Tim Burton + 'WALL-E' ÷ Goggle-Eyed Knit Dolls = '9'

As creative partnerships go, the one teaming Tim Burton with Wanted director Timur Bekmambetov and a half-dozen or so animated post-apocalyptic rag dolls isn't one we had on our 2009 wish list.

The Day The Keanu Performance Stood Still

The ugly new trend in epic-length movie trailers continues today with the latest teaser for The Day the Earth Stood Still, the remake of the 1951 sci-fi classic creatively recast with Keanu Reeves as a flat-voiced humanoid alien warning Earth's inhabitants of their impending doom. Quite a stretch, we know (and yes, he has made this one before), but from the looks of the accompanying clip, DTESS is a soaring upgrade from low-budget earnestness to a sort of glossy, glassy-eyed indignance; there is true, brow-furrowing peril in that stilted baritone suggesting his past "would only frighten you." If only we felt less endangered by the four minutes of line readings that follow from Reeves, Jennifer Connelly, Kathy Bates and even Jon Hamm, from whom we expected so much more than bromides about the history of mankind. Believe us, Jon — we know history, and this has all the symptoms of being exactly that. And not the good kind, either. [20th Century Fox]

Finally, A Superhero - American For The Rest Of Us

· P. Diddy couldn't be more excited about Hancock: the first legitimately mainstream black superhero! (Don't point out the drunken loutishness—he's happy as a motherfucker and we'd like him to stay that way.) [PaulScheer.com] More »

Which A-Lister Did Jennifer Aniston Have Bumped From The Cover Of 'Marie Claire'?

Naturally we’re delighted to see Jennifer Aniston’s name in the news without any mention of her lesser half John Mayer, but unfortunately the actress’ latest stunt does not include bikinis, Brad, or boy toy upgrades. In case you’d forgotten, the flower-scented B.O. phenom that is SATC: The Movie is being closely followed by another chick flick packed with A-Listers called He’s Just Not That Into You. Aniston rounds out the female cast alongside Drew Barrymore, Ginnifer Goodwin, Jennifer Connelly and Scarlett Johansson. But according to Life & Style, Aniston took the very low road at a recent cover shoot for Marie Claire, insisting one of the ladies above be banned from the photo, making room for Aniston's widely seen curves to take front and center. Which co-star was allegedly instructed to leave the set, and whether or not Aniston’s orders mean anything these days, after the jump. More »

This Week In Tabloids: Jamie Lynn Is Jilted, Angelina Is Hormonal

Welcome back to Midweek Madness, where we wade in murky magazine waters so you don't have to. This week has tabloid stalwarts the Jolie-Pitts featured on two covers: Shiloh's wee face is plastered all over Ok!, while Brad and Angie's alleged marriage woes are featured in In Touch. Us scrapes the bottom of the "celebrity" barrel by featuring a former Bachelor on their cover, while Katie Holmes is a "prisoner" according to Life & Style and Star is squawking about Jamie Lynn Spears getting jilted. We explore John Mayer's penis prowess and ponder Lauren Conrad's pain, after the jump. [Jezebel]

Jennifer Connelly Lured Into the CAA Death Star

Following the magical transformation of longtime rep Risa Shapiro from agent to manager (the ceremony, we're told, involves drinking the still-warm blood of a freshly slain mailroom clerk), Jennifer Connelly has signed with CAA, having been vulnerable just long enough for the Creative Artists' tractor beams to pull her from her former agency's nearby Century City headquarters and into the gaping maw of the Death Star. While we're sure that now-manager Shapiro's first order of business was making the transition as painless as possible for the actress, we're sure that the decision was still at least a little agonizing, particularly the part where Connelly was forced to choose which of her adorable children to turn over to CAA as career-boosting collateral, ensuring that the new client will think twice about abandoning the relationship once their honeymoon period wears off. [Deadline Hollywood Daily]

Jennifer Connelly Takes the Keanu Reeves Co-Star Challenge

· Hollywood Out of Ideas, Can't Blame the Writers For the Current Idea Shortage Edition: Jennifer Connelly—an actress we'd pay $14 dollars to watch knitting a sweater or making peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwiches—will join monosyllabic, paparazzi-punishing superstar Keanu Reeves in Fox's remake of the 1951 sci-fi classic The Day the Earth Stood Still. [Variety] More »

Most Expensive Comedy In History Balances Wastefulness With Environmental Awareness

· Universal is partnering with environmentally conscious marketers to promote Evan Almighty, culminating in a spectacular stunt in which the studio will flood its Universal City theme park, washing away thousands of tourists to emphasize the film's uplifting, "green" message that God will kill us all if we don't take better care of our planet. [Variety] More »

Trade Round-Up: Jennifer Connelly Does Something, Delights Us

· Hillary Clinton's swinging through Hollywood again for a series of fundraisers aimed at raising money for her "Senate re-election campaign," not her inevitable run (fingers crossed for a Clinton-Affleck ticket!) for President in 2008. [Variety] More »