<![CDATA[Gawker: defamer, w magazine]]> http://tags.gawker.com/assets/base/img/thumbs140x140/gawker.com.png <![CDATA[Gawker: defamer, w magazine]]> http://gawker.com/tag/defamer/wmagazine http://gawker.com/tag/defamer/wmagazine <![CDATA[The Real Reason Penelope Cruz Can't Keep A Man: ‘When She Takes Off Her Blouse, It’s The Least Sexual Moment In History’]]> In the latest issue of W, cover girl Penelope Cruz assures the reporter that she “never talk[s] about her private life to journalists...NEVER," Of course, a few grafs above, the pretty little beard-candy spends much of the interview talking, in great detail, about the most private of private issues we didn’t even know we wanted to know! Penelope’s “inner monsters” that have ruined her so-called relationships, why “sweating and bleeding” is her idea of “happiness,” and far more after the jump:

You see, Penelope has been suffering from a very common disorder among borderline crazy celebrities since she was a wee moth — a troubling situation involving a "monster" living inside her, determined to "sabotage the most beautiful moments" in her life. We can only presume this demon tends to follow the same pattern each and every time she says "Uh oh! Here it is again! Go away and leave me alone!": Flashing its diamond-tipped manicure and next season's skinny men's suit from Marc Jacobs, the pinkies-out being scatters a potent amount of fairy dust on ex-"boyfriends" like Tommy and beer swilling boy-fan Matty McConaughey, distracting their bedazzled eyes from the beard they desperately require. Which is sad, considering one of the nicest things her Secret Lives Of Women director Isabel Croixet had to say about the Spanish star was how the sight of Cruz naked is the "least sexy moment in history." Perhaps someone ought to FedEx a copy of Secrets to those Maxim boys, requiring a "correction" in their next issue?

[Photo credit: The Celebrity Blog]

]]> http://gawker.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5026897&view=rss&microfeed=true <![CDATA[Natalie Portman and Scarlett Johansson Don't Do 'Tarty Relationships,' Just Tarty Covers]]> Which of these things is not like the other? Hard to tell upon first glance at W's S&M-inspired, unisexy cover shoot featuring Boleyn girls Scarlett Johansson and Natalie Portman, both decked out in heavy kohl liner, slicked back hair, and matching not-in-the-mood-for-love glares. The punky dominatrix aesthetic is a far cry from their powder-faced Boleyn characters' makeup and style, but these vampy get-ups are one of ScarJo's trademarks. Not to mention that over-stuffed cleavage look she favors. But Natalie? Going along with W's art direction to look "tough! Bitchy! Like someone stuffed a sock down your pants!"? After a brief memory of those panties and that pink wig from Closer, the initial shock wears off. What doesn't make sense, however, is the dichotomy between this cover look (bad, naughty girls who will whip you and you'll like it!) and the actresses' repetitive, insistance on their sobriety and good girl qualities in the actual interview.

After Natalie coolly proclaims, "I'm into monogamy," Scar rips into those infamous comments she made in Allure more than a year back: "The response was, like, 'What a ho-bag!' I didn't mean that I don't practice monogamy in my own life — of course I do! I'm not going to be in some tarty relationship." Not going to be in "some tarty" relationship? Care to discuss a talented little man named Justin Timberlake, and equally bosom-blessed Jessica Biel? As for comparisons to members of the Bimbo Summit, Scarlett was just as venomous: "You're never going to find me at the Ivy. I don't care how good the Cobb salad is. These tabloid magazines — I think they're hideous and the downfall of society." Which reminds us: didn't Gloria Steinem once say, "for women... bras, panties, bathing suits, and other stereotypical gear are visual reminders of a commercial, idealized feminine image that our real and diverse female bodies can't possibly fit." Kudos to ScarJo for contributing to society's rise by dressing like girls-for-hire on the cover of a national glossy.

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