20.) Bobby Brown Farts On Carnie Wilson, Pees On Dee Snider
Bobby Brown took a half-hearted stab at earning a pay check and having a country music career via the reality show Gone Country, in which he lived with other out-of-work celebs down South and competed for a record contract. In this clip, he gets drunk, eats ribs, farts and pees.

19.) Teen Bathes, Then Bonds With Senior Citizen
Baby Borrowers was a social experiment in the form of a reality show that was supposed to teach teenagers how hard it is to raise a family and run a household. For some reason, one of the episodes called for the teens to care for senior citizens, maybe to scare them off of the burden of dealing with elderly parents later on down the road. In this clip, a teen has to bathe her senior ward, and then they have a touching conversation about the generational differences of filing nails square or rounded.

18.) Meet The Two Most Effective Forms Of Birth Control
Some episodes of Supernanny are scarier than horror movies. In this clip, two little terrors defiantly pick their noses and wipe the boogers on a wall, physically abuse their mother and say terrifying things like, "I have a dick and a weenie in my weenie," and "I'm gonna fuck you in your privates one day!"

17.) Vagina Insults Are The New "Ya Momma"
MTV's That's Amore — the spin-off of Shot at Love with Tila Tequila — featured women who incessantly talked about other women's vaginas.

16.) American Idol Contestant Who Looks Like Willem Dafoe With Face Glitter
Alexis Cohen was one of those "bad" auditions featured during the open-call leg of American Idol. They're always easy targets, but her working knowledge of the English language and her literal glittery attempt at polishing a turd made her the best of the worst.

15.) Stage Mom Has Violent, Psychotic Outburst
Rocky, stage mother to Haley, from VH1's I Know My Kid's a star first won our hearts when she asked her daughter if her tampon string was visibly hanging below her miniskirt. This freak out sealed the deal.

14.) Woman With A Half Wig Cries About It
Kim from Real Housewives of Atlanta attracted attention and confusion over her hair — an obvious wig that did not match the color of the natural bangs in the front. Her attempt at clearing the matter up (she had cancer!) only confused everyone more (wait, she only thought she had cancer!).

13.) Pussylicious
The reality show in which women compete for a spot (that's actually never given to them) in the the Pussycat Dolls lineup was called Pussycat Dolls Present: Girlicious, which obviously needed to be shortened to "pussylicious." Especially after one girl's introduction included her saying, "I'm Cassandra. I'm from Aurora, Illinois, I live in Chicago now, and I have a tattoo of cherries on my hoo-ha." Later, another girl gets injured and is forced to dance in her wheelchair.

12.) Women Past Their Prime Audition For Modeling Competition
She's Got the Look was supposed to be America's Next Top Model for the over-35 set. In this clip its obvious that there were reasons beyond their age that have kept these women from working the runway.

11.) Corey Haim Doesn't Understand Why Everyone He Knows Wants Him To Go To Rehab
It's always ridiculous/sad when addicts who can't fully open their eyes or articulate words think that they are fooling everyone. It's double ridiculous when it's someone like Corey Haim who has had a long public history of drug addiction.

10.) Is This Lady's Husband Gay?
Alex and her husband Simon were the breakout stars of Real Housewives of New York. They were attached at the hip, obsessed with teaching their uncooperative children French, and dropped $20k on opera tickets even though their Brooklyn brownstone was literally falling apart. But the question on everyone's mind was whether or not Speedo-wearing Simon is gay or just simply European.

9.) Women Get Wasted, Puke, Break Dishes, & Hock Loogies
This scene from Charm School: Rock of Love was the most entertaining display of drunken behavior since Bret took the girls to Vegas on season one.

8.) Stripper Mom And Porn Star Have Threesome With Dude, While Another Girl Mistakes Couch For Toilet
Scratch that! This is the was the most entertaining display of drunken behavior, brought to us by those classy roommates of Bad Girls Club.

7.) Flavor Flav Draws The Line At Herpes
As though he doesn't have the virus himself.

6.) The Matchmaker & The Mafia
Intervention is supposed to be a poignant, serious show about addiction, however, some of the characters — like this Italian woman who comes from a family who is part of "The Family" — make us smile.

5.) Denise Richards Calls A Celebrity Journalist A Cunt
As much as Denise Richards: It's Complicated sucked, it was fun to see the real reason behind why the tabloids are so hard on her.

4.) Brooke Hogan Is A Sexist Moron
The irony of her show being titled Brooke Knows Best escaped no one. In this clip, she reveals that her thoughts on politics, and how women's menstrual cycles makes them unfit to serve as President.

3.) America's Next Top Model Is A Menstrual Show
Per Tyra Banks' advice, women should bend over and wince in pain, as though they have menstrual cramps, in order to look "editorial."

2.) Terrifying Texas Mom Shows "Pansy" Husband Who's Boss
Wife Swap is a reliable source when looking to investigate the weirdos of America.

1.) Bikini Corie
The best elimination speech in competition-based reality TV programming ever, courtesy of Paris Hilton's My New BFF.

Sure, The Two Coreys was picked up for a second season last week, but you know what? The superstardom afforded by headlining a basic cable reality hit is certainly nice (especially the insatiable A&E groupies), and the show's Corey-on-Corey conflicts have been well-written, but it's just no longer creatively fulfilling to keep playing this ne'er-do-well Haim character. So please, casting directors, nostalgia-obsessed network executives, and possibly insane foreign "producers" with millions of dollars to invest on the phoenix-like resurrection of their favorite 80s heartthrob, we beg of you: Let Corey show us all what he can do. Don't let all the money he spent on this nearly full-page ad in today's Variety go to waste.

[Ad via Digital Variety]

• Previously: Corey Haim's Unemployability Makes Compelling Reality TV [Defamer]

My Lost Boy-Corey Haim - w4m - 25 My name is Sammi and I am a 25 year old girl who lives in LA. I think the song about the girl stuck in 1985 was written about me because I love all thing's 80's especially Corey Haim. Of course I loved Lucas, The Lost Boys and Liscense to Drive but after seeing him in the movie "Blown Away" my infatuation with him became full fledged. His is gorgeous and talented and judging by his performance in "Blown Away" I think he would be fantastic in bed.

As we all know, Corey started in this industry at a very young age and was unable to resist the temptations of drugs and alcohol which as an assistant to a personal publicist who has major clients, I completely understand that this industry is freakin TOUGH and temptation is everywhere. LA is definitely a complete hedonistic lifestyle. Still, even when Corey gained weight, was incoherent and auctioning his teeth on ebay i knew that he would get hot again and make a come back because he is really a great actor. Well now he has an addicting new reality show and...he's hot again.

I don't get star struck. I've hooked up with and dated celebrities, i work as assistant to one of LA's biggest personal publicists and I always go to LA's hottest clubs including Les Deux, Area, Opera, even parties at the Playboy Mansion (where I met Corey Feldman). Well two weeks ago I was told about a party for the new show "The Two Corey's" at Sugar. We got in but didn't want to pay the $20 cover because well, we never pay cover. So as we are walking out I see Corey standing outside smoking a cigarette. He was so beautiful, I wanted to say something, anything, but I was too scared. When I went back later...he was gone.

In the movie "Can't Hardly Wait" the drunk angel stripper talks about a similar situation with her and Scott Baio. I truly believe in Fate. In fact, I even have a tattoo of the word "Fate" on my lower stomach. But like the movie says "Fate can only take you so far because once you are there it is up to you to make it happen." Well, I didn't make it happen.

Now I'd like to be clear. I don't want to marry Corey Haim and I don't even have to date him. I would just like one night of hot animal sex with him.

Please help! If you or someone that you know can help me reach my goal of having sex with Corey Haim I would be eternally grateful. Thanks so much!

Whether or not "Sammi" is real (and we fear she may not be—everyone knows that Feldman was the breakout cocksman of Blown Away) isn't actually important; what will get Haim through this dark night of the soul is the mere possibility that there's someone out there who might finally muster the courage to approach him the next time he's enjoying a smoke break outside of Sugar, overcoming the butterflies fluttering beneath her Fate tattoo long enough to offer him that one, hot, perfect night of animal sex.

• My Lost Boy-Corey Haim - w4m - 25 [Craigslist]
• Previously: Corey Haim's Unemployability Makes Compelling Reality TV [Defamer]