1. Land O Lakes Indian Maiden

The company explains: "Because the regions of Minnesota and Wisconsin were the legendary land of Hiawatha and Minnehaha, the idea of an Indian maiden took form." This is a whitewashed way of describing how they hijacked the image of indigenous people to sell dairy products, but whatever. The first painting was done in 1928; it was "modernized" in 1939 to look the way it does now. As a kid, I honestly thought that this was my mom until I realized it was Cher.

Hollywood Casting: Q'orianka Kilcher

2. Mrs. Butterworth


This woman was not always made of plastic. She used to be real glass. She had a bun and she was heavy and sweet and you respected her, because she didn't need (the noticeably absent) Mr. Butterworth to get the job done.

Hollywood Casting: Queen Latifah

3. SunMaid


The young woman on the raisin box has evolved since 1916. She's lost about 20 lbs., but she still has the red bonnet and the basket of grapes. And she still smiles.

Hollywood Casting: Minnie Driver

4. Aunt Jemima




Advertising gimmicks are not always politically correct. The pancake icon was based on a blackface "mammy" character; but R.T. Davis Milling Company hired a woman named Nancy Green to play Aunt Jemima from 1890 to 1923. She was paid, but the ads were disgustingly racist. (Try finding a syrup that is not oppressive! Even Log Cabin gives me pause.) In 1989, Aunt Jemima lost her kerchief, got a relaxer, some pearl earrings and a slimmer look. She kind of resembles Roxie Roker now. But who is woman enough to take on the challenge of playing a controversial character?

Hollywood Casting: Angela Bassett

5. Utz Girl




The rosy-cheeked chick has been around since 1921, though she's had some anti-aging procedure and seems much younger now. Her huge eyes and happy smile let you know her potato chips are damn good.

Hollywood Casting: Christina Ricci

6. Little Miss Sunbeam


This blond-haired blue-eyed little girl was on the table before wheat and oats crept into our sandwich bread. Little Miss Sunbeam was born in the 1940s, and she seems part Shirley Temple, part Doris Day and part Buffy and Jody from Family Affair. Or Cindy Brady. An "American Girl" full of "sunshine"…

Hollywood Casting: Abigail Breslin

7. Morton Salt Girl


When it rains it pours, whatever that means. The first umbrella girl appeared in 1914, looking like a toddler; she's grown up some since then. The angled haircut and the umbrella make for an inspired celebrity choice…

Hollywood Casting: Rihanna

8. Coppertone Girl



Introduced in 1959, the impish child whose blue swimsuit bottoms get pulled down by a cocker spaniel was played by a three-year-old Jodie Foster in 1965. Did you know that they changed the logo later because some thought her bare buttocks encouraged pedophilia? Now that the company makes sunscreen instead of tanning oils, the "paleface" message is no longer appropriate and she's been phased out.

Hollywood Casting: Dakota Fanning

9. Tropic-AnaThe Polynesian pretty who used to be topless has since been replaced with an orange and straw. It would be fun if they brought back a female icon who loves exhibitionism, wouldn't it?

Hollywood Casting: Bai Ling

10. Chiquita Banana


Born in 1944, Miss Chiquita was sometimes a lady, sometimes an actual fruit, as seen in this Disney commercial. Her jingle is awesome, even if she was pretty much just a Carmen Miranda rip off.

Hollywood Casting: Salma Hayek?

Don't like these choices? Have some of your own? Suggestions welcome.

[Celebrity images via Getty. Tropic-Ana photo by Michael Poulin via Flickr.]

"I'm definitely an artist-businesswoman, in the sense that I love to find things I'm passionate about, and make them known to the rest of the world," she said. "I'm a brander, a marketer. I'm an idol maker."

There is a touch of hyperbole to everything about Ms. Demme, and an intensity that is inescapable (though not necessarily the embodiment of Zen). She talks of her pride in making Teddy's "the No. 1 destination spot in the United States," and calls the club "my 'Pulp Fiction.' " ("It was a masterpiece.") Her biography, provided by a publicist, pronounces her "one of the very rare few that can be called an artist, entrepreneur, trendsetter, tastemaker, star maker and connoisseur without any trace of irony or hype." (Perhaps that should read "intended irony.") It observes that she is "an eerily well-rounded person" and "the hub of a wheel of activity that few could possibly appreciate." [...]

After her initial torrent of bravado, Ms. Demme seemed ready to accept some of the criticisms [about how she ran her nightclubs and reasons for bad press]. "My weakness in life, and it's always been my weakness, is I may say something that can be misinterpreted in the moment," she said. "I don't blame the other person, I blame myself. I've gotten better, and I will be even better." [...]

"I'm always going to be Amanda Demme. I'm never going to modify my behavior to work in a man's world," she said. "But I'll learn my lessons, and be a better human being, a better mother and a better friend." She paused. "Maybe," she said, and paused again, "maybe I have to not be so precious on certain things. And pick and choose my battles."

Such feats of humility are much more easily performed in the sanctuary of one's home than while playing gatekeeper at the club; we probably won't see how much preciousness Demme has abandoned until she sets up shop at her next venue. Consider it a bad sign for continuing self-effacement if she anoints her head bouncer "St. Peter" and soberly informs him to separate the "saved" from the "miserable, WB-level wretches" damned to partying at the Brent Bolthouse-sponsored night down the street.

• Rough Dawn for a Nighttime Queen [NY Times]

Jennifer Gross, Demme's rep, confirmed that the Roosevelt chose to exercise their right to buy out Demme and run the venues on their own. As to the reasons for Demme's departure, she called Page Six's report "innuendo and hearsay."

And Page Six:

AMANDA Demme may be down, but she's not yet out. Although the Hollywood Roosevelt is booting her and her clubs, Teddy's and the Tropicana, her rep says she's being "bought out" and thus will receive a hefty check for her efforts. Meanwhile, we hear Demme and her business partner, Michael Gruber, have been in talks with Pure in Las Vegas and the W Hotel chain to roll out a chain of Teddy's nationally. Demme's reps didn't return e-mails.

Again, we stress that we're not at all worried that she'll be gone from the scene for long (if at all) while her other deals go through. In the meantime, keep an eye out for her provisional space just outside of Privilege, Amanda Scheer Demme's Bottle Of Peppermint Schapps On A Dirty Cardboard Box Next to Wilmer Valderrama's Escalade.

• ALL DEMME CLUBS [NY Post]
• Hollywood Hot Spot Shut Down [TMZ.com]
• Previously: Amanda Scheer Demme To Be Cast Out Of Her Celebrity-Worshipping Eden? [Defamer]

Our insider said, "The hotel is under a lot of pressure from the city to get Amanda out." Among the complaints:

* Underage drinking: "Every week there is another 18- or 19-year-old like Lindsay Lohan, Kirsten Dunst [Ed. note—Dunst is old enough to get hammered legally, even if Demme is running the bar.] or the Olsen twins in the clubs drinking and getting drunk."

* Noise violations: "Amanda was arrested last year for noise violations."

* The Courtney Love incident: Love left the Tropicana on a stretcher and then an ambulance in what was deemed to be an overdose, although her reps insisted she was just "exhausted."

* Demme's "mistreatment" of hotel guests: Page Six documented Demme turning away hotel guests from the pool area last summer and even forbidding a wedding party to enter, although the bride had been assured she would be able to use the pool.

* Discrimination: Last year, Super Bowl MVP Terrell Davis filed a racial discrimination suit against Demme after she had him booted from Teddy's. He claims she uttered racial epithets. Then, last month, an associate of Demme told Los Angeles magazine that rival club owner Brent Bolthouse would get nowhere now that he was partnered up with "the Jew" [Sam Nazarian].

Even if "the city" is truly less than pleased about the above sins (really, barely an average night at the Trop) and Demme is expelled from her cozy wombs at the Roosevelt, we have a feeling it won't be long before she sets up shop nearby. This is Hollywood, after all, where people will line up by the dozen if someone merely encircles an open manhole with a velvet rope and promises that Linday Lohan had fallen in and died just moments before.

• TOP L.A. CLUBS FACE THE BOOT [NY Post]

In the mag's profile of powerhouse L.A. nightclub promoter Brent Bolthouse, an anonymous "business associate" of Scheer-Demme, explaining her decision not to pose for a picture with Bolthouse in the magazine, told writer Dave Gardetta, "We just think Bolthouse is so over, now that he's sold out to the Jew." The unidentified Scheer-Demme associate was referring to Sam Nazarian, who recently merged his fast-growing hospitality company SBE with Bolthouse's promotion business.

Called for comment, Scheer-Demme e-mailed Page Six: "Being a proud Jew, and having been a partner of Brent's at one time, I find it hard to believe that anyone I may know or work with would ever make an anti-Semitic comment like that, and I would never tolerate any form of racism or sexism in my company.

"I adore Brent and am friendly with Sam. This just seems to be a carefully worded attempt to provoke animosity, and it makes me upset to hear people talk like that. I am sickened by this statement, as well as by the person (whose article I coincidentally declined to participate in) who printed it in a clear attempt to attach me to it."

To ensure that this bit of nastiness blows over and to avoid retaliation by the Jewish Mafia, Scheer Demme will immediately enforce a "no Christians" policy at ultra-exclusive, A-list hidey-hole Teddy's. Should a Hilton or Lohan try to infiltrate the perimeter, Demme's bouncers will shoot them with tranquilizer darts and dump their limp, bony bodies in front of that evening's Bolthouse-sponsored event.

• SLUR IS TALK OF L.A. CLUB WORLD [NY Post]
• Previously: Jeremy Piven Loves The Nightlife [Defamer]

Please upgrade The Tropicana from "circling the drain" to "flushed". The end came Saturday night around 12:40am when, while enjoying myself at a poolside party, I felt something in the air behind me that chilled me to the bone, and when I turned around to investigate, it all made sense. I was in the unmistakable presence of the Grim Reaper himself:

Pauly Shore.

He was trying to work the "self-depreciating" routine on a group of 20-something wannabe chicks who ridiculed him mercilessly the second he walked away.

I like to think that somewhere out there Amanda "Club Promoters are REALLY Important!" Demme is curled up the fetal position, sobbing uncontrollably...even though in reality she's probably lounging in a bathtub filled with honey and milk covered thousand dollar bills and eating souls.

We think this is all going according to the wily Demme's nefarious plan. As the evenings turn L.A.-chilly, she's probably spiriting all top-shelf F.O.A.s (Friends of Amanda) to the newly opened, absurdly exclusive Teddy's, protecting her best and most interesting pals from the harsh elements. A suddenly lax Tropicana entrance policy will draw in the Pauly Shores and the Tara Reids, who will instinctively huddle underneath heat lamps for warmth. Once enough cut-rate club-fodder is assembled by the pool, Demme will slash a finger across her throat, a signal to one of her minions to detonate the booby-trapped lamps and bring the Trop Era to a sudden, bloody end. Roosevelt drones will spend the off-season preparing the space for its next incarnation, but it will be an arduous process; they'll be finding charred bits of flesh tucked into scraps of server's tennis outfits or stripey blazers around the grounds for weeks, if not months. But come summertime, the New Tropicana will be ready for a second life.

• Previously: Amanda Scheer Demme Strikes Again [Defamer]
• Tales From The Trop: Growing Still Colder [Defamer]

WE HEAR...THAT Hollywood club queen Amanda Demme — who juices up the jet set at the Tropicana Bar at the Roosevelt Hotel and opens a second watering hole, Teddy's, at the hotel next week — has inked a deal to open an indoor/outdoor lounge at the W Hotel & Casino in Las Vegas in 2008.

It's good that she'll be sticking to her indoor/outdoor bread and butter. There's something so satisfying about ordering one's jack-booted thugs around while reclining in a poolside deck chair.

• Page Six: WE HEAR . . . [NY Post]
• Previously: The Tropicana Doesn’t Care About Black People [Defamer]

2. Too hip for her own good or too full of herself. It seems that in an effort to ruin the latest hot and trendy club/bar in town, Amanda Scheer-Demme is not only highly selective of who crosses the velvet rope into the four-month old Tropicana Bar at the Hollywood Hotel Roosevelt, Amanda Scheer-Demme also uses her goose-stepping security guards to physically assault and batter invited guests. At a post-Emmy Award after-party hosted by TV Guide at the Tropicana, on information and belief, Amanda Scheer-Demme instructed her uniformed gorillas to physically attack Super Bowl XXXII MVP Terrell Davis. Terrell Davis had the apparent temerity to ask an employee of the Tropicana why Tropicana personnel would not permit his black acquittance to speak with a white waitress. In response to Davis's inquiry, on information and belief, Scheer-Demme told her attack dogs to physically assault and eject Davis from the private party.

18. After the verbal altercation with Scheer-Demme and the waitress, Davis began to socialize with other guests. It was then that two goons in plain clothes approached Davis. One of the private billy-clubs was Gus Chacon. Chacon demanded that Davis leave the establishment immediately. "Why" Davis Asked. Chacon simply repeated his demand. Again Davis asked, "Why?" Rather than explain the reason he wanted Davis to leave the party, Chacon and his cohort reached for Davis's arms. The two goons grabbed Davis and attempted to forcibly remove him. Apparently not happy that Davis would resist the physical assault, Chacon began to choke Davis. The security thugs then wrestled Davis to the floor. It was not until one of the event guests came to Davis's assistance that Scheer-Demme's jack-booted henchmen released Davis. One of the henchmen had to be physically restrained to prevent harm from assaulting Davis for a second time.

"Too hip for her own good or too full of herself"? Ouch, legal kitten's got claws. And potentially Tropicana buzz-killing accusations aside, we have to admit, we're pretty impressed at how many synonyms for "goons" Davis's lawyers squeezed into these two short paragraphs.

• Former NFL Star Davis Sues Hotel Bar [AP]
• Previously: Tales From The Trop: Growing Still Colder [Defamer]

At the oh-so-fabulous Tropicana on Saturday night, I spotted a disappointingly in-control Tara Reid chatting with a friend by the pool.

If you're going to let Reid past the velvet rope, you'd better duct-tape martini glasses to both hands and tell the waitstaff to keep them full. Why take the guest-quality hit if there's not at least a 50-50 chance she's going to light a cabana on fire or insist on conducting experiments on barstool buoyancy and attract some tabloid attention? And if a Reid residency weren't a big enough harbinger of doom, USA Today's discovery of the place doesn't bode well, either. Can't wait for next week's feature in the Best Bets section in the Temecula Pennysaver.

• Tropicana can-do [USA Today]
• The Haunting Of The Tropicana Bar [Defamer]
• Tropicana Cooling Off? [Defamer]

As the waitress was ringing up our drinks, a flash went off along with what sounded like an old-fashioned flash bulb popping. We looked at each other and I, a little confused, asked the waitress, "Did you take a picture of my credit card?" The waitress shook her head. We looked around, and there was no one (and certainly no one with a camera) around. The cleaning lady next to us also saw and heard the flash, and we were all pretty spooked. The waitress then explained that we were just below the Marilyn Monroe suite and that yesterday she had taken down a sign that said, "No flash photography." Personally, I think that it was a long-dead paparazzo making his presence known...

A follow-up post has some potential photographic evidence featuring a creepy, unexplained blurred figure (at left in the photos above—see the full pics at Sickcandy). Spooky! It seems that not even Amanda Scheer Demme has developed a VIP area that can keep out undesirables once they've shuffled off their highly unfashionable mortal coils. She's never going to get rid of Courtney Love.

• Remember the paparazzo ghost at the Tropicana? [Sickcandy]
• August 23, 2005 [Sickcandy]

Amanda Scheer Demme wins again!!!! Not only is she the current queen of the velvet rope (sorry Pantera Sara)....but apparently she also has a direct line to the man (or woman) upstairs. I knew things were too good to be true the minute I was actually allowed to step foot inside Scheer Demme's gilded, palm-laden paradise, aka The Trop. I have to admit, the atmosphere was pretty great and my gums practically started tingling the minute I entered the bathroom stall. But alas, a mere 45 minutes into the Flightplan premiere party the heavens opened up and most of us were forced to scurry for the exit. Think of it as a social cleansing. I mean, was Sheer-Demme really going to let a bunch of Hollywood no-listers like myself ruin her playground? I think not.

As far as the premiere party goes, it was surprisingly well put together. The food was excellent: curry shrimp, the best mac & cheese I've had in a long time, chicken, cheese spread and fantastic brownie bites. Jodie Foster couldn't have been more down to earth and I was even blown away to overhear that Brian Grazer had personally donated 1 million of his personal coin to The Red Cross relief efforts for Katrina. Nice to know that his relationship with the urban community extends beyond "Nutty Professor" sequels. The highlight of my night, however, was the following conversation I had with a front desk clerk at The Roosevelt before my departure.

Me: So....I was thinking of recommending your hotel to some friends coming in from out of town. Will they be able to use the Tropicana bar and pool area during their stay?

Her: Yes. (Though I could tell there was something she was hiding!)

Me: Even at night?

Her: Yes...if they rent a cabana booth it won't be a problem.

Me: What if they just want to come for a drink?

Her: (getting nervous) Well....as long as there isn't a 'private party'.

Me: And how often are there 'private parties'?

Her: Most nights.

Me: And when you say 'private party', you mean like a premiere or other such event?

Her: (starting to break) You see....the thing is....well....we only technically own the property until 7 PM. Then it's taken over by another entity who uses a guest list.

Me: (playing dumb) Oh....so they just need to call some number and it won't be a problem?

Her: (giving in) To be honest sir, they don't check their messages that often.

Me: So...if they come and stay here, they are not guaranteed to be able to patronize the bar at the very hotel they are paying to stay at?

Her: They are free to use the property up until 7 PM.

Me: I think I know what you're saying. Have a good night.

For those who find renting their own cabana a little too pricey, but are still desperate for a taste of The Trop's trademark starfucking experience, they do offer a budget option, The Ten Minutes Underneath John Popper Plan.

• Tropicana Cooling Off? [Defamer]
• Behind The Velvet Rope: Understanding Amanda Scheer Demme [Defamer]

According to a HotelChatter reader:"John Popper of Blues Traveler and fat fame was on Howard Stern this morning talking about how great the Roosevelt Hotel is. No idea if he stayed there, but he eluded [sic] to having romanced women at the property....eeewwwww!!!" So there you have it. John Popper, who is clinging to celebrity like spit clings to his tired harmonica, loves the Roosevelt, and actually may hook up with women there.

When the Trop's great and interesting clientele stumble into one of the poolside cabanas, they want to see Courtney Love foaming at the mouth or Bruce Willis buried alive under a pile of 20-year-olds, not John Popper showing his stomach-staple scars to a desperate groupie that can't get over the fact that she's about to blow the guy who sang "Runaround." Scheer Demme better tighten up that guest list before Hootie (or, God forbid, a minor Blowfish) gets past security and ruins her party.

• This Man Loves Hotel Roosevelt [HotelChatter]
• Behind The Velvet Rope: Understanding Amanda Scheer Demme [Defamer]

Demme also has a soft side, volunteering at daughter Jaxson's school, helping a friend plan her daughter's bat mitzvah so that it has just the right amount of cool.

That bat mitzvah was an incredible success. After a tense hour in which a guest list mix-up prevented the event's guest of honor from getting past the bouncer, she went on to enjoy an incredible celebration of her passage into womanhood. Her friends are all still talking about how Courtney Love overdosed and collapsed on the buffet table, and how Bruce Willis hit on all of her friends.

• HOLLYWOOD HIGH AMANDA DEMME TURNS A HOTEL BAR INTO A PRIVATE PARTY [SF Chronicle]
• Previously: Amanda Scheer Demme Strikes Again [Defamer]

Staff Needed Tropicana Bar holding open cal of Sat 3rd sept. from 4 to 5 pm.
Looking for barbacks, cocktail waitresses and bartenders.
Ask for Johnny
Roosevelt Hotel
7000 Hollywood Blvd

As with any undercover operation, remember that you're constantly being evaluated, and be prepared to prove that you belong. Earn Demme's loyalty by taking the initiative; the first time you take a sample drink order, glare back and ask, "Who the fuck do you think you are? Do I need to call security?" They'll be fitting you for an apron in no time.

• Staff Needed [Craigslist]
• Previously: Defamer Employment: Tropicana Staffing Up [Defamer]
• Amanda Scheer Demme Strikes Again [Defamer]

Teddy's, which she named after her deceased husband Ted Demme, will be even more exclusive than the Tropicana Bar. Unlike other A-list clubs where celeb status, model looks or a short skirt is enough to get past the bouncer, there are only two ways to get past her velvet rope.

1. You are an FOA (Friend of Amanda)

2. You are powerful in your industry, be it entertainment, retail or art.

Amanda, who is not the sexiest gal in the circuit, doesn't care what you look like, according to her rep. She wants her clientele to be a powerful industry mix, which explains why Jesse Metcalfe was recently told the Tropicana Bar was at capacity as Kirsten Dunst waltzed inside. Teddy's is half the capacity of the Tropicana Bar and only FOAs will be allowed in. When that hits capacity, she'll select her closest friends to join her in the adjoining Library Bar. It'll be like the Russian Nesting Dolls of clubs that gets successively more exclusive. However, on the nights when Teddy's is closed, non-FOAs and Roosevelt Hotel guests get access to the Library Bar—that's as close as they'll ever get to stepping foot in Amanda's territory.

Those special enough to burrow down to the Library Bar level will discover that there is yet another echelon of exclusivity available to only the hottest and most powerful patrons. Tucked away behind a series of velvet ropes at the back of the room is a telephone booth on a three-foot pedestal; once a night, Scheer Demme will select a single guest to join her inside it to split a bottle of Jack Daniels, while the other FOAs quietly fume over their public snubbing, hoping against hope they will one day make The Booth.

• The Ut of the Utmost [LA.com]
• Tales From The Trop: Amanda Scheer Demme’s Discount Nightmare [Defamer]

Although KLo and I spent over $600 in these precious few hours, we were denied admittance to the Tropicana bar after 7 p.m. on a Friday night, after spending $300 at Dakota and over $250 on a Roosevelt room/cellblock, on the same weekend as the VMAs, when absolutely every “celebrity” you’d ever care to fuck was in Miami, not at the Tropicana shithole.

Much to my amusement (“Money shot, money shot!” I screamed) when this bullshit went down after the Dakota dinner, KLo went absolutely postal on every employee in the general vicinity of the Tropicana’s sorry velvet rope, eliciting such fun comments as “Please sir, I’m sorry, but I’m just trying to make the rent,” or “We’re genuinely sorry,” or “Everyone who comes here has the same complaint,” and “The Tropicana Bar is not owned by Dakota or the Hollywood Roosevelt Hotel.”

That last remark caused us to question whether the world is flat, submarines have screen doors, or the Pope is Catholic, considering we had entered the goddamn Tropi-Whore-House before 7 p.m., it is clearly marked on every sign in the hotel as a potential destination, and (as a lawyer who excelled in first-year law school Property class), the Tropicana Bar appeared to the BoHan to be in the same goddamn place as the poorly air-conditioned hotel in which it was located. Maybe we were drunk and down the street somewhere, but I doubt it.

The (lengthy, but worth it) chronicle of Tropicana pain continues over at Gridskipper.

• L.A. Letter: A Night at the Tropicana Roosevelt [Gridskipper]
• Tales From The Trop: Amanda Scheer Demme's Discount Nightmare [Defamer]

The Trop's reign of terror is nearly over.

• "Mr. Belding" - Dennis Haskins Our Special guest MC [Pop Rocks]

A newly renovated Hotel in Hollywood is looking for full time experienced Security Agents with great customer service background. Must be flexible to work different shifts. Ability to write reports and have CPR/First Aid experience and background a plus. We offer full benefits and free parking. Please apply at 7000 Hollywood Blvd., Hollywood, CA or fax your resume at 323-xxx-xxxx

This recruitment drive also might have something to do with a brutal mugging we heard took place just outside the Roosevelt this weekend following producer Mike DeLuca's party there, after which a Paramount exec had to be hospitalized. Those CPR and first aid skills might come in handy for ugly incidents like this one, or just for the night-to-night maintenance of Courtney Love when she decides to party by the pool.

• Security Agents [Craigslist]

• IMDb Hit List (scroll to bottom of page) [IMDb]