box office
'Thunder' Ushers In Tom Cruise's Bear Period
Having paid tribute this weekend to Michael Phelps's historic athletic achievement with a record-shattering of your own in the 200-liter grain-alcohol-medley, your soaring national pride has likely given way to the agony of hangover defeat. Have some box office number; they're full of electrolytes: More » -
monday morning box office
A 'Pineapple' Upside Down Cake
Does Death's double-dipping have you disturbed? Fret not—we have an easy way to ward of the scythe. Simply slaughter a baby lamb in your office kitchen, collect its blood, then paint that along your cubicle's entrance. The Angel of Death will then skip your workspace to reap the annoyingly high-pitched temp working next door. Enjoy these box office numbers, along with your freshly spared life: More » -
monday morning box office
'Dark Knight' A Golden Guano Machine
Welcome to August, where besides you and that weird dude in the mailroom who collects signed photos of the Howard Stern Wack Pack, the office is eerily devoid of life. Comfort yourselves with some box office numbers: More » -
monday morning box office
'The Dark Knight' Erects Giant Pyramid Of Flammable Currency
How To Tell If You've Been Partying Too Hard: A Defamer Quiz More »




































