"'When we first met, I could tell that my A.D.D. would definitely frustrate her a little bit...It's like, I would be drawing on paper tablecloths when I should have been engaging in conversation - little things like that. No one ever told me that before. Nobody ever cared. But she does. And I like that."

Ah yes, that's the Katie that we know and love loathe, the condescending, controlling, chain-smoking harpy who used her oppressive will to change Joshua from "being a boyish man to a man's man" (his words, not ours). As the interview continues, Joshua goes on to detail what domestic life is like at Casa Heigl (remember, it's HER house). Josh claims the two are simple homebodies who don't play into that whole Hollywood scene, instead preferring to "stay in, cook, watch Dexter, make music and paint." Sure sounds manly to us!

• JOSH KELLEY: MARRIAGE TO KATHERINE HEIGL IS 'UNBELIEVABLE' [People]

In our clip, Heigl readily admits that she doesn't really know her hubby all that well. Come to think of it, maybe that's why she thinks his name is Joshua? We digress. Anyway, Helga the Heigl uses her moment on national television to regale Oprah and the studio audience with an awkwardly honest admission that she and her husband will probably get sick of each other should they ever decide to spend more than two concurrent weeks together. As she's telling the tale, a look of "Uh oh, maybe I'm being too honest here" flashes across her face, at which point her keen instincts as an actress kick in. She then bares her enormous bleached teeth and lets out one of those patented Izzy laughs, prompting near Pavlovian guffaws from the audience of starstruck, well-to-do Midwestern housefraus. Ain't love grand?

• The Oprah Winfrey Show

After watching the clip twice, it becomes readily apparent that Helga The Heigl is like the General Patton of newlywed psychological warfare. Notice how she subtly yet pervasively uses a jokily condescending tone to land public jab after public jab on her husband's shortcomings. Case in point, when she says that "right now he's just visiting my house in L.A." (emphasis ours). Um, now that they're married, shouldn't it be their house? Maybe that wasn't in the pre-nup.

And what's up with calling him JOSHUA all the time? The dude clearly prefers the name Josh (if his MySpace page and album cover are any indication). She then goes on to label him a "show off" and tells the uncomfortably embarrassing story of how he broke his nose in a skiing accident just days before his wedding, prompting Dave to label him a "dope" and a "bonehead" (not in our clip). Good luck with that one, Josh(ua)!