Courtenay Semel, for those who are not familiar with her heiress-level fameballing, is not a shy and retiring person. A person does not make out with her attention-craving girlfriend Tila Tequila on red carpets because she mistrusts the media; a person does not scream at a club bouncer to "just fucking Google me, you dumb fuck" because she mistrusts the media; and a person certainly does not "joke" to a magazine reporter that "I'm kind of like the Don Juan of the lesbian world," as Semel did with Curve, because she mistrusts the media.

So it's odd that Semel would tell Curve that the "media kind of ruined that relationship" she had with Lindsay Lohan by saying the pair were dating. Semel added: "I can't even have a best friend because I guess I'm going to be linked with them next." But maybe she also can't have friends because she gives underminey quotes about them, like this one, from the new interview:

I think, you know, everyone scrutinizes, Lindsay for everything she went through, but they should thank her, because it shows you exactly what not to do.

That's a fairly cutting quote considering that Lohan has yet to enter rehab per Semel's urging. Of course, when Semel only went to rehab herself after her dad cut off access to the trust fund, something she left out of her little zinger. Semel, it would seem, grasps the advantages of strategic oversharing as well as the rest of her internet-bred generation; if only daddy Terry had been so savvy, Yahoo might be in a better place today.

[via People]

(Semel with heiress Casey Johnson this past May, top, via INF; Semel-Tequila pic, lower, via x17online.com)

The follows a generator failing during the ceremony and no magazines wanting to buy their stupid wedding pictures.

The masks are necessary, of course, because Mexico has been infected by grubby, pasty-skinned creatures who shamelessly breed and wallow in their own mess, making nearby people sick. Also, some kind of influenza thing involving hogs.

(Top photo from People by Pacific Coast News; second and last photos from Bauer-Griffin; third photo from X17.)

But who can be expected to do a good job as a one-man show in the swiftly professionalizing business of pretending to be an amateur? Even the gossips aren't doing the gossiping themselves. Even Perez Hilton is too busy hobnobbing with the people he ostensibly writes about to personally deface their photos anymore. It's understandable. Being yourself online is a full-time job. Ideally, for someone else.

The notion that blogs and Twitter will replace gossip has been around for a while. What's left for the tabloids if the stars reveal everything themselves? The gossip rags ought to fade away as celebrities interact with fans directly, and tell their stories their own way. Or so goes the webheads' theory.

But as Hollywood actors and musicians adopt Twitter en masse, the theory's getting a real-time test — and proving wanting. It turns out that media gatekeepers were really saving celebrities from themselves. As anyone who's written a magazine profile knows, what editors and readers want is an appealing, well-told story — not a numbing stream of trivia. And that means discarding far more material than one can ever use.

Facebook, Twitter blogs, and other media of the moment are a repository for that cutting-room floor — the ephemeral discards of mostly mundane lives. One man's trash is sometimes another man's treasure. But more often, it's just trash.

"It's inherently silly and it's inherently dumb," John Mayer, the musician and former Jennifer Aniston paramour told E! last week. Wise of Mayer to figure this out, though a bit late, since his Twitter addiction reportedly spurred his most recent breakup with Aniston. Mayer's smart enough to realize that Twitter is making him look like a fool to loved ones and strangers alike — but not smart enough to stop using it.

Courtney Love, meanwhile, is getting sued by a designer, Dawn Simorangkir, whose wares she once fancied, over ranting comments the professional Kurt Cobain widow left on MySpace and Twitter. Love has never been known for her self-control: Witness her unprovoked '90s-era rant about cheese, unleashed on an unsuspecting zine editor. But media which enable her to talk unfiltered 24/7 give us all too much insight into an obviously unbalanced mind.

Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton likewise have done themselves no favors in their blogging habits. Far from correcting their louche reputations, their overshares have cemented it.

Then there's the notion that fans would just sit back and receive all this information without comment. Jamie Spears, Britney's dad, is suing BreatheHeavy.com, a Britney Spears fan site, for allegedly invading his daughter's privacy. "I will destroy your ass!" Jamie Spears reportedly told BreatheHeavy webmaster Jordan Miller. (In fact, Jamie Spears may be mad about BreatheHeavy's aggressive questioning of the conservatorship arrangement under which he controls his daughter's finances.)

What's the solution? These people all need professional help. But since they're unlikely to spend the time they need on the psychiatrist's couch, they'll doubtless end up hiring assistants adept in social media. Ghostwritten Twitters are the hot new Hollywood must-have.

Every tweet will be media-coached. Every blog will be relentlessly edited — and then have typos inserted for authenticity. (Is that why someone pretending to be Rachael Ray consistently misspelled the cooking-show personality's name on a Yahoo blog?) The kids who are pretending to be celebrities on Twitter today will no doubt get paid to do it in the future.

Hilariously incompetent flack Jonathan Jaxson, who recently settled his legal spat with client Kim Zolciak of real Housewives of Atlanta, seems to be a pioneer here — in the sense that all pioneers get arrows in their back.

(Photo of Mayer by Getty Images; Spears by X17 Online)

prop 8
Current mood: apoplectic

oh you pretty things!

i voted NO against prop 8 !!!! the kids outside were there to clarify that the language was indeed confusing, and so by the way it was, i think its possible alot of people voting YES on prop 8 thought they were voting AGAINST it
I AM NOT ONE OF THEM

and oer the Huffington Post
ARianna knows me, she knows i am an intelligent and refined woman as anyone who knows me knows,
stop leaning on 1 my shitty grammatical errors and spelling when i blog

clarity
Current mood: anal plug

i voted AGAINST proposition 8. i want there to be gay marriage rights passionately.
clear?

shall i dress up a giant butt plug and march ? cos if i have time i dammed well will.

Uh, no need, Court! All is forgiven! Truly, who could ever have believed that a woman with such an obvious, enviable grasp of the English language could be fooled by some vague wording into voting incorrectly? We were wrong to doubt you, Courtney; just save your inappropriate dress-up for Frances Bean's psyche-scarring sweet seventeen, OK?

[Photo Credit: X17]

• prop 8 [Courtney Love]

• clarity [Courtney Love]

Boomp3.com

Malibu quickly turned into Coolsville, as soon as the world’s number one cool guy John Cusack returned from a stint up in the great white north. One Malibu resident was excited about Cusack’s return to the sleepy beach city. The resident said, “It’s not that we lost our cool status. It’s just we weren’t as cool as we usually are. Now with Mr. Coolsack back in town, we’re about cool as a polar bear. Boosh!”

[Photo Credit: X17]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

Boomp3.com

West Hollywood conspiracy theorists have been working around the clock to find an answer to the age old question, "Was Natalie Portman picking out a wedgie or merely scratching her back?" Some believe that the positioning of Portman’s hand made it a quick back scratch. However, another theorist felt it was a wedgie, saying, “I was there and I got a wedgie, too. So I do believe a ghost haunts that particular shopping plaza. A ghost who torments and taunts those who need dry cleaning with vicious wedgies.”

[Photo Credit: X17]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

Boomp3.com

After enjoying a delicious meal at popular restaurant Bossa Nova, actress Kirsten Dunst was dealt a parking ticket by the cruel hand of fate. Dunst intitally shrugged it off fine, but upon further inspection became slightly miffed. There was a small note attached to the ticket that read: “Thanks a pantsful for putting Cameron Crowe in movie jail. I hope you can sleep at night."

[Photo Credit: X17]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

Boomp3.com

Environmentalist/female naturalist Jamie Lee Curtis brought back her beloved Uncle Jam character at a Halloween party/charity event over the weekend. Regarding her costume, Curtis said, “Given the current political situation, it just felt right that Uncle Jam came out of the closet and reminded people that an election is coming up very soon.”

[Photo Credit: X17]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

Boomp3.com

Strict parental unit Billy Ray Cyrus enforced a new rule for daughter Miley Cyrus and sort of boyfriend, hunky underwear model Justin Gatson. Father Cyrus based his new rule on the infamous "five seconds" rule and Gatson now has to stand at least five feet away from his daughter when out in public in an attempt to cut down on the creepy factor. Billy Ray said, “I got the idea this morning after I dropped a grape on the kitchen floor. I naturally started the countdown in my head as I bent down to pick it up. Now, if five seconds is all that separates me from harmful bacteria and disease, then five feet or so should keep things from getting creepy and uncomfortable and people getting the wrong idea. They’re not into putting labels on things.”

[Photo Credit: X17]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

Boomp3.com

Oscar favorite Anne Hathaway took to the produce of her local Whole Foods to recreate one of her favorite scenes from the movies, the shower dance from Flash Dance. The Rachel Getting Married star was perfectly in sync with the produce sprinkler system as she twirled around the fresh vegetable department. Hathaway’s impromptu dance number ended with a thunderous round of applause and a flurry of five and ten dollar bills.

[Photo Credit: X17]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

Boomp3.com

After another down day on the stock market across the globe, Academy Award winner Charlize Theron set up a booth outside of the Roosevelt Hotel to hand out free hugs to anyone recently affected by the downslide. Theron said, “In times like these, sometimes a hug will help you get through the day. I could tell them to hang in there and that things will work out in the long run, but a hug I feel is just as good.”

[Photo Credit: X17]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

Boomp3.com

After a lunch date with a good friend, Four Christmases star Reese Witherspoon went in for a kiss since she felt the meal went well. However, Witherspoon’s companion gracefully glided Witherspoon to her cheek. The companion said, “Lunch dates get the cheek. Now, take me to Katsuya and maybe I’ll reconsider the lips.”

[Photo Credit: X17]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

Boomp3.com

Sporting her finest cut-offs, Spider Man trilogy star Kirsten Dunst stopped off at a Early Voting facility. After she walked out of the voting booth, Dunst did her best Palin Dance to celebrate her decision to rock the vote. Dunst quickly added, “I may be doing the Dance, but it doesn’t mean that I voted for her. Although, I would love to see Tina Fey have all that work.”

[Photo Credit: X17]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

Boomp3.com

Potential Los Angeles Clippers savior Baron Davis was spotted leaving an event with Kate Hudson on Monday night. Before hoping into his SUV, Hudson jokingly told the baller that if he had signed with the Lakers he could have probably partied with even bigger celebrities like Cloris Leachman or Angelina Jolie. David politely told Hudson that there was nobody bigger than her, then bit his thumb and thought about all the fun he could be having if he wore purple and gold.

[Photo Credit: X17]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

Boomp3.com

A coy Jennifer Aniston quickly denied the claim that she had babies on the brain while waiting for a friend in a back alley. Aniston chuckled as she discovered the accidental thought bubble above her, saying, “Maybe I should stand underneath a sign that says 'Oscar winner,' or 'cheeseburger.'”

[Photo Credit: X17]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

Boomp3.com

Swing Vote star Kevin Costner’s moment of pleasure quickly turned into regret as Costner began to wonder where the ice cream would end up. After the ice cream cone failed to answer his question, Costner assumed that the ice cream would go to his thighs. Costner paused for a moment and continued to plow through his cone. Using his regular guy charm, Costner said, “I guess I’ll just have to swim extra lap at the pool in the morning.”

[Photo Credit: X17]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

Boomp3.com

Living legend Dustin Hoffman stopped off at a Brentwood magazine kiosk looking to pick up his weekly fix of the celebrity gossip rags. However a crowd quickly developed once the I Heart Huckabees star arrived, forcing Hoffman to feign interest in more serious fare like the Economist and The New Yorker. The crowd eventually went away, allowing the Hoffeweizen to scoop his favorite mags. Walking away, Hoffman was overheard to have said, “Oh, I’m so glad to see Zac and Vanessa are so in love together.”

[Photo Credit: X17]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

Boomp3.com

Another day, another Mileuary celebration for Disney mega star Miley Cyrus at West Hollywood sweet spot, Millions of Shakes. Mileuary is a month long celebration of all things Miley including a party at Disneyland and trips to the local ice cream parlor. Cyrus believes that she has planned one heck of a party on which to end Mileuary. Cyrus said, “I rented out the club Rage for the final event and we’re going to go off like no other. Milkshakes for everybody in West Hollywood that night. Drink it up.”

[Photo Credit: X17]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

Boomp3.com

One time television star Mischa Barton visited a West Hollywood liquor store to finally a bit of prep work for her presidential debate party on Wednesday night. Barton felt that the 18 pack would get her guests through the first 18 times Republican nominee John McCain says, “my friends,” and/or “maverick.” Barton said, “McCain seems pretty aware that he’s becoming a parody of himself. So, he might introduce a new catch phrase or buzz word to ruin our drinking game. Like supercalifragilisticexipialidocious.”

[Photo Credit: X17]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

Boomp3.com

Hot TV doc Katherine Heigl struggled greatly as she attempted to flag down a valet, taxicab, party van or any other motorist in Los Angeles on Monday night. The Bug Buster star was anxious to get back home to catch the latest episode of The Hills since she forgot to record it and rocker hubby Joshua Kelley was off somewhere singing for his supper. After fifteen minutes of arm waving and jumping up and down, Heigl felt that her glasses may have been the problem. Heigl tossed her Tina Fey shades aside and began the quest for attention again. Sadly, the removal of the glasses did not improve Heigl’s chances.

[Photo Credit: X17]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.