Earlier: Oprah's Favorite Things 2007: The Audience Freaks Out!

He writes:

People make mistakes. I have made many in my life, but this past week I have made more than I can count on one hand.

I am sorry. And I mean it. No one is forcing me to write this. I am not feeling pressured to say this. I am speaking out because I realize that the last few days have been more hurtful to me - and many others - than the repeated blows I suffered to my head in Toronto this past weekend.

I have been filled with incredible sadness and regret.

I am sorry that any good work I have done for promoting equality may be tainted by me reclaiming a hurtful word - that's been personally used against me and the gay community - to hurt someone that was verbally attacking me. It was stupid.

Apologizing for me is not easy. Writing this was not easy. Life is not easy. But everything happens for a reason and I will take away a lot of valuable lessons from this experience.

Violence is never the answer. Never.

Victims should not be mocked.

The "F" word will never be uttered from my lips again. Just as others use the "N" word to insult and hurt - or as part of their everyday speech - I challenge them to remove it from their vocabulary as well.

Hindsight is always 20/20, they say. I should have been the bigger man and walked away from an unfortunate situation. Instead, I chose - in a very misguided way - to stand up for myself and only made things worse by how I - under pressure and diress - handled the situation.

I am sorry.

I am NOT apologizing to GLAAD. I could care less about them, my former employers.

I am apologizing to the gay community, to anyone who was hurt by my my choice of words, and to all the people who have ever emailed me to thank me for all that I have done to fight for gay rights over the last few years.

I have reached out to Isaiah Washington, someone I incorrectly labeled a homophobe in the past, despite his own public statements that he was not.

I will be donating any moneys collected from my lawsuit against Polo Molina, road manager for the Black Eyed Peas, to the Matthew Shepard Foundation.

And I will continue to speak out for equality and support the great work done by LGBT organizations, such as LAMBDA Legal and HRC.

Sincerely,

Perez

Though Hilton's apology may be sincere, it's almost impossible not to view it with some skepticism. Valid questions to consider: Is he doing this out of fear that his "brand" is rapidly eroding because of his recent behavior? Or is this a contrived "good faith" gesture he hopes will ward off any possible criminal charges against him in Canada for violating section 319 of that country's criminal code, the one titled "Public Incitement of Hatred," punishable by up to two years in prison? The law, which would seem to cover Hilton's hurling of a violence-inciting gay slur at Will.I.Am, is described here by the CBC:

Section 319 deals with publicly stirring up or inciting hatred against an identifiable group based on colour, race, religion, ethnic origin or sexual orientation. It is illegal to communicate hatred in a public place by telephone, broadcast or through other audio or visual means. The same section protects people from being charged with a hate crime if their statements are truthful or the expression of a religious opinion.

The law (subparagraph 718.2(a)(i), to be specific) encourages judges to consider in sentencing whether the crime was motivated by hate of: the victim's race, national or ethnic origin, language, colour, religion, sex, age, mental or physical disability, sexual orientation or any other similar factor.

Further, here's how the Canadian Media Awareness Network breaks down this law:

The crime of "publicly inciting hatred" has four main elements. To contravene the Code, a person must:

* communicate statements,
* in a public place,
* incite hatred against an identifiable group,
* in such a way that there will likely be a breach of the peace.

Now, we're not sure if Canadian authorities are even considering any action against him, but wouldn't it be an interesting twist of fate if Perez Hilton were the person actually faced with doing jail time here?

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I'm Sorry [Perez Hilton]

He was a gay equality advocate on Miss USA, but then he was calling Will.I.Am "gay" like it was an insult in a nightclub. He did so to get under the singer's skin, but then when he did, successfully, get under his skin he got very upset at the results, even though he had thought the man a "thug" before pushing his buttons so he had to imagine it might get physical.

Now Hilton's trying to figure out if he's sorry or not. At the moment, the answer is, "Um, sort of:"

I wanted to hurt him with the word I chose, not anyone else. Unfortunately, the one who got hurt was me and, subsequently, a lot of other people. I wish none of it had happened.

I can't take it back. I did what I thought was best at the moment to stand up for myself in a non-violent yet still assertive way. Clearly, I am not homophobic... I will continue to say things that upset both gay people and straight people... I've come to terms with all my incongruities and am proud of who I am and what I do.

In closing, words can hurt. But words should not provoke someone to violence.

Hilton goes on, since the words "in closing" came less than halfway through his post. In closing, Perez Hilton makes no sense, and all efforts to make sense of him are futile.

The self-described "Queen of All Media" has heaped mocking abuse on himself for years. But ever since he went after Miss USA contestant Carrie Prejean over gay marriage, the celebrity gossip has positioned himself as a crusading gay rights advocate; this was his license for calling Prejean a "bitch."

Hilton isn't going to be able to square the sort of orthodoxy with calling Will.I.Am a "gay... faggot" to get under his skin at a Toronto nightclub. GLAAD correctly smells vulnerability, and Hilton is going to have give them their pound of flesh.

The group's press release:

The blurry footage doesn't allow you to really see the gossip blogger getting hit in the face, but the strike isn't dramatic enough to rise above the drunken din. Which of course will not keep people from blogging endlessly about it, for months.

UPDATE: Comments enabled.

There's already been an arrested in connection with the incident. Toronto police have charged 36-year-old American Molina Liborio with assault in the case. This sounds like Will.I.Am's manager, known as "Polo Molina," who Hilton had fingered as the man who punched him and who had previously turned himself in to Toronto cops, according to TMZ.

The attack occurred shortly after Will.I.Am repeatedly demanded Hilton stop writing about him and Hilton, by his own account, called him "gay" and a "faggot" to get under his skin.

Which, honestly, is the sort of over-the-top hissy fit anyone would expect from the Perez Hilton, Scourge of the Internet. That Perez Hilton is so shameless his brand is practically bulletproof; he runs sex pictures of a beloved gay icon and people barely bat an eyelash.

But Hilton's been trying to overhaul his image and turn more nice and advertiser-friendly. Which makes it unfortunate, for him, that he's talking defensively about his own meanness in the widely-viewed video (above) about this incident, which he also documented on Twitter (below).

Although Hilton's demolished his image rehabilitation, he can take solace that nothing he ever does will ever destroy his brand as the web's most shameless gossip. Still, Will.I.Am still looks worse here, for managing to underline Hilton's (shudder) clout as a music critic and writer with an angry confrontation. Can we somehow conjure sympathy for the guy who called someone else "gay" and "a fag" in a tawdry nightclub fight? Yes, apparently, we can.

· "We're joined now, uh, via hologram, uh, with, by, uh, Will.i.am," Cooper begins, clearly thinking, "I'm missing the Bravo Real Housewives marathon for this?"

· Will.i.am is beamed in with a Star Trek transporter beam special effect. Cooper stares uncertainly into the middle distance because he cannot see the person he's interviewing, which is a tremendous new innovation.

· "All this technology, I'm being beamed to you like it's Star Wars and stuff," says Will.i.am. Not to pull a Liz Lemon, but, uh, Trek.

· Cooper corrects him: "It's basically exactly like Star Trek." Thank you, Anderson. Willi.i.am's cogent response: "Yeah, but...yeah."

· "Will, we're doing this interview with you this way because it's a lot quieter than having you in that crowd [in Chicago]. It's very hard to hear in this crowd," Cooper lies.

· As Willi.i.am rambles on about the "Yes We Can" song, Cooper mentally composes an angry email to the CNN producer who let his boo Donna Brazile go off to ABC so they could spend her hair and makeup budget making a hologram out of the man who produced "My Humps."

· "Will.i.am, I appreciate you being with us tonight via hologram," concludes Cooper. Will.i.am thanks him, says, "Check it out," and then does The Worm.

· Cooper takes an awkward pause, collects himself, and says, "All right."

• Anderson Cooper 360 [CNN]

THR is reporting that Will.i.am now has set his sights on ruining Wolverine, Hugh Jackman's formerly-anticipated X-Men spin-off. In what is the most disappointing bit of casting news we've heard in some time, the Black Eyed Peas' worst member (for argument's sake, the best is that weird long-haired dude) has been cast as Wraith, a mutant whose skin is translucent and has the power to create a field of invisibility. Ah, if only life could imitate art. Then we would have to suffer the poor man's Andre 3000 no more.

• Black Eyed Peas singer joins "Wolverine" cast [Reuters]