Gawker: defamer, tom waits

Barack Obama Reels From Scarlett Johansson Paternity Claim

STV — Thu, 08 May 2008 13:40:00 EDT

Congratulations go out this morning to Paste Magazine, winners of the race to reclaim Scarlett Johansson as the precocious nubile muse we knew and loved prior to this week's grim news of her engagement to marry... never mind. What's important here are her "Five Dads" pervily cited in the magazine's new cover story — Woody Allen, Bill Murray, Tom Waits, Bob Dylan and, ahem, Barack Obama. After the jump, if you have the stomach for it, see if you can match the pop culture father figure to Scarlett's eyelash-batting, daughterrific praise. (Bonus points if you can accurately guess which one will give her away! It's even harder than Mamma Mia!)

"It wasn't like [Dad 1] and I had so much in common that we could have this great personal relationship. We were at totally different stages in our lives, and I don't think he was necessarily so fascinated by what I was going through. But we were fortunate that we had a lot of chemistry between us. ... At that time, my mom was still coming with me to work. She legally had to be there—thank God she was there!"

"I've been fortunate enough to never be the biggest media sensation. ... If you have somebody waiting outside your house for 32 hours, it doesn't matter how many days you've clocked in on the movie-star meter. You're still a person living your life. I can understand how that must have been for [Dad 2], who's such an icon. I've been fortunate enough to mostly come out unscathed."

"It's been so exciting to get out there and talk to kids—and I say 'kids' meaning my peers—about why I appreciate [Dad 3]. He's confronting health-care issues that affect young people. You know, most of my friends don't have insurance. They're working as photo assistants and stuff like that. These kids on the campaign trail asking questions, they are so well-informed."

"At first it was like, 'What this weird music that your dad listens to?' ... [Dad 4's] songs are very cinematic. I think as a kid I was attracted to that in the same way I loved 'Being For The Benefit of Mr. Kite!'—one of my favorite Beatles songs. It really lets a kid's imagination take flight. ... I was this little blonde girl with a baritone singing voice, which at nine was freakish, I'm sure."

"I don't know why relationships between men and women are always pigeon-holed into being some kind of push-and-pull for sexual power. I'm always kind of weirded out when I'm interviewed by people who say, 'Gosh! [Dad 5] must be in love with you.' It's like, 'fucking expand your mind.' We have a great friendship between us and I have such a fondness for him as a person. I can appreciate his quirks."

Seriously! Expand your fucking minds! It's not like anyone here has fetishized or even married women younger than Scarlett. Oh, wait. And come to think of it, she doesn't look anything like Obama. Anyway, happy guessing.

My Five Dads [Paste]

Video Reveals Tom Waits is a Decent Enough Muse For Scarlett Johansson

STV — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 20:30:00 EDT

It's taken us most of the day to make heads and/or tails of this video for "Falling Down," the first single from Scarlett Johansson's album of Tom Waits covers. But as far as unintentional A-list homages to the meandering road-life videos of the '80s go (remember "Kyrie"? No? OK, well, here), we have seen much worse. As intentional A-list homages to meandering, gravel-throated rock legends go, however, Johansson has her work cut out for her. By the time she gets around to her follow up, we're sure she'll have the earnestness bug licked and her ironic prime sprawling before her. Our money is on a full-length tribute to James Brown, but really, anything funkier than Tom Waits would probably do just as well.

Husky Voiced Scarlett Johansson Set To Cover Husky Voiced Tom Waits

Molly Friedman — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 19:50:00 EDT

It took long enough, but the release date of Scarlett Johansson's highly anticipated debut album is near. The LP, titled Anywhere I Lay My Head, features album cover art of Scarlett looking like an introspective earth mother and showcases her trademark fiery red lips and oft-victimized bosom. And what are we to expect from the music itself? As People reports, her long-awaited covers of famous Tom Waits tunes will include vocals from David Bowie and one original track by Scarlett herself, which sounds like it could be promising. But we took a look back at some of her past performances to get a better sense of what Scarlett's presumably sexy vocals sound like, and aren't entirely convinced Grammys lie in her future.

The first time we remember hearing ScarJo's vocal talents was during that pink-wigged karaoke scene in Lost In Translation. And while she certainly managed to tighten a few thousand male viewers' trousers with her shimmying, the actual audio itself is, dare we say, subpar. Instead of the bold, jazzy acoustics we'd expect from such a deep-voiced actress, all we hear is a whisper-y, high-pitched whine. Then there was last year's dreadful performance at Coachella, where she sang back-up for The Jesus and Mary Chain. While we'll withold judgement until we actually hear the record, we're thinking that Scarlett's talents are probably best suited to fling-based video cameos and grinding with the Pussycat Dolls.

SCARLETT JOHANSSON'S ALBUM COVER ART REVEALED [People]