Manic kewpie Amanda Bynes has begun a two picture deal with Screen Gems, starting with Easy A, a high school comedy starring Emma Stone. Bynes will play a "puritanical queen bee" who shuns Stone after she does it with a boy. When I was 23 I got laid off from selling tickets to Menopause the Musical and moved back in with my parents, on my birthday. So, you win Bynes. You always do. [Variety]

Ah a reunion of friends. Jack Nicholson may team up with writer/director James L. Brooks for his next movie, which already stars Reese Witherspoon, Owen Wilson, and Paul Rudd. Nicholson and Brooks made beeyooteeful music together in Terms of Endearment and As Good As It Gets. Someone go grab Holly Hunter too. [THR]

Oh, twee and tweed and PBR and hand-drawn opening credits. Dmitri Martin's Important Things show on Comedy Central has been picked up for a second season. Most successful show involving an easel since The Joy of Painting. [Variety]

Dear God. That 80s movie Valley Girl (starring Nicolas Cage) is getting remade as a Romeo & Juliet-themed musical with a New Wave soundtrack. It'll be directed by theater vet Jason Moore. And don't worry! This won't be the last exhumation of an old 80s flick. MGM is launching a campaign to revive a bunch of old titles, from RoboCop to Red Dawn. So, good. [THR]

Ohhh nooo. I thought the above news was bad. The guy who wrote that Angelina Jolie thriller Salt has been tapped to pen a remake of... Total Recall. Why? That movie is perfect! With the exploding lady head! And the three boobs! Cohaaaagen! [Variety]

OK, I'm about to give up. Catherine Hardwicke (Twinkle: A Vampire Ballet) will direct Emile Hirsch in a modern retelling of Hamlet set in present day America. With, one hopes, classic lines like "Why don't you go to nun school or something?" and "Oh my god, yo, I knew that fool Yorrick!" [THR]

Oh, and Zac Efron's guesting on Entourage. World, ended. [EW]

Torrance Shipman, Bring It On: For every sweet as sugar Valley Girl like the original film's Julie Richman, there is the head cheerleader. Torr, her sidekicks, and her priorities dipped into the shallowest end of the San Fernando pool of prissy dumb blondes (with hearts of gold! In the end, of course!) Classic Quote: "I am only cheerleading."

Romy And Michele, Romy And Michele's High School Reunion: A rare glimpse into the lives of the post-grad working life of the VG, Lisa Kudrow and Mira Sorvino actually made anyone unfamiliar with the Valley kind of want to live there, where folding sweaters defined the girls' perfection of living by that old mantra: ignorance is bliss. Classic Quote: "You look so good with blonde hair and black roots it's not even funny."

Stacy Hamilton, Fast Times At Ridgemont High: For every Torrance, there is a Stacy Hamilton: that shy, naive non-looker with the way hotter friend, who falls for the short, pale, and not handsome bad boy because he smokes cigarettes and dresses in all black. Classic Quote: "When a guy has an orgasm, how much comes out?"

Tai, Clueless: Most people instantly envision Cher as a classic VG, but the contemporary Emma lived in Beverly Hills. And sure, Tai does hail from the scary land of Manhattan where "coke" means cocaine, not Coca-Cola. But by the climax of the flick, Tai represents everything VGs stand for: short skirts, make-up, gold jewelry and boyfriend-stealing. Classic Quote: "You think I'm a mentally retarded airhead?"

Buffy Summers, Buffy The Vampire Slayer: Oh, Buff. The yellow cheerleading outfit. The gum. The bleached hair. The mini-skirts with polka dots used to attract football players. The like, icky gross feeling you get around dudes with British accents who are old and stuff. Our favorite, by a landslide. Classic Quote: "Right, I'm the chosen one. And I choose to be shopping."

• MGM DEVELOPS MUSICAL 'VALLEY GIRL' [THR]

After a long campaign to get Edwards to entrust them, the producers have already met with agencies to package the romantic comedy. They hope to engage in a global search for a newcomer to play the new "10."

"Blake's timeless original encapsulated the fallacy of 'the grass is always greener' in relationships," said (Hyde Park chairman Ashok) Amritraj.

And someday some genius will pick up the same principal in a mockumentary of a fork-tongued producer who finds God after experimentating lazy shit like this — or, maybe even more appalling depending on whose hands it falls into, the musical remake of Valley Girl. The 1983 film no doubt shows its age these days, featuring a very young Nicolas Cage and a classic soundtrack that won't likely survive the Hairspray-ing the film will undergo at MGM — i.e., no Plimsouls cameos, folks. Sorry!

Finally comes Papillon, the 1973 Steve McQueen/Dustin Hoffman prison drama that we're probably most comfortable with seeing rebooted — preferably with Daniel Craig as the title character, on whose tale of escape from Devil's Island the film was based. If the producers, including Gladiator's Branko Lustig, dare to reuse Dalton Trumbo and Lorenzo Semple's screenplay, we might even bless this, but we know better: Stephen Sommers will probably be attached by Monday.

• MGM high on 'Valley Girl' comedy [Variety]

• Hyde Park to remake '10' [Variety]

• Producers team for 'Papillon' redo [Variety]