Michael Jackson died six years ago today. In the 2,191 days since he overdosed on medicine administered to him by his weird and gross personal doctor Conrad Murray, Jackson has, in death, generated an almost unimaginable amount of money for various corporations, creditors and his reptile-loving children.
There are certain things we all know about Michael Jackson. The moonwalk, for one. His large catalogue of very good songs, and then also Weird Al Yankovic's catalogue of very good Michael Jackson song parodies, for another. We know that he was friends, in a way, with Macaulay Culkin—etc., etc. But there is one thing I bet almost none of us know about Michael Jackson, and that is: he was perfect at prank phone calls.
In this era of chic, superstar babies like Blue Ivy Carter and North West, it's important to remember that sometimes celebrity children become one of America's most abundant natural resources: dumb, embarrassing, fartcloud teenagers. Let us examine the so-far cautionary tale of Michael Jackson's son: Michael Jackson, Jr. aka Prince.
Michael Jackson allegedly had sex with children, this we know. Logically, it follows that Jackson would have had to communicate about sex to his alleged victims in a way that was more, uh, compatible to a developing mind. Thus, the very weird code names he is said to have had to describe his semen and erections.
"Love Never Felt So Good" is the new single off of Michael Jackson's upcoming posthumous album Xscape, and unlike basically every other posthumous Michael song it's good enough to remind you of why people loved him in the first place.
On Jimmy Kimmel Live! Thursday night, Breaking Bad's Aaron Paul shared a story about a long, drunken weekend he once spent with Michael Jackson.