For those few years while Grunge was king, its people lived a modern day utopia of laying on the couch watching old sitcoms, sneering at anyone who got all-excited about themselves, dressing as though we had been laying in a bed of moss for a month and creating an art form that existed entirely in air quotes. It was a magical time and through it all, one impish band-hooking-up-with actress reined as the era's muse.

The years that followed have not been kind to the grunge ethos as earnestness and ambition have replaced sarcasm and slack. But through all the twists of fortune, the lost peoples of grunge could still look to one tiny flame burning on the distant horizon. As long as Winona Ryder continued to rob department stores, make demented rants on stage and hook up with even more musicians, somewhere, the Grunge Era lived on.

But now all that is over. With the news that Ryder will make a Hallmark Hall of Fame Movie the dream has finally ended. Granted it is a movie about the life of Alcoholics Anonymous founder Bill Wilson, which although it is a very very earnest topic, at least it will have serious drinking in it, so one could say it has a toenail in grunge. But still..

Given the milestone, it seemed a good moment to take a look at the icon's of grunge and see who has stayed true to the dream during the long disapora.

ICON: Kurt Cobain
GRUNGE ACCOMPLISHMENT: The era's troubador
WHERE HE IS NOW: Deceased
BETRAYAL OF GRUNGE ETHOS QUOTIENT: Almost entirely pure, however a posthumous cartoon appearance in Guitar Hero game raised eyebrows.

ICON: Layne Staley
GRUNGE ACCOMPLISHMENT: Lead singer, Alice in Chains; sung the definitional Grunge lyric "He who tries, Will be wasted"
WHERE HE IS NOW: Died of an overdose in 2002
BETRAYAL OF GRUNGE ETHOS QUOTIENT: Low. It's hard to beat a drug overdose for grunge purity.

ICON: Douglas Coupland
GRUNGE ACCOMPLISHMENT: Wrote the not particularly Grungey book which gave the name to Generation X
WHERE HE IS NOW: Living in Toronto where he has just written Generation A which according to his website champions, the act of reading and storytelling as one of the few defenses we still have against the constant bombardment of the senses in a digital world"
BETRAYAL OF GRUNGE ETHOS QUOTIENT: Enormous.

ICON: Doc Martens
GRUNGE ACCOMPLISHMENT: The era's official footwear.
WHERE HE IS NOW: Forced to abandon production for a time in their native UK and give up their vegan non-leather line, Doc struggles along as a novelty/nostalgia act.
BETRAYAL OF GRUNGE ETHOS QUOTIENT: Low.

ICON: Courtney Love
GRUNGE ACCOMPLISHMENT: The era's Yoko Ono
WHERE SHE IS NOW: Has relocated her long run disaster show to New York.
BETRAYAL OF GRUNGE ETHOS QUOTIENT: Her sell-out is total, complete and unquestionable, while on another level she remains somehow the brand's truest proponent.

ICON: Perry Farrell
GRUNGE ACCOMPLISHMENT: Lead singer of Jane's Addiction, creator of Lollapalooza.
WHERE HE IS NOW: An earnest global warming campaigner, occaisional Jane's reunion attendee and flogger of various palooza spin off's/
BETRAYAL OF GRUNGE ETHOS QUOTIENT:When he created Kidzapalooza, he took a step beyond possible grunge redemption.

Something about the actress (who is now 37) seems eternally youthful, but interestingly, she didn't have a very happy childhood. Ryder tells Miller she was bullied quite often:

"I'd just seen Bugsy Malone and we were really poor," she says. "We only shopped at the Salvation Army, and I would get these three-piece, 1970s little boy suits. I had really short hair, and the third day of seventh grade, these kids basically jumped me in the hall because they thought I was a gay boy, and they roughed me up… I think when that happened, I kind of went into a movie in my head because I couldn't deal with what was happening."

Is it the ability to escape with her mind that makes her such a versatile actress? Even after she was in Beetlejuice, she suffered from being terrorized, in high school: "Kids would say, 'You're a witch, you're creepy, you're crazy.' I was in the number-one movie in the country and I was still being bullied in school."

Even though this piece doesn't touch on her shoplifting, you do get a little bit of insight into Winona's psyche — when talking about basing her Pippa Lee character on someone she used to know, she says: "In this day and age with antidepressants and anti-anxiety drugs and diagnoses, there's so much to blame your problems on. Everybody has a disorder of some sort." She also admits she had an "extra-large breakdown" when she was 20. "I had just done Dracula and Edward Scissorhands. I had just had my first real break-up, the first heartbreak. And I think it was really ironic because, like, everybody else just thought I had everything in the world, you know, I had no reason to be depressed, everything was sort of at its peak, but inside I was completely lost."

Yet, Winona has found inspiration in some of her fellow actors:

I worked with Meryl Streep on The House of the Spirits. I always thought actors had to be really depressed or moody or anguished to be great, but she was completely fine and had her family and came to work and did an amazing job and she wasn't that way. I remember that being a really big deal to me. And I was like, 'Wow, I can actually be happy and be good at the same time!' Because you go through that thing, especially as a young actor, when you think you have to make yourself miserable to play misery.

But in some ways, though she played a popular girl in Heathers, Winona has always been a sort of an outsider-type, the original, whom all the other manic pixie dream girls try to copy, but whose quirkiness can also be dark. That's why it makes perfect sense when she says:

I thought it was cooler to be interesting than to be pretty. I must have got that from my parents, who felt strongly about being an individual and being your own person and that looks aren't everything. I always knew that I wasn't, you know, beautiful. I never wanted to be beautiful, I never wanted to be a cheerleader.

Winona Ryder Is Back [Elle Uk]

The morning after the event, around 6:00 AM, Winona checked out of the hotel. No one from Marie Claire was around to collect the stuff, so she left everything in her hotel room.

Our sources confirm the bracelet and ring did indeed turn up missing — the dress and other stuff weren't taken. We're told Winona never said she had taken the jewels to the front desk, and whoever planted the story may be covering up for someone who had access to the room after she left.

We'll have to side with Ryder on this one. After all, why leave the jewels at the front desk or return them directly to Marie Claire when a low-paid cleaning lady could intuit that information simply by seeing them splayed out on the bed with hotel stationary nearby, upon which is scrawled, "Hola. Do something about this! Love, Noni"? Sure, this might seem like just the latest example of erratic behavior from the actress, but go easy on her: she gave birth at six.

[Photo Credit: Getty Images]

• Winona Jewel Heist Mystery [TMZ]

Ryder rep Nancy Buxbaum later explained that the actress was admitted only as a "precautionary measure," assuring the AP that there was no emergency and that Ryder was discharged in short order. The airline wasn't much more help, issuing only a statement that its crew radioed ahead to land as soon as possible to get the sick Oscar-nominee to a doctor:

"Our cabin crew looked after the female passenger as much as they could onboard and our passenger services staff also accompanied her to the local hospital," the statement said. "We wish her well."

As do we. The shmucks at the AP, meanwhile, tastefully point out Ryder's history with prescription drugs, but we're not ones to presume anything; rather, we leave that to our readers. Speaking of whom, Hollywood PrivacyWatch bonus points to any tipsters with information leading to the arrest and capture of Ryder's airborne crisis — preferably with pictures. We know it's midnight in London, but step forward at your earliest convenience.

• Winona Ryder Briefly Hospitalized [People]

• WINONA RYDER HOSPITALIZED [AP]

A closer look at all eight posters (plus the mysterious inclusion of Tyler Perry and Winona Ryder!) awaits after the jump:

Clockwise from top left, we have Eric Bana as the film's villain, Nero, Zoe Saldana as Uhura, Chris Pine as James T. Kirk, and Heroes' Zachary Quinto as Spock. While these posters are a little more convincing, we can't help but be disappointed that Paramount neglected to make one-sheets for the film's most unlikely cast members: Winona Ryder as Spock's mom and Madea's Family Reunion star Tyler Perry as the head of Starfleet Academy. We've gone ahead and taken the liberty ourselves:

Paramount, we'll accept our payment in the form of transporter credits. Good day, and QA TLHO'.

• VegasCon 08: New Star Trek Movie Posters With Four New Cast Images [Trekmovie.com via Hollywood Elsewhere]

1. They already have a sex tape.And it's a cartoon! The two already played on-screen love interests in the Richard Linklater druggie film A Scanner Darkly, and though we barely had a clue which drugs Winona's character was on and when, we do recall a midnight seduction scene in which Keanu sleeps over. Sure, he has some kind of nightmare involving dead blondes in the bed, but all that matters is the fact that these two have no need to film their own inevitably released sex tape.
2. They can both fuck up as much as possible. Let's face it, each of them has made a lot of dumb moves in their lives and their careers. From the shoplifting scandal to Street Kings, they both know what it's like to be judged by others, so they probably won't pass untoward and unreasonable judgements on each other.
3. We really need a reason to go see their movie.As much as we adore Daniel Day-Lewis and his wife Rebecca Miller, her last directorial attempt came in the form of The Ballad Of Jack And Rose, a movie we wanted to love desperately but found ourselves sleeping through. She's currently directing Keanu and Winona in an adaptation of her novel The Private Lives Of Pippa Lee, starring Robin Wright Penn, essentially her acting equivalent in both talent and watchability.

• NEW COUPLE ALERT: KEANU REEVES & WINONA RYDER [Star]

boomp3.com


Popular actress Winona Ryder once again was given the third degree as she shopped at a Manhattan store. While shopping, Ryder was accompanied by the store's two rather beefy security guards. Ryder paused for a moment, stared at the guards, then looked at the girl behind the register and said, "Is this really necessary? I mean, it's been nearly seven years since I stole something. I'm from Hollywood and I get tons of free stuff all the time. So, I have no need to steal anything unless we're in a scene together. I'm guilty of that crime. Netflix me being guilty in such films as Heathers and Edward Scissorhands."

[Photo Credit: Bauer-Griffin]

According to the publication, when she left the store, she set off an alarm that drew the attention of a security guard.

A store employee is quoted as saying: "Winona had a bag of stuff, but she set off the theft alarm when she left the store.

"When a security guard stopped her, he found make-up she had not paid for."

And when she was asked about the make-up, Winona answered: "I don't know how that happened."

The store employee added: "We took unpaid items back and she left the store."

Yes, once the true shoplifting addict has experienced the mainlined rush of having made it through the exit hoisting a belly pregnant with loofas, waterproof mascaras, and Toblerone bars, no other high ever comes as close. We'd caution that in this case, however, it's much too premature to blame the incident on Ryder's sticky-fingered recidivism. After hours of scrutinizing various lipstick shades, keeping the Plumberry Wines straight from the Mata Hari Reds becomes an exercise in futility—who can really remember which one ended up on the discard pile? Until it comes out that Ryder was stopped by a security guard dragging a five-foot-tall, fully-stocked Maybelline standee out store doors, causing the red-faced actress to ponder out loud, "Oops—where did this come from?" we'll refrain from assuming the worst.

• 'Sticky fingers' Winona Ryder in new shoplifting scandal, claims magazine [Daily Mail]

As Getty is reporting (though we're not sure just how credible their skills are, considering they spelled Sennett's band "Rilo Kelley") that Winona "reveled" her engagement at the Valentino fashion show in Paris over the weekend. And Courtney Love is quoted as slurring, "You're no one in music until you have feuded with me or until you sleep with Winona." Question for ya, Court? Have you slept with the pixie-haired dish? Probably not, but we are guessing you've frequently feuded with yourself in the mirror after one or one hundred decadent nights. In any case, we're raising our champagne flute along with Court and toasting to the happy couple. We'll be first in line to pick out some Marc Jacobs dresses from their wedding registry.

[Photo Credit: Getty Images]

• ROCK OF LOVE [Getty Images Blog via Stereogum]

In today's episode: Lindsay Lohan (in Sundance, Utah); Harrison Ford and Calista Flockhart; Winona Ryder; Vince Vaughn and "a Wilson brother"; Seth Green; Mandy Moore and Jason Segel; Jerry Bruckheimer; Reggie Williams and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar; Larry King; Oliver Stone and Tom Ford; John Stamos; DJ Danger Mouse; Busy Phillips; Michael Gross and James Avery; Willie Garson; Chris Kattan and Preston Lacy; Chelsea Handler; Kato Kaelin; Asia Argento; Roger Cross; Eric Christian Olsen; Brandon Davis; Lauren Conrad and Audrina Patridge; Samantha Ronson.

· I've been at a resort in Utah for the past week, two days ago I'm coming down a trail from my cabin when I see someone else walking up the mountain. From a distance I saw a girl that I thought was out of place for the environment. People that come to that part of the country are outdoor/gear enthusiasts who are a little crunchy and tend to dress/live the part. This girl had on a baseball cap, H U G E sunglasses and wasn't really fitted for a trek. Had I been in LA, I would have thought, "what lame-o celeb is trying to work the, "I'm-hiding-from-the-paps-in-the-most-obvious-way" disguise?" As we got closer to each other, I thought, "that looks like Lindsay Lohan." My logical brain then intervened because why the eff would she be in the middle of nowhere, by herself and on the same trail as me? Had going cold turkey for a week on all media caused me to hallucinate a party girl in the sticks? When we passed each other she smiled at me and then looked down—-aside from noting that this doppelganger was way too thin, I could see that she had on no make-up which made her look really young and then spotted ooodles of her tell-tale freckles. When I got to the bottom of the mountain I told some friends that I had passed a girl who I would swear was LiLo...ha ha, the altitude must be making me nuts, right? They then reminded me that there was a super posh rehab a few miles away so I might not be totally insane. My sighting was sort of a running joke for the rest of the weekend ala Sasquatch/Firecrotch until I got emails from friends linking me to sites announcing that Ms. Lohan was indeed in my neck of the woods.

· Saw Harrison Ford and Calista Flockhart, with (her?) kid at the Dodger game on Sat nite. They seemed to be having a good time despite the Dodger loss, and stayed for the whole game. And yes, Calista ate junk food at the game just like the rest of us.

· my boyfriend and i were at the weho target sunday (8-5) about 3pm and I saw a girl and i thought, "wow she looks like winona ryder" i turn and look and my bf's jaw hit the ground. just from that, i knew it was her, he's a great celeb spotter, she was with her bf and they were buying new pillows. as soon as she saw us follow her to the elevator, she put on her HUGE and i mean HUGE sunglasses that covered her entire face. she asked everyone in the elevator if they needed p2 pushed and we were the only ones who spoke. she was so so tiny and i thought she looked stunning, but bf thought she looked like an old sickly lady....her skin was flawless!!

· 8/4/07-Saw Hunky Vince Vaughn and a Wilson Brother trolling for drunk Volley Dolley's at the Manhattan Beach Volleyball tournament. Neither wore shades or a hat so their star power could really shine and reel in the ladies.

8/6/07-In and Out Universal City...Small Fry Seth Green eating outside. His hair was definitely "Animal Style"

· Friday, 8/3. Dresden Room, Los Feliz. Drinking with friends when in walks Jason Segel from How I Met Your Mother. He orders what looks like whiskey and sits down at the piano bar by himself. A little later, he's joined by some woman who seemed like the average 20-something from the back — messy hair, frumpy black jacket. Then she turned around and it was Mandy Moore. Looked like they were just there as friends. So that would be plenty celebrity for the night...until Vince Vaughn walked in. Yeah, the guy from Swingers who shot his movie in the Dresden Room still drinks at said establishment. Vince skipped the bar and hung out in a booth in the back with his posse or something.

· So last night (Wed Aug 6th), we decided to head over to Q's on Wilshire for some casual after-work drinks on the Westside. As it was a weekday, the place was pretty dead (who goes out to Q's on a Monday night when there's $2 margaritas at Acapulco in westwood???) Apparently, none other than the master of Pirates himself, Jerry Bruckheimer! We couldn't believe our eyes as he casually strolled in, and saddled up to the bar next to (who we assume) were a couple of fellow producer friends from his company or perhaps some guys from his management team. Everyone in our group kept staring at him (we're all production/agency kids), but no one else in the bar seemed to notice. Within 5 minutes of entering, of course, he was on his immediately on his blackberry taking calls (at 10pm).

· Reggie Williams and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar were sitting in front of me on a flight from LAX to Honululu (Aug 3), talking about their NBA championship games. Then they started arguing about who could sink more 3-pointers in a row. Pretty insane!

· Just saw Larry King (Aug. 4) coming out of the Pacific Grove theatres at The Grove in Hollywood. Was here with a young kid. Son? Grandson? Wasn't wearing the customary huge plastic glasses. Maybe he only wears those on TV...

· Friday night (Aug. 3) at the Tower Bar - Saw Tom Ford in all of his tanned, open chest haired glory. I must say that he is extremely handsome and stylish in person. What a waste for us women....Also saw Oliver Stone in all of his tanned, open chest haired non-glory. The man looks like he has been through the wringer times 10 ( is he still making movies anyway?)

· 8/6/07 Not the most interesting but worth noting. Out with the fam for some BBQ at Lucille's in Long Beach and randomly spot John Stamos tucked away in the corner. Uncle Jesse was doing his best to stay unnoticed, even donning a cap when leaving (if it wasn't dark already I'm sure sunglasses may have been in order as well). Seemed nice enough, even helped a server with something she dropped to the floor from her already full hands.

· 6 Aug 7 I saw DJ Danger Mouse at The Belmont on Saturday (4 Aug). On my way out I asked the bouncer if that was in fact the man himself, and he said he didn't know who Danger Mouse was. Once I explained that he's opposite Cee Lo in Gnarls Barkley (ever heard of 'em?) he knew right away. Aparantly he's friends with the owner.

· It's your favorite Defamer operative from Starbucks Sunset & Gower: today a nice young blonde woman came in and ordered her drink. When my co-worker asked for her name, she said Busy. He commented that he'd never heard the name before. From the espresso machines I commented that I had, and asked him if he'd ever heard of the actress Busy Phillips. He hadn't but the customer had, saying "He even knows my last name!" I looked up and realized it was her. She was pleasant , and stayed for quite awhile drinking her iced green tea unsweetened. Oh how I miss Freaks and Geeks, but love my dvd set!

· It was a TV Sitcom Dads breakfast at HOME on Hillhurst, yesterday morning (8/5): First up, James Avery, surrogate father to Will Smith, from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. Then, Michael Gross slid into the booth next to ours. Apparently I said, "hey, that's Alex P. Keaton's dad!" a little more audibly than my boyfriend would have liked, because he shot me a look and said, "you're so loud!" No, I'm not. Also, I would assume Michael Gross would be more apt to have someone recognize him from Family Ties, than, hmm... let's say, Tremors?

· Friday, 8/3 Formosa Cafe—Willie Garson (Stanford from Sex & The City) was wandering around the main bar/train car area with a male friend. They seemed to just be looking around at the place, but not interested in sitting down. Willie is adorable—had a red baseball cap on, for some inexplicable reason, but was still fabulous.

· Tuesday, August 1st. I saw Preston Lacy (JACKASS) and Chris Kattan (SNL) have lunch together at Jack n Jills in Beverly Hills (poet and didn't even know it). They both seemed friendly yet somewhat subdued. Preston is a big boy, and Chris was better looking than I would have expected.

· Chelsea Handler at the Gelson's in Marina del Rey. Pretty beautiful but surprisingly not skinny. She was with an attractive 40ish male. While waiting at the deli counter she complemented this scary, braless, overtanned, & overscalpeled bag in short shorts on her necklace - only to smirk and whisper evil nothings about the woman as soon as she turned around.

· Kato Kaelin banking in Toluca Lake across from the Graciela, August 7. I didn't know anyone under 80, or above 23, banked here; it's the nearly dead/newlywed memorial branch I think. Any-ho, don't know if he has a job, and I could do without the highlights, but he's tan and built, and chats up lowly bank tellers very sweetly. If this is what pushing 50 looks like (he's only two years older than me, thx IMDB), sign me up. And I'll take the black roadster type coupe he was driving too, dammit.

· I saw Miss Sixty spokeswoman and actress-filmmaker Asia Argento leaving Fogo de Chão on August 4th with about five others. She was looking a little scraggily wearing a long red tank over jean short cut-offs.

· I stopped at pickup stix on laurel canyon to feed my pregnant BFF at around 5pm, 6th of august, and who let us cut in front but the lovely ROGER CROSS, curtis manning off that "24" show.

· Spotted Eric Christian Olsen of "Dumb and Dumberer" fame (thank you, imdb) braving the Saturday crowds at Century City today (8/4) and taking advantage of the sales at Restoration Hardware. Also taking advantage of the really skinny blonde he was with. Well done, Eric Christian Olsen.

· I saw The Bourne Ultimatum at Century City on Friday and I ended up sitting near Brandon "Firecrotch" Davis. He smells so bad, I would have moved if there had been any open seats. I had to shower when I got home because I could still smell him in my hair — an unholy mixture of cigarettes, patchouli, BO and some undefinable something else. In addition to reeking, he left his seat at least twice during the movie, spent the entire time grunting/sniffing/moaning/snoring (while awake, which I thought was impossible), reading his Blackberry, and I caught him at least twice lifting up his tee shirt to grab and inspect a roll of belly fat. He also ate: a carton of Dibs, a bag of Skittles, a small bag of popcorn, a bag of chips, a soda, and a Slurpee. I can understand why he got disinherited.

· Because A-List stars are the only way I roll, Lauren Conrad and Audrina Patridge, jaywalking Robertson after apparently leaving the Ivy on Friday afternoon, August 3. No sign of Heidi and her big boobs or dickhead Spencer. Good. I hate them. Bring on Season 3.

· I saw Samantha Ronson (LiLo enabler) in a black Porsche near the BH hotel yesterday (8-6). She was wearing the same pork pie hat she always has on and looked sad and hung over.

"I didn't have this tremendous sense of guilt, because I hadn't hurt anyone," Ryder tells Vogue magazine for its August cover story. "Had I physically harmed someone or caused harm to a human being, I think it would have been an entirely different experience."

Her personal reaction, she says, was "I never said a word. I didn't release a statement. I didn't do anything. I just waited for it to be over." [...]

Ryder - who was convicted of grand theft - explains that life had been bumpy for her just before the arrest. "Two months prior to that, I broke my arm in two places, and the doctor, a sort of quack doctor, was giving me a lot of stuff and I was taking it at first to get through the pain. And then there was this weird point when you don't know if you are in pain but you're taking it."

Readers will be relieved to know that the "quack doctor" who hopped up the Reality Bites star on kleptomania-inducing goof pills—and provided Courtney Love with a painkiller buffet—has long since been relieved of his medical license. Still, the life of a recovering shoplifter is a constant struggle, and Ryder should feel grateful just to be able to say, "I paid for this pair of Dolce & Gabbana sunglasses today," praying all the while that tomorrow she isn't suddenly tempted to gnaw a plastic security device off a Gucci leather skirt in a Barney's changing room.

• Winona Ryder Finally Speaks Out About Her Arrest [people.com]

In what appears to be an apparent suicide, Winona Ryder was pronounced dead as a result of cardiac arrest after consuming more than two-dozen sleeping pills.

Complete details are not yet available, as this story is still developing.

So in the interest of doing our part to get people back to the important work of rolling calls, screaming at their assistants, and trying to dream up projects to which the suddenly red-hot Ryder can be immediately attached: The story seems to be just another poorly executed hoax from this site (see: "actress drug overdose POPULAR!" in the Targeting Celebrities section), which previously attempted to kill off Tom Hanks during a fictional New Zealand shoot. Also not dead: Drew Barrymore and Helen Mirren. We may never believe another thing the once-trusted Global Associated News network tells us.

Of course, we haven't actually placed a call to Ryder's people, so feel free to continue freaking out until the story is officially denied.

• Breaking News : Actress Winona Ryder Found Dead [FakeAWish]
• Breaking News : Actress Yo Name Found Dead [FakeAWish]

Tower Bar, Tuesday night, February 27th. I'm minding my own business, drinking at the bar when who should be ushered past me and into a discreet alcove booth but Bill Maher and Winona Ryder. It looked very "date not business." She sat next to him on the couch, rather than across, learned in, giggled a lot, held his arm while they talked and ate.

At first blush, I was like, "Wow, he's kind of old for her." But a little IMDB work reminded me that she's getting to be "a woman of a certain age" at 35 and he's 50 or 51. Not really that out of place. She's not the Winona of Heathers or Johnny Depp any more. That said, he's the king of porno stars and the Playboy Mansion. All I can think they have in common is leftish politics and a Jewish heritage*. I wish I had been close enough to hear what they were talking about...

Assuming the two aren't simply close, touchy-feely friends, we were initially also taken aback at Maher's unlikely choice of companionship. (Noni? When has she ever promised anyone the "ride of your life" in the back of an L.A. Weekly?) Our operative does make some compelling points as to why the two may have found each other, however: Until now, Maher's definition of commitment involved that time he spent two consecutive weekends at the Playboy mansion with friendscorts Bambee and Cinnamin on his arms; at age 51, perhaps he's finally looking for something more substantial. Ryder, meanwhile, has long since tired of the vicious, pretty-boy-actor dating scene, and was instantly intrigued while combing the JDate profiles of the bachelor with handle "Boys2Mensch," who listed his occupation as "Host of own comedic political roundtable series on HBO."

*Maher's mother is Jewish.

On Sunday (June 26th), I spotted a bony woman devouring a sandwich on the first floor handbag section of Barneys. Dressed like a disheveled vagabond in tapered ankle-length pants, heavy clog-like shoes with socks, and large loose shirt falling off her skeleton of a figure, she sported a cloth baseball cap, bordering somewhere between tacky tourist/homeless bum/one of those kooky old ladies sitting by her metal cart of junk at the bus stop. After seeing her shove a wrapped sandwich into her mouth, looking as if she hadn't eaten in days, I took a good look at the pale face and realized it was none other than Winona Ryder, the notorious shoplifter. She was buying tons of stuff at the Barneys sale all while simultaneously stuffing her face. She had horrible posture, standing hunched over with her shoulder bones jetting out like an old grandma, and did not resemble the fresh-faced demure young actress I once thought she was. Poor Winona.

There's no reason to be sad. While it's certainly regrettable any time someone of Ryder's stature begins to take their fashion and dietary cues from the Olsen Twins, her confinement to the handbag section shows that she might have finally put her light-fingered past behind her. Even the most inveterate shoplifter knows that it's virtually impossible to explain the presence of a new, obviously purloined handbag inside the one you carried into the store. Noni seems all better now.