Gawker
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defamer
Baby-Napping Accusations Mar Tom Cruise Celebration
Though Museum of the Moving Image honoree Tom Cruise escaped a NY dinner celebrating his cinematic accomplishments without being mercilessly roasted by his important friends (apparently, nobody there could be bothered to bring their best "Hitler haircut" or "he who smelt the mystery fart, dealt it" material), a former co-star did manage to shock the event's attendees with this disturbing anecdote from the set of Magnolia, as reported by Rush & Molloy: More »
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By MarkComment by Sweet Panda Love: @Mr-Busy: Thus concluding the logical syllogism that CAA is run by dingoes. I always suspected. more » | Other threads
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defamer
Suri Cruise: The First Eighteen Months
In a refreshing change from the depressing procession of portraits of early-childhood neglect and despair recently adorning the magazine's covers, Us Weekly switches gears to spotlight the development of Suri Cruise, Hollywood's Happiest-Seeming Toddler™. But while raising an 18-month-old genetically engineered by Scientology's top baby-fabricating technicians to unquestioningly obey its parental custodians might seems like an easy task, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes still find themselves needing the guidance contained in Dianetics Chapter XVII Sec (c), "On the Emotional Maintenance and Discipline of Your New Child-Unit." Says Us: More »
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By MarkComment by FlangeSqueal: These two morons should be neutered - OH YEAH - I forgot...Tiny Tom didn't REALLY have anything to do with... more » | Other threads
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tom cruise
Happy First Birthday, Suri Cruise!
One year ago on this very day, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes announced the birth of their first biological daughter, Suri Cruise, the truly miraculous physical manifestation of their awe-inspiring love and, perhaps more importantly, the proof of concept for the highly experimental baby-fabrication techniques that will one day allow the Church of Scientology's leading genetic engineers to populate an entire Celebrity Centre at the hub of a remote Pacific island colony with workers directly produced from Cruise's DNA. More » -
tom cruise
Cruise To Commission Nursery, New Baby-Clone
In a suspiciously detailed item that we're sure was not in any way supplied by the baby boutique supposedly offering an estimate (website here! map here!) to decorate a nursery for a possibly forthcoming Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes offspring, TMZ reports that a Team Cruise design-drone was "overheard" discussing plans for a new clone-rearing chamber for the Cruise compound: More »
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By MarkComment by Her Royal Empress Dr. Bufflekins III, Esq.: Maybe they want to butch Suri out and the new antique crib is just a red herring. more » | Other threads
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defamer
Is Suri Cruise Already Getting Into The Family Business?
Over the weekend, a sharp-eyed reader, somehow not completely numbed into sensory failure by the recent proliferation of election season TV ads, noticed a striking similarity between a baby in a commercial for Prop 87 and Suri Cruise, the Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes offspring suspiciously withheld from public view for several agonizing months following her alleged date of birth. A trio of possibilities instantly present themselves: a) a politically sympathetic Cruise lent his daughter to the cause (or, perhaps, is putting her to work to help fund his next movie project); b) the Prop 87 folks used the same casting agency employed by Cruise for the Vanity Fair cover shoot, who mistakenly supplied the same talent despite his insistence that the infant be permanently retired at the conclusion of the VF gig; c) all adorable newborns wearing fashion-forward baby toupees look alike. More »
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By MarkComment by NotReadyForPrimeTime: Has anyone ever considered that these might be twins? more » | Other threads
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By heatherfugComment by raincoaster: Duh, she was born with Vulcan ears; why do you think they needed to get that wig? more » | Other threads
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lindsay lohan
This Halloween, Make Celebrity Breeding Work For You
If you're struggling with the epic decision of what Hallowe'en costume to wear this year — slutty schoolgirl, slutty pirate wench, Paris Hilton... too many options! — then let the kind folks at Celebrity Baby Blog make your life easier. They've sifted through the annals of Hollywood parentage and come up with a short list of which stars and their progeny might make timely costumes, either to deploy with the aid of an actual child, or for you to force upon your most gullible, easily influenced friends. More »
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By heatherfugComment by Bon Jour, Pee Wee: Plus don't forget, for Linds, you can also accessorize with a jaunty little arm-in-a-cast, with out without, matching bruises. more » | Other threads
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tom cruise
Hollywood Trendwatch: Suri's Baby Wig Sensation Hits U.K
We may have gotten a little caught up in spotlighting Tom Cruise's career slump lately, as his second act as an NFL mascot and amusement park greeter somehow seem beneath a man once considered the biggest box office star in the world. But we'd never impugn his credentials as a tastemaker; his fashion-forward decision to single-handedly revive the long-dormant Baby Toupee sensation by having ostensible biological daughter Suri wear one on the cover of Vanity Fair has touched off a craze that's quickly overtaking the world. And to his credit, the proud father has once again proven his admirable reluctance to cash in on his offspring by not authorizing the mass manufacture of The Suri, content to be a trendsetter instead of a cynical, opportunistic entrepreneur. More » -
short ends
Short Ends: Suripoop Purchased
· Publicity-loving online gambling concern Golden Palace shells out ten grand for Suri Cruise's bronzed baby poop, which can now take its rightful place among the site's other pop curios, like the Britney Spears Pregnancy Test, William Shatner's Kidney Stone, and the Virgin Mary Grilled Cheese Sandwich. More » -
miracle baby
Hollywood TrendWatch: Baby Toupees In Again At Celebrity Centre Day Care
Vanity Fair cover model Suri Cruise (center) knows that talent borrows, but fashion genius steals, mercilessly—but fabulously—copping the baby toupee (right) look Ella Bleu Travolta (left) rocked so confidently years ago. Little Suri's inborn sense of style will quickly become the envy of all the other children in the Celebrity Centre's Day Care and Infant Auditing facility. More » -
katie holmes
Suri's Big Day: Katie Finds Her Voice
Since we haven't been able to locate our own copy of Vanity Fair's much-anticipated All-Cruise Issue (what kind of a godless wasteland do we live in, where piping-hot copies of VF aren't immediately available?), we're forced to dine only on the meager morsels doled out by the magazine's website. There seems to be some good news in their twenty-two jam-packed pages of Cruise coverage, as childbirth seems to have at least temporarily cured Katie Holmes of the crippling expressive disorder that once limited her vocabulary to simple words communicating positive feelings about her captivity. Teases VanityFair.com: More » -
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By MarkComment by Bon Jour, Pee Wee: I was going to comment earlier, that Suri looked Asian-esque, but didn't in fear of wreaking Tom's wrath. more » | Other threads
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By MarkComment by chunkstyle: It's called SORAS* and it's a genuine problem in Hollywood. Please, won't you donate? [*Soap Opera Rapid Aging Syndrome] more » | Other threads
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By MarkComment by SoftwareSez: i heard that these guys made a custom toupee for TomKat http://www.babytoupe... more » | Other threads
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miracle baby
Tom Cruise Apologizes To Brooke Shields For Telling His True Feelings To The Media
Either the emotional trauma of Tom Cruise's abrupt separation from longtime partner Paramount made him suddenly introspective about how the couch-pounding, psychiatry-slamming antics of the last year might have negatively affected other people in his crazycentric orbit, or his PR team finally convinced him to do some long-overdue damage control to save what's left of his image, but the star is finally showing a heretofore unseen humbler, apologetic side. Earlier today, he sent a lovely flower arrangement to new The View host and longtime platonic stalker Rosie O'Donnell to ask her forgiveness for his continuing failure to become a lesbian, but even that touching gesture was far overshadowed by his recent, contrite housecall to his recovering street-drug-addict nemesis, Brooke Shields: More » -
miracle baby
SuriWatch: 'Vanity Fair' Takes Out Armed Insurance Against Sneak Previews Of Suri's First Photos
Having apparently decided that the same absurd levels of secrecy employed in keeping Suri Cruise unseen by the public during the four months since her alleged birth should be applied to preventing the curious from gazing upon the first photographs of the baby a minute before their planned publication, Vanity Fair editor Graydon Carter will order security guards to gun down in cold blood any malefactor who would attempt to leak the precious, highly-anticipated, Annie Leibovitz-lensed images. (Our rendering of what the photos might look like is presented here once again for your fresh horror.) Jossip alleges: More »
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By MarkComment by bottleslingguy: And he should win an Oscar for his "apology" to Brooke. What timing! Talk about a good will PR stunt. more » | Other threads
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By MarkComment by The Gen X Eurotrash Jetsetter Club: "Oh my god! It's Tom Cruise! And his lovely nonwife, Katie Holmes! And... umm... where is your baby Tom?" "Well, Posh... more » | Other threads
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By MarkComment by Her Royal Empress Dr. Bufflekins III, Esq.: That's not the baby...don't they think we can spot a fake? I saw Suri's composite photo in Star, and Tomkitten... more » | Other threads
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tom cruise
SuriWatch: Cruise's Ex Willing To Testify About Beautiful Baby
Former, homophonic Tom Cruise publicity partner Penelope Cruz is the latest to join the growing list of former business associates, Celebrity Centre detox-sauna buddies, and other trusted members of the actor's inner circle of super friends willing to bear witness to the corporeality of suspiciously unseen, possibly mythical infant Suri. While cornered on the red carpet in London, Cruz extolled the Miracle Baby's beauty: More »
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By MarkComment by Senator Boomdog: I want to know what Matthew McConaguhey has to say. more » | Other threads
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tom cruise
The Morning Cruise: Wedding Rumors, Katie's Career, And Other Fun
When we wake up to multiple Tom Cruise-related items spread across various gossip rags, we are forced to revert to the round-up form to handle the onslaught: More »
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By MarkComment by chunkstyle: It entails the woman giving her entire brain and will to the crazy jumping man all while keepingthe invisibility cloak... more » | Other threads
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tom cruise
SuriWatch: Remini's Miracle Baby Encounter Upgraded From "Seen" To "Held"; Suri Seen By Producers In Telluride
Tom Cruise Celebrity Centre pal and freelance OTR III Infant Actuality Verificationist Leah Remini has once again acted as peacemaker between the Suri-embargoing Cruise camp and the glossy magazines desperate for any shred of proof of the possibly mythical offspring's existence, upgrading her claim to Us Weekly to have seen the child to an intimation that she's had physical contact with the tyke for People: More »
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By MarkComment by The Gen X Eurotrash Jetsetter Club: Oh, I'm sure she's real. As my friends A & L brilliantly deduced, we just have to wait for the... more » | Other threads
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katie holmes
SuriWatch: Babyless Holmes Returns To L.A. For Some Retail Therapy
It's been fascinating (to us, at least) to watch the paparazzi/glossy industrial complex track Katie Holmes' every public movement since her trip to perpetual fiance/billion-year enslaver Tom Cruise's Telluride home the last week or so, a jaunt that did absolutely nothing to quiet speculation that Suri Cruise was ever more than a baby unicorn for the tabloid age or a beachball lashed to the onetime actress's midsection. The electronic homing device that paparazzi agency X17 slipped into well-known caffeine addict Holmes' coffee allowed their photographers to locate the peripatetic enigma-incubator on her Monday return to L.A., as they follow up the weekend's possible stroller sighting with some pictures of Holmes fleeing to the only place in the city where she truly feels safe, Barney's New York. The site furthermore passes along a rumor that the trip to her Retail Fortress of Solitude was motivated by an upsetting order that she hire a team of Scientology-approved nannies to tend to the still-unseen Suri, a bout of defiance we're sure she abandoned when she realized that she probably shouldn't lose any sleep over who pretends to babysit her imaginary offspring, despite how real it all feels sometimes. More »
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By MarkComment by raincoaster: There's a great Hollywood novel in there somewhere. But I can just see the reviews: "YOU DON'T KNOW ALLITERATION!!! I... more » | Other threads
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short ends
Short Ends: Suri! Suri! Suri!
· What will the photos of Suri be worth? Not much! What do Tom and Katie have to say about anything? Not much! We really wanted to complete the Rule of Three with these "not much" links, but we're just too confused by this one to think up a way to finish the trifecta. More » -
tom cruise
SuriWatch: Telluride Locals Tell Tall Tales Of Suri Encounters
Yesterday, Us Weekly's blog teased the magazine's story on Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes' recent trip to Telluride, where Holmes revealed to a reporter that possibly nonexistent offspring Suri was "doing great!" [exuberance hers], a brief status update meant to reinforce the public's belief that the baby actually exists. The complete Us story provides some quotes from Telluride residents who claim to have seen (or know someone who claims to have seen) the possibly mythical creature that has captured a skeptical country's imagination: More » -
tom cruise
SuriWatch: Katie Holmes Gives Verbal Confirmation Of Baby's Existence
Tom Cruise's unwillingness to build a replica of an upscale shopping street in his Telluride compound has come back to haunt him, as caffeine-addicted incubator-unit Katie Holmes was beset by an Us Weekly reporter during her contractually mandated, bi-monthly Starbucks run, then promptly violated Team Cruise's total embargo on releasing any information about the couple's suspiciously unseen, possibly imaginary child. Reports Us: More » -
tom cruise
SuriWatch: Readers Analyze The Birth Certificate: UPDATE
[Note: UPDATE follows after the jump. Please read the entire post before e-mailing in helpful corrections.] A couple of amateur document-authentic specialists (read: conspiracy-minded readers with web browsers and free time) found something potentially interesting in the Suri Cruise birth certificate that TMZ.com published yesterday, which had already set our tinfoil helmets vibrating because of the previously noted irregularities regarding its late filing, signing by a Cruise "friend," and certification by someone who apparently hadn't even seen the alleged baby. A sample of our freelance research team's efforts: More » -
tom cruise
SuriWatch: The Paper Trail
In the absence of photographic evidence that would dispel rumors of Suri Cruise's possibly mythical status, TMZ.com does its part to prove her existence by digging into the public record and retrieving the suspiciously unseen infant's birth certificate. Unsurprisingly, not even the routine filing of a simple document could escape the weirdness that has dogged the Cruise camp since Suri's alleged conception, as TMZ reports that the birth certificate was filed 20 days after the birth, that the birth was officially certified by a "friend" (read: two-hundred-dollar-a-year Celebrity Centre gift shop clerk), not by Cruise or rent-to-own incubator Kate Holmes, and signed by a nurse who "was not in the delivery room and did not see the baby." Perhaps the most distressing of the certificate's irregularities is Tom Cruise's sole occupation of the "Father of Child" field, a selfish credit-hogging that ignores the tireless work of the team of dozens of genetic technicians and DNA donors that helped bring the Miracle Baby Project to fruition. More » -
tom cruise
SuriWatch: Another Celebrity Baby We'll See Before Suri Cruise
We have a crucial piece of advice for Russell Crowe in the wake of his announcement that he's had another son: Go immediately to the People or Us Weekly and have the child's picture taken. This is not to avoid the same kind of suspicion that has befallen Tom Cruise for his refusal to appear in public with or release photos of his possibly imaginary child; no one thinks Crowe could be bothered to stage such a stunt. Rather, we think it's wise to create a public record of his infant's likeness, lest a desperate Cruise snatch the baby while the Crowes slumber (think an elaborate heist in the vein of the first Mission: Impossible, but instead of being suspended upside down over a computer, the hero is carefully lowered over the crib, careful to avoid the motion-sensitive mobile guarding the baby) for use in a photo shoot of his own, dismissing with a terse "Whatever!" anyone bold enough to ask him, "Wait a minute, isn't Suri supposed to be a girl?" More »
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By MarkComment by Bon Jour, Pee Wee: This reminds me of Dione in 'Clueless'. 'Suri, your stock is plummeting'. It's kinda plummeting for all of TomKay isn't it? more » | Other threads
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tom cruise
SuriWatch: Gambling On The First Photos
In what we're absolutely certain isn't a publicity stunt meant to exploit the current buzz around Tom Cruise's inability to fetch an acceptable price for the first photographs of his rapidly devaluing, still-unseen, possibly fantastical daughter, online betting site BetUS.com has announced that it's trying to procure photos of the suspicious infant for display on their website. An excerpt from their press release: More » -
tom cruise
SuriWatch: OK, This Is Getting A Little Ridiculous
It seems that Us Weekly has abandoned any hope of landing the first, heavily discounted pictures of Suri Cruise, settling instead on moving glossy product by spotlighting Tom Cruise's profoundly strange delay of the initial public appearance of his possibly nonexistent daughter as the BABY MYSTERY, even going so far as to run a Where's Suri? clock counting the days since the Miracle Baby's alleged birth. But after three months of waiting for proof that Cruise can at least be bothered to pull a stand-in baby off the toddler rack for a photo shoot to ease the public's suspicions, we're ready to upgrade the situation from "mystery" to "riddle that would make the Sphinx incontinent." To add to the weirdness, Us reports that even Cruise's BFFs, both of the regular and Scientological flavors, have yet to gain an audience with the world's most elusive rugrat: More »
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By MarkComment by Bon Jour, Pee Wee: Who needs a picture of the basketball Katie had trapped to her belly? We've all seen a basketball at least... more » | Other threads
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miracle baby
Free Market Determines Shiloh Jolie-Pitt Worth Much More Than Suri Cruise
While millions hold their breath, gradually turn purple, and quietly expire from self-inflicted asphyxiation waiting for Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes to finally consent to an official Miracle Baby photo shoot, Fox 411's Roger Friedman claims to know why pictures of Suri Cruise haven't hit the cover of People yet: No one offered America's Most Suspicious Couple enough money for the privilege: More » -
tom cruise
Defamer Exclusive! First Sighting Of Miracle Baby Suri Cruise! Must Credit Defamer's Exclusive First Sighting Of Miracle Baby!
Defamer has exclusively received what may be the first* documented sighting of the Miracle Baby, the heretofore suspiciously unseen newborn daughter of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. Writes an operative: More »
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By MarkComment by PickaLittleTalkaLittle: Does anyone else wonder whether there is something wrong with this baby? It is so unlike Cruise not to... more » | Other threads
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