1.) Chris Brown loves women.
He appeared on The Wendy Williams Show today to continue The Remorse Tour '09.

2.) The Unveiling of Charla Nash
Charla—who had her hands and face gruesomely torn off by her friend's pet chimp—was interviewed by Oprah this week. Her eyes were lost in the attack, so she hasn't seen what she looks like.

Also, while I generally love primates, the one who attacked Charla looks like an asshole.

3.) Slade's smiley

4.) Ben Affleck's cameo on Curb Your Enthusiasm
If you blink, you'll miss him.

5.) Tabloid stars collide

On The Insider this week, Jon Gosselin was giving Levi Johnston some "parenting advice." Earlier in the week on the same show, he went into some detail about his responsibility as a parent.

And he also talked shit on Kate's hair and kissing skills.

6.) Speaking of hair…
This kid has been suspended from school for getting an elaborate design shaved into his head. He is not allowed to return unless he shaves the rest of his head. His parents are supporting his "freedom of expression." Judging from the way he speaks, this kid needs a lot more school, and a little less expression.

7.) Men blame everything on our periods!

8.) This:

9.) Stephanie Pratt is growing on me.

10.) "It's important for women to stick together."
Faux-minism is not the answer for tackling double standards, when you don't even know what "double standards" are.

1.) Who farted?
Bigger than the mystery of whether or not this whole thing was a publicity stunt is the mystery of which Heene family member's heinie gave a Bronx cheer.


Entertainment Tonight is all over this thing.


2.) Speaking of potty humor…
I love this girl.


3.) "Well, fuck you."


4.) 12¢ Cheeseburgers


5.) Wendy Williams fucked up a lot this week.
More than usual.


6.) This kook says she's spoken to Michael Jackson since he died.


7.) Balloon Boy will not steal Jon Gosselin's thunder!
This week Jon was, again, all over The Insider and Entertainment Tonight (which led to the lawsuit TLC filed against him today). After his appearance in court earlier this week, when a judge ordered him to return $180,000 he took from Kate and his children, Jon appeared tense. Here, he explains his clenched jaw.


Entertainment Tonight managed to get Rod Stewart's opinion on Jon, as though Rod is some kind of father of the year. (Rod's children have, in fact, been on reality TV, and one of them appeared on Celebrity Rehab, which is a giant parental fail.)


8.) Asians don't need Botox, according to Jon Gosselin.
But he would like to get new hair plugs.


9.) Jon is trying to distance himself from Michael Lohan.


And that's probably a good thing, considering that Lindsay's dad filmed an episode of Maury this week, which, as of yet, has no scheduled air date.


10.) 30 Rock is back!

1.) Jon Gosselin
I know it's nearly impossible that anyone in America managed to miss him since he was all over TV talking about how he doesn't want to be on TV anymore. On Monday on The Insider, Jon faced off with Nancy Grace. Later in the week, The Insider tried to propel that insanity by airing "footage you didn't see" from the event. Here, Jon admits that his earrings are CZs.


Jon also ran back and forth between The Insider and Entertainment Tonight, showing "bank statements" proving that he did not steal money from Kate.










However, even the correspondent on The Insider recognized that this one transaction receipt proves absolutely nothing.




2.) "I'm showing America how it works."
God, he's like the fountain of spoof.


3.) In other grossness: Tamerlane Phillips.
Remember two weeks ago when people didn't care about the Gosselins for four days because Mackenzie Phillips' rape and incest bombshell stole the show? Tamerlane Phillips misses those days.


4.) The best intervention ever, courtesy of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.





5.) Kaity Tong Drunk?
Speaking of interventions…sheesh.


This man-on-the-street from the story she was introducing is awesome.


6.) Shut up, Joy!


7.) People are still getting "The Rachel"?


8.) Does Kim know that wig hair doesn't grow back?


9.) Khloe Kardashian's 9 Carats


10.) WWWWD?
She would think WWJJD.

1.) Behind the Music: Bobby Brown



Despite the fact that Whitney's comeback album and big interview on Oprah is what's renewed the public's interest in Bobby Brown, none of that was mentioned. In fact, when he did speak of Whitney, he wasn't exactly diplomatic.

They were both fucked up during that marriage. After getting addicted to cocaine and heroin, Bobby says that he doesn't remember an entire five-year block of time.

2.) Seth MacFarlane dropped the F-bomb live on E!'s Emmys red carpet show.
And the censors were too slow on the uptake to bleep it.

3.) Michael Jackson's illegitimate sister's first-ever TV interview
Joh'Vonnie Jackson, 31, is Joe Jackson's lovechild who was evidently always known about and even invited to a family reunion at Neverland.

4.) In other fucked-up showbiz family news
While on Oprah on Wednesday, Mackenzie Phillips thought this anecdote about Mick Jagger would lighten the mood set by her incest bombshell, but the audience was too freaked out.

5.) Synergy of #3 and #4
The Insider presents Mack and Mike, together, singing a song about addiction…to junk food.

6.) Lara Spencer's spot gets blown up.

7.) Language arts with The Real Housewives of Atlanta
Alternate way of saying "tardy for the party":

Alternate way of saying "STFU":

Alternate way of saying "vagina":

8.) Wendy Williams sucks at American history.

9.) Khloe Kardashian ponders one of life's big questions.

10.) Senior citizens in a strip club
A strip club in Florida offers senior citizens free flu shots and a buffet lunch.

Free food, meds and tits? This guy is probably wondering if he died already, 'cause he's in heaven.

1.) David Cassidy Is A Creep

2.) Drunk Babies

3.) Drunk Housewife

4.) How Can Someone Sound Sage and Delusional at the Same Time?

I could listen to her all day long.

5.) Kathie Lee Gifford and Kim Jenner Are BFF
And they have Wendy Williams' approval.

6.) Hoarders
It's good.


Spiritually good.

7.) Brad from The Rachel Zoe Project

8.) White Rappers

9.) Wedlock or Deadlock
Strangely, this is real.

10.) Language Barrier
Miss Universe 2009—who was crowned on Sunday after saying that women no longer have "barriers"—is learning English.

1.) Models of the Runway
It's boring…and "dumb."

I love Heidi's reaction to them.

2.) Speaking of Dumb
Who the fuck forgets the words to "God Bless America"? Especially if it's your job to remember them.

3.) Gosselin Kids Promise Not To Murder Their Mother

4.) The Insider: "Michael Jackson…A Ladies Man?"

Did they mean like this?

5.) Anal Retentive
That OCD guy from that Bravo show doesn't allow his employees to poop in the office bathrooms, and if they do, and he finds out about it, he gets revenge.

6.) Anal Retentive, Part 2
On the TLC show Truth Be Told, people with who are obsessed with their pets were profiled. This woman swears she's "not a crazy pet owner," although she does admit to—and is filmed—wiping her dogs ass after she (the dog, not the owner) shits.

I wonder if this dog sleeps in her wig.

7.) Kim Sleeps in Her Wig

What would NeNe think?

8.) Everyone Thinks Spencer Pratt Is An Idiot

9.) Steven Seagal Is Working
Is anyone else as excited about Steven Seagal's new reality show as I am?

10.) My Sentiments, Exactly

1.) One Life to Live Does Grey Gardens
During a drunken daydream, one character on the soap imagined life as Edie Beale. They did a musical number, and the Costume of the Day speech, although the accent was way off.

2.) Joan Rivers on Live TV
I love that for her publicity tour for her new reality show, she keeps dropping F bombs on live television.

3.) Police Women Get Stuck With The Vagina Jobs

4.) Moe
Former Jezebel editor Moe Tkacik was on MSNBC on Tuesday morning, where she talked about the economy and possibly got hit on.

5.) Do You Remember the Time?
It was discovered that a 3000-year-old tomb of a mummified woman looks exactly like MJ.

6.) Lesbians Aren't Into Sausage Parties
Zing to you, Gordon Ramsey!

7.) Wasted Housewives of Atlanta
I love how drunk and loving NeNe and Kim got at their "let's be friends again" dinner.

8.) Who Pulled Tiger Woods' Finger?

9.) Do You Wanna Hear Someone From Chicago Pronounce "Coup d'état"?

10.) Why Am I So Obsessed With Her?
Her feigned modesty is one reason.