We are some fucked up people, yo.

I mean, believe me, I totally see the appeal in the universe breaking LA off the coast and hiding it 4,000 feet under the sea, like the afikomen of God that will never be cashed in and found, because—sorry, LA—it's LA. Though apparently some people got teary during the part when the Kogi Truck gets swallowed up by an acid-spewing mutant volcano, so I guess it's a complicated emotion. But why are we so desperate to see what the end looks like? Because we're sadists? Masochists? Because we'd like to imagine a world in which only we exist and everything else just doesn't? [Related: Welcome to Lower Manhattan.] Because we want it all to just be totally fucked and end, and we want a hand in it, like that kid who spends five hours building a beautiful sand castle only to "Godzilla" it out of existence for six seconds?

Or because it looks sick? Which apparently, it did. To the tune of $225M.

The 162-minute disaster epic...blew away the competition and took in $65 million in North America in its opening weekend and $160 million worldwide. All totaled, the Roland Emmerich movie, which cost $200 million to make (and tens of millions more to market) grossed $225 million.

That's gotta be it. When the world ends, it's not like we're going to be able to watch it being so awesome. Also, we're all gonna die and it's gonna be crazy but, like, will it really look that cool? Hell to the no, BobbyBrown! It'll probably look like The Road or something. Gray and stupid and dusty and boring. But that's life, you know? Less Roland Emmerich, more Cormac McCarthy. Besides, only in Fakeland can anybody give a shit about Amanda Peet living through the end of the world. OH COME ON.

And then there's this Precious movie. The critics HATED it. Like this one:

Not since The Birth of a Nation has a mainstream movie demeaned the idea of black American life as much as Precious. Full of brazenly racist clichés (Precious steals and eats an entire bucket of fried chicken), it is a sociological horror show.

Ha, oh, just joking, that's batshit Armond White from the New York Press. This guy eats the innocence of children for breakfast and snacks on Labrador puppies for lunch. Also, he hated Up. But! Precious, which is a "the world sucks" movie of a different stripe, did well, too. Look:

The indie movie "Precious," which Lionsgate bought at Sundance, took in about $6.1 million in just 174 theaters in nine cities. That's an impressive $35,000 per-screen average.

Now, granted: 2012 was on about 40 bazillion more screens, but seriously, compared to the other top per-theater take ($19,095 for 2012), it's a pretty incredible number, and a 200% increase from last week's Precious take. That 200% number is not a joke.

Lesson, learned. It goes something like this: when I make my autobiographical epic, I Hope They Smoke Adderall In Hogwarts, I'm going to make sure to append the words "Tyler Perry and Oprah Winfrey Present." If only real-Hollywood were so smart. Dumbasses. Imagine if they did that to 2012. They would've made enough money to destroy the world for reals. Until then, we have LA's fake-comeuppance to go see again and again and again. Basically, yes:

[Photo of The Great Alderaan Explosion of '77: "Complicated Feelings," Mixed Media, provided by the artist.]

But in a conference speech yesterday, Michael Burns, the Vice-Chairman of Lion's Gate dispelled any fantasies we may have had that the torture quotient in our multiplexes would be lowered any time soon, saying Saw is here to stay, and while they are at it, that Lion's Gate has no intention of abandoning it's campaign to destroy entertainment. Burns told the , there will be a Saw 7 and that the Tyler Perry machine will continue assaulting comedy until the end of time.

The Hollywood Reporter quotes Burns speaking slyly of Saw's status:

Despite a disappointing performance by Saw VI, which Burns attributed to getting "buzz-sawed" at the boxoffice by Paranormal Activity, he said it was full steam ahead on the seventh installment, which will be in 3D.

"As long as we make money on it we'll keep doing this," he said, pointing out that such franchises tend to have a long shelf life across different platforms. Dirty Dancing, he pointed out, still sells 2,000 DVDs a day for the company, and that's after 20 years.

We have to hand it to Lions Gate, the unholy alliance of torture porn and the most-useless, money-extorting innovation of the past decade — 3D — might just be the giant leap forward we've been waiting for to crush audience's desire for creativity and life once and for all, after which, there would be nothing to stand in the way of a thousand reign of Saw films.

Burns also vowed that Tyler Perry's crusade to erase the last vestiges of comedy from the cinema would continue until the last comic standing, referring to Perry as a machine and taunting the assembled media savants with the threat of new Madea insallments.

Burns however, cleared up confusion about Perry's legal status, confirming he still enjoys the full freedom due an American citizen. "He's not an indentured servant," Burns explained, confirming that Perry enjoys the freedom to pursue non-Lion projects.

• No big deal has yet come out of the acquisitions market at the Toronto International Film Festival, but buyers are said to be circling a fairly large number of films, including the one outings from indie darling directors Atom Egoyan, Todd Solondz and Werner Herzog. The Israeli film Lebanon which took the top prize last week in Venice is said to be the subject of intense jockeying. [Variety, THR]

• Meanwhile the star wattage has burned bright. The weekend belonged to George Clooney who as anticipated, sent the press into a titter supporting his pair of new films. Next up: Drew Barrymore with her directorial debut Whip It and Mariah Carey and Oprah supporting perhaps the most buzzed about film of the fest, Precious. [The Wrap]

• At the Toronto International Film Festival to promote his new film, The Informant, Steven Soderberg has sold the financing for his next film, to be entitled Knockout from Lion's Gate and Relativity Media. [Variety]

• Knockout may, however, prove to be the last Steven Soderbergh film ever. Speaking to The Daily Beast about his plans to retire from directing and take up painting, the director said of The Informant and his desire to go out on top, "If everyone in America will go see it, and make it a hit, then I PROMISE I will retire." [The Daily Beast]

• As expected, the box office weekend belonged to Tyler Perry, America's most reliable deliverer of 20 million dollarish opening weekends . I Can Do Bad All By Myself was Perry's third highest opener taking in an estimated $24 million. The animated 9 took in $10.9 in a smaller release. America, clearly turning its back on quality in entertainment, passed on Sorority Row which earned a mere $5.3. [Box Office Mojo]

• All eyes are tuned on NBC's ratings tonight, after the bow of the new Jay Leno show, with seemingly all of Hollywood praying for disaster. [THR]

• Congratulations Hollywood! Following the new domestic record, 2009 was also history's biggest box office summer internationally, earning Tinseltown a nice $5.8 billion. Remarkably, insanely, the summer's highest international grosser was Fox's 3-D animation Ice Age : Dawn of the Dinosaurs. And if you can read that news and still think you know anything about "what works" with audiences, you are either crazy or Rupert Murdoch. (Variety)

• Squeezing into the crowded Oscar early buzz locales, the once aloof Telluride Film Festival this year will be a hot-spot of would-be contenders. Buzzed about pics An Education and The Road will be screening, along with the new film from indie darling Todd Solondz. Variety reports that rumor mill suggesting the new George Clooney/Ivan Reitman film Up In The Air may make a surprise unscheduled appearance. (Variety, Hitfix)

• Lionsgate has booked Tyler Perry will direct a screen adaptation of the 1975 play For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide When the Rainbow Is Enuf. (The Wrap)

• Summer's final weekend will see a true clash of the titans at the box office as Gamer goes head to head with All About Steve. (LA Times)

Uncle Jesse will soon be doing a beautiful duet with Verbal Kint? Weird! Yes, John Stamos has just been cast in Kevin Spacey's upcoming film Father of Invention, a comedy about a crazy inventor. We've written so much about this movie in these here Trade Roundup pages. This is going to be the biggest movie ever, right? Like, total summertime box office foofaraw that makes a kajillion dollars. Wait, what's that? It will be some barely-released indie that no one sees and is forgotten quickly? Much like Spacey's upcoming Shrink? Oh. Oh OK. That's too bad. [Variety]

Sorry, all you Tyler Perry haters. The Atlanta-based entertainment mogul—who produces religiously draped morality plays about black folks both embracing and pushing away negative stereotypes—has had his TBS (also in Atlanta!) television series House of Payne picked up for another 46 episodes. 46! I watched an interview once with Mr. Perry where he talked about the show's lead actress at one point praying off camera before a scene then speaking in tongues suddenly while filming said scene. He loved it and told them to keep it in. This is true. I am not making this up. He's a "sure, people speak in tongues all the time and it is normal" kind of Christians. He's also one of those "nobody in the black community is gay" kind of Christians, though he hasn't really said that out loud. But his movies, in some ways, speak for themselves. [THR]

Joshua Leonard, who disappeared into the wild woods of Maryland some ten years ago leaving only some teeth (or was it a finger?), is on the move. Yes the Blair Witch Project actor has his big Hump Day coming out soon, and now he's signed on to star in The Lie, a comedy about a struggling musician trying to make decisions. In another film or two the lazily funny actor will probably be bumped up to sarcastic-best-friend-to-annoying-male-lead-in-a-romantic-comedy status, competing directly with the likes of Thomas Lennon (who is a fucking millionaire because he wrote Night at the Museum). Hollywood! [Variety]

Longtime ER producer and showrunner David Zabel has inked a deal with NBC to make a pilot. It will be a legal drama with a family bent, because Zabel's family has a grand tradition of working in law. And also because Judging Amy was long enough ago that only a few people remember it happened it all. Tyne Daly remembers. Tyne Daly will remember forever. [THR]

Haa, OMG look. There are new posters out for The CW's upcoming sure-to-be-dreadful Melrose Place show, and they're very similar to those once-popular "OMFG" Gossip Girl posters. My favorite is above. Because what a pun that is, right?? Menage a Tues. Because it's on Tuesdays! Should I have gone with the one that says "Tuesday Is the New Humpday" (Joshua Leonard!), which implies that people on the show will be humping? Children will be watching this show guys. Married Emo Queen Asheee Simpson is on it. Children. Humpday. Menage a Tues. Hollywood! [THR]

Oh thank God. Unstoppable, the movie about a runaway train full of chemicals, is back...on track. See Denzel Washington had walked away for a bit because of delays and whatnot, leaving poor little Chris Pine all by his lonesome, but now he's back. It's filming in Pittsburgh. And really, who can say no to Pittsburgh?? [Variety]

One of the highest paid men in entertainment has bestowed us with another one his cinematic gems! Perhaps I'm being preemptively hostile towards Perry's newest endeavor but I assure you it's justified because I've sat through nearly all his movies. Each one is a long, sanctimonious, low-budget, sermon on dime-store morality and has the production value equivalent to what you wind find at your local grade school's Christmas pageant. And any man that needs a fat suit to convey his holy message is suspect, dontchathink?

Via Videogum

Here's a really titillating piece of news! Columbia Pictures is in early talks with Nicolas Cage to play the gangster villain in The Green Hornet. Cameron Diaz is negotiating to play a reporter and love interest in the Michel Gondry-directed pic that stars Seth Rogen as the masked crime fighter. I just want to make sure that registered with you: Nicolas Cage will be emoting for us whilst wearing some kind of tight fitting costume. We're sure you're titling too. [ Variety ]

New deals are coming in on the Monetizing Childhood Nostalgia front! John Fusco has been tapped to breathe new life into Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. He also wrote a redo of The Seven Samurai for the Weinstein Co. His other credits include Hidalgo and Young Guns. Next up Diablo Cody's remake of a sassy outsider who wears a strawberry beanie and smells like shortcakes! [ Variety ]

Despite a fast-approaching Thursday filing deadline, the two factions within the Screen Actors Guild have continued to keep their slate of candidates for the guild's September elections under wraps. Well, one thing's clear Martin Sheen's ass better be filling one of those slate spots because I need some new material for my West Wing fan fiction livejournal! [ Variety ]

Ugh, when is someone going to give K-Fed a reality show so we can see what's up with him and Britt's kids? Oh wait! [ E! Online! ]

Remember that sad story we told you about the group of black kids who were turned away from a swim club pool because the club's owners feared they would "change the complexion of the pool"? It's ugly stuff. To make matters less ugly writer/director Tyler Perry has stepped offered to send the 65 kids from Philly on all-expenses-paid three-day trip to DisneyWorld. And that's the last nice thing I will ever say about Tyler Perry. Are you happy morning news round up? You've broken me! [ People ]

Speaking of celebs stepping in to rescue sad children: Uma! Uma Thurman is set to star in Girl Solider an indie flick about a radical cleric who helps rescue 140 schoolgirls abducted in Uganda. Story's based on Kathy Cook's book "Stolen Angels," which follows the 1996 raid at a boarding school, where a band of armed rebels abducted young girls to turn them into soldiers and sex slaves. So there's that. Have a great day! [ Variety ]

Cherish your childhood wonderment while you can, because on July 16, 2010, Jerry Bruckheimer's modern-day live-action version of The Sorcerer's Apprentice will cruelly chase your fantasy from Fantasia. The movie stars Nicolas Cage and Jay Baruchel, and it's currently filming in New York. Sigh. I bet the brooms will be Swiffers or something. [Variety] Sorry about that. I know I swore there'd be no more drama. Speaking of, Mary J. Blige has just been cast opposite Taraji P. Henson in Tyler Perry's upcoming film, I Can Do Bad All By Myself. She'll play a singer, natch. Oh and don't worry. Madea will be back. [Variety]

American Idol continues to dominate in the ratings, drawing in 23.7 million eye-glazed, addled viewers. New series Better Off Ted played decently on the same night, holding onto most of its Scrubs lead in and almost beating CBS' horrorshow Gary Unmarried. [Variety]

Bring on the quirky! Michael C. Hall and newbie Ben Schwartz have been cast in the indie comedy Peep World, about a crazy dysfunctional family reacting to one son writing a tell-all book. Also potentially on board as wacky siblings are Sarah Silverman and Rainn Wilson. Sounds exhausting. [THR]

Supermodel of yesteryear Elle Macpherson is joining the cast of The CW's Beautiful Life, playing... a supermodel of yesteryear. Also in that illustrious cast? Mischa Barton. Terrif. Though, Macpherson was likable in The Edge, so maybe she'll be good. [THR] While on the topic of The CW, Tristan Wilds, who muddles around on 90210, perhaps as penance for doing dastardly things on The Wire, will be in the upcoming WWII dogfight flick Red Tails. [THR]

American Idol producer FremantleMedia has been slapped with a big ol' class-action lawsuit, by a group of former employees who claim the company denied them overtime pay and breaks for meals. The three plaintiffs claim that Freemantle made them falsify time cards and work well over 40 hours a week, on several of their shows, for no extra pay. At least they didn't have to sleep in a van for six months, like the Idol contestants. [THR]

1) Watchmen — $55.7 million
It was supposed to be the biggest movie ever—or at least beat director Zack Snyder's $70 million 300 bow—because it's dark and cool and edgy and is about nihilistic politics and tits and stuff. Instead it's just one of the biggest R-rated, March weekend openings ever. Surely Watchmen's lower-than-hoped first dance is a big disappointment for Warner Brothers, which spent a hell of a lot of money and squawking time on the grim, turgid superhero alternate history. Word of mouth seemed to deal it a hearty blow, as it slipped from $25 million on Friday, to $19 on Saturday, to a sad little $11 on Sunday. Doesn't bode well for the coming weekends.

2) Tyler Perry's Madea Goes to Jail — $8.8 million
The old girl just keeps rampaging on, waving her pistol at Rudy Huxtable. With a cool $76.5 million banked so far, Tyler Perry might be one step closer to buying those business cards that have his name on them and everything that he's been saving up for. It also spells good things for upcoming projects like Madea Takes Manhattan, Follow That Madea!, and the stirring Madea at Aulis.

3) Taken — $7.5 million
The old guy just keeps rampaging on, waving his pistol at Rudy Huxtable's Albanian cousin. Liam Neeson, proportionately, is a bigger badass than Patrick Wilson in an owl costume and Valerie Cherish's annoying Room & Bored costar. So, that's something.

5) Paul Blart: Mall Cop — $4.2 million
As the fat guy atop a Segway putters past the $133 million mark, I guess it should give us pause. What is it about the overweight rolling around on their bellies on shopping mall floors that inspires so much glee? I suppose it could be the site of a well-fed person basking in the glow of hallowed consumerism that gets us excited, nostalgic even, for some long lost era. Either that or we like bears doing tricks at the circus, so why wouldn't we like their shaved counterparts doing the same at the movies?

9) Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience — $2.8
Awww. After only two weeks out, the film sinks down to number 9. It's made a sad little $16 so far, not even half of what Miley Cyrus' concertina made in its first weekend. Does this spell the beginning of the end for our little Twizzler-limbed trio? Unfortunately, I don't think they'll go squealing chastely into that good night any time soon. Maybe they'll try to reinvent themselves for their ever-aging core audience as gritty, fuckfest aficionado rock and rollers. With new tracks like "Stop Ur Texting and Letz Get Sexing", "Sit On My Facebook", and "R U 4 86 4 EVA."

Did you wake up this morning feeling like it was your lucky day? Well, it wasn't as baseless and miserably ironic a claim as it usually is. Because today we learn that Lionsgate, beautiful studio of Saw movies, is allowing Tyler Perry to foist two more of his talkies upon this world. One stars recent Oscar-nominee Taraji P. Henson (Taraji P.! Noooo!!) and the other is a sequel to his landmark Janet Jackson film, Why Did I Get Married? Because Tyler Perry told you to. That's why. [Variety]

Don't worry. That theatre documentary Theater of War about Meryl Streep performing a Tony Kushner translation of Bertolt Brecht's Mother Courage and Her Children outdoors in the summer of 2006 (saw it, amazing) has found a distributor. Alive Media will handle all that business for you, and the doc will soon be out on DVD. What a relief, huh? [Variety]

The long will-they-or-won't-they battle over Dinner for Schmucks has finally been resolved. Once thought lost to the terrible split between Paramount and DreamWorks, the Steve Carell makes funny ha-ha's with Paul Rudd while director Jay Roach sits on and nods like an asshole comedy will begin shooting in October, and everyone has a stake! Paramount and DreamWorks even, with a 33% investment. Broken homes ain't broke until they broke, y'all. [Variety]

Oh good. World's most annoying actress Dakota Fanning will play Cheri Currie while vastly overrated Twilight sellout Kristen Stewart mopes as Joan Jett in a biopic about The Runaways, a 70's early wave punk band from the sun-stained streets of Los Angeles. In other news, Haley Joel Osment has just been cast as Steven Tyler and Alex D. Linz will play Bob Dylan in a highly reworked version of Tom Stoppard's play Rock and Roll. [Variety]

Firefly enchantress Gina Torres has finally found work again, this time in a pilot called Washington Field. Also Indira Varma, who played (swoon) Vorenus' wife Niobe on Rome, has landed the plummest role of them all: the lead in Shonda Rhimes' new series Inside the Box, about the busy staff at a news program who must deal with both workplace complexities and their erratic emotional lives that exist just... outside the box. As news of this show develops, many ladies have already begun rabidly clapping, while others have experienced spontaneous and unpredictable bouts of vomiting and eye-bleeding. [THR]

1) Tyler Perry's Madea Goes to Jail — $16.5 million
Down a hearty 60% from last weekend, the film still held on against the 3D onslaught of crotchlight rays being shot out by the fertile, holly-scented loins of the brothers Jonas. This latest Madea iteration has stuffed a total $64.9 million into its hilariously oversized bra, becoming Perry's highest-grossing movie to date. Next week a bunch of spandex-clad superheroes with drinking problems ought to handily blue wang their way past the old lady.

2) Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience — $12.7 million
Though their marble-mouthed lady counterpart, Miley Cyrus, earned a cool $33 million outta the gate with her own 3D concert picture show, the floppy-topped young lads just couldn't deliver on the goods the same way. Perhaps dads were less willing to escort their daughters to this one? Perhaps little gay boys couldn't couch their desire to go in a "she's so hot" charade, so they decided to hole themselves up in their rooms for the weekend, furtively? The pic had the best per-screen average of any top 10 pic this weekend, but still there must be some explanation for this vague disappointment.

3) Slumdog Millionaire — $12.2 million
Buoyed by all its Oscars, the two-little-Indians-that-could movie chugs like an extremely crowded train toward the global $200 million mark. When that auspicious goal is reached, all the children will be given the opportunity to trade their new houses in for back-end deals on Boyle's next picture, Kalkotta Hope Dreamer.

4) Taken — $10 million
Liam Neeson continues to thunder-fist his way through Albanians' faces, and American cineplexes, as his actioner speeds past the $100-million mark. This is good news for similarly-brooding actor Gabriel Byrne, who can't wait for you to see his 2010 down-and-dirty thrill-ride, Aggressed Upon—about a former NSA agent who must rescue his teenage son, played by a whimpering Drake Bell, who's been kidnapped by evil Azerbaijani producers and forced to perform in a middling 3D concert.

8) Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li — $4.7 million
I really didn't think that anyone remembered Street Fighter, that glorious old videogame about brawny international dudes—Ryu! Guile! M. Bison! Blanca!—and one lady battling out in, well, the streets. But I guess they sorta do, as this film about that one lady pocketed a not-so-bad little sack of dollars over the too-short weekend. I hope this means a new trend. 'Cause I would totally go see a ToeJam & Earl or Streets of Rage movie.

WHAT'S NEW: Since 2005, Tyler Perry has been good for at least one No. 1 opening per year. He'll get 2009's first out of the way this weekend, reviving America's favorite grandma-with-a-dick in Madea Goes to Jail. Last we saw Perry's moody matriarch, she was being hauled off by cops at the end of Meet the Browns' slow-speed Atlanta freeway chase; this time around, she brings her saucy moral suasion to a women's prison as her family (mostly) rallies around her. We're all for ladies-in-chains genre revisionism, and we expect the moviegoing public is with us — probably to the tune of around $26.3 million.

Also opening: The Jay McCarroll documentary Eleven Minutes; the grim ex-con drama Chain Link; the porn farce Hookers Inc.; the acclaimed Belgian romantic comedy Moscow, Belgium; and the indie Hindi spiritual journey Delhi 6; and the microbudget critical darling Medicine For Melancholy.

THE BIG LOSER: Virtually no one dared challenge Perry and Lionsgate on historically toxic Oscar weekend, meaning that Sony's male-cheerleader comedy Fired Up is your lone wide-release counterprogramming option. We're sorry. That will still take a beating from the holdovers around it — Friday the 13th, He's Just Not That Into You and Taken in particular — netting $4.8 million en route to Flopz™.

THE UNDERDOG: Oscar nominees will all experience a last-minute surge between today and Sunday, but we'd prioritize Frozen River. Again. This was an Underdog of ours from waaayyy back in August, and we stand by it as Melissa Leo chases a Best Actress upset special. Sure, you can rent it, but out of respect for Sony Classics — which took a chance on this film out of Sundance and has navigated around awards-season shoals about as expertly as anyone in the running — buy in at the theater and hope for the best on Sunday night. You'll be happy you did, believe us.

FOR SHUT-INS: Among new DVD's, the other Leo settles into Netflix oblivion with Body of Lies; Angelina Jolie's own Best Actress turn arrives in Changeling; Bill Maher leads the Oscar-snubbed docu-comedy Religulous; Greg Kinnear and Dakota Fanning's best laid awards-season plans go awry in Flash of Genius and Hounddog; and the High School Musical 3: Senior Year gang roars shrieking into your living room.

In the meantime, he focuses on work. Perry's next offering is the tantalizingly titled Madea Goes to Jail—conjuring images of Mabel "Madea" Simmons in lockdown for illegal weapons possession, where she soon finds a toothbrush-shiv pressed to her larynx at the cafeteria pay phone by the cellblock's Alpha Butch, Lady Em. A lifelong friendship with benefits ensues.

The film's marketing campaign features a variety of one-sheets, each depicting a mugshot image of one of Tyler's many cross-dressing moods. And for your morning WTF? moment, there's also a brooding alternative, featuring a black dove with wings of smoke. Enjoy.

• Impa Awards via Low Industrial via Lisanti Quarterly

From ETOnline:

"…Relationships are tough. Then you add fame and money on top of that. Then people and tabloids and gossip and blogs — put all of that stuff on top — it's tough," Tyler tells Essence magazine.

To avoid confusion: The Mrs. Right Tyler is searching for is not Yolanda Right, an Atlanta mother-of-two with whom the Family That Preys star mistakenly swapped sack-dresses at the dry cleaners, but rather an actual woman with whom he can settle down and start a family.

• Tyler Perry on Finding Mrs. Right [ET Online]

Dakota Fanning was one of five Secret Life of Bees performers to score an Image Awards nod, joining fellow Best Actress contender Latifah, Supporting Actress candidates Sophie Okonedo and Jennifer Hudson, and Supporting Actor nominee Nate Parker. Their film also made the running for Best Picture alongside Miracle at St. Anna, Cadillac Records, Seven Pounds (!) and Tyler Perry's The Family That Preys — the latter naturally being our awards-night favorite for Feb. 14, however many writers' throats Perry had to cut to keep House of Payne competitive in the TV category.

The Image Awards have been a slightly more multiethnic affair of late, with Angelina Jolie nominated last year for A Mighty Heart and Penelope Cruz considered in 2006 for Volver. Still, pending a comprehensive check of our records, we think Fanning is far and away the whitest person ever recognized by the Image Awards committee. For that outreach, we celebrate them — and hope to Christ they never catch wind of her work in Hounddog. Though Jennifer Lopez was thrown a bone in '03 for Maid in Manhattan, so maybe anything goes.

• Tyler Perry gets double NAACP noms [LAT]

The Guild sends word today that it reached an agreement with Perry after five months of negotiations, during which a handful of veteran scribes for his series Meet the Browns and House of Payne were terminated for attempting to unionize the staff. The catch? Those writers will not be coming back, according to a WGA release issued late this morning.

But, they added, the mogul "thanked them for their services and wished them well in their future endeavors." Surely that's of little comfort to the reeling Tyler Perry Four, who now confront the reality they may never again have the enviable opportunity to mass-produce Madea jokes for a Perry-starved populace. We hope the NAACP negotiators can sleep at night.

Nikki Finke evidently thinks this will have some bearing on the presidential race; more usefully, she also passed along an open letter from a small army of showrunners including Tina Fey, Mad Men creator Matt Weiner and TV legend Larry Gelbart:

This season, scripted television programming will consist of about 150 shows employing 1,200 writers.

Of that universe, 149 shows and 1,193 writers will produce shows covered by the Writers Guild’s Minimum Basic Agreement. The MBA guarantees minimum compensation, residuals, health coverage, and pension in addition to other benefits.

The big exception? Tyler Perry's House of Payne and the seven writers who, collectively, played a key role in producing over 100 episodes of one of television's most successful sitcoms. [...]

We all know that producing television is a tough and uncertain business. But some things are simply not acceptable.

Like not sending Tina Fey an invitation to the opening of Tyler Perry Studios. Even Barry Bonds got invited! Why shouldn't WGA be pissed?

[Photos: (L) Terence Long, WGAW; (R) AP]

• WGA Pickets Tyler Perry Studios [DHD]

Instead, we hear the WGA is helping to organize a strike action on behalf of four of Perry's former writers at Payne, who have alleged they were fired Tuesday after attempting to unionize the show's staff since April to acquire health and pension benefits. Not very Christlike, Tyler!

The writers said Perry warned them weeks ago to "be careful about pushing the WGA deal or you could be replaced.” Now a grievance is on file with the National Labor Relations Board, and the Tyler Perry Four are lobbying invited guests to either join them Saturday on the picket line or skip the fête altogether. This is a civil rights issue, after all, according to a release dispatched this afternoon by the WGA:

“It’s very disheartening considering that this is a studio run by African Americans. What Tyler Perry is essentially saying to us is that ‘you’re black and there’s not a lot of opportunities for you so you’ll take what I give you’ – whether it’s fair or not.”

“I feel like I was slapped in the face, like we were used” said writer and WGAW member Teri Brown-Jackson. “We were good enough to create over a hundred episodes, but now when it comes to reaping the benefits of the show being syndicated and having other spin-offs from it, he decides to let us go unless we accept a horrible offer.” [...]

The show’s head writer, Kellie Griffin, added, “A lot of people who fought for civil rights and social justice never really saw what eventually came out of their work. While I’d like to see something positive come out of this for us, if this fight helps future black writers get what they deserve, that’s a good thing.”

It's an age-old story, but on one hand we're shocked: All this time we thought Perry was cranking out Madea scripts 10 at a time while directing House of Payne with the free side of his brain. On the other, we really should have known that one man couldn't be responsible for so many enduring — and enduringly lucrative — masterpieces on his own, leading us to wonder if he'll have what it takes to assemble Madea's vocal, violent response in time for both his guests and his picketers by Saturday. Surely a few drones in that shiny new quip mill of his are working unpaid overtime tonight. Developing...

Dude, what made you refuse to screen your film for critics before it opened Friday? I'm betting you would have received an earful of praise for your writing and directing.

Praise for the sweet relationship between Alfre Woodard and Kathy Bates as mothers occasionally shamed by their children. Praise for making venality your dominant theme without falling into the ditch of soap opera. Praise for constructing characters whose yearning for more rings true. Praise for integrating your cast without using race as a crutch. (You're forgiven for the moment when Woodard, as Alice, the owner of a struggling diner, sees the new car that Bates's Charlotte, a wealthy matriarch, has bought and says: "I never saw you drive. Where's Morgan Freeman?")

A few other critics have swatted it down for its pulpy, melodramatic machinations, but that's the point — that's the fun of it! Anyway, we'll find out soon enough if Perry comes around; his third film in 12 months, Madea Goes to Jail, opens Feb. 20, 2009. For all that preaching of forgiveness on which his empire's built, we hope he can find it in his heart to at least think about kicking us a DVD screener by Feb. 19.

• 'The Family That Preys' [Source]

1. Burn After Reading — $19.4 million

The Coen brothers' admirable, totally nonsensical spy farce rode its all-star ensemble like a rented mule, albeit sort of a haunting mutation of mule — one with frosted tips, a hoof-full of Oscars and an unusually foul mouth that nevertheless enticed enough curious viewers to make Burn the biggest opening of the Coens' career. And it's almost enough to settle Focus Features' therapy bill incurred after Hamlet 2.

2. Tyler Perry's The Family That Preys — $18 million

Add another fun fact to Defamer's Tyler Perry Encyclopedia: Five of his six films have now opened among their respective weekends' top two grossers. On roughly two-thirds as many screens as this week's No. 1. With virtually no white people in the audience. Be impressed.

3. Righteous Kill — $16.5 million

And it would have been even more had Robert De Niro and Al Pacino not already fulfilled most Americans' demand to see them sleepwalk through scenes together.

4. The Women — $10 million

Critics be damned — Picturehouse was determined to make this work if it was the last thing it ever did. And, alas, it was.

5. The House Bunny — $4.3 million

The Cult of Anna Faris kept her in the Top 5 with barely a 20% drop from last week. Seriously: If Tyler Perry had an adventurous bone in his body he'd write her into a Madea film and let the Brinks truck do the rest.