<![CDATA[Gawker: defamer, transformers 2]]> http://tags.gawker.com/assets/base/img/thumbs140x140/gawker.com.png <![CDATA[Gawker: defamer, transformers 2]]> http://gawker.com/tag/defamer/transformers2 http://gawker.com/tag/defamer/transformers2 <![CDATA[The Transformers Sequel Is Loud, Obnoxious, and Loud]]> The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.As it lurches toward us, metal gears clanking and whirring like Larry King at a mixer, early reviews of Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen come trickling in. The word? Basically it's loud and garish and, worst of all, not fun.

Take Roger Ebert's scathing review for the Chicago Sun-Times:

If you want to save yourself the ticket price, go into the kitchen, cue up a male choir singing the music of hell, and get a kid to start banging pots and pans together. Then close your eyes and use your imagination.

Oh, sad robot.

Ray Bennett at the Hollywood Reporter is equally dismissive:

Bay's team of four editors stitch together smashing but meaningless images, though it's as difficult to make out which machine is which as it is to tell what anyone is saying. The noise level — not helped by Steve Jablonsky's relentless score — is super-intense and everyone yells lines at high speed. Because nothing they're saying makes any sense, it's hardly important.

LaBeouf gets little chance to show what charm he might have. Meanwhile, Fox has little to do except look great in a tank top and tight jeans while running in slow motion through flying sand.

Variety and a couple other pubs actually enjoyed the thing, if only for the slickness of the stupidity. But while we're fully expecting the movie to ravage the Fourth of July holiday box office like so many crazed alien robots ravage the lurid curves of Megan Fox, we also wonder how long this dumb-but-bracing genre of summer action pic can last. What with a big, big hit like Star Trek earning glowing notices and being zingy and CGI-packed. Can a schlockist like Michael Bay continue to tread water when more and more talented directors—both visualists and storytellers—successfully raise the bar?

Let's hope not. We mean, watching a toaster come alive and eat Shia LaBeouf may have its place in the world, but it's also nice to at least begin to care about characters and revel in a witty turn of phrase here and there. "Run, oh God, run! The angry space Egyptian robots are coming," barely even counts for camp value these days.

]]> http://gawker.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5301309&view=rss&microfeed=true <![CDATA[Michael Bay Made Robot Balls]]> The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.Sure to be the loudest of all the loud summer films (until G.I. Joe), Michael Bay's Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen is about to drop. And it seems that in one scene, there's a little surprise. Well, two surprises.

In Nick de Semlyen's review of the film for Empire, he notes that in the climatic Bad Robot vs. Good Robot feat. Shia LaBeouf battle, there's an anatomical wink and nod that really goes balls to the wall:

A notable moment occurs during the dementedly frenetic final act of Transformers 2. A robot-on-robot fracas is unfolding around Egypt's Giza Necropolis, with Devastator, an especially massive mechanoid comprised of several construction vehicles, set on clawing its way to the peak of a pyramid. As it lumbers up the dusty colossus, a shot tilts up to its mid-section, revealing two wrecking balls dangling down. Yes, Michael Bay, the man who brought us cyber-micturition in this movie's predecessor, has one-upped himself: Decepticon testicles.

Beautiful. Way to class up the proceedings, Bay old boy.

]]> http://gawker.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5294239&view=rss&microfeed=true <![CDATA[HD 'Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen' Trailer Makes For Better-Looking Nonsense]]> Almost satisfied with the pirated explodeyness of last Friday's bootlegged Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen trailer, but not so hot on the cell-phone grain corrupting Michael Bay's $220 million spectacle? You're in luck!

The spot now makes little to no sense in glorious HD — polished sound, picture and Shia. The product placement is sharper, and when Megan Fox shrieks, it's just like the night before she slapped us with our restraining order. It's uncanny. And anyway, if Bay doesn't deserve at least three minutes of your consideration on President's Day, we really don't know who does. Enjoy! Again!

]]> http://gawker.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5154628&view=rss&microfeed=true <![CDATA[Pirated 'Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen' Trailer Very Explodey]]> You've already marveled at the Super Bowl teaser—now feast senses upon the full Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen trailer, surreptitiously captured by a Friday the 13th patron currently being popcornboarded at an MPAA detainment center.

Wisely eschewing unecessary distractions like dialogue, a voice of God announcer, and even a rap-metal soundtrack, masterly blowshituplogist and giantfuckingrobotician Michael Bay opts instead to paint stunning large-scale tableaux of Decepticon-reaped destruction, set to atmospheric metallic/windy/echo sounds.

Before fanboys worldwide crap their size 44 cargo pants in anticipation, we can offer some modest relief with news that the release date has been pushed up two days, to June 24. That's a Wednesday—you don't stop, you don't hide, you run. You hear what we're saying?

]]> http://gawker.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5153128&view=rss&microfeed=true <![CDATA[Revealed! One Banished Extra's Plan to Sabotage 'Transformers 2']]> It's hard to believe that Michael Bay has been shooting Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen for almost four months now, but rest assured it wasn't painstaking months of character research that has slowed production to its current pace. After all, as we discovered over the summer via the film's banished extra "Man Eating Hamburger" (aka Reginald Brown), Bay has little to no knowledge of his subject and even less interest in lessons from an extra. But that doesn't mean Brown has given up trying to "learn Michael some Transformers"; in fact, reports on producer Don Murphy's illustriously deranged message board suggest that the film's climactic desert showdown may not involve Shia LaBeouf, Megan Fox or giant robots at all, but rather a stunning Brown vs. Bay main event that will make Uwe Boll seethe with jealousy:

Back in NY Reginald has put together an elaborate plan to confront the director during the last weeks of shooting, in Egypt.

"Note- The Riddle of the Sfinks

1- Fly to Egypt as a Tourist (check passport validity)
2- Pay for extra suitcase (pack all Transformers "ideas" notebooks)
3- Arrange for stay with Nubian Brethren
4- Get Limo Driver to set
5- Pose as Prince Alli Ben Satchbone and ask to see "persons in charge"
6- Discuss with Bay Soundwave's viability, Starscream's alt mode and possible use of [Frank] Welker as voice actor
7- Offer Egyptian funding if changes are made- he can try to collect later
8- Return Limo and head back to plane"

Now that the Egypt plan is revealed hopefully Don or someone can put up proper defenses.

And this even doesn't include the illuminating IM conversations with Bay's webmaster ("Also I know that if Bay kept my Hamburger eating scene I would upstage Shia- THAT's the reason I got denied, you knows it Nelson"). We'd say we'll bring you the latest as it happens, but who are we kidding? That's what Michael Bay's Twitter feed is for.

]]> http://gawker.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5058301&view=rss&microfeed=true <![CDATA[ Bogus: According to TMZ, shoegazing director...]]> Bogus: According to TMZ, shoegazing director Michael Bay was the victim of a home burglary last night in New Mexico, where he's staying while filming Transformers 2: Rise of the Finger-Splinticons. No criminals have been apprehended (we're looking at you, Scarlett Johansson clone!), but at least the story provides us with a terrific excuse to run this photo of Bay at a Playboy party two years ago. Check out that rack! [TMZ]

]]> http://gawker.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5049293&view=rss&microfeed=true <![CDATA['Nike Made Me a Shoe': A Rare Peek Into Michael Bay's Creative Process]]> For sheer, head-exploding hubris and pride, everyone knows that nothing in the industry rivals the first day of going to work on a Michael Bay film. (Though, to be fair, the thrilling last day of going to work on a Michael Bay film is never far behind.) And bless their hearts, Wal-Mart of all places underwrote an unprecedented first-hand peek of the magic behind the myth in this video from the set. With his custom "Bay-os" ("a/k/a Chaos!") Nikes all but winged and greased to better aid his propulsive shooting style, the iconic fauxteur brings it all down to Earth with an admonition to have fun, be safe and "make a lot of kids' dreams around the world." No Shia sightings here, alas; look for the eventual follow-up from Day 65, this time co-sponsored by Blue Cross and Johnson & Johnson CelebriSplints™ — your pinkie-saving partners in the greater LA area and beyond. [YouTube via /Film]

]]> http://gawker.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5045499&view=rss&microfeed=true <![CDATA[Michael Bay To Incorporate Shia LaBeouf's Injuries Into Newly Retitled 'Transformers 2: Rise Of The Finger-Splinticons']]> First came news from the Sheriff's Department that Shia LeBeouf was not the one responsible for his spectacular accident in Hollywood early Sunday morning. But surely he was not to be forgiven—pitied, maybe, as he underwent emergency hand surgery to restore his Echo Parque gang-sign-delivery capabilities—but not forgiven, for the police stated the actor "exhibiting obvious signs of intoxication." Not so, says his Transformers: Rise of the Fallen Machines director Michael Bay, who's convinced of Shia's innocence, and tells Access Hollywood he'll be writing his injuries into the plot:

“You’re gonna see — that’s gonna go away,” Bay said. “That’s fresh news… He was not drunk. He was drinking hours and hours before.”

“I spoke to him yesterday in the hospital,” Bay said. “His two fingers are pretty mashed, but we’re figuring out a way to shoot around it, kind of write it in the story.”

In a strange twist, Bay said he had a conversation with the 22-year-old actor about safety, days before his crash.

“We had a little heart to heart the week before when he bought a brand new motorcycle and I [said] ‘Dude! You cannot ride that motorcycle! If you crash, you put 1,500 people out of work,’” the director recounted. “He said, ‘Ok, I won’t ride it, I won’t ride it, I’ll just drive my truck.’”

Despite the incident on Sunday, Bay said LaBeouf has his head on his shoulders.

“The kid really has his head together and you know, he’s only 22,” Bay said. “He’s doing a great job on this movie. He’s really matured since the last one and I love working with him.”

The future of several billion-dollar franchises teetering on his bony shoulders, it's a testament to LaBeouf's unwavering professionalism that his trusted motivation-locator ("She's like the hottest chick ever, so you're thinking, like, 'I really want to do this chick!' Got it? Annnnd....ACTION!") would so ardently defend him. Still, should Bay not find a justifiable way to incorporate Shia's injuries into the sequel's plot, we have no doubt local spondylitis fundraiser and aspiring Bayian repertory player Nate of TransformNate.com would be happy to lend an unmashed hand, filling in as Shia's finger-double for Bumblebee-steering or Megan Fox-goosing close-ups.

]]> http://gawker.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5032023&view=rss&microfeed=true <![CDATA[Shia LaBeouf Concerned The Business Is Losing Its Drunk-Driving -Actor Magic]]> Shia LeBeouf continues to recover from hand surgery after some spectacular Bayian stuntwork at the corners of LaBrea and Fountain early Sunday morning, resulting in an overturned pick-up truck, plus a massive fireball after the frazzled actor exhaled a gust of 80-proof breath while trying to light a cigarette. We've already explored his conveniently timed Details interview, in which he spoke freely of hard-partying father-son bonding moments, and his inability "to have one drink." ET has video (above) of the interview, in which he charms a giggly off-camera reporter with flippant observations about his renegade drugstore exploits ("Walgreens is a formidable foe, let me tell you guys right now. It was the battlegrounds of my life. The coliseum where all the rumbles happen."). He also openly longs for a time when "actors were magical. Now that paparazzis are rampant the business is losing the magic a little bit. You always feel like people know too much."

Variety, meanwhile, has a report from the Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen set, where Bumblebee, Jazz, Ratchet, and the rest are passing the time playing Trivial Pursuit: Totally '80s Edition until their star gets back:

A DreamWorks insider said there was no work stoppage on "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen"...but added that rescheduling has proven to be a logistical headache. Scenes featuring co-star Josh Duhamel had to be moved to this week to work around LaBeouf's absence. Another person familiar with the situation said, "Everyone had to adjust their schedule."

As if we needed to know that. Quit poking around and ruining the actor magic, nosey trade publication!

]]> http://gawker.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5031532&view=rss&microfeed=true <![CDATA[Megan Fox Vs. Anne Hathaway: Whose 'Scary' Weight Loss Is Scarier?]]> Isn’t it strange how that rare affliction of being mystically “unable” to gain weight only strikes female celebrities? It seems poor Megan Fox has that very woe to deal with atop her many other personal struggles, like pretending her engagement to one-earring trendmaker Brian Austin Green is still on, and trying ever so desperately to let a director (any director!) just film her nude already. But the newly “scrawny” Fox has reportedly been chastised about her skinny frame by Transformers 2 director Michael Bay, who has demanded that the busty Jolie successor put on 10 pounds or find a new gig. While Megan’s resorted to stuffing herself with cake every night in bed, we might suggest the Anne Hathaway Quick Speed Diet: apparently breaking up with a grade A loser leads to dropping 28 pounds in no time!

According to Fox News, Fox blames her recent dramatic weight loss on a role in Jennifer's Body, a comedic horror film penned by bloggy-inclined Oscar winner Diablo Cody in which Fox plays a "possessed cheerleader." But master fauxter Bay, demanding as ever, has forced Fox to stuff herself silly with late night binges in order to bulk up for Transformers 2: More Shit Blows Up! And as for poor Anne Hathaway? Not only has she allegedly dropped almost 30 pounds in the few weeks since thieving ex-boyfriend Rafaello Follieri finally got nailed, but she's also said to be "throwing herself" into work on Bride Wars, that glee-filled set where disguising her hatred for co-star Kate Hudson has become close to impossible. But hey, at least now Anne can come out the winner in those infamous skirt size comparisons she and Hudson indulge in every time the cameras stop rolling!

[Photo credits: X17, Wireimage, Getty]

]]> http://gawker.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=5025989&view=rss&microfeed=true <![CDATA[In Honor of The 4th of July, Megan Fox Wins Her Independence From Brian Austin Green]]> I remember the first time I heard about Megan Fox. "Man, this chick has it all," I thought to myself. She's hot, not a terrible actress, uh... did I mention hot? In fact there was only one problem with her. Her fiancé was a douchebag. And not just any douchebag, but Brian Austin Green! The whole B.A.G. affair was such an affront to my sensibilities that it tainted Megan Fox as a whole. She couldn't be that great if she was into a dude who not only devirginized Donna on 90210 but also released a terrible rap album entitled One Stop Carnival. But now that's all changed, thanks to this little tidbit of information: Megan Fox has called off her engagement to Brian Austin Green! [cue Handel's Messiah, ring church bells, light fireworks]

According to the tabloids, she alerted her business associates of the sad happy news. An insider chimes in, "Megan still cares about Brian, but she now realizes she's too young to marry him."

In other words, Megan has wised up and realized that hanging out with B.A.G. made her 60% less hot. Not only that, her career was on the rise while his was over many eons ago. It's the classic Hillary Swank/Chad Lowe dynamic. No one wants to marry someone who'll always be begging for a role in their next movie. So, congratulations, Megan. There is now officially nothing wrong with you. Just get ready for everyone from George Clooney to David Spade to come a-knockin'.

[Photo Credit: FHM]

]]> http://gawker.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=397795&view=rss&microfeed=true <![CDATA[Meet Nate, Here To Service All Your 'Transformers 2' Background Player Needs]]> THR readers today likely took notice of a full-page, back cover ad trumpeting a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to possibly maybe rub shoulders with Hollywood's foremost detonative dreamweaver, Michael Bay—plus the entire cast and crew of Transformers 2!—at The Happy Ending Bar and Restaurant in Hollywood. As if that wasn't reason enough to swing by, the entire event is a fundraiser benefiting the Spondylitis Association of America. It all comes to you courtesy of the Bay-loving folks at TransformNate.com. Who are they? What's Spondylitis? Aren't happy endings for Thai massage parlors? All good questions. Let's start with the first: TransformNate.com is...well, let's Nate explain!

I created this web page with one objective in mind: to be cast in a roll in the upcoming movie 'Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen'.
I am aware of the difficult process of film making and what steps are taken to fill roles in such an epic film, so let me say this; I am not looking for a lead part but simply a credited role, big or small. I am also not looking for any hand-outs, but more so an opportunity to work and succeed.

So Nate is not all that different from anyone else walking around the streets of Los Angeles: He's a guy with a dream. Nate therefore has harnessed the power of the internets to broadcast his hopes of taking part in Giant Fucking Robot movie history—a tactic which could very well win him the recently vacated role of Man Eating Hamburger. And if, along the way, Nate might be able to help some spondylitic children, well, then—hey. Why not pay it forward? We'll see Nate, Michael, Optimus, and the rest of you at Happy's Thursday night!

]]> http://gawker.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=397003&view=rss&microfeed=true <![CDATA[Looks Like Bumblebee Gets An Upgrade To Chevy Camaro SS For Transformers 2]]> Update: We managed to snag some clearer pictures and video of the Bumblebee version of the 2010 Chevy Camaro SS. Caught hot on the set of Transformers 2, the next iteration of Bumblebee seems to have been augmented with a very snazzy, very different 2010 Chevy Camaro SS treatment than we've seen in the past. Could this be the first glimpse we get of the as-yet unseen version for the bow tie brand? We like to think yes, or it's just a piece of magic. As far as Bumblebee's new choice of wheels, we're a little disappointed, we always imagined giant, intergalactic transforming robots had better taste than that.
[Camaro5]

]]> http://gawker.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=395891&view=rss&microfeed=true <![CDATA[Disgraced 'Transformers 2' Extra Will Stop at Nothing For 15 Minutes of Justice]]> We should have known the epic fanboy disgrace following Transformers 2 HamburgerGate couldn't possibly end well for anyone — not deposed extra Reginald "Hedgehog" Brown, not robot-illiterate mega-director Michael Bay, and certainly not producer Don Murphy, on whose message board Brown's tragic tale of exile first found an outlet. Naturally more than just feelings were hurt in the end, and if you had "Wednesday, 2:18 a.m." — when Murphy published a few of Brown's angry e-mails "so that we can all figure out what he is trying to say" — as the official start time on your Litigation Pissing Match scorecard, then you win a prize:

I'm contacting my lawyer because I can't believe that you got to this lower level dude...I really can't. I wasn't even in PHILLY or PA today and you type all this stuff? Like WTF? Are you the one acting crazy because I have too much proof to show how wrong you and the haters are.

You should feel ashamed of yourself and I never though I sat [sic] that to you...and you let little brown-nosing geeks convince you of lies...this is very sad. Really...


I'd never bother to contact my lawyer if it wasn't serious but now it is. I'm not bluffing...I do have one and he is one of my mentors...I'm gonna make a call.

To which an exasperated Murphy responded, "I am not sure I have said anything bad about you other than the fact that it was a shame you screwed up your part by being self destructive and posting here when told not to. It is a shame." And to which we respond: This is the advance buzz on Transformers 2? "Man Eating Hamburger" gets shitcanned and Shia LeBeouf is videotaped in an epithet-spewing slapfight? Really? What we wouldn't give right now for a leaked shot of a motor home-turned-thundering agent of death, or Megan Fox in pasties — anything.

]]> http://gawker.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=395890&view=rss&microfeed=true <![CDATA[Extra Thrown Off 'Transformers 2' Set 'Never Liked Michael Bay's Dumbass Shit Anyway']]> A tipster sends word today of trouble having befallen the Philadelphia set of Transformers 2, where an extra was reportedly thrown off the shoot for conduct detrimental to the blockbuster. To wit: Reginald Brown, a regular contributor to Transformers producer Don Murphy's dysfunctional message boards, had nabbed the plum role of "Man Eating Hamburger" in one of the film's action sequences. Then, under his nom de fanboy Hedgehog, Brown filed a dispatch from wardrobe:

I took a glance at the clothing racks for SHIA and MEGAN too. I think I saw some really cool clothes for some character, then I saw MILITARY UNIFORMS then other clothing that the main characters were wearing. I like the jacket that SHIA is going to wear, it looks like something I would buy.

Whatever, right? Even Murphy himself shrugged: "Reg didn't sign [a non-disclosure agreement] to be on here ... If you think Reg is gonna have access to anything meaningful except a PB&J sandwich you're as confused as he seems to be." But then Brown tried to corner Michael Bay.

Apparently that constituted something akin to the Watergate break-in for the denizens of DonMurphy.net, where rumors flew almost within minutes:


I heard that Hedge was told by the casting people to STFU and not post if he wanted to be used. I heard that his guest spot was pushed from yesterday to today. I was told that it basically was like a burger ad- Hedge is eating a huge ass burger with the works when a robot comes smashing down next to him. He looks, has no reaction and goes to finish the burger. I heard that he tried to get a minute with Bay alone today at noon eastern time to "Learn him some Transformers."

Not long afterward, color came our way that made the picture a sort of sad, slanted masterpiece:

Bay had a plate of pasta and was headed to his trailer with his script supervisor to discuss the afternoon's work. Hedgehog approached him saying "Michael" like they were Bros. Michael turned and shot him a look. Ian Bryce (producer) and his assistant blocked Hedge. Can we help you? they asked. No said Hedge, I need to learn Michael about Transformers while I am here. Ian signalled for two set security guards who escorted him off, screaming "But I'm a Don Murphy STOOOOOGE". He was paid his two days wages, returned his wardrobe and left. Many threats were repeated, along with "I never liked Bay's dumbass shit anyways."

Now that is a martyr. Keep fighting the good fight, Mr. Brown, hamburger bit parts be damned.

[Photo Credit: Getty Images]

]]> http://gawker.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=395718&view=rss&microfeed=true <![CDATA[Month Of May Latest Victim In 'Caspian' Finger-Pointing Volley]]> · Excuse-making for the lackluster Prince Caspian rides all the way up the corporate flagpole, with Disney president Bob Iger blaming the month of May. Sure, Bob—blame lunar cycles! Those made your movie suck. [THR]
· Live Nation has signed a deal with Facebook that will allow users to purchase concert tickets directly through their social networking site, with bonus features that allow you to status update ("...is loving the Stones despite Keith's left arm just falling off,") right from the event. [Variety]
· The search for America's Next Street-Smart Business Mogul is on, and 50 Cent will be your Tyra. Ooh, look everyone! Fitty Mail! [Variety]

· ABC orders Border Security, which they'll eventually sexy-up with far more intriguing title, To Catch a Potential Low-Wage Job-Jacking Predator. [Variety]
· Rainn Wilson will co-star in Transformers 2, in a part that will require him to bend over in a crop-top and low-riders to check the transmission of a Camaro, rendering Shia LaBeouf involuntarily tumescent with desire. [THR]

]]> http://gawker.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=394081&view=rss&microfeed=true <![CDATA[More Trailer Leakage: Indy's Back! (Again.)]]> · We continue with today's theme of leaked, bootlegged trailers of the summer's most anticipated blockbusters with the new Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, set to premiere before screenings of Iron Man this Friday. Dare we say, it's a vast improvement over the first. Indy's back, everyone! No, seriously. Indy's back—it just gave out on him. Medic! [indianajones.com]
· Is "closet chef" Jake Gyllenhaal planning on opening his own restaurant before he turns 30? Sign us up for one Dreamy-Eyed Tasting Menu with Naggy Girlfriend Wine Flight! [Big Hospitality]
· Good news: Roger Waters's pig has been found! Bad news: In pieces. Good news: Bacon for everyone! Bad news: It tastes like polyurethane. [MyDesert.com]
· Is Transformers 2 about to get a much-needed injection of menstrual-blood humor? One can only hope. [Cinematical]
· Hey—dogs into unicorns! [Archie McPhee]
· Oops...We almost forgot to salute our man Will Leitch over at Deadspin, who on HBO's Costas Now last night withstood a spittle-storm of invective from Buzz Bissinger, author of Friday Night Lights and owner of a rocking set of he-breasts. [Deadspin]

]]> http://gawker.com/index.php?op=postcommentfeed&postId=385940&view=rss&microfeed=true