1.) Who farted?
Bigger than the mystery of whether or not this whole thing was a publicity stunt is the mystery of which Heene family member's heinie gave a Bronx cheer.


Entertainment Tonight is all over this thing.


2.) Speaking of potty humor…
I love this girl.


3.) "Well, fuck you."


4.) 12¢ Cheeseburgers


5.) Wendy Williams fucked up a lot this week.
More than usual.


6.) This kook says she's spoken to Michael Jackson since he died.


7.) Balloon Boy will not steal Jon Gosselin's thunder!
This week Jon was, again, all over The Insider and Entertainment Tonight (which led to the lawsuit TLC filed against him today). After his appearance in court earlier this week, when a judge ordered him to return $180,000 he took from Kate and his children, Jon appeared tense. Here, he explains his clenched jaw.


Entertainment Tonight managed to get Rod Stewart's opinion on Jon, as though Rod is some kind of father of the year. (Rod's children have, in fact, been on reality TV, and one of them appeared on Celebrity Rehab, which is a giant parental fail.)


8.) Asians don't need Botox, according to Jon Gosselin.
But he would like to get new hair plugs.


9.) Jon is trying to distance himself from Michael Lohan.


And that's probably a good thing, considering that Lindsay's dad filmed an episode of Maury this week, which, as of yet, has no scheduled air date.


10.) 30 Rock is back!

It's one of the ironies of Morgan's career that he's found bigger stardom as the star of a parody of Saturday Night Live than he ever did on the real thing. And in his upcoming book, I Am the New Black, he mentions who treated him like shit, namely then stars Chris Kattan and Cheri Oteri. Morgan writes, "All I have to say about that is, where's Chris Kattan now? Where's Cheri Oteri now? That bitch can't even get arrested."

But the grudge apparently runs even deeper, because when Morgan sat down to record the audio version (in the clip above) of that passage, he started ad-libbing, expanding on his earlier points: Morgan says he still counts Will Ferrell, Molly Shannon and Colin Quinn as friends, but as for Oteri and Kattan: "Fuck 'em."

Amazing. It's not everyday you hear Tracy Morgan acting like a demanding, slightly unhinged television star who feels underappreciated by his co-workers. It's more like every week.

We're told Mogan will be at the Union Square Barnes & Noble Thursday Oct. 22 at 7pm if you want to see if he'll curse more old colleagues.

OMGICU has been on a campaign to bring Morgan to Twitter since Tuesday, according to the Wall Street Journal, after collecting such stalker sightings as these:

• "tracy morgain [sic] is walking around soho eating blueberries looking confused."
• "Just saw Tracy Morgan driving a Yellow Lamborghini with a blond woman listening to Sade."
• "Tracy Morgan at the Bowery whole foods. I smiled but he gave me a mean look back. He was with a lady."

Welcome to Twitter, Tracy. Every week is Shark Week!

Oh look! He just delivered his first tweet:

Poetry.

Her name is Lisa Ann (who also played Sarah Palin), and she leads a bunch of adult actors doing very good impersonations of Tracy Morgan, Alec Baldwin, Jane Krakowski and the rest of the gang. While we haven't seen any of the naked action, what comes between the scenes is dead-on. If the actors can get that right, than delivering a relentless rogering should be easy. Oh, and wait for "I'm a black robot, motherfucker," to be on a T-shirt in Times Square by the end of next week. If you want to buy the movie, click here [NSFW, unless you work in a strip club].

This new movie is the latest in a long line of smutty features based on beloved TV shows. How did this happen? Well, porn producers figured out that people like prepackaged commodities and that if they made these parodies, then people like us would write about them and give them free advertising. Damn, trapped again! But this one appears really worth it. We're not falling into this trap again for The Fucks of Life.

The morphing of Tracy Morgan and Tracy Jordan has been underway for a while. But in less than 10 seconds, 30 Rock demonstrated that it's impossible to tell the two apart anymore. Here's a rundown:

Fake!

Fake!

Real!

Real!

Real? Fake? It's really hard to tell at this point.

Specifically, a crazy interview that Morgan did on Chicago's WGN back in 2007 will be included in the April 23rd episode of the brilliant sitcom. Not a reenactment even. Just the damn clip itself, in which Morgan calls out Oprah and lies on the news desk, pretending to be a pregnant lady. Can't wait.

Terminator Salvation is once again surrounded with controversy and angry people. This time, though, Christian Bale is blessedly uninvolved. No, one of the film's producers, Moritz Borman, is suing his fellow prods Derek Anderson and Victor Kubicek. The pair owns the Variety]

Martin Lawrence, Regina King, Tracy Morgan, James Marsden, Zoe Saldana, and Loretta Divine will be joining Chris Rock in the remake of the British comedy Death at a Funeral (which starred Alan Tudyk and Peter Dinklage). Oddly, angry white boy Neil LaBute is slated to direct. [Variety]

If you weren't already convinced that we've only a few short, miserable, light-starved years to go before humanity coughs, sputters and dies, here's the tipping point. More people are watching The View this year than ever before. [Variety]

Julia Roberts will be producing a film called Jesus Henry Christ. It's actually just going to be Julia standing and smiling at George Clooney, touching his cheeks and saying "Oh you..." Then they rob a bank in Biarritz. [THR] Mad Men's Elisabeth Moss will be joining Hugh Grant and Sarah Jessica Parker out in Wyoming. When asked about the project, Moss gushed "Oh it's so exciting. Hugh's always wanted to be a cowboy. It's nice to see his dream come true." [THR]

Joe Simpson continues to try and squeeze blood from his stone-like daughters. He's now signed his most irksome offspring Ashlee Simpson-Wentz up for Embarrassing TV Camp, where she'll be doing some sort of frown-faced, husky-voiced acting for the new Melrose Place reboot. She'll play a small town LA transplant with a secret. The secret is that she has no discernible talent. [THR]

In a statement the actor thanks fireman for saving his fish:

A fire broke out in my Manhattan apartment this morning, apparently starting with a lamp attached to my fish tank. The sprinklers promptly activated and the NYFD came by to make sure it was contained.. Fortunately, the fire did not spread and no one in the building was injured — even the fish are okay. My thanks to the New York Fire Department for their quick action.

A source tells us that Morgan's tank was full of sharks and eels and things. Which is hilarious. Oh, Tracy. TedSez was right.

[TMZ]

OK! magazine reports that the actor and comedian lost most, if not all, of the contents of the Trump Place apartment. The fire apparently also spread to other apartments, including maybe Sherri Shepherd's??

The View Earth's roundness-denier mentioned the fire on her show this morning, saying that her apartment had flooded because of the sprinkler system. So that's awful for everyone, good thing they are rich and can buy new things and new apartments.

More importantly, isn't it kind of wonderful that Sherri and Tracy, who play husband and wife on 30 Rock, live in the same Riverside Drive Boulevard building? Maybe they have secret "rehearsals"...

Here's Sherri talking about the fire and her precious, precious wigs:

Today on The View, the ladies bowed their heads as if at church to soberly listen to the tape of Christian Bale's DP-excoriating rant (though Elisabeth Hasselbeck cracked up during Bale's angry, "da-da-da-da" moment). Afterwards, though, they were mostly sympathetic—Whoopi Goldberg and Joy Behar confessed to some less-than-professional behavior, and View censors actually bleeped out a purely hypothetical rant where Behar mused about calling Elisabeth Hasselbeck an "asshole" (she's said worse!). The storytelling prompted Sherri Shepherd to confess that she would never be capable of such a thing, but she's certainly worked with some men who've had no trouble channeling their inner Bale. Of course, they all pale in comparison to View doyenne Barbara Walters when she's been deprived of her usual morning mug full of coffee, cayenne pepper, and the finger bones of Debbie Matenopolous. The screaming that follows that makes Bale look like an unimaginative, held-back second-grader.

• The View [ABC]

But somewhere in this Variety piece about his Nigerian prince e-mail scam comedy Freshman Roommates, they seem to lose track of the blurry lines dividing the two as well. The writer bravely clings to the correct appellation of Morgan for the first few paragraphs, but then gets lost inside the M.C. Escher drawing distinguishing them by the sixth paragraph.

• Tracy Morgan finds 'Roommates' [Variety]

• Dear Tracy Morgan [NBC]

You’re sober now, but you’ve had a history with alcohol. What’s the craziest thing that happened to you when you were drinking heavily?

Tracy Morgan: When I was wilding? I got kicked out of Prince’s house. The last time he won a Grammy, we went to the pre-Grammy party. Free booze all night. Prince had his band in the living room. Everybody left the house except for me and my boy. It was 6 o’clock, 7 o’clock in the morning, the sun was coming up, and we were still drinking. And Prince and his wife were at the door in their pajamas and said, “Come on, Tracy, you’ve got to go.” And I was gay for about five seconds because he’s a pretty motherfucker. If Prince was a woman, I would go down on him. All the way down. Swell his vagina lips up.

We smell another 30 Rock cameo! Thank you, Tracy Morgan: Certainly, your depiction was unexpected and uneasily detailed, but we'd expect nothing less. Certainly, if anyone could engorge His Purple Majesty's heterosexually fantasized ladyflower, you could.

• Tracy Morgan Wants to Sex Up Prince [YBF]

· Tony Scott's remake of 1970s subway-hijacking classic The Taking of Pelham One Two Three gets more then just a digitized-title upgrade: it also gets James Gandolfini as the NYC mayor. Unfortunately, it also gets John Travolta. [Variety]
· Jon Heder and Dax Shepard Career Death-Rattle Watch: They both get one last wheeze playing Kristin Bell love interest in When In Rome. [Variety]

· Before the Devil Knows You're Dead—if you find No Country not a bleak enough view of human nature, check it out—director Sidney Lumet signs a deal with the Funky Buddha group to finance his next two films. [Variety]
· New Line is trying to stop the release of the documentary Beyond the Golden Compass: The Magic of Philip Pullman because the studio feels it will unfairly compete with its own efforts to profit from Pullman's armored polar bears. [THR]
· The ongoing Broadway stagehands strike will have unpleasant consequences for Macy's Thankgiving Parade, which may have to acknowledge the strife by half-deflating a planned Legally Blonde: The Musical balloon. [Variety]

• Late Night with Conan O'Brien