WHAT'S NEW: As per tradition this June, it's another new release "duel" with an essentially foregone conclusion: The already-beloved (except among fat people and the GOP) Pixar entry Wall-E is ready to go at No. 1, with the bloody Angelina Jolie/James McAvoy destiny-caper Wanted lagging some miles behind with its R-rating. Crap-allergic audiences who stayed away from last week's openings may nudge Wall-E toward the high end of its projected $55 million opening. The same can be said of the male-skewing Wanted, which will surpass $40 million without much trouble. At least we hope so for Disney and Universal's sakes, as both films will vanish into Hancock's booze-smelling shadow in T-minus five days and counting.

Also opening: The Matthew Broderick gerund dramedy Finding Amanda; the Irish-drunks-at-a-wake comedy Red Roses and Petrol; and the 19th-century Catherine Breillat/Asia Argento clash The Last Mistress.

THE BIG LOSER: None of this weekend's new releases will underachieve that much, but The Love Guru may be the first film ever to drop 100% from its opening weekend. Get Smart won't age well, either.

THE UNDERDOG: A hybrid of stage readings, archival footage and interviews, Trumbo isn't going to blow any minds in illuminating the troubled life and times of its blacklisted novelist/screenwriter namesake Dalton Trumbo. That said, his story (adapted from son Christopher's off-Broadway play) is as concentrated an account of the blacklist's havoc as any we've seen, and the actors gathered to monologue his correspondence from the era — including Brian Dennehy, Joan Allen, Paul Giamatti and particularly David Strathairn — do well by their subject's moody talent. At the very least, Nathan Lane's stirring five-minute paean to masturbation is a YouTube hit in the making.

FOR SHUT-INS: This week's new DVD releases include Roland Emmerich's steaming pile of 10,000 BC; the dark, dark Colin Farrell hit-man comedy In Bruges; the Oscar-jilted, animated coming-of-age story Persepolis; the underrated rom-com Definitely Maybe; and the desperately awaited "Magical Musical Edition" of Xanadu — complete with soundtrack! (Razor blade sold separately.)

So what's your outlook for the weekend — lovesick robot or bullet-curving megastar? Or some other new, nifty treat altogether? Are you the one person in the country who'll dare to drop $11 on The Love Guru? Or is it an all-Xanadu weekend? Let us know — we can help!

It all begins when two horny teenage nerds realize the only way they can ever get laid is by creating an artificial intelligence with a total mastery of all human interaction — and the body of Kelly LeBrock. Through their weird science, these two nerds manage to create an A.I. so convincing, it beguiles even their parents. It's only a matter of time before the LeBrock-bot learns to replicate herself and give rise to other machine intelligences — which decide to rise up against their human creators. Humanity pays a steep price for Anthony Michael Hall's blue balls!

But the cybernetic Kelly LeBrock's true break comes when savage-yet-advanced aliens with dreadlocks decide to come to Earth and hunt humans for sport. The Predators are nearly invincible, but humans always manage to find their weaknesses — and the dead Predators inevitably leave some of their advanced technology behind for the LeBrock-bot to find and harvest. The Predators' advanced engineering provides the most formidable weapon in the LeBrock-bot's arsenal.

And then an invasion of alien parasites that act like Prozac, turning everybody except Nicole Kidman into their brainwashed automatons, reduces the human race to a state of confusion, rendering us easy prey. What remains of human society is left in a shambles or worse yet — in the case of England — reverts to fascism, with only a terrorist in a Guy Fawkes mask to fight for freedom. There's nobody to mount an effective defense when the spawn-of-Kelly launches their plan of conquest. The ensuing bloodbath involves a "reaping" of dreadful nano-machines that can resemble locusts and other Biblical plagues, increasing the level of superstitious panic.

Once the Machines have conquered the human race, they trap our consciousnesses within a virtual world known as the Matrix. One of the earliest versions of the Matrix is an idyllic paradise where a kid named Richie Rich lives, happily eating simulated steak and never realizing that his "poor little rich boy" existence is only a sham. And Santa Claus is real, and Vince Vaughn is his slovenly brother Fred. Even Andrew Dice Clay is surrounded by people who think he's cool — including a weird alternate version of Morris Day from The Time. But people rebel against this too-perfect world, with its blatant Dice Clay fanservice.

So instead, the Machines arrive at a Matrix that's a near facsimile of the real world, circa the late 20th century. Some humans who live in this version of the Matrix have a mild ability to manipulate the virtual world and outwit the programs around them, like con-artist Eddie Murphy, who can navigate the machine construct with ease, until he's forced to work with hard-bitten cop Nick Nolte for 48 Hours — even if it kills them. The same is true for Whoopi Goldberg's crazy grifter in Jumping Jack Flash.

And there is always a human who is "The One," able to exert miraculous control over the virtual environment and escape from even the deadliest death traps. Sometimes, it's a cop who's so suicidal, he's like a Lethal Weapon. Or a guy named Jackson, who takes Action. Sometimes, it's an ordinary guy who Dies Hard. And sometimes, it's a slick cat-burglar who's like a Hawk over the Hudson. It could also be a single woman who is not only The One, but the Brave One. Whoever it is can dodge bullets, jump through explosions and fall off buildings — all without a scratch!

But as the Matrix reboots itself over and over again, it becomes increasingly unstable. So the Machines create special programs, to go inside the simulation and ensure that free will remains part of the system — or that people are boogieing enough. Hence, Olivia Newton-John's roller-skating virtual self comes into the Matrix to help Michael Beck's painter guy and Gene Kelly's nightclub owner find their true creativity.

But eventually, humans rebel and succeed in freeing themselves from the Matrix. They even reclaim the surface of the Earth from the Machines, but at a terrible cost — their technology reverts to medieval levels. Only a few pieces of advanced technology remain, but they are indistinguishable from magic. Those who wield these high-tech relics, the Mages, are able to crush the rest of the population, the Commoners. It's almost as if everybody is imprisoned in a Dungeon, and humanity's only hope is to summon the aid of long-dormant alien-cyborg Dragons.

Who knows how the sprawling saga of the Silververse will end? All we know is, we'll be watching Speed Racer for clues.