Guided Tours: The House Where Jennifer Aniston Cries Herself To Sleep

March's Architectural Digest offers an exclusive look inside the home Jennifer Aniston and designer Stephen Shadley worked on for 2½ years. The captions are not nearly tabloid-y enough, so our misguided "contributor," Tiara Dew Dots, rewrote them. [Jezebel]

This Week In Tabloids: Brad & Angie Sorta But Not Really Over; Depressed Britney Looks Like A "Bum"

Welcome back to midweek madness. Brad & Angie news: They've split, except they haven't. He had a rendez-vous with Jen, or he didn't. He maybe drunk-dialed Jen, then had make-up sex with Angie. And! The purpose of the beard, revealed. [Jezebel]

This Week In Tabloids: Angie's Sexcapades On Rubber Sheets; Octomom's Stretchmark-Free Bikini Body

Welcome back to Midweek Madness! Today we learn that Angelina Jolie likes orchids and sex toys; Jennifer Aniston and Gerard Butler are friends with benefits and a hot shoot for W magazine; Nadya "Octomom" Suleman thinks surgery is "cheating." [Jezebel]

This Week In Tabloids: Angelina & Other Choosy Moms Choose Life, Meaning Babies

Welcome back to Midweek Madness, where it's ALL BABIES, ALL THE TIME. Even though Angelina has a "baby bump," her relationship with Brad's on the rocks! But that's nothing compared to what's up with 16-year-old Ali Lohan, poor baby. [Jezebel]

This Week In Tabloids: John Mayer Breaks Up The Taylors & Jersey Shore Films A Sex Tape

Welcome back to Midweek Madness, in which we forage for gossip in the tabloids' garbage. This week: Elin "eats her way through the pain," John Mayer hits on Taylor Swift, and the Jersey Shore kids film themselves "pounding it out." [Jezebel]

This Week In Tabloids: Brad Storms Off To A Biker Bar, Lindsay's Healed In Photoshop

Welcome back to Midweek Madness. May we read the tabloids so you don't have to? This week's specials: Kourtney breastfeeds with implants, the Jersey Shore kids get makeovers, and Lindsay finds the missing chunk of her thigh. [Jezebel]

This Week In Tabloids: Angie's "So Lonely" & The Jersey Shore Kids Are Injecting Tanner

Every Wednesday, we read the tabloids so you don't have to. This week, Angie's pregnant (again), Jen takes a break from pining for Brad to host a chili cook-off, and we learn how to achieve an unhealthy glow Jersey Shore-style. [Jezebel]

Photoshop Of Horrors Hall Of Shame, 2000-2009

Slimmed thighs, whittled waists, smoothed skin: Digitally altered women were de rigueur in the 00s. There were many, many Photoshop Of Horrors images to choose from, but these are the 15 most egregious examples of image retouching in this decade. [Jezebel]

This Week In Tabloids: Angie & Brad Help Jen Adopt; Tiger's Titillating Texts

Welcome back to Midweek Madness, in which we search for hot "news" in the celeb tabloids. This week: Read Tiger's lurid text messages and find out how Angelina is helping Jen adopt a little Mexican kid. [Jezebel]

Oprah: 25 Years Of Screaming Celebrities' Names

Television will never be the same after Oprah goes off the air in 2011. If we had a "Favorite Things" list about O, in the top spot would be the way the talk-show host introduces celebrity guests. Mashup at left. [Jezebel]

This Week In Tabloids: Jen Waits For Brad To Text; Tom's Secret Scientology Van

If it's Wednesday, it's Midweek Madness, in which Margaret and I comb through tabloids, untangling knots of gossip! This week: Aniston's unprotected sex with Mayer while waiting for Brad; Tom Cruise's creepy black van; Twilight fanfic. [Jezebel]

This Week In Tabloids: Brad Crashes Motorcycle Rushing To Jen; Celebs ♥ Nose Jobs

Welcome back to Midweek Madness, in which Margaret and I snack on gossip from In Touch, Ok!, Life & Style, Us and Star. This week, Brad and Angie were married in a ceremony officiated by Maddox — then Brad bolted. [Jezebel]

Gerard Butler, You Are Officially on Movie Star Probation

It was a big weekend for Gerard Butler. His movie Law Abiding Citizen opened at number two and he hosted Saturday Night Live. Too bad both of them sucked. And now he's on notice. More »

This Week In Tabloids: Justin & Rihanna Plan Hookup; Kardashian Wedding "World Exclusive"

Welcome back to Midweek Madness, in which Margaret and I "read" In Touch, Star, Life & Style, Us and Ok!. This week we learned that JT and Rihanna are on, dancing makes you thin, and bridesmaid dresses shouldn't be skin-tight. [Jezebel]

This Week In Tabloids: Aniston's "Pregnant"; Justin's "Sweating" Rihanna

Welcome back to Midweek Madness, in which Margaret and I look for "news" in In Touch, Ok!, Life & Style, Us and Star. Is Jennifer Aniston's baby bump for real? Will Justin Timberlake date Rihanna? Is Angie adopting again?!?!?! [Jezebel]

In Stunning Breakthough, Jennifer Aniston Performs Role While Actually Asleep

Scientists around the world are in stunned today over the breakthrough in human performance technology made by actress/explorer Jennifer Aniston. Clips released from her new film Love Happens reveals Aniston was able to complete an entire film while comatose. More »

This Week In Tabloids: Brad's A Drunk, Jon's A Dirtbag, Jen Loses To Renée

Welcome back to Midweek Madness. In the oppressive summer heat, Margaret and I searched the pages of In Touch, Us, Star, Life & Style and Ok! for delicious frosty treats of gossip, and were not disappointed. [Jezebel]

This Week In Tabloids: Jon Gosselin Tells All; John Mayer Sexts Jess & Jen

Welcome back to Midweek Madness, where we learn that with the cash In Touch paid Jon Gosselin for an exclusive interview, the father of eight can buy a truckload of fugly T-shirts. Margaret assists in our tabloid roundup, ahead. [Jezebel]

Hollywood's Sleepy Eyed Men Ruin Everything!

Paul Giamatti ruined Twilight. Director Paul Haggis inexplicably continues to get work. The Watchmen ruins Nic Cage's DVD's dominance. Howard Zinn ruins Matt Damon or vice-versa. More »