Since late October, @avary has been tweeting regularly about prison life, referring to himself as #34 and regaling his followers with tales that will probably turn into a mindfuck prison thriller screenplay someday, because some people are so irrepressibly hip that even imprisonment for a tragic crime turns all cool and A Clockwork Orange-y in their hands.

The Los Angeles Times' Mark Milian wrote about the wayward Pulp Fiction and Beowulf scribe's stream-of-consciousness Twitter early last week.

But then: Plot twist! Milian's blog post led authorities to realize that Roger Avary wasn't in prison at all. Rather, he had somehow ended up on a work furlough program, which allowed him to hold a day job and merely bunk up at night with fellow furloughees. This is both not the hardscrabble prison life everyone thought @avary was describing, nor the prison sentence Roger Avary was supposed to be serving. So guy got nabbed and they sent him to real prison, prompting @avary to tweet:

LAT is preoccupied with how Avary ended up in furlough instead of jail, but what I want to know is, (1) Was @avary faking his prison badassery, since he was never in prison in the first place? (2) If so, was it a ploy to make us think he is irrepressibly hip and A Clockwork Orange-y? Because that would be pretty lame. (3) Alternately: Is the jailhouse equivalent of a work-study program actually as disgusting and terrifying as I always imagined real prison to be? Meaning @avary wasn't trying to deceive, it's just that we soft-bottomed media folks foolishly assumed that his scary tweets were from the belly of the beast, when in fact they represent a relatively pleasant penal existence, and when @avary gets to real prison it's going to get really crazy.

[LAT] [LAT] [LAT]

Earlier today, a large number of hard-core Twitter dorks — sorry, "influencers!" — noticed DeGeneres was following their accounts. Many were flattered, followed back and tweeted about it. "I am looking fwd to being a guest... now that she is following me," one wrote. But DeGeneres wasn't making friends; she was on a rampage. Near the start of the spamming, she was following 6,100, according to the notification one influencer received after DeGeneres followed him (see below, with the name changed). Within a couple of hours, she was up to nearly 6,700.

How did DeGeneres suddenly find 600 geeks to follow? Closely-watched Silicon Valley blogger and marketing specialist Louis Gray figured out the answer: Lists. Of the many lists already out there, the most popular include several lists of "influencers" and "thought leaders" and so forth. In other words: A celebrity twitterer's social media "consultant's" dream, and an effective way to load up on followers without following just anyone. DeGeneres' need friends just happen to line up with those on the top lists. Go figure!

It's one thing for everyone to be famous for 15 minutes. But it's starting to look like everyone will be a fame broker for a period, too, on the internet. Maybe channeling fame will pay better than obtaining it.

Here's how The Twitter World Works, according to Kaus: Twitter needs celebrities on its service to attract millions of new users every month or quarter or whatever. Celebrities, in turn need adoring fans, but (key point) have very fragile egos. So Kaus suspects Twitter of keeping a secret team of interns in a back room somewhere, poring over the massive stream of tweets directed at celebrities, and deleting the mean nasty tweets from search.twitter.com. The offending tweets still appear on Twitter, but won't show up in search results.

Kaus knows this because he tweeted something mean about CNN president Jon Klein, and it never showed up in Twitter search. Plus, in Kaus' experience, searches on celebrity names "almost invariably turn up... pleasant comments." Pretty ironclad. Ahem.

But you know what? The conspiracy might just be real. (Cue sinister music.) Here's a chummy little conversation between Twitter CEO/co-founder Ev Williams (pictured above, left, with celebrity tweeter Michael Stipe) and known celebrity Alyssa Milano talking about Kaus' conspiracy theory. She called it "interesting," followed by Ev's slick — too slick! — non-denial denial of Kaus' allegations.

Williams could have knocked down Kaus' conspiracy allegations by simply saying "that's absurd" or somesuch. But he didn't. Now we're actually kind of intrigued, at Kaus' seemingly crackpot ideas. Tell us it ain't so, Twitter people. Or better yet confirm, preferably with a picture of your secret cabal of celebrity gladhanders.

(Top pic: via Ev Williams)

The novelist created the HBO series Bored to Death, starring Jonathan Schwartzman, but had nowhere to watch it the Sunday before last because he didn't own a TV. Insert your own "precious Brooklyn author eschews television" joke here if you like, but Ames insisted on Twitter he's "just very bad at shopping" and, in any case, had frantic fun watching his own show on other people's televisions for two weeks. Or at least that's how things seemed from his tweets.

And then HBO, where because they got tired, worried or charmed by Ames' Twitter begging, finally just bought him a set. Which, frankly is almost too perfect; we wouldn't put it past the network to set up the whole escapade as a publicity stunt targeted at the show's hipster target audience.

It's some comfort, then, that Ames has used Twitter as a cashless flea market before, offering free foreign editions of his books at a Carroll Gardens bar. That experiment didn't seem to go as well: One of us happened to drop by that night and Ames was there, but not one had yet come looking for his very pretty books. Apparently there are some giveaways even Twitter can't facilitate. Sorry, book lovers.

(Pic by mtkr on Flickr)

Today, rumor has it that the first gag order has been issued; Mashable says Dreamworks inserted an anti-Twitter clause into Mike Myers and Cameron's Diaz's contract for their work on the fourth installment of the Shrek series, committing them, we presume, to keep all details of the upcoming cartoon off the social networking platform.

At first glance, the notion that anyone on Twitter would give a damn about details of Lord Farquaad or the talking donkey backstage hi-jinx seemed delightfully self-absorbed and misguided of Dreamworks. But on closer examination, with football games scores and weather news regularly trending on the site, perhaps viral media has reached such a saturation point that even fourth installments of over the hill children's cartoons are in danger from the new world. Can TMZ Girl be far behind?

On the other hand, Hollywood, is such a Draconian zero-tolerance approach really the best way to stir up excitement for a franchise that should have been put out of its misery several films ago? Maybe unfettered Twittering about Princess Fiona's wardrobe malfunctions are the one hope you have of stirring up a little enthusiasm.

There are a far-sighted handful of people in Hollywood who see the marketing potential of the micro-blogging tool, but the Hollywood Reporter writes today that the backlash has begun in earnest, with Twitter-controlling contracts being inserted into contracts across the ranks of showbiz.

They write:

A recent talent contract from Disney includes a new clause forbidding confidentiality breaches via "interactive media such as Facebook, Twitter, or any other interactive social network or personal blog."

Over at DreamWorks, a writer's deal cautions not to jump the gun on studio press releases via "a social networking site, blog or other Internet-type site." An agent spotted a talent deal with a stricture that forbids bashing any element of a production with social media.

The only question we have is why didn't this crackdown come sooner? Since DW Griffith first stepped off the train, Hollywood has devoted itself to one cherished goal that it has always kept close to its heart: making sure actors never, ever speak directly to the public. Since the first days of entertainment, no "talent" has ever opened their mouth without a phalanx of handlers on hand to craft their every word and prepared to lower the muzzle at the first sign of truth telling.

In recent times few celebrity interviews are conducted without a volume of "conditions" and "parameters" laid down in advance and a publicist in the room or on the phone line prepared to step in should a conversation show any signs of actual life.

With its Stalinesque vise over the media, stars and executives in Hollywood communicate in Orwellian newspeak, reciting a handful of approved phrases. "He was such an inspiration to work with," "It's a thrill to play a different kind of character" and "I've never been on a set where everybody had so much fun" marking the parameters of acceptable speech.

The industry, being staffed exclusively by teenage girls, loves rumors and gossip more than anyone, but nowhere in media is the ratio of what reporters know but can't report to what they can more out of whack. Any hints of conflict, malfeasance or turmoil are strictly buried in the official press, left for bloggers like Nikki Finke to guess at through the glass darkly from the placed tidbits of her official sources.

And then comes Twitter, and suddenly the entire structure of communication goes out the window. Stars having obscenity laced cat-fights with each other, revealing their contract negotiations to the whole world, directors joking about work stoppages on the set...

But on the brighter side, this is the one area where the old media news industry has led the way, having long since issued stern warnings to their employees that their Twitter lives are subject to the same absolute censorship and editor-controlled domination — aka "Zone of Trust" as all their other forms of speech.

Bilson's publicist, Marcel Pariseau writes: "I just want you to know that Rachel doesn't have a tweeter account!" Hey, publicist, it's called Twitter. Gosh! But, thanks.

Microblogging might seem straightforward enough to your typical Silicon Valley office drone. But Hollywood superstars are used to things coming a bit easier in life. And PR firms like Santa Monica-based Id are ready to hold their hands on Twitter, Nicole LaPorte (disclaimer: the long-suffering wife of Gawker's Richard Rushfield) writes at the Daily Beast, and help bolster their image, or at least not wreck it.

What does Id teach? Well, only clients like Herman, Ben Stiller, and Natalie Portman know for sure, but it's possible to distill a few likely lessons from LaPorte's story:

• Make a friend at Twitter Inc. Everyone who's anyone has one. They're great for when hackers and impostors come around — or for when your problem is more old school. LaPorte: "Virtually every publicist in Hollywood has a go-to person at Twitter-the equivalent these days of having an "in" with famed MGM publicity chiefs-cum-fixers... during Hollywood's Golden Age."
  
• Latch on to current events. Just because you're a celebrity and no one really cares what you think about important issues doesn't mean you can't offer commentary. Everyone loves a clown: "The day that President Obama was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize, Ben Stiller tweeted: 'Was awoken this morning to my daughter telling me that I had no shot at ever winning the Nobel Peace Prize.'"
  
• Launch with a crowd. A real one. Herman issued his first tweet at the 140tc Twitter Conference (see video above), thus helping ensure a bunch of re-tweets from the Twitter junkies and bigwigs in the audience and thus accelerating his microblogging popularity.

Thank goodness for flacks. Without them, celebrities would have to earn Twitter attention all on their own, with only their wildly inflated global popularity to hep them.

OMGICU has been on a campaign to bring Morgan to Twitter since Tuesday, according to the Wall Street Journal, after collecting such stalker sightings as these:

• "tracy morgain [sic] is walking around soho eating blueberries looking confused."
• "Just saw Tracy Morgan driving a Yellow Lamborghini with a blond woman listening to Sade."
• "Tracy Morgan at the Bowery whole foods. I smiled but he gave me a mean look back. He was with a lady."

Welcome to Twitter, Tracy. Every week is Shark Week!

Oh look! He just delivered his first tweet:

Poetry.

The most obvious of those realities is that Dame Elizabeth Taylor, now 77, isn't going to be with us forever, and that is a sad thought indeed.

Dear Friends, I would like to let you know before it gets in the papers that I am going into the hospital to have a procedure on my heart...It's very new and involves repairing my leaky valve using a clip device, without open heart surgery, so that my heart will function better...Any prayers you happen to have lying around I would dearly appreciate. I'll let you know when it's all over. Love you, Elizabeth

Taylor rose to fame in an age when stars images were handled by the iron hand of the studio system's publicity machine. Now she is sending out statements of her hospitalization in 160 character bursts. While we applaud Taylor for keeping up with technology enough to twitter (or at least savvy enough to hire someone to do it for her), that the old guard has fallen under its sway means that we are going to be stuck with oversharing celebrities assaulting us with their private thoughts and personal details until the end of time.

If Dame E is in on the game, it means that Ashton, Demi, and the rest of the entertainers with over active thumbs and a healthy sense of narcissism aren't going to be the end of the craze, but that new stars who we haven't even imagined yet will be even worse. In 50 years, we'll be following AnnaLynne McCord via real-time streaming 3-D webcam feed as she is rushed to the hospital for her fourth surgery for carpal tunnel syndrome. You can't stop the march of progress, but today we're shedding a tear for when celebrities knew the best thing for their image was often to keep a bit of distance.

Ingles, reports the Los Angeles Times, was then fired. But Adams can't take all the blame: Ingels had to know it was coming. If you're going to tweet about which musician didn't wear a bra in your restaurant (Ali Harter), which Office star was hungover (BJ Novak) in your restaurant and which actress looked hot (Tori Spelling) in your restaurant, you probably aren't long for that restaurant. Especially if it's located in Beverly Hills.

Update: We had Adams' name wrong in the lead.

What's especially funny about Bateman's tantrum is that she's lashing out at what's supposed to be an elite A-list: People selected first by Twitter to be part of a limited testing group for a new "re-tweeting" format, and then selected again by people Bateman follows, in the form of re-posted tweets.

When Twitter announced this feature in an August 13 blog post, it said re-tweets would now use the picture of the original tweeter, instead of the re-tweeter, but would be clearly labeled, and that one could turn the feature off. But the labeling wasn't clear enough for Bateman. After seeing repeated incoming posts from tech blogger John Gruber, since he had been re-tweeted by people she follows, Bateman called him a "shithead" and "human waste." (Gruber himself is famously an aficionado of this sort of name-calling, adding an additional wrinkle of humor to the situation.) Humorist and branding whiz Tim Siedell was dubbed a "jackass" by Bateman, who further warned,

I'm set to flame this incident all over the Internet. I suggest for the sake of your reputation on-line, YOU GET YOUR TWITTER ACCOUNT TOGETHER and stop this attempt to shove your posts into other people's feeds.

Awesome.

Twitter Inc., which is still experimenting with this re-tweeting format, should keep in mind that Bateman isn't the sharpest test subject in the lab. She flipped out at rebloggers on Tumblr without taking the time to grok the blogging service's culture of quoting and of editing quotes. Later, Bateman, behind on her memes, lashed out at a fan who tried to praise her "white whine." Easily confused though Bateman may be, Twitter should probably take the time to create an "opt out" button simple and obvious enough for even her to use. Because God help you, Twitter Inc., if Mallory turns her e-guns on you.

Tequila had a lot to say after this weekend's attack, especially about Merriman and his attorney's allegations that she was drunk at the time and that they were trying to prevent a DUI, to which she tweeted that she was allergic to the hooch and, therefore, could not have been inebriated. We would link to said tweet, but the page doesn't exist. Nor do her other personal musings on the matter.

Apparently Tequila realized she needed more sophisticated help and has hired a lawyer. Never fear, because he's furthering her earlier assertions and, because he and his client are immune to "black pot" politics, calls Merriman's efforts "spin:"

Shawne Merriman and his advisors have decided that the best defense is a good offense, attacking Tila Tequila in the press with a lot of calculated spin to cover up his illegal and indefensible actions.
...
Once the truth is fully revealed, Mr. Merriman's fantastic story of how he was trying to keep Ms. Tequila safe will be completely discredited.

No one, especially a woman, should ever have to endure what Mr. Merriman did to Tila Tequila.

That is definitely true. It's also true that — and we say this knowing some may be upset — Tequila, who made a name for herself first on MySpace and then on a bisexually charged reality show, will have an uphill battle making a good name for herself.

We can't say what happened between her and Merriman, but we can say that the public, though sympathetic to victims of domestic violence, doesn't have the best track record of siding with people in her position. This is a good, rational start, though, and we hope the truth prevails — and not on Twitter.

Tequila obviously feels the need to defend herself from Merriman, who, through his lawyer, released a statement claiming he was trying to stop a booze-saturated Tequila from driving drunk:

At the time, I was concerned about her welfare given the intoxicated state she appeared to be in and I encouraged her to stay until safe transportation could be provided. We would all do our best to help a friend if we considered their actions to be detrimental to their personal safety.

See? That's how you do it: you create shadows of doubt by making yourself look like the do-gooder maligned by a drunken terror. Tequila should take note, for her brand of mudslinging is coming off a bit, well, unhinged.

Taking on Merriman's claims that she was drunk at the time of the incident, Tequila tweeted:

I am allergic to alcohol. It has been publicly known for years. That is how I got the name Tila 'Tequila' cuz the irony. I can't drink.

As happens in the high-speed age of technology, it wasn't long until that story was called into question, what with the owner of the nightclub where it went down described Tequila as "visibly intoxicated."

But no matter, because Tequila's not only defending herself: she's totally going on the offensive against Merriman, and posted this vague, possibly defamatory message: "Steroid use makes people act aggressive....known fact." She also linked to an article on the subject.

Honestly, Ms. Tequila, you need to learn when to step back from the keyboard and let someone else do the talking. You're not exactly the most respected woman in the news, so if you want to garner public favor, you should exercise some restraint. But what do we know? We've never had a reality show.

Demi says he pushes kiddie porn. Perez says she's a bad mother and he's gonna sue her. All the fuss is over some pictures that Perez linked to some pictures on his Twitter account of Tallulah Willis (also daughter of actor, Bruce) partying in a very revealing blouse. If you really need to see it, it's here.

Demi opened with a salvo that failed to explain just what her 15-year-old daughter was doing at a Cobrasnake-documented party in the first place:

Clearly Perez Hilton isn't taking violating child pornography laws very seriously. He might not but there are alot of people who do!...Anyone who advertises follows or supports Perez supports violating child pornography laws!...Let me ask all of you, what is it called when someone is telling people to look and focus on a child's "boobs & ass" while providing photos?

Perez responded by taking the moral highground, a dubious tactic for a fellow who made a name for himself by drawing cum on celebrity pictures:

And thanks for drawing MORE attention to your daughter's behavior and your parenting skills (or lack thereof). U r real smart!...Still waiting for you to retract your incorrect, libelous and defamatory statements...I would not let my 15 year old daughter dress like that under ANY context. You are delusional and slightly senile!

Yes, it was in bad taste to post them, Perez, but it's hard to take Demi's sanctimonious claims seriously (her last tweet reads, "This is not a game . Children should not be exploited. They must be protected.") when she allowed her daughter to go to the party in the first place. And Perez just keeps baiting her. Even moral compass Heidi Montag has weighed in! So, why don't you two put down the smart phones, pick up some common sense, and give it a rest. You're making Tallulah look like the sane one here!

Back in March fashion designer Dawn Simorangkir sued Love for libel, invasion of privacy, infliction of emotional distress, breach of contract, and intentional interference with Simorangkir's business—the fashion label Boudoir Queen—as a result of Love's misspelled and unpunctuated rants on the social networking sites—namely saying that Simorgank stole a bunch of clothes from her.

Love and her lawyer have filed a motion to strike the suit. [Note: Page Six reported on her brief on Saturday, which we missed because we were fighting through the hordes at the Barneys Warehouse Sale.] Why? Not anything have to do with free speech, but because Simorgankir is racist, homophobic drug fiend who used to be a prostitute. Oh, well, that makes it OK then. Say anything you'd like, Courtney.

The juiciest excerpts are below, but here is our favorite part:

Simorangkir repeatedly asked me both to partake in and to procure cocaine, Percoset, and other illegal and perscription drugs for herself and her husband. I told Simorangir that my "hard-partying" days were in the past and I declined to use any of her and her husband's drugs.

Screw what she said on Twitter, this is the real defamation. We still don't know what this has to do with the shit she talked on the web, but it does make for a fascinating read. Just wait for the countersuit the Love legal team has in the works.

Plenty of people will be paying attention to this suit, not only because Love is crazier than a meth addict in a fun house, but because it will have an impact on future lawsuits about what people can and can't say about others over the internet. In England, they're already throwing kids in jail for cyberbullying. Damn, Courtney, maybe that move to London isn't such a good idea after all.

Oh, Courtney, you haven't put out a record in five years, but you still manage to provide us with endless entertainment.

Brooks Barnes has a piece in today's New York Times pondering this very question. Barnes points out that stars such as Denzel Washington, Julia Roberts, Eddie Murphy, John Travolta, Russell Crowe, Tom Hanks, Adam Sandler and Will Ferrell have all starred in big releases that have flopped in recent weeks, which has left studio executives scratching their heads desperately trying to figure out why the doltish masses aren't consuming what Hollywood is trying to force-feed them, just as they've been doing for years.

"The cratering of films with big stars is astounding," said Peter Guber, the former chairman of Sony Pictures who is now a producer and industry elder statesman. "These supertalented people are failing to aggregate a large audience, and everybody is looking for answers."

Mr. Guber added, "Even Johnny Depp" - starring in the drama "Public Enemies" - "didn't exactly deliver a phenomenal result." (The A-list results may be damped partly because Will Smith, a regular summer powerhouse, had no movie open this season.)

Mr. Ferrell bombed in "Land of the Lost," a $100 million comedy that sold only $49 million in tickets in North America. Ms. Roberts missed with "Duplicity," a $60 million thriller that attracted $40.6 million. "Angels & Demons" (Mr. Hanks) was soft. The same for "The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3" (Mr. Washington and Mr. Travolta).

"Imagine That," starring Mr. Murphy, was such a disaster that Paramount Pictures had to take a write-down. Mr. Sandler? His "Funny People" limped out of the gate and then collapsed.

Ha! Well, here's a clue as to what might be wrong: all of the films mentioned here, with the exception of Duplicity, sucked! But of course, their failure to make truckloads of cash is all the fault of modern technology.

"You look around the theater and can see the glow, not on people's faces from watching the movie, but on their chins - from the BlackBerrys and iPhones," said Mr. Guber. "They are immediately telling their friends whether it's worth their time. And the answer to that, more often than not, seems to be no."

So if the big movie star attached to a sub-par product method isn't working at the box office any longer, what's the secret to success? Make a product that's entertaining! The studio heads can sit around and bitch all they want about the internet is destroying their business because I can now blast a tweet from inside of a theater telling everyone how Funny People sucked ass, but that doesn't get to the root of the problem, which is their shitty product. On the flip side, make a movie that entertains people and then they will employ the same online tools to laud it and encourage all of their friends to go see it. You see how that works? Amazing, isn't it?

So how does Hollywood "entertain" people these days? By making films that are well-written and well-acted OR feature storylines that are too fast-moving and complex for most people to understand with massive explosions mixed in every 7 minutes or so. Either make smart films that stimulate and engage the mind or make extreme sensory stimuli films that reduce the mind to a blob of mush tucked inside of a thick skull. That's it. Like I said, it's really quite simple. Either way, just don't suck.

Pic via

Sure, Twitter will end the year with around 12 million users, or roughly 7 percent of total people on the internet, many of them barely touching the service, according to an analysis by eMarketer. But Twitter is buzzy and trendy, lending it a certain authority when placed at the focal point of a spin campaign. "Twitter can't be stopped," a Weinstein marketer tells the Washington Post. "People will be Twittering during the opening credits," adds the president of Magnolia Pictures. "It's never been this easy to be this influential," says a guy who helped promote a Disney movie.

OK; how has Twitter-crit transformed the movie business in this, the online service's big year? Let's ask IMDB:

Clearly, crap movies don't stand a chance any more. Thank you, Twitter.

(Top pic: Meta.Live.Nu)

Dane Cook first posted the link to this photo, which was then re-tweeted by Jeremy Piven:





Yes, the boys were "nailing down 2am Vegas style" and the conversation leading up to the moment captured in the photograph probably went something like this:

Piven: Dudes! You guys look fucking fresh rocking the Fedoras on your domes. I should've brought mine!

Cook: That's alright bro, you look pretty damn fresh without one. Must be the sushi.

Rock: (Snickers) Yeah brah!

Piven: Hey fuck both of you assholes! NO SUSHI JOKES TONIGHT! Okay?!

Rock: Somebody sure is sensitive!

Cook: Dude, we promise not to toss out any more sushi jokes if you just text Paris and get her over here so we can all run a train on her tonight.

Rock: Dude, I fucking love running trains! One time, me and the dude from Creed...

Cook: Yeah, yeah we know.

Piven: I told you guys, she got back together with her boyfriend Doug.

Rock: So! Screw that guy. He can stand in the corner and watch.

Cook: What about Bai Ling?

Rock: Ah, yeeeeaaaaahhhh!

Piven: No, I've got a better idea — let's post a pic on Twitter and we'll reel in some local Twitter whores with it.

Cook: You're a fucking genius Piv. Seriously — You. Are. A. Fucking. Genius.

Piven: Alright, everybody get in close and strike your best Mt. Douchemore pose. Ready, 1...2...3

And the rest, as they say, is history.