All night last we were giddy with anticipation thinking we'd definitely get an email from the wacky Charmaine Blake. Unfortunately, we did not. But a "dear personal friend" of hers, a Spielberg no less, did take the time to write in to inform us that some unknown evil goblin recognized Charmaine Blake as she was enjoying a tasty dinner last night with John Ratzenberger at Wolfgang Puck's Cut in Beverly Hills, which prompted the hellion to spring into action with a diabolical plot to destroy Charmaine Blake, expertly crafting a press release that just so happens to read exactly like something Charmaine Blake would write, based on what we've seen of her work, and then blasted it out to slew of press contacts that this rogue rascal just so happened to have laying around.

See for yourself:

From: MelissaSpielberg@aol.com
Date: July 1, 2009 2:07:05 PM PDT
To: melissa.spielberg@gmail.com
Subject: Media Alert: Celebrity News Retraction

To Whom if May Concern:

My name is Melissa Spielberg. I am a dear personal friend of Charmaine Blake's. Ms. Blake is very upset about the email that went out about her and John Ratzenberger having dinner last night. Apparently someone witnessed Charmaine Blake and John Ratzenberger having dinner at Wolfgang Puck's "Cut" in Beverly Hills last evening. Unfortunately, word leaked out and someone emailed a tip from a fictitious email address claiming to be Charmain Blake. The email address CharmaineBlakePR@aol.com and ExclusivePRFirm@aol.com do not belong to Charmaine Blake and have no affiliation whatsoever with Charmaine Blake. These emails does not exist and we sincerely apologize to everyone for this most unfortunate miscommunication.

Please be advised, if you received this email yesterday, you were being deceived.

Charmaine Blake and John Ratzenberger are very good friends and I hope everyone will respect their privacy.

Thank you for your kind understanding with this matter.

Sincerely yours,
Melissa Spielberg

Wow! Such are the perils of being "the most famous publicist" we suppose. Charmaine Blake's enemies are powerful and determined and will stop at nothing to destroy her. This is obviously the work of the Godless, child-raping David Letterman.

Charmaine Blake PR [Charmaine Blake PR]
Charmaine Blake's Blog [Charmaine Watch]

The selection, reports the Yumsugar blog, will include "miniature kobe burgers, parmesan mac n' cheese, a ceviche station, a noodle station, a shellfish station, a pizza station, a sushi station, antipasti and a Snake River Farms Wagyu Beef entree," serving guests the most delicious snake mignon they're likely to have ever tasted. Also, lucky invitees will be relieved to learn that last year's featured dessert, a Hepatitis and Blackberry Cheesecake, has been replaced with something just as sweet, but far less heavy and infectious.

• Wolfgang Does It Again! — Photos From the Governors Ball Menu [Yumsugar via EaterLA]

Today, however, TMZ has obtained a letter sent out to guests of a February 7th party for Music & Lyrics informing them (including such high-wattage, buffet-hitting names like Sandra Bullock, Drew Barrymore, and Hugh Grant) that consuming the scrumptious tacos, loaded potato skins, and always-deadly peanut butter Fluffer Nutters on offer that fateful night may have put them at remote risk of infection, correspondence that was tragically delivered far too late for any concerned attendees to take preventive medical measures. While the Health Department has been less than cooperative in assisting TMZ in its quest to disseminate life-saving information about the scare, they've quietly been monitoring all potential Hepatitis A victims for signs that they've contracted the disease; the moment that Barrymore or Bullock display any symptoms, they'll be immediately rounded up and relocated to a celebrity internment camp, where they'll be forced to live out the rest of their miserable, liver-ravaged days among other jaundiced zombies in an attempt to contain a plague that could quickly decimate the city's population.

• Did the Cook Taint the Tacos? [TMZ]
• Full HepWatch Coverage [Defamer]

Being stonewalled by the L.A. County Health Department hasn't stopped TMZ's team of Hep-investigators from discovering that directors George Lucas and John Landis might be at risk because of their attendance at the Visual Effects Society's awards banquet, two luminaries who will probably be seeking out precautionary globulin shots today now that they're aware of their liver-perforating peril. Unfortunately, TMZ's crusade may have come too late to help Puck himself, as an exclusive photo obtained by the site seems to reveal that the master chef has already been driven mad by prolonged exposure, as he's apparently equipped his kitchen with a clock prominently displaying infected cells and has taken to screaming incomprehensibly at shellfish.

• George Lucas, John Landis — At Puck Event [TMZ]
• Previously: Wolfgang Puck Hep Scare! [Defamer]