Gawker
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short ends
Respected Newsman Anderson Cooper Mistakenly Assumes Ali Lohan Is 60
· We should really watch CNN more often: A spoonful of Big Gay Bitch Anderson Cooper's ultracatty insights into the Lohan clan really helps the hard news go down. [CNN] More »
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By SethComment by kyle4: Thank you Anderson for saying something we all don't have the media platform to say. This is why he's awesome. more » | Other threads
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ali lohan
Ali Lohan 'Makes It Delicious' In Televised Tryout For Vaunted Porn Producer
It’s always a hoot when you show up to an audition thinking you’re just trying out for another straight-to-DVD horror remake, only to find out afterwards that you just emoted all your talents in front of a titan of the porn industry. In yet another display of complete parental ignorance, Dina Lohan’s decision to send Lindsay-wannabe Ali on a journey to score a part in Troll in this weekend’s season finale of Living Lohan was kind of equivalent to sending your 14-year old daughter on a read-through of Bun Busters 13 or Breast Wishes 15. Yes, Ali’s eager efforts to make it big in showbiz has officially included a smiley “nerve-wracking” experience reciting classic lines like “Ratburgers!” in front of the multi-colored hair piece-topped Peter Davy, responsible for discovering gangbang queen Houston, among many other hardcore accomplishments. The clip, including Ali's stomach-tightening attempt to impress the porn industry professionals, after the jump. More »
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Comment by MessyMortal: ooo when I grow up I wannabe Dina Lohan's Children's therapist :0 more » | Other threads
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living lohan
Dina Lohan, Mother Of The Century: ‘Ali Is A Little Scared Because She’s Meeting Adults’
We don’t know whether to cry tears of sadness or sweet relief, but last night brought us the heartbreaking season finale of Dina Lohan’s dream come true: the Lindsay-free joy ride through the one of the most frightening TV family’s household that was Living Lohan. And despite all Dina’s efforts to convince us we should be happy for little 14-year old Ali and her double whammy of career success stories featured in this episode, the last few months have taught us that a role in the Troll remake and a single that makes our ears bleed do not necessarily a superstar make. But, as we’ve learned throughout the season, no matter how small these sad triumphs, if it weren’t for Dina and her never-ending flow of parental lessons, Ali would still just be some normal teenager allowed to go to the mall with friends and shop, instead of Dina's way of remaining the Mother Of The Century: More »
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Comment by Passwordforgetter: Hey, anybody got any good holocaust jokes ? more » | Other threads
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lindsay lohan
For First Time Ever, Lindsay Lohan Not Rushed To Hospital, Sam Ronson Not A Bitch
Just when things seemed to be coming up roses for Lindsay Lohan, none other than (surprise!) Mother of the Century Dina has jumped on the chance to turn two otherwise non-items into full-out scandals reminiscent of Lohan’s cokepants days. First, reports surfaced that her cigarette- and hickey-delivery girl Sam Ronson refused to play vocally challenged Ali Lohan’s new single at a DJ’ing gig last week because she felt the song was “really bad.” Not exactly breaking news, right? Thanks to Dina and Living Lohan, we already know anything Ali squeaks out won’t turn her into the next Whitney Houston (or even the next Lindsay). Then, over the weekend, TMZ reported that Lohan and Ronson were victims of a hit-and-run bicyclist while taking an innocent walk home after a night out in New York, ending with Lohan in the hospital. And so what? It’s not like Lohan was the hitter-and-runner, and any hospital stay without the phrases “asthma attack” or “fainting spell” attached to it is fine by us. But courtesy of both Michael Lohan and Dina's consistently yapping mouths, we will know have the pleasure of associating both stories with the phrase, “bull doodie”: More »
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Comment by kookla: Let's just be happy that Lindsay wasn't crossing the same street where Shia's illegal u-turn took place. Or not. more » | Other threads
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living lohan
Dina Lohan, Mother Of The Century: 'I Now Realize I've Been Punk'd By An 11-Year Old'
At long last, Dina Lohan has figured out a way to put all those rumors about her fictional former career as a Rockette to rest. In a clever and trademark bout of not-so-subtle child manipulation, Dina arranges for the always-bored Cody to publicize her very own Vegas show starring Dina, her jazz hands, and a pair of leggings that look suspiciously like a knock-off of Lindsay's blow job-ready version. With Ali’s career at its inevitable standstill, Dina decided to show her little ones how a real stage star gets the job done: con your child into playing PR boy for your otherwise blip on glitter-dusted Vegas' star-studded radar, and feign shock and scorn for the cameras after Cody's adorable promotional fliers are hung all over town. And still, amidst all the excitement of Dina’s return to solo stardom, we viewers learned yet another essential trifecta of lessons on how to belittle your son, blow off pony-tailed Carlos Leon-wannabes who just want a piece of your delicious ass and, of course, dance like it’s 1989: More »
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Comment by Charlotte Rae's Web: I know they have to have a teacher on the 'set' with shows, perhaps they should start assigning a CPS/DHS... more » | Other threads
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Comment by Cultmember: A smiley-face pee stain? Or sprocket shaped genitalia? more » | Other threads
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living lohan
Dina Lohan, Mother Of The Century: 'Hef's Girlfriends Are Very Pretty.'
In the grainy land of reality show famewhoring, sometimes a pair of boobs will come together and a cable miracle is born. And that’s exactly what happened last night when we saw our maternal icon, Dina Lohan, meet our paternal icon, Hugh Hefner. On the latest edition of television’s most reliable guide to parenting, Dina taught us some highly unique strategies in order to effectively downsize your son’s balls, fake your way to the fountain of youth via Me-Time, and prove to your tweenage daughter just how insanely awesome and superior you are by making her choose between “Mr. Hot” and a career in music best left for those with actual talent. The newest lessons learned from Living Lohan, below: More »
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Comment by WGARefugee: @CourageousCoward: @NotReadyForPrimeTime: Can't type right now 'cause I'm in major meltdown mode--the damn rats ate my Ebay inventory. more » | Other threads
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short ends
Ali Lohan Zit Crisis Exclusive!
· We're thrilled to see that E! is perfectly prepared to throw their First Family of Reality under the bus if it means getting a pretty inspired sketch on the air. [Chelsea Lately] More »
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By SethComment by Barbarella: She actually looks younger than the "real" Ali! more » | Other threads
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lindsay lohan
First Photos Of Lindsay Lohan's Newest Enemy (And Possible Half-Sister) Emerge
A brief refresher course in what's currently going on in the wild world of the Lohans: Lindsay's dad, Michael, apparently banged some woman when he was separated from Lindsay's mom. The lady he banged had a child. Yesterday, Michael took a paternity test to see if the child is his. We're still waiting on that verdict, but stop the presses ... OK! Magazine has the first photos of Lindsay's potential half-sister Ashley! More »
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By nickmComment by Roastedgarlicman: Welcome to the family...here's a bottle of muscatel and 5 grams of crack. Put them in your hope chest, sweetheart. more » | Other threads
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living lohan
Dina Lohan, Mother Of The Century: ''Hot' Is Not In My Vocabulary'
Last night’s Living Lohan was all about Ali and her glass-breaking array of vocal talents. The happy family, which is somehow shrinking and growing simultaneously every day now, is still taking Las Vegas by storm as each member’s collective talents go into creating International Superstar-Turned-Trainwreck number two. Little Cody helps out by distracting Dina with adolescent silliness like concussions and that all-too-common need to be “loved,” Ali helps broaden the franchise by doing her best Daddy Left Us And I’m Gonna Record My Angst- And Nicotine-Laced Breakdowns For You! rehashing of Lindsay’s already perfected musical adventures, and Dina grants us with another round of must-have parenting lessons: More »
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Comment by Molly McAleer: @LLH: You really think so? I mean, I thought he was selfish and perhaps a bit immature, but can you... more » | Other threads
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lindsay lohan
Lindsay Lohan's 'Secret Half-Sister' Surfaces, Michael Lohan Excitedly Fuels Rumor's Truthiness
Not that claims like these are shocking when you’re part of that wild fame-chasing bunch currently Living Lohan, but Star is reporting that one of Michael Lohan's old flings has taken a paternity test to prove her 13-year old daughter is the newest member of everyone’s favorite dysfunctional family. According to the mag, a Montana woman named Kristi Kaufmann is coming forward to “make sure the truth comes out...‘My daughter has a right to know who her father is — and it’s Michael.’” Now married to a new cowboy hat-wearing realtor, the 44-year old’s claims aren’t exactly being denied by the wig-loving Born Again. Michael’s ambiguous response, and whether or not the details and timing supplied by Kaufmann support the possibility that Lindsay Lohan has yet another little sister who will inevitably want to "be just like her," after the jump. More »
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Comment by junkie: Desperately Seeking LiLo should be greenlit any second... more » | Other threads
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defamer
Dina Lohan, Mother Of The Century: 'Where'd You Read That, On The Internet?!'
Last night's episode of Living Lohan was filled to the brim with heartbreak. Emotions, both minutely real and highly fake, were on display for the cameras. The actual sound of Dina's skin cracking as her now-infamous crocodile tears struggled to liquefy was audible. And, as every Dina-phile knows, each opportunity to feign care for her cherished cash cow kids brings another lesson from the one and only Mother of the Century. After watching Dina and her brood prepare for a wild 'n crazy trip to Las Vegas that may or may not be ruined by lovable lush/I Know Who Killed Me fan Nana Lohan, Defamer Video Vixen Molly McAleer plucked three classic family values as illustrated by Dina herself: More »
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Comment by BAngieB: I wish my mother had loved me enough to give up everything, including her non-money-making children and elderly mother, and... more » | Other threads
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ali lohan
Ali Lohan Mere Inches Away From Her Big Break In 'Worst Movie Ever Made' Remake!
Sometimes we feel the need to get down on our knees and bow down to Mother of the Century Dina Lohan. Not only did she produce the neverending carnival ride that is Lindsay Lohan, but she has managed to do the impossible: get Ali Lohan a job. Sure, Ali was supposed to be a rap star or white hip hop lyricist or something, but a gig is a gig. Proving that one should always be careful of what they wish for, Ali’s desire to “be just like Lindsay” has manifested in the form of a potential starring role in the remake of a 1980s cult not-so-classic. But before congratulating the 15-year old by sending over a giant supply of cokepants and nail polish to Casa Lohan, we’re forced to rain on this pitiful parade by informing you which movie Ali’s Big Break will be in: the remake of Troll. Why this is quite possibly the worst idea in the history of ideas, after the jump. More »
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Comment by persephone: I... liked Troll? Nah, it was probably just dreamy Noah Hathaway. And IMDB says Noah is playing Turok? Ali Lohan possibly... more » | Other threads
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living lohan
Dina Lohan, Mother Of The Century: 'She's Gonna Grow Up And Hate Me'
As we’ve learned on our first few voyages into the Living Lohan household, where Dina Lohan knows best and familial ties do not exempt you from abiding by her all-knowing wrath, the multi-tasking Momager extraordinaire proved her managerial skills outstandingly in last night’s episode. The Other Lohan, the surfer-haired preteen brother whose dismal fate has been shoved to the side the more worried and concerned we become following rising rap star Ali’s increasingly deafening fits of rage, had his first shot at some real camera time during this episode. And despite Dina’s obvious disinterest in her son’s career prospects (that is, until he hits puberty and his marketing appeal among tweenybop girls increases exponentially), the queen of the house does find time to throw cash at the problem. Low-prioritized Cody-centric tasks include hiring a token age-equivalent friend, halfheartedly attempting to include him in yet another Ali photo spread, and feigning concern for all threemoneymakerschildren during whiny, crocodile tear-filled cries for help aimed at Tough Love Lohan grandmatriarch, Ann Sullivan. Our picks for Dina’s three most inspiring parenting lessons from last evening’s half-hour are: More »
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Comment by tbolt: I would think those doors would be operated by remote control or at least order the asst to slam it,....... more » | Other threads
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Mother Of The Century
Dina Lohan, Mother Of The Century: “I Was Called Spider Legs, Carpenter’s Dream, Flat As A Board”
In our second edition of Living Lohan’s most valuable lessons as taught by Professor Dina, we couldn’t help being distracted by our studies in good parenting by upcoming rapper Ali’s sudden, unexpected and quite exciting new personality. Did the former zombie-ish little Lohan really just throw a fit? Yell at the almighty Dina? As captivated as we were by this week’s tips from Dina, lovingly crafted by Defamer Video Vixen Molly McAleer, we must note our newfound appreciation for this screaming version of little Ali. It’s like, we can’t put our finger on how exactly she’s changed but, oh wait! Yes, she’s showing her very first signs of Becoming Lindsay. Finally, the process begins. With that, we present three rules of manicured thumb we learned from the big D last night: More »
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Comment by Kdoggy: "Dina Lohan", the story of a shallow, vapid, benzedrine puff adder with the all the depth of a single human... more » | Other threads
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Mother Of The Century
Dina Lohan, Mother Of The Century: 'I Will Rip You Up And Chew You Out'
In case you hadn’t heard, momager extraordinaire Dina Lohan’s new reality show was sadly slammed in the ratings by Sheen Sperm-aversive blabbermouth Denise Richards in the ratings. But before weeping for the runner-up, don’t forget: Dina still officially wears the crown of Mother of the Year! They gave her a trophy and everything! Yes, “they” are a group of cleavage-baring Long Island moms with fake tans and nails as long as their list of ex-husbands, but a title is a title. Which is why Defamer Video Vixen Molly McAleer has put together a rather inspiring series of moments from last night’s second episode, in which we learn three very important lessons on parenting from, that’s right, the Mother of the Year. Our favorite and most valuable parenting rules as taught to us by Dina herself: More »
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Comment by SeaPeople: @Losin_it: I don't know dude. The brother seems like a good kid. And really, it's Grandma who carries the... more » | Other threads
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Lesbians: So Hot Right Now
Lindsay Lohan And Samantha Ronson Officially Make Lesbianism Chic
Our favorite moment from the first episode of Living Lohan was when a giggly Ali Lohan said “I wanna be like Lindsay” in a very rehearsed, gun-to-her-head sort of way. Whichever puppet master that yanked her strings successfully managed to pull the transformation off, but not in the way we’d hoped. Rather than passing out in SUVs and borrowing some of Lindsay's many cokepants for a quick crash and burn, little Ali appears to be moving in on Lindsay’s girl. As the Lohan/Ronson romance spread their tattooed and hickey-scarred wings to New York yesterday, the gruesome twosome turned into an even more gruesome threesome, as Ali joined the honeymooners on shopping trips and lunch dates. But Ali may not gain entrance into the private club of two — you see, the psychic geniuses at the NY Post have already gone ahead and prepared for Lindsay’s official coming out. Their case for Lohan As Lesbian, plus sources’ details on the fact that “they’re definitely dating,” after the jump. More »
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Comment by Shazzer: I think a more accurate (and snarky) headline would have been: "Lesbianism remains chic *in spite* of LiLo's fling with... more » | Other threads
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bad moms
E! Premieres Bad Mother Block with Denise Richards & Dina Lohan
Are you related to someone famous who doesn’t really speak to you anymore? Do you have a dreadfully boring home life and children you constantly ignore? Have you collected an obscene number of pets, which constantly crap all over your house? Then you should call E! because that’s exactly what they’re into nowadays. On a day meant to honor the heroes who have protected our country, last night’s series premieres of Denise Richards: It’s Complicated and Living Lohan showed just how little there is left to protect. More »
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By People PaulaComment by Crinkelbert_Fishtybuns: Studly opera singer Sherrill Milnes (a dude named Sherrill) is from Downers Grove too, so that officially puts Downers Grove... more » | Other threads
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you don't mess with the lohan
It's Like Yeah, Lindsay's Sister, She's Fine
Gripped by a paralzying case of Rain Manesque echolalia on her Late Show appearance last night ("OK, so you're going to follow Harrison Ford. He has a movie coming out? Indiana Jones? Then Dave will ask you all about your little E! reality show. Don't forget to have fun!") aspiring Lohan Ali seemed incapable of responding with much more than a nervous, "Yeah," to most of host David Letterman's questions. (We've added dings to help you count them: 21 in two minutes.) More » -
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Comment by Dreamdate: "If only the guys in the joint could see me now!" more » | Other threads
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defamer
'Living Lohan' Pulls The Curtain Back To Reveal The Real Dina Lohan, Daughter-Pimping Warts And All
We rarely take a moment to thank E!'s Department of Reality-Based Famewhoring Enterprises for the excellent work they do, giving the egregiously underpublicized—everyone from the Kardashian girls to Denise Richards—a weekly hour to, well, just be. So, thanks! But with Living Lohan (why does that title remind us of a disease-awareness billboard campaign? "I've been Living Lohan for 7 years now, but Lohan isn't living me,") they've truly outdone themselves, giving Dina Lohan the vehicle we know she's wanted and deserved all along. In this preview clip, the celebrity momabler is captured in medias crisis-control, berating an online tabloid concern for publishing blurry photos of her most successful accomplishment in a compromising, probably accurate situation; watching this fierce tigress protect her largely unemployable, fur-coat-swiping cubs is truly a sight to behold. More »
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By SethComment by TryThisAtHome: Okay. Maybe it's a good thing, but the severely botoxed woman can barely move her mouth. more » | Other threads
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short ends
Living La Vida Lohan
· Get ready for the summer of exploitation on E! If Denise Richards or Dating Nightmares doesn't do it for ya, might we interest you in the White Oprah and her fame-starved daughter Ali? Nothing warms our cockles like the sight of a table full of sycophantic slags toasting a 14-year-old's non-existant career with champagne! [E!] More »
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By Mark GrahamComment by SteamyMcFirecrotch: @Benovite: Or Pat Boone's album of heavy metal covers: [www.amazon.com] more » | Other threads
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defamer
Dina Lohan Decides It's High Time To Party With Her 14-Year Old ... In Vegas!
As much as we poke fun at Momager/Pimp Dina Lohan for her questionable parenting techniques and famewhore-y tactics to become just as cool and famous as her bankable daughter Lindsay, we secretly can't ignore the fact that having her as a mother might simply be loads of fun. Sure, you don't really have a role model, and you can't expect anyone to pick you up after school, but it's not like you go to school anyway! In Ali Lohan's case, you go to Las Vegas. MSNBC.com reports that Dina and Ali hit the strip to shoot scenes from their upcoming reality show Living Lohan and, from the sounds of it, had a grand ol' Britney Spears-in-garters kind of stay... More »
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1-23 of 23 for "Defamer, Living Lohan"
