Pink's "Get This Party Started" accompanied Abdul's entrance and, considering the lyrics, — "I'm Coming Up" — makes us wonder whether Abdul was trying to intimate that Ellen has a big ego. Plus, "I'm coming up" sounds like "coming out," which could be a dig at Ellen's lesbian ways. Then, looking back earlier in the day, Abdul said that American Idol would be a "different show" with Ellen in the judge's seat.

If you ask us, that sounds like a backhanded compliment from a woman whose love of money cost her a position in America's biggest spotlight. Now she's forced to make a spectacle of herself while dressed as the woman who replaced her.

But, have to admit: Abdul does do a knock-out job mimicking Ellen's mannerisms.

Police sources in Jenkins' native Canada, where authorities believe he fled after murdering Fiore, say that the 32-year old took his own life in a British Columbia hotel room.

"We were able to determine that it was Ryan Jenkins," said Sgt. Duncan Pound of the RCMP's Federal Border Integrity Program, during an early evening news conference. "At this point it would be speculation as to how long he had been there."

The find came just hours after RCMP said Jenkins was in Canada...

Honestly, we feel a bit cheated on this one: not only are we firm believers that murderers should feel justice's swift kick, but the brutality of this crime - Fiore's body was found in a suitcase sans teeth and fingers and was identified via her breast implants - only enhanced our thirst for a relatively happy ending, not a hanging.

After reporting Jasmine Fiore missing on Saturday night, Jenkins disappeared and is now believed to be hiding out in his home country of Canada after driving up the West Coast from Southern California and then boating into Canada. According to the Telegraph, Jenkins has a history of domestic violence in his past, including one incident involving Fiore:

Court records show that Mr Jenkins was charged in June in Clark County, Nevada, with a misdemeanour count of "domestic violence" when he was accused of hitting Miss Fiore on her arm.

Mr Jenkins was also charged with assaulting his girlfriend in July 2005 in Calgary and given a conditional discharge with 15 months probation.

As you may recall, Jenkins met Fiore, who was reportedly working as a stripper at the time, in a Vegas casino after being booting off of the VH-1 show. They were married two days later and divorced a short time after that.

Interestingly, Jenkins appeared on another VH-1 reality show, I love Money 3, where he supposedly won the show's grand prize. That show has yet to air, and it's doubtful it ever will now that VH-1 is desperately trying to distance itself from Jenkins in every way now that he's wanted for murder with his bail already set at $10-million.

UPDATE: ABC just released a story containing some details about a "blow-out fight" Jenkins and Fiore engaged in at a poker tournament in San Diego, which was the last place she was seen alive.

"Jasmine was playing poker with a big group of friends at the Hilton Hotel," the source said. "She was being very rude and kept putting Ryan down. It was really awkward. She has a cutting sense of humor. He was getting really angry, and it totally set the tone for the rest of the evening."

The group later moved to the Ivy Hotel for drinks.

"She spent an enormous amount of time in the bathroom on the phone," the source said. "Ryan started asking who she was on the phone with, and she said her mom. It was 12:30 at night, and she was not on the phone with her mom.

"He kept screaming, 'Who were you talking to,'" the source added. "At about 1:30, they went up to their room to continue fighting."

According to police, Fiore, 28, was strangled to death and stuffed in a suitcase, which was found on Saturday morning in a trash receptacle in Buena Park, California. Jenkins, 32, had reported Fior missing on Saturday night, but has not been in contact with the police since. Concerned that he's attempting to flee to his native Canada, the Buena Park Police Department has issued an alert to the public, asking for information on the whereabouts of Jenkins, including a description of his car, and license plate. (Jenkins' publicist released a statement to TMZ, saying that he is speaking to his attorney, and plans on meeting with authorities "in the near future.")

Jenkins is a contestant on the VH1 dating show Megan Wants a Millionaire, in which men with a net worth of $1 million or more compete for the love of professional reality show contestant (and Sharon Osbourne victim) Megan Hauserman. (Jenkins was billed as a real estate investor worth $2.5 million.) The third episode, which aired this past Sunday, featured Jenkins' solo date with Hauserman (video to come). Rumor has it that Jenkins was a finalist on the show—which wrapped taping this past winter—but did not win. In a phone interview with TMZ, Hauserman said that, shortly after he was eliminated, Jenkins went to Las Vegas, met Fiore in a club, and married her two days later.

Today, VH1 yanked all material—posts, photos, and episodes—regarding the show from its site, and removed Megan Wants a Millionaire from the list of programs in its sidebar.

Curiously, all episodes have also been made unavailable on iTunes.

Further complicating matters for the network, TMZ has learned that Jenkins not only competed on the show I Love Money 3—which just wrapped taping last month—but also won the grand prize of $250,000, meaning that he would be on every episode of the season.

Update: VH1 has sent us a statement regarding Ryan Jenkins and Megan Wants a Millionaire.

Ryan Jenkins was a contestant on "Megan Wants A Millionaire," an outside production, produced and owned by 51 Minds, that is licensed to VH1. The show completed production at the end of March. Given the unfortunate circumstances, VH1 has postponed any future airings. This is a tragic situation and our thoughts go out to the victim's family.

Person Of Interest In Model Murder Married Victim [TMZ]
VH1 Reality Show Contestant Sought After Model's Body Found In Suitcase [ABC News]
Murdered Model's Husband Brags About $$$ [TMZ]

Fiore was married to Ryan Alexander Jenkins, a contestant on the VH1 reality show, Megan Wants A Millionaire. His bio appears to have been removed by the network, but Steve Huff at True Crime Report caught a screengrab of it earlier before they did. In it, the Canadian investment banker boasts that he "has left many amazing women in his life primarily because he wanted more women," and that "the only time he cheated on his ex was when he wanted to break up with her."





The show is currently airing on VH1 and TMZ reported tonight that Jenkins was among its "final contestants." The gossip site also says that Jenkins met Fiore while she was stripping in Las Vegas after he was booted from the show, and that they married two days later.

Fiore, who recently moved to LA from Vegas with Jenkins, was last seen Friday night, some reports say at a poker tournament in San Diego, while others say at her home in Hollywood. Her remains were discovered by a homeless man digging through the trash for plastic cans at around 7am on Saturday morning. Fiore's mother said that her daughter was employed by Playboy as a representative and a coordinator for something called "Girls of Golf."

Jenkins' publicist says that he will cooperate fully with police investigating the murder, even though authorities believe he may be attempting to flee to Canada, his home country. Authorities also say that it was Jenkins who reported Fiore missing on Saturday morning. He then disappeared completely.

Pic via Jasmine Fiore's Modeling Portfolio

1. Steven Adler Recounts His Suicide Attempt. We meet the former Guns n' Roses drummer in the living room of a small, sparsely furnished home with smashed-in (by Adler) front windows, moaning that he wants to die. Things then proceed to go downhill from there. Try not to wince as you hear him recount the time he ingested 100 Valiums, a bottle of Jagermeister, and heroin in an attempt at killing himself, but only managed to achieve a stroke and paralysis. Hey—you wanted Celebreality.

2. Amber Smith Unveils A Week's Worth Of Prescription Drugs. We like Amber. We liked her immediately. She still retained her looks, besides doing enough uppers and downers every week to kill a Beluga Whale, and she seems to have a pretty good perspective on where she's come from, and where she needs to go. Still, it's one thing to hear someone tell you they're addicted to prescription meds—quite another for them to open their weekly pill organizer and reveal what looks like one of those one-pound bags of M&Ms spilled into its various compartments. Hang in there, girl.

3. Nikki McKibbin Describes Her Childhood Abuse. We can barely even type the details to this one, except to say we hope you're happy, Simon Cowell. Getting raped repeatedly at age 5 just doesn't really fully sink in until you're dismissed by a British egomaniac as being "excruciatingly hopeless—go leap off a bridge for talentless people" on the country's top-rated TV show.

4. Drunk Rodney King Nearly Gets Crushed To Death By A Car In Slo-Mo. You can't help but feel sympathy for King. The guy isn't a celebrity—he's a vicious beating victim, and there's miles of pain behind those eyes. He works now helping out on his childhood friends' tow truck business, but is incapable of going a day without getting wasted on beer and throwing up out the passenger-side window. The one, long shot of a car slowly lowering itself off a ramp as King basically passes out beneath it was like out of a horror movie.

5. Tawny Kitaen Learns Her Favorite Abused Sleep Aid Killed Heath Ledger. We thought we were going to hate Tawny Kitaen—best known for rolling around on the hood of a car in a Whitesnake video—but she's actually very likable, and seems like she'll be taking on the den mother role. There's dark stuff going on there with the four days she was put in jail for attacking her ex-husband, former Cleveland Indians pitcher Chuck Finley. We need a drink.

In the following video, the actor describes his ongoing struggles with Bolivian marching powder, reaching near Marcia Brady-levels of desperation and interspecies-sexual-favor-trading in order to get his hands on the stimulant. When time comes for check-in, rehab tech Shelly finds an agitated and uncooperative Busey unwilling to part with essentials like mouthwash, mobile phones, and large bags of weed, while minutes later a concerned Dr. Drew listens compassionately as a broken Busey relays the time he snorted blow off his own dog's back. Helluvuh drug.

• Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew [VH1]

Still, her tenuous grasp on the memory is understandable, as proven when Stern and Co. continue to quiz her about presidential candidates (asked Obama's first name, she carefully answers, "'Barack' or something?"), forcing an overwhelmed Hogan to cry out, "There's too many friggin' people in office!" Perhaps that would explain the blank she draws when asked the name of the current Vice President? The answer, dear Brooke, is "Dick Cheney," and it's as plain as the nose on your face (which, if you're not careful, Mr. Cheney will shoot off). [Howard Stern]

Production began last night on a pilot that a group of plucky producers hope will become the next big reality craze, Rollin' Sushi With The Stars. Combining elements from Bravo's Top Chef and Dancing With The Stars, Rollin' Sushi With The Stars is about discovering the celebrity with the greatest California Roll rolling ability. So far, the producers have only convinced two people to join the cast — veteran reality stalwarts Christopher Knight and Adrianne Curry. When asked about his involvement with the pilot, Knight said, "Well, we saw a camera setting up down the street from our house and we were like, "We haven't been on TV in weeks and these lavalier mics are just collecting dust. Turns out the producers were looking for some top notch talent and kaboom! We're creating some TV magic. After this, we'll definitely be able to get a table at Nobu."

[Photo Credit: Getty Images]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

• New York Goes To Hollywood [Vh1.com]

According to VH1's clever press release, adorned with just as many giddy enthusiastic announcements punctuated by everyone's favorite online stupidity signifier (the! exclamation!! point!!!), the new Rock Of Love: Bus With Bret Michaels edition is far more exciting than its predecessors because the contestants will face challenges dealing with "the ultimate rock and rollers' test: life on the road!" So, instead of being forced to wear laughably too-tight football uniforms or perform public lap dances in tacky lingerie boutiques for the world's sexiest man to ever wear that much collagen on his face without shame, the troubled young things will get to prove their groupie gusto by, well, playing groupies. "Dodging the warm-up band's advances," "greeting aggressive" fans "with a smile," and, shit — we spoke too soon. In the finest example of what our great nation does best, the busty dingbats will still have the joy of participating in Mud Bowl 3. Why? It's "back by popular demand!!!!!!!!!"

• 'ROCK OF LOVE 3': IT'S ON...WITH BRET! [VH1]

In a twisted way, sweet old Carol Brady was reportedly the first to open fire in what MSNBC describes as a nasty ongoing fight with VH1 reality standby Knight, all taking place on the very un-Brady battlegrounds of MySpace and personal blogs. In an otherwise innocent attempt to promote her latest TV flick on one of those Television For Ladies networks, Henderson was prompted to discuss her appearance on Knight's first post-Peter breakthrough role in The Surreal Life, where he met current wife and co-star of his second romp through reality show wasteland, America's Next Top Model winner and celebrity stoner Adrianne Curry. And Flo painted a not-so-pretty picture of the lovebirds, claiming VH1 producers were the masterminds behind the pair getting hitched, calling upon her to egg on the union, a coupling Henderson did not approve of whatsoever. In the rare instance when much-needed publicity looks plausible, Curry had her goons fight back on a minor entertainment website, following up with a conflicting apology on her blog. Eager for a little press of his own, Knight released a very sexist statement about silly women and their tendency to bicker when "generational differences" are involved, successfully making all things Very Brady very, very loathsome.

[Photo credits: Brady Residence]

• SCOOP [MSNBC]

Produced by 51 Minds' Cris Abrego and Mark Cronin, who together with Michael "Mr. Bad Taste" Hirschorn elevated the entire genre of reality dating shows to levels not seen since Joe Millionaire with their landmark Celebreality work, the show derives its strength from its unrivaled cast of charismatic, shameless and fame-hungry characters. While "real" dating shows like The Bachelor and The Bachelorette systematically place the focus of their shows on the show's primary character's search for love, the Vh1 shows revolutionized the genre by deciding to keep the cameras trained squarely on the contestants. And now, after multiple seasons and endlessly repeated marathons, millions of Americas have developed relationships with bizarre cast of characters (all of whom truly are "characters" in the truest sense of the word). I mean, come on. Mr. Boston? 12 Pack? Pumkin? Chance and Real? Rodeo? Midget Mac? Hoopz? After spending an inordinate amount of time watching their antics over the last few years, we would gladly pay money to watch these loveable bozos "compete" to see who's going to take home the $250,000 first prize — fuck finding true love! Fortunately for us and for you, we don't have to pay anything at all to watch the madness go down. Maybe summer 2008 isn't going to be so terrible after all.

• I Love Money [Vh1]

Joining him in rehab are Sean Stewart (Sons of Hollywood), Amber Smith (model/actress), Rodney King, Nikki McKibbon (American Idol), Steven Adler (Guns n Roses) and Tawny Kitaen (Actress).

Gary Busey, who is 13 years sober from his cocaine addiction, will also be joining the cast to take the journey with the others and to share his experiences on the recovery process.

Certainly, the cast cuts a wide swath of "celebrity," covering everything from the I.Q.-deficient children of successful recording artists to brutal police-beating victims (who we're concerned might unintentionally set off a second round of LA riots, this time with the city's disenfranchised addicts raging against the Sober Man), with your requisite American Idol contestants, Drummers of the Tribe, and decades-past-their-prime pin-up models thrown in for good measure. The most notable absence: small business owner and aspiring boy-pimp Heidi Fleiss, who was scheduled for intake, but according to the NY Post got cold feet at the last minute.

• Celebrity Rehab [VH1]

Show: On The Lot, 2007
Network: Fox
Wizards: Steven Spielberg and Mark Burnett, producers. Carrie Fisher, Garry Marshall, and Brett Ratner, judges.
Fate: Lasting only one season, the extremely low-rated show pitted unknown directors against one another based on three-minute film submissions. Despite winner Will Bigham's "directing" aspirations, Will is currently and unsurprisingly pounding the pavement as a (still-unknown) actor.

Project Greenlight, 2001-05:
Network: HBO (two seasons), Bravo (one season)
Wizards: Alex Keledjian and Eli Holzman, creators. Matt Damon, Ben Affleck, and Chris Moore, producers, backed by Miramax Films and LivePlanet.
Fate: HBO dumped the series to Bravo after two seasons in which the winning screenwriters' films each grossed under $300k in national releases. Bravo's winning duo turned out the little-remembered horror movie (oops) Feast that, despite the best efforts of GULAGER, went quickly to limited release, and even more quickly to DVD.

Grease: You're The One That I Want, 2007
Network: NBC
Wizards: BBC fashioned the US show after Andrew Lloyd Webber's successful format for casting Broadway unknowns in How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria? in the UK. Billy Bush hosted.
Fate: As with so many series borrowed by the Brits, NBC's gamble followed in the footsteps of The Office and American Idol, turning out big ratings and even bigger interest (at first) on Broadway once the winning leads took the stage.

It Factor, 2002
Network: Bravo
Wizards: Nicole Torre, Alice Peck, producers.
Fate: Though the show lasted just two seasons, the documentary following actors trying to get their big break did turn out two working stars. Sure, one got a gig as a 7Up spokesman, but Michaela Conlin went on to become a regular on Bones.

Show:Fight For Fame, 2005
Network: E!
Wizards: Adam Lieblein and Greg Meyer, producers and Acme agents.
Fate: Another documentary-style program, featuring five wannabe actors competing for a deal with Acme, the show suffered due to a boring format (monologues began each episode) and predictably low interested in real-agents-as-stars. Had Ari Emanuel been in charge, it would have been another story. The SF Gate summarized the one-season snoozer by including it in a piece entitled "Some Shows So Bad You Can't Be Paid To Watch."

• VH1 GREENLIGHTS 'SCREAM QUEENS' [THR]

The series, which began airing on Monday night, puts its focus on the years between the advent of the birth control pill in 1960 and the time of the Reagan administration's first public acknowledgment of the AIDS crisis in 1987. Much like TDY, the show's narrative sweep is driven by interviews with key observers of the sexual revolution, including influential participants (Hugh Hefner, Susan Brownmiller, Helen Gurley Brown) and savvy cultural critics (David Allyn, Gay Talese). And although the timeframe the doc covers mirrors that of TDY, it diverges from the way that series was structured in that each episode does not revolve around the activities of a particular decade. As the series' Executive Producer Brad Abramson told Defamer, "There's so many more threads here. The Drug Years was more of a straight ahead story. Here, we have the story of sexual liberation, the story of gay rights and feminism, and the challenge was how we could do all that stuff and keep it together."

"Sex is one of those subjects where people have wildly divergent notions of what the 'important' stories are, relative to other stories," Torgoff added. While that may be true, the series is successful at tackling a broad swath of topics in a manner that is both smart and entertaining. It traces the evolution of Americans' attitudes toward sex from '50s era sexual repression through the "free love" Sixties and concludes with the hedonistic "Me Decade" that was the 1970s and its aftermath. But while the story is largely driven by talking heads, the manner in which the episodes are scored using both music and wonderous archival footage helps this doc remain compelling throughout its four-hour runtime.

And while the series concludes in the Reagan era, the creators of the series readily acknowledge that our culture continues to grapple with issues pertaining to sex to this day. And while the media's fascination with sex has not slowed, the manner in which the stories are covered certainly have. "In terms of coverage, it feels a lot more cynical and hypocritical these days," Abramson explained. "Be it Dateline or whoever, they will do a story on the latest outrage while they are laughing all the way to the bank. It allows them to 'tut-tut' and have some distance."

Some critics have argued that the show presents a biased and left-skewing perspective on the sexual revolution, the creators are quick to point out that it's not for a lack of trying. As Torgoff told us, "For the record, let me just say, that we contacted numbers of the most prominent conservative pundits and commentators in this nation — like James Dobson of Focus On The Family — and they did not want to participate. I think that they have their own agenda and are not interested in engaging in a debate on the subject."

That said, plenty did come to talk. In particular, Hugh Hefner gave one of the more extensive (and, frankly, more lucid) interviews he has given in a number of years in this series. And we can't forget Danny Glover, whose anecdotes about the Haight-Ashbury scene will forever change the way you think about Sergeant Roger Murtaugh.

And although you may have already missed the first two installments of the series, the series continues through Thursday night (and, because it's Vh1, you know you'll end up watching a four-hour marathon while you're hung over on a Saturday afternoon in the not too distant future). If you loved The Drug Years as much as we did, we have zero doubts that you'll be disappointed in this doc that's equal parts entertaining and educational.

• Sex: The Revolution [Vh1]

There is no point fighting it anymore. Vh1 will continue to produce shows featuring has-been stars from our youth and, like moths to the TV screen, we'll watch them cry, urinate on themselves and make out in hot tubs until the end of time. Their newest idea will feature (shocker!) Vh1 reality vet Scott Baio mentoring eight “male teen idols” of the 80s in an effort to jump-start a comeback. Since the sad little group has yet to be revealed, we went ahead and picked two former crushworthy picks we’d most like to see week after week, and the two who might force us to cancel our cable package altogether:

Squeal-Worthy:
Kirk Cameron: Yes, he's some kind of born-again family man whose intense dedication to JC scares us more than a little, but with former womanizer Scott at the helm, we think he could convert back to ladies' man after seeing a stripper for the first time in ten (fifteen? twenty?) years.
Fred Savage: We will never, ever get over our crush on Kevin from The Wonder Years. We don't care what he's turned into, but those dimples will always make us weak in the knees.

Do Not Want:
George Michael: While it might be interesting to mix in an openly gay star into the mix of what's sure to be a heterofest, the last thing anyone needs is to see is George and Scott Baio in a painful re-enactment of the former's bathroom misadventures.
Ricky Schroeder: Kid is doing just fine. With guest spots on 24 and Scrubs under his belt, we don't think he's as desperate as the rest. Plus he already came back on NYPD Blue and had his chance. Aside from all that, he never quite made our heart "throb" in the first place.

• SCOTT BAIO TO EXEC PRODUCE VH1 REALITY SERIES FEATURING FORMER MALE TEEN IDOLS

• WATCH VIDEO

"It's very hard to find companies in the nonscripted space that are prolific creators and owners of content and whose last names don't begin with 'S' or 'B'."

Endemol will have a 51% interest in 51 Minds, which will remain independent, in Los Angeles, with its 200 person staff intact. The goal for both companies: expand their exploitation of people, both already famous and desirous of fame, to continued success. We all win in this one, people!

In the evening's tensest moment, Conaway (fresh off four unspecified surgeries, and currently welded to some kind of hi-tech plastic exoskeleton) looked on helplessly as his ruby-lipped enabler was attacked by Nielsen, who had the gall to suggest the woman who smuggled a VitaminWater bottle of purple-tinted vodka into her husband's detox facility might be harboring her own addiction issues. We admit, we had hoped for better things for the couple—Jeff claims he's off the coke and booze, and is just "sticking to what they give me," (translation: "I've given up on trying to swallow all those fucking L-Ron brand vitamin horse-pills, and I'm not off the coke and booze")—but for now, at least, we'll close the chapter on Vikki & Kenickie's improbable love story on a high note, by revisiting a performance of their smashed single, "Krazee."

• Celebrity Rehab

According to Viacom insiders familiar with the situation, the campaign immediately began to draw the ire of upper management the second it was launched. You see, Friday Night Lights airs on Friday nights, the same night that Best Week Ever premieres a new episode each week. Although the shows are not direct competitors, Vh1 production execs were less than thrilled that the flagship site of their new Digital Programming unit was using Viacom funds and bandwidth to promote a show that airs on NBC. The irony here is rich, especially when you consider that the entire concept of Best Week Ever revolves around content generated by sources outside of the walls of Viacom AND includes significant amounts of programming aired on other networks.

So, what will become of the campaign? At press time, the answer is not clear. All of the archived posts still remain on the site, but not only have there been no new posts on this topic in over a week, the petition is no longer operational. If you know anything else about this situation, please drop us a line at tips [AT] defamer.com. Until then, developing...

none other than beloved Eastside mascot Kiefer Sutherland, in what might be his first national TV appearance since jail. They don't mention when it was taped, but we'll put our chips on prior to his incarceration, as the hot topic of the day is the Lost Boys sequel controversy that riveted a nation last summer, a springboard for the show's irritating host to make unfunny observations about how Kiefer's face reminds him of Jeffrey Dahmer's. All hail the conquering writers, if it means shuffling this crap off the air.

• Free Radio [VH1]

Like Beyoncé and Jay-Z, but white, completely talentless, and certifiably insane, Vikki & Kenickie transport you to another dimension, where aging T-Birds can be found gettin' buck with their own, personal Cha Cha DiGregorios. We've posted a performance of their signature hit "Krazee" from last year's Fox Reality Channel's The Reality Remix Really Awards (a name as staggeringly stupid as the content and people it celebrates), but we suggest you give some of the lesser-known bangers at their MySpace page a listen, including seminal self-love anthem "Masturbate."

• Vikki & Kenickie [MySpace]
• Reality Awards Show [YouTube]

Then, of course, there's the ongoing issue of what brought a non-drug-abusing, drinking-problem-free Joanie into the program in the first place. Reduced to grasping at addiction straws, Dr. Drew and his staff suggested such other possibilities as steroids ("Nope!"), crystal meth ("Not even once!"), and finally an expensive Starbucks habit ("Yuck—hate coffee!"), before the browbeaten therapists finally threw up their arms in defeat and called the session early.

• Celebrity Rehab [VH1]
• Previously: Dr. Drew Leads Emotional Intervention To Figure Out How Non-Addict Joanie Got On 'Celebrity Rehab' [Defamer]

(Indeed, had one of the cameras panned to capture the reaction of a nearby producer watching a monitor, we're sure he would have shrugged and mouthed I dunno, I don't even remember inviting her here to the TV audience.) Despite the unorthodoxy of the situation, the intervention was a success; with the help of her unfailingly supportive peers, it was determined that reality-show recidivist Joanie is addicted to Celebreality itself, a revelation that will allow her to stay at the Center until Dr. Drew can help her kick her debilitating habit by slowly reducing her screentime to nothing.

• Celebrity Rehab [VH1.com]
• Previously: On 'Celebrity Rehab,' Dr. Drew Teaches Jeff Conaway's Girlfriend About Why He Claims To Have Severe Menstrual Cramps [Defamer]

(Our best guess as to his blow-secreting method: a false bottom on the bottle of Dom Perignon he memorably arrived with.) Dr. Drew was quick to assemble the other semifamous rehabbers to discuss their feelings about this troubling breach of trust; perhaps most disappointed was American Idol refugee Jessica Sierra, who was crushed to learn how easy it would have been to sneak in some boredom-alleviating drugs if only she'd known in advance how cursory their intake pat-down would be.

• Celebrity Rehab [VH1]
• Previously: 'Celebrity Rehab' Not Exactly The Lighthearted Treatment Of Addiction We Were Hoping For [Defamer]

Though Pinksy may be best known for sex advice doled out on the radio and TV call-in show "Loveline," he's no Dr. Phil — he has the medical chops to administer real treatment...He considers "Celebrity Rehab" a documentary about him treating a group of patients — not a typical reality show. But as is often the case in Hollywood, cameras and a weekly paycheck for the patients helped the process.

"Cameras sort of hold people accountable — they motivate them to keep them going," Pinsky said. "I was able to do more intensive work because these people were getting paid by the week. They wanted to get paid and they wanted to be on TV."

As an accompanying visual aid to help readers fully grasp just how rejuvenative a trip to rehab can be for a famous, rock-bottom addict, they have amassed a handy slideshow of personalities before and after treatment, like a celeb meth-face gallery in reverse. (Though in certain cases, such as American Idol's Jessica Sierra, a third photo of her vomiting on a cell floor after offering the Tampa force a round of blow jobs would have been more accurate.) Ricco Suave, Daniel Baldwin, Chyna and the rest set their monkeys loose in our living rooms starting tonight at 10 p.m., and you can bet we'll be on hand to capture the most painful and puke-filled highlights.

• Pain, Tears, Vomit, Relapse: the Realities of Rehab Hit Celebrities, Too [ABC News]
• Celebrity Rehab [VH1]

Sadly, while no trannie-weave and/or beaver-ass-hair was yanked throughout the heated exchange, the colorful stream of insults launched between the two protective lionesses were more than enough to earn the clip Official Apocalypse-Hastening Highlight Status by our certified board of reality TV catfight assessors.

• I Love New York 2 [VH1]

Though you hardly need to travel any further than your boss's office to watch somebody chopping lines, there's still something magical about watching it happen on your television, right after a rerun of Rock of Love.

• jEFF cONWAY - sNORTS cOKE [YouTube via FBLA]

The answer will shock you: while pounding a bunch of martinis in "real Hollywood" usually lowers inhibitions enough for the crucial exchange of career-kickstarting sexual favors in bathroom stalls, janitorial closets, or the back seats of luxury automobiles, in "reality TV Hollywood," the same amount of alcohol merely makes already less-than-eloquent people slur their semi-scripted interactions enough to alienate the agents, managers, and casting directors they're supposed to be blowing.

• America's Most Smartest Model [VH1]

"Larry puts his own innovative touch on the typical Christmas special with outrageous stand-up comedy and over the top parodies and sketches that will bring joy to everyone in the family. Larry the Cable Guy's Christmas Spectacular takes a new, no-holds-barred approach to the average Christmas special by combining some new, wacky elements with various classic traditions of Christmas Shows past. Special Christmas moments include a performance by Kid Rock, visits from the ghosts of Christmas Past, Present and Future as well as the first ever roast of Santa Claus. Appearances by Flavor Flav, Jamie Kennedy, Penn Jillette, George Wallace, Tony Orlando, Lisa Lampanelli, Jim Breuer, Jeffrey Ross, George Wendt, Angela little Mackenzie and Jay Johnston."

• Here's What I've Been Up To [Larry The Cable Guy]

What's key about current circumstances is that Joan and Melissa did their internet gig with VH1. That sure makes you wonder: is the music channel planning to get into the red carpet biz? If so, why weren't Joan and Melissa at the Emmys repping VH1? [...]

When I recently asked Joan's PR rep if the Rivers gals will work red carpets for VH1 in the future, she got noticeably nervous and replied: "No comment."

Mother and daughter are long overdue for a triumphant return to Hollywood's crimson thoroughfares, scene of such classic Joan Moments as the Golden Globes at which she barked, "I have two big names here, so could you just wait?" to Will Ferrell, whom she failed to recognize. Whether VH1 can accommodate Joan's long list of needs, however, is another matter, starting with her stubborn insistence that her trailer be stocked with 20 cases of the highest-grade mineral Botox the French Alps has to offer.

• Will Joan and Melissa ever return to the red carpet? [goldderby.latimes.com]

Poison - Unskinny Bop [MP3, link removed]
Earlier: Mystery '90s Frontman Gets Ready To Shed Clothing, Decency For VH1

VH1 and the producers of THE SURREAL LIFE and MY FAIR BRADY bring you the hottest relationship show ever... ''ROCK OF LOVE''.

CASTING: Twenty bachelorettes to live in a mansion in the Hollywood Hills and compete for the love of one of the 90's HOTTEST ROCKERS. We are unable to announce who this single rocker is at this time, but...He is the real deal. A famous, sexy, bad boy rocker. He was the lead singer of a famous 90's rock band and he still tours today!

A sexy bad boy who still tours today? After the jump, we offer a few guesses as to the would-be bachelor's identity.

Candidate: Adam Duritz, Counting Crows.
Why He's Perfect For This: Anyone who inspires full-back tattoos should be able to lure a comely lass or two into the hot tub.
Fatal Flaw: Previous relationship with Trishelle from The Real World has probably turned him off reality-TV ladies for good.

Candidate: Stephan Jenkins, Third Eye Blind.
Why He's Perfect For This: Fits the profile, if playing shows for a mortgage company in Vegas counts as "touring."
Fatal Flaw: Dopey enough to tell a reporter, "What kind of sexual is the Dalai Lama? I want to be that."

Candidate: Steve Harwell, Smashmouth.
Why He's Perfect For This: Has already displayed willingness to scrape bottom of pop-cultural barrel with appearances on Surreal Life, Shrek soundtrack.
Fatal Flaw: No matter how famous it might make them, most women won't get turned on by someone giving "All Star" a super-sensitive reading.

Candidate: Fred Durst, Limp Bizkit.
Why He's Perfect For This: A little bit of VH1 nookie is nothing compared to Durst's past caught-on-tape exploits.
Fatal Flaw: Even though we haven't heard from him in years, he's still overexposed.