This sad news comes in the middle of the young couple's publicity tour for Paper Heart, the fake documentary about how their real-life (now real-dead) romance came to be. Or perhaps this is just some publicity stunt? Some kind of meta-advertising gimmick affirming Paper Heart's notion that true love is hard to find and hold? In this era of put-ons and fakery (yeah, yeah, we know you may very well be reading this right next to a banner ad for Paper Heart — it's not our call) who can trust anything? Certainly not dating gossip about America's Twee-hearts from an outlet like Star.

Still, the Yi-Cera relationship gave the sweatpants community of geek girls hope that their precious wit and song writing skills were enough to keep a sensitive young man away the dopey taneroxic starlets of Hollywood. So doesn't this news make you want to pout?

What's even more pout-inducing is what else Star's source told the tabloid:

"Charlyne is beyond sad. And the break-up is so much harder because she'll have to see him on tour."

Michael Cera, how could you? We know we gave you guff for being a mopey hipster but if we take it all back will you snuggle back up to Yi?

As a whip-smart commenter pointed out a love-affair with between Yi and Cera would have been like a "gummi bear getting it on with the Velveteen Rabbit." We speculated that a boy with Cera's sexual persona may in fact not have genitals, just a rainbow colored fleshy patch that sparkles when excited. If this is true, which is likely, then could Cera and Yi ever really have dated?

Whether put-on or physical impossibility, both theories leave room for a Cameron Crowe-style reconciliation. Young geeky outsider chooses to go after a popular beauty but discovers she is shallow and small minded thus forcing him to look in his own backyard. There he sees a girl with unwaxed eyebrows, in sweatpants, strumming a guitar and she embodies beauty in her own independent way.

Drinks are on us, Charlyne!

The tiny couple in question? None other than Lily Beckinsale and Brooklyn Beckham. Apparently (and we quote), "Kate Beckinsale has reportedly given her 9-year-old daughter Lily permission to 'date' Brooklyn Beckham." But before Kate begins setting up a registry at Harrod's, she may want to consider the wrath of Tom Cruise's SWAT team of Hubbard-humping disco stars — a month back, we noted Suri's obvious crush on the very same hot boy on campus, and Beckinsale's new friendship with Victoria Beckham isn't going to protect her from the wrath of Xenuphobes either. But before we prepare for the impending battle of the broods, it sounds as though Kate is simply dreaming of a romance still in its very early stages: "I am dreading the day Lily brings home a boy. But she and the Beckham boys get on really well...If she did have to have a boyfriend, then I suppose Brooklyn would get my seal of approval!" And considering Lily's apparent fondness for wearing as much makeup as possible before reaching double digits, as evident in the above photo, we have a feeling Posh would gladly approve as well.

• KATE BECKINSALE: MY DAUGHTER CAN DATE BROOKLYN BECKHAM [NYDN]

Anyway, myriad couplings follow, though the accompanying teaser is a bit vague in the how-and-who. However, Longworth also points out the entire film is available free on YouTube, both promising a waste of at least 40 minutes of our afternoon and officially confirming we made the right call in staying home this week. Happy viewing (we hope)!

• Cannes Market Watch: 'Sex and Breakfast' [Spout Blog]