Here's a really titillating piece of news! Columbia Pictures is in early talks with Nicolas Cage to play the gangster villain in The Green Hornet. Cameron Diaz is negotiating to play a reporter and love interest in the Michel Gondry-directed pic that stars Seth Rogen as the masked crime fighter. I just want to make sure that registered with you: Nicolas Cage will be emoting for us whilst wearing some kind of tight fitting costume. We're sure you're titling too. [ Variety ]

New deals are coming in on the Monetizing Childhood Nostalgia front! John Fusco has been tapped to breathe new life into Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. He also wrote a redo of The Seven Samurai for the Weinstein Co. His other credits include Hidalgo and Young Guns. Next up Diablo Cody's remake of a sassy outsider who wears a strawberry beanie and smells like shortcakes! [ Variety ]

Despite a fast-approaching Thursday filing deadline, the two factions within the Screen Actors Guild have continued to keep their slate of candidates for the guild's September elections under wraps. Well, one thing's clear Martin Sheen's ass better be filling one of those slate spots because I need some new material for my West Wing fan fiction livejournal! [ Variety ]

Ugh, when is someone going to give K-Fed a reality show so we can see what's up with him and Britt's kids? Oh wait! [ E! Online! ]

Remember that sad story we told you about the group of black kids who were turned away from a swim club pool because the club's owners feared they would "change the complexion of the pool"? It's ugly stuff. To make matters less ugly writer/director Tyler Perry has stepped offered to send the 65 kids from Philly on all-expenses-paid three-day trip to DisneyWorld. And that's the last nice thing I will ever say about Tyler Perry. Are you happy morning news round up? You've broken me! [ People ]

Speaking of celebs stepping in to rescue sad children: Uma! Uma Thurman is set to star in Girl Solider an indie flick about a radical cleric who helps rescue 140 schoolgirls abducted in Uganda. Story's based on Kathy Cook's book "Stolen Angels," which follows the 1996 raid at a boarding school, where a band of armed rebels abducted young girls to turn them into soldiers and sex slaves. So there's that. Have a great day! [ Variety ]

Hm. Noted crazy Mel Gibson will star in the film The Beaver for noted lesbian Jodie Foster, who will direct and co-star. The film, once thought to be a project for Steve Carell, is about a man who finds comfort in a beaver hand puppet. So it'll be a cheapish quirky indie type affair, although it will star one of the most vociferously strange movie stars of the past twenty years. Could be great! Could be awful. [Variety]

The Green Lantern is nearing the end of its major casting process, mulling over three actors for the lead role of a hotshot Air Force pilot who meets a dying alien and gets deputized into a space police department. (That is an actual plot of a movie. And a comic book!) Warner Brothers is trying to decide between Bradley Cooper, Ryan Reynolds, and Justin Timberlake, of all people, but is apparently having some trouble reconciling their favorite with the director's. So we'll either get a kind of boring Green Lanternt, a wise-cracking kind of annoying Green Lantern, or a singin' dancin' Green Lantern. None of which sound terribly thrilling. [THR]

The Minnie Driver/Uma Thurman comedy Motherhood, which premiered at Sundance this year, has set an October release date. The movie is about a crazed mommy trying to plan a birthday party for her daughter while the crazy city world provides obstacles along the way. Obstacles like Isn't This Basically the Plot of Jingle All the Way and Uma Thurman Is Never Funny. [Variety]

Quirky comedy queen Zooey Deschanel has signed on to play James Franco's love interest in the David Gordon Green comedy Your Highness, about a lazy prince (Danny McBride) who must go on a quest to save his kingdom. Other than the fact that Natalie Portman plays McBride's wildly disproportionate love interest, this film is weird because it looks as though Gordon Green really is going down this broad comedy route. Will we ever get a George Washington, All the Real Girls, or Snow Angels again? [THR]

Nicole Kidman will star in and produce a movie version of the book Little Bee, about a wealthy British couple who has an encounter with a Nigerian orphan while on an African vacation. No word yet on whether Jerry Seinfeld will voice the orphan character. [Variety]

Everwood surly teen Gregory Smith has joined the cast of that Canadian Grey's Anatomy-with-badges police drama Copper that will air on ABC in the States. Treat Williams is wondering if maybe there's a part for a tough-but-principled chief or something. [THR]

Ugh. Shoulda-been-gone-by-now Napoleon Dynamite star Jon Heder has landed a Comedy Central sitcom. It's about a laid-off IT worker who leaves his urban life to return home to the small town where he grew up. Which has been the idea for basically everything these days. In a nifty little distribution deal, if the sitcom's first batch of episodes do well, an automatic 90 more will be ordered. Yeesh. [Variety]

· Sony made the second big buy of the festival, announcing its pickup of the revisionist blaxploitation flick Black Dynamite the morning after its well-received Midnight premiere. The studio was coy about its affection and eventual plans for the film, though word around festival HQ today cites long-lost Arsenio Hall's "Mickey Rourke moment." Or... not.

· En route to Park City on behalf of her new film Motherhood, Uma Thurman demonstrated her trademark yoga-and-smokes method of festival prep. There goes a true veteran.

· Seriously: What do Justin Kirk, Adam Scott and all these other Sundance snobs have against Hotel For Dogs? It's at least as good as the Ashton Kutcher gigolo flick currently terrorizing audiences.

· Speaking of which, Demi Moore promises she's just fine with her husband's nude, Anne Heche-humping exploits in Spread. Then Heche showed up pregnant in Park City. Developing... [via MyHogtown]

· The day his adaptation of David Foster Wallace's Brief Interviews With Hideous Men premieres at Sundance, John Krasinski tells the LAT he owes everything he has to the late author. Steve Carell will not be pleased.

Look who else has been added to the victim list today:

Arpad Busson, the billionaire fiancee of Uma Thurman! Busson runs a hedge fund called EIM, which has more than $150 million in exposure in Madoff's funds. You can do better, Uma.


Hollywood mogul Jeffrey Katzenberg, the CEO of Dreamworks! He lost millions. It's the Hollywood thing to do—so did Katzenberg's pal...


Steven Spielberg! His charity got swindled out of an unknown amount. Sad. But not as sad as...


Elie Wiesel, Nobel laureate and humanitarian! His charitable foundation may have been almost wiped out. That's despicable. Then there's...


Mort "Mort" Zuckerman, real estate mogul and Daily News owner! More than 10% of his charitable trust was invested with Madoff. And finally...


Frank Lautenberg, ancient New Jersey senator! His charity also took a hit.

Of course there's also a laundry list of banks and rich individuals and whatnot, which can be seen in its fullest version here. God bless whatever unlucky WSJ drones were forced to assemble it.

boomp3.com

In a scene that was eerily reminiscent of the film Network, actress Uma Thurman stuck her head out her building's window and publicly vented frustrations about her cell phone company. Thurman's action inspired a man in the building across the street to yell about his frustration with his cable company's lack of HD channels, which caused the man on the floor below him to yell back that he should look into getting satellite television. As is wont to happen in New York City, the two men got into a very loud and public debate over satellite vs. cable. Thurman saw the men across yelling and yelled at them, "Hey, don't ruin my moment with a bunch of bullshit HD talk. This was about me and my issues with my phone, dingus."

[Photo Credit: Splash Pics]

Yes, it's unpleasant for all involved. But that doesn't mean we must shirk our duties and refuse to offer suggestions for the inevitable CBS Movie of the Week, Dancing on the Razor's Edge: The Uma Thurman Stalking Story: We humbly nominate Anthony Edwards, who could bring the same intensity honed in the halls of ER to the part of a man driven by love to the brink of madness. In the role of Uma: Natasha Henstridge. As perfect as those are, you'll just wind up putting your own, even better suggestions in the comments below, so why delay the inevitable?

• Lovesick fan guilty of stalking Uma Thurman [CNN.com]

• Uma Thurman's Stalker Wooed Her With Doodled Harbingers Of Stick-Figure Doom [Defamer]

On the front was a dreamy pastel store-bought image of a small blonde girl, a spray of pink flowers and a dove...On the back was a crude pen and ink drawing of a male stick figure walking off the edge of an Acme razor blade into an open grave.

Though the years-old note had faded a bit, Thurman nervously recited the still-visible words attributed to the stick figure Jordan had drawn to represent her: "'Tee-hee." She continued with the spiral inscription, "'Chocolate, mouth, soft, kissing...' And then I saw this part: 'My hand should be on your body." Which was apparently when the alarm bells went off. And yet, the most disturbing part of the Times' report involves their borderline mean description of Uma's appearance: "haggard, pared-down...her golden hair was carelessly knotted...she wore no makeup and looked thin and hollow-eyed." How dare she! Apparently all celebrities should don designer duds and get their hair did a la J. Lo circa Diddy's gun scandal. We apologize to the Times on Thurman's behalf for not prepping red carpet-style for this "event."

• UMA THURMAN TELLS JURY OF MENACING NOTES FROM A FAN [NY Times]

Jordan, 37, is accused of sending harassing e-mails to Thurman's father and brother, loitering for hours on the steps of Thurman's Manhattan apartment and visiting her trailer on a movie set.

"He loved her and possibly still does. He never wanted to annoy her, threaten her or alarm her," said Jordan's lawyer, George Vomvolakis. "Creepy? Yes. Obsessed? Yes. Criminal? No." [...]

Jordan once gave the 37-year-old actress' personal assistant a package containing a letter, his driver's license, a postcard of the Statute of Liberty and other objects.

"I feel in love with you," the letter said. "I think you should call me up, let me watch you act on the set some more, we should date or move in together, and then get married."

"I gave up describing the contents of my heart to famous women I don't know after Carol Channing broke my heart in the early nineties," he wrote.

Jordan offers vexingly few details regarding his "early nineties" relationship with the Hello, Dolly! star, though by process of elimination, his age of 37 would have to isolate the affair to the 1990s. It's easy enough to see, however, after letting one special and talented lady slip through your fingers, how virtually no efforts would seem too extreme in wooing the next superstar to steal one's heart.

• Court told accused Uma Thurman stalker just "creepy" [Reuters]

• WATCH VIDEO

10. Julia Roberts, 2001
9. Daryl Hannah, 1988
8. Hilary Swank, 2005

7. Claudia Schiffer, 1995
6. Reese Witherspoon, 2006
5. Angelina Jolie, 2004.

4. Catherine Zeta-Jones, 2004
3. Charlize Theron, 2004
2. Halle Berry, 2003

And our pick for all-time best-dressed, mostly because she looks so comfortable and glam at the same time: Uma Thurman, redeeming herself for ending up on our Worst Dressed List, in 2006.

• OSCARS 08 [Official Site]

10. Gwyneth Paltrow, 2002
9. Angela Bassett, 1995
8. Rosanna Arquette, 1991

7. Sharon Stone, 1995
6. Geena Davis, 1992
5. Uma Thurman, 2004

4. Cher, 1988
3. JonBon Jovi, 1991
2. Corey Feldman, 1995

And a three-way tie for The Worst, just because they all make us cry:
Bjork, 2001
Celine Dion, 1999
Helena Bonham Carter, 1987

• OSCARS 08 [Official Site]

"It's unfair when one person's career is taking off and the other is really suffering," the 36-year-old actor tells AMC's "Shootout" in an interview slated to air Sunday.

"What happens it's not that they're jealous of each other; it's that the person you share your life with isn't in the mood to support," Hawke says. "You want to have a pity party for yourself, but they're off to the Golden Globes and you don't want to go because everyone is going to think you are jealous."

While Hawke will undoubtedly weather some harsh critiques for copping to a stinginess of awards-show spirit, we again must applaud the rare glimpse inside the mind of a deeply insecure—i.e. perfectly normal—movie star. It's not, as it turns out, a matter of being jealous of a more lauded spouse, but rather of being perceived as jealous—a fine, but crucial, distinction. If only more celebrities were this forthcoming with their feelings, perhaps we could avoid further tragedies like the overcompensating smothering of Reese Witherspoon by then-husband Ryan Phillippe at the 2006 Golden Globes.

• Hawke: Not Easy Being in Celeb Marriage [AP]

In today's episode: Uma Thurman; Hilary Swank and Sean Young; James Woods; Liv Tyler; Kelsey Grammer; Val Kilmer; Marlee Matlin; Paris Hilton; Ginnifer Goodwin and Chris Klein; Kevin Dillon; Carson Daly; Rachel Dratch; Sarah Michelle Gellar; Simon Fuller, Ace Young and Kellie Pickler; Jason Lee and Giovanni Ribisi; Zooey Deschanel; Lucy Davis; Brooke Burns; Scott Ian; Ja Rule; Boris Kodjoe and Leslie Jordan.

· Monday February 5th 2pm Sat next to a very beautiful Uma Thurman and female friend at The West Hollywood Gateway Center outdoor cafe. She enjoyed a humble Gyro from Daphne's over the course of 45 minutes. She wasn't really recognized until she got up to leave and her tall, voluptious physique caught the attention of everyone within 100 feet.

· I saw Hilary Swank at Revolution Fitness on Montana Avenue in Santa Monica today (2/05/07). It was just before the 5:00 PM spinning class, and she came in announcing that she needed to borrow some shoes for the class. Then she added, "My name is Hilary." I don't even remember what she was wearing, but it was not anything dramatic. She was alone.

I saw a paparazzo (sp?) outside Revolution Fitness, waiting for Hilary. He was in a white Mercedes, the trunk of which was open. He was fiddling with a camera and preparing to pounce when she left the fitness studio.

I also saw what I firmly believe was Sean Young in the 6:00 PM indoor rowing class, also at Revolution Fitness, on the same day. She entered wearing this thick long coat...the kind of thing you'd wear if you were going on a trek through Siberia. She didn't stay for the whole class. Is Sean Young considered a celebrity?

· I had the requisite James Woods and starlet-working-out-her-daddy-issues girlfriend last night (2/1) at Jones' on Santa Monica Blvd. Waited a few minutes to be seated and seemed to be keeping the ball-busting curmudgeon schtick in check. I also couldn't help but note that girlfriend's nose job seems to have healed quite nicely, per an earlier James W. privacy watch submission.

· Does Liv Tyler live in Silverlake? Yesterday (Thursday), I saw her at our Trader Joe's at 11AM, looking every bit like a Silverlake Mom—- kid sitting in the shopping cart, funky glasses, etc. She was chatting with some guy (could have been the musician-husband but I don't think so) about the wonders of various TJ's frozen foods products. She's really very beautiful, in a natural some-people-are-born-with-it way.

· Saw Kelsey Grammer with his wife, Camille, at the Westfield Topanga food court in Woodland Hills. They were both trying for "incognito" in their dark sunglasses, but many hungry shoppers spotted him anyway. He is quite tall and was casually dressed in a black hoodie and khaki-colored shorts. They opted for organic food from Coral Tree Express, but when they looked for seats, there were none available. So, Kelsey asked another couple if they could sit at their table, and the clueless pair agreed, never once seeming to recognize the celebrity "doing lunch" with them.

· tuesday night, january 30, watched as a front row table was cleared (forcibly? only the occupants know) for val kilmer and his 5+ entourage for the nightwatchman show at hotel cafe in hollywood. First one then a second much younger female slid playfully onto his lap while val intensely with head bowed or in deep concentration absorbed the evening's performance. while not looking horrible, time has not been good to the middle-aged actor... noticiably bloated, greyed and wrinkled, booze and/or fun in the sun have taken their toll.

· Thursday, 1/31- Marlee Matlin at LAX. She's gorgeous. With her assistant. I was bummed it wasn't the guy who played her assistant on West Wing. Then I realized that television and life aren't the same thing.

Friday 1/26 - Paris Hilton at The Grove. By herself with a ponytail coming out of the top right hemisphere of her brain. And a headband. She was wearing those monstrous Mary-Kate & Ashley Olsen I-am-your-demented -grandmother-and-will- fuck-your-eyes-out shoes, skinny jeans, boring tee, and shiny Pink Ladies jacket (the style, not the brand). She touched my hand and I remarked (as I'm sure the one thousand other people she touched whilst barreling through to the front of the line did, too) that I'd just contracted herpes. It was hot.

· Saw Ginnifer Goodwin & Chris Klein at John O' Groat's for brunch on Saturday, 1/27 around 1:30pm. She was wearing this awesome beige, wool wrap with Uggs and yoga pants, no makeup, very fresh and pretty; he was in jeans, t-shirt and a baseball cap. She sat inside and waited for a table (they put their name in with everyone else) while he stayed outside (to keep attention away from themselves? not sure why). Very together, cute and normal.

· Kevin Dillon (JOHNNY DRAMA!) working out at the LA Fitness in Marina del Rey. Brought in his own personal trainer. The usual - smaller in person, worse skin. Still really do-able. But where the hell was Piven!??!

· sunday night, january 28, spent about two hours three stools down from kevin dillon and presumably his agent at tom bergin's on fairfax in l.a. now i know it's his main claim to fame, but either he's not much of an actor, or his entourage schtick is not acting at all. dressed in a white shirt and black suit, obviously intoxicated (and sucking down pints like no tomorrow), his new yawk swagger was spot-on for his popular tv character. even while sucking down cigarettes outside, it was deja vu watching him chat up the bartender and local sycophants.

· While noshing on the finest sashimi in L.A., I spotted an extremely manorexic Carson Daly dining with friends/co-workers at a table at Sasabune on Feb. 1st. He was hiding his protruding bones with the '90s long sleeve shirt under a t-shirt look. On Jan. 31st, I saw a fancy-attired Rebecca Romijn at The Urth Café in Santa Monica with a female friend.

· 1/31 - SNL alum Rachel Dratch chatting and laughing at a table of otherwise unrecognizable people at Mozza (yes, the pizza is worth all the fuss).

2/4 - Scream queen Sarah Michelle Gellar at Equinox Westwood. Flawless.

· 2/1 - simon fuller, ace young, and kellie pickler all cheering on chris daughtry at his el rey gig
2/2 - jason lee and giovanni ribisi sharing a vip booth at m. ward's show tonight at the el rey.

· 2/3 - Saw Jason Lee with family in tow (wife, Pilot Inspecktor, and two grandma types) at Dusty's in Silverlake. He looked just like Earl and was sporting a leather motorcycle outfit. Too bad the service there isn't as good as the sighting.

· At Mani's Bakery on Fairfax around 8p Friday February 2, Zooey Deschanel and a gaggle of male friends. They seemed to sit outside and leave without eating. Looks exactly like she does in the movies, with the big eyes and the skinny and the dark hair and everything.

· Friday 2/2/07: In line at LAX for my Southwest flight to Albuquerque. After I push women and children out of the way to snag my preferred seat and stow my luggage, I get settled in my seat. Boarding the flight after me was Lucy Davis (Dawn, the "Pam" from the original British "Office" and currently stuck on "Studio 60"). I felt bad for her having to fly with the hoi polloi. She kept her head down and chatted on the phone until we took off. Bonus — she was also on my flight back to LAX Sunday night. Again, chatting on the phone as long as possible (probably yelling at her manager to at least get her a coach ticket on a normal airline next time).

· friday 2/2 at the Wolfgang Puck Cafe counter in Gelson's Valley Village, I saw a stunning Brooke Burns...I always thought she was smoking hot on TV and she doesn't disappoint in real life. I don't know how tall she is, but i'm 5'10" and had to look up at her. she was with some actor-type guy that definitely was NOT bruce willis. lucky bastard. i'd so hit that.

· 2-4 saw Scott Ian rock god (without the red dye on his beard) pulling into Bristol Farms on Beverly in his Lexus Rx whatever hybrid family wagon looking like he was on a mission. Probably picking up those last minute snacks for the Super Bowl

· Just had dinner at Jerrys in Encino. Ja Rule was 2 booths down with an ugly little chic.

Boring!

· Just saw Boris Kodjoe last night at 24 hour fitness in Sherman Oaks Galleria. He was using the stationary bike while reading a script. Very reserved demeanor. He always appears to be in deep thought. Extremely handsome in person, and tall as hell.

· Monday 2/5: I saw the guy that played Beverly Lesley (Karen's nemesis) [Leslie Jordan] on "Will & Grace" wandering around Staples on Sunset. He's pocket sized—I just wanted to pick him up and hug him.

[T]he almost-overnight success of the band forced the Kristovskys to change the group's name from Uma Thurman to Uma2Rman, to avoid copyright problems.

And what started out as a humorous tune has turned into a semi-obsessive wish to meet the star.

"We feel like we have a connection to her," Vova Kristovsky says. "I mean, we named our band after her, and fortune has smiled upon us. We want to share our success with her, but we don't know how to do that."

We really hope the two musicians get some face time with the object of their obsessions. Showing Thurman the scar-tissue portraits of her they carved into each other's backs with hunting knives just wouldn't have the same impact in a blurry jpeg photo as they would if they were to unveil the tributes in person.

• Russian rockers desperately seeking Thurman [MSNBC.com]

"We welcome Uma Thurman, a model-actress, admired throughout the world and especially in our country, France," said Cannes Film Festival Director Gilles Jacob. He presented the award to Thurman on behalf of the country's Culture Ministry.

Thurman's career "would make her the favorite actress of an entire generation," he said. [...]

"The public discovered your grace and sensuality," Jacob said, outlining Thurman's acting career that began on a New York stage when she was 16. [...]

Jacob hailed the 35-year-old actress as a "classic and disconcerting beauty," a "femme fatale" and a "dreamy creature" before pinning a medal on her black Christian Dior jacket.

While Jacob's fawning, Pep Le Pew-like presentation notes would indicate that this honor has its origins not in the hearts of the French people, but rather in the pants of its bestower, we wish Thurman a hearty congratulations nonetheless. However, should she be contacted in the near future by Jacob's people excitedly informing her she's been selected to receive The Most Illustrious Order of Dreamy Creaturedom, to be presented that evening in a private ceremony in his hotel suite, we can't recommend she show up for the tribute.

• Uma Thurman Honored by France [AP]

So, I'm visiting the family back east for Christmas. Driving down quaint Main St., Sag Harbor after a Christmas Eve lunch, some tall, blond chick with too-low jeans and a girl in tow cruises out in front of our car with nary a glance or care that she is 3 feet from our bumper and 30 feet from the nearest cross walk. Her blond little girl - about 7 or so, looks at us, scared that we won't stop while her mother is already 1/2 way across the street without her AND without a glance back to check on her. I didn't want to dent our car — she is a large woman — and felt no remorse when I rolled down my window to let her know "IT'S CALLED A CROSSWALK - USE IT!!"...and see Uma Thurman and her daugher Maya look back at me IN SHOCK that I would have the NERVE to question her highness...What? Celebs don't bleed?

A good question, and the answer would depend entirely on your definition of the word "bleed." If you were to cut a celebrity, or, in this case, run into them at full speed with your car, a liquid would indeed pour forth from their wounds; it would not be blood, however, but instead "celebuglobin," a fantastical plasmic substance with magical rejuvenating and self-promotional capabilities. Happily, in this instance, none was spilt for the star of The Producers or her brood.